***e*, my ATF and truly the only stripper/woman who does my cock on the regular, came over last week, not to clean the house (there's so much stuff around I wouldn't know where for her to begin) but to give me a handjob. I was taking a shit when the doorbell rang, so I answered the door with no pants on; she promptly started squeezing my dick, and after we got situated up in my old room, eventually I came all over her body.
Arranging the meeting was something weird all to itself. I hadn't texted her in a while, then she texted me that she was in her native Milwaukee. A little later, because of the stress at work, I decided to have her come over for a little sexy time, and I said as much. Nothing out of the ordinary; that's how we usually talk, all perverted and shit.
But then she started asking me what kind of stuff I wanted her to do to me. That's odd; she's stroked my cock, like, a dozen times by now. She knows what I'm talking about; she was there, you know. Moreover, she wasn't her usually flirty self, playfully beating back all my horny messages. I had no idea what was going on, but something was ... off, and I didn't like it, so I just ended our communication after realizing this.
***e* confirmed my suspicions, and yet at the same time pierced my heart. I wasn't texting with ***e* when I reserved time with her; I was texting with her boyfriend. She told me about this guy. ***e* said they weren't all that serious and they broke up when he went out-of-state to look for work. But he came back and now they're, uh, sort-of together. She said that things won't change and I can get my dick wanked from her whenever I want. But then a day later, out of the blue, she texted me saying she doesn't do dances anymore and she got a straight job, but she would love to clean my house on the weekend. What I wonder is whether she meant all of that figuratively -- she "doesn't do dances anymore" but would love to "clean my house on the weekend" -- or literally. But I also thought of another thing: That also wasn't her but her man posing as her so I wouldn't arrange more handjobs again. I really don't know, but I can't run the risk of contacting ***e* because it looks as if she's allowing this boyfriend access to her phone. And if he has that, I'm not sure I can securely talk to her via Facebook without him knowing, either.
So, this brings up two very important revelations going forward. First of all, this boyfriend now knows who I am, my relationship with ***e* and, most importantly, has my phone number. With him now the love