Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  That I was scared about the Jynx losing to the Phoenix Lifelock Mercury?  Yeah, never mind.  The Best Professional Sports Team In The State swept Phoenix in two games by 23- and seven-point margins.  What I think was the most important factor in the series win was the ability to stymie Britney Griner.  In the Game 2 win in Phoenix, the Lynx locked down Griner -- ten rebounds but only six points.  A seven-point win on the road in the Western Conference Finals?  That's impressive.

The best thing going for this team is that they are injury-free.  That will be key in going up against the Atlanta Dream, which also managed to bump off its opponent, the defending champion Indiana Fever, in two games.  They are the 2-seed coming out of the East while the Lynx have the best record in the Women's National Basketball Association and thus home-court advantage in the WNBA Finals.  But I'm still very, very worried about this matchup.  Why?  Revenge.  If it were the Fever going up against the Lynx, I would have liked Minnesota's chances.  They would have been motivated to even the score for last year's WNBA Finals defeat, and they would have had a Fever team that was much worse than last year's edition.  This matchup is instead a repeat of the 2011 WNBA Finals where the Lynx swept Atlanta in three.  It is the Dream that has the motivation for bloodthirsty vengeance, and that bothers me.  It all starts Sunday night.  I should get a ticket to watch a game.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  So far, so good; the team began B1G play with a complete sweep of the Indiana schools (both 3-0 wipeouts) at the Sports Pavilion.  For her efforts, Outside Hitter Ashley Wittman was named Conference Defensive Player Of The Week.  Now comes two consecutive weeks on the road, first with a huge challenge Friday at Nebraska.  It'll be the conference home opener for the Cornhuskers, meaning the Gophers will be the first conference opponent to play in the brand-spanking new Devaney Center, in the middle of renovations upgrading one of the few venues that is the primary home for a university's volleyball program.  On Saturday Minnesota will travel to face permanent doormat Iowa.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -5).  Yes, they did get blitzed at Michigan St. 3-0 Friday night.  But they made up for it, somewhat, by upsetting Michigan -- excuse me, 13th-ranked Michigan -- in Michigan Sunday afternoon courtesy of Olivia Schultz off a set piece at the 38th minute.  That road split, combined with the fact that the team still has a ways to go through their season and that, let's face it, four games in the Vikings's season is already over, and I put the Gopher footballers in front of the Purple this week.

In a bit of fortuitousness or good planning, in a week where the Vikes are taking the week off the program begins the home portion of their non-conference schedule.  On Friday they face Ohio St.; Sunday afternoon they host powerhouse Penn St. in their annual dollar admittance match.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -6).  Well, that's more like it, sort of: Matt Cassel comes in and the offense is changed virtually overnight, and yet the defense still almost squanders a 17-point lead to the banged-up Pittsburgh Steelers.  But a lucky sack-fumble of Ben Roethlisberger in the red zone allowed the ViQueens to get away from London with their first win of the season, 34-27.

I was one of those guys clamoring for a change in Quarterback from the pop-gun arm of Christian Ponder.  But a guy writing for The Big Lead did point out something: The offensive line is shitty, and Ponder is at least more mobile than Cassel ever could be.  That led me to think that the Steelers, as injury-riddled as they are, would nevertheless get to Cassel repeatedly.  Also, my supervisor at work told me that Cassel is probably more inaccurate than Ponder.  So imagine my surprise when the O-line largely held up and Cassel made confident throws to the right people.  He actually managed to move an offense.  In fact, Cassel looked like a world-beater at times.  OK, so Ponder probably has lost his job for good.  But this is the Steelers, exposed as one of the worst teams in the league this season.  Let's see if Cassel's still our man when they host Carolina in two weeks.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  Yes, I bought into the hype.  This team is different, they said, the program has finally turned a corner under the watch of Jerry Kill.  No, they haven't.  The Goofs' 23-7 Homecoming defeat at the hands of Iowa can attest to that; the way that they lost -- the Hawkeyes were up 20-0 when the team finally scored late in the third quarter -- should illustrate that even more.  We were had.  Kill got his team fat on cupcakes so he could get by with only two wins against universities the U.'s size, and no more.  Once Minnesota had to face an actual team -- or one running on fumes, like Kirk Ferentz's Iowa club -- they were no match, once again.

So now we are just marking time.  The only real intrigue with this program this year is whether they get to that magical six wins, thereby triggering a meaningless bowl game and outrageous bonuses for Kill, his staff and Athletic Director Norwood Teague.  I assume they're not going to get it this Saturday in Michigan.

#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -4).  Wow, what a pathetic way to end the season.  I know that they matched last year's team with 96 losses, and that's still incrementally better than the 99 losses of two years ago.  But these Twinks finished weak, being dispatched in all six games of this final screening week, capped off with a season-ending sweep at the hands of Cleveland at home.  The last three opponents the squad faced (Oakland, Detroit and Cleveland) all sewed up either a playoff spot or the division while facing the Twins.  That's not the same thing as beating the Twins to get a playoff spot or win the division, but it makes the end of another craptastic year feel like the good teams were all beating up on this hapless ballclub when they were preparing for the postseason.

I don't know about you, but I was most disappointed that they didn't manage to win one game, one fucking game, against Cleveland.  They were fighting with Tampa and Texas for the Wild Card spots, and this was the Twinks's last chance to play spoiler.  I was working Saturday's penultimate game (a listless 5-1 loss) and saw a graphic that showed what would happen if all three of those teams would wind up tied at the end of the season: Cleveland would travel to Tampa to determine one WC Monday; the loser would go to Texas and play for the other WC; the surviving two teams would then play each other in the American League Play-In Wild Card Game Wednesday to, in my opinion, actually get into the playoffs and face Boston, presumably Friday.  For that scenario to happen, all the Twinks would have to have done is beat Cleveland once in their four games at Target.  One win and baseball's Armageddon scenario would occur, delighting fans of chaos (as well opponents of Wild Card teams) while giving the three teams scheduling and travel nightmares and Major League Baseball a major headache.  But no, the Twinks offered no resistance and allowed Cleveland to walk all over them on the way to a spot away from a Game 163 (won by the Bay Rays over the Rangers in Arlington, Tex.) and into a long-awaited "playoff" game Wednesday.

So, for back-to-back-to-back 90-plus-loss seasons, Manager Ron Gardenhire gets a two-year extension???  Hell, the Chicago Cubs fired Dale Sveum after only two years of 101 and 96 defeats.  When the Chicago Fucking Cubs are frustrated enough to fire a manager, shouldn't the Twinks?

Yes ... and no.  Gardy and General Manager Terry Ryan admitted in Monday's press conference announcing Gardenhire's retention (as well those of his entire staff) something we all know: The major team absolutely fucking blows.  Is that the Manager's fault?  Sure; Gardenhire failed to coach them up or the players tuned them out, both (in my opinion) the two reasons why you should fire a Manager.  But shit, can you really look at this team and see potential?  The lineup would probably play the Houston Astros to a tie that would last weeks, and the starting pitching may be even worse than it was the past two years.  Can we blame Gardenhire?  Yes, but I can make the case that he needs players worth coaching up, and that means the blame goes to the scouting department and Ryan's successor and predecessor as GM, Bill Smith.

Regardless of whether or not Gardy deserves to go, expect another absolutely dreadful season for the Twinks, just four years removed from moving into a stadium (two-thirds of which were paid for by Twin Cities-area taxpayers) which the organization promised would make them more competitive on the field.  Miguel Sano and Byron Buxton are still the two wunderkinds of Major League Baseball's Future, but that future is at least a year (probably two) away, meaning the Twinks will host the All-Star Game next year where they will absolutely suck, which will be very embarrassing.

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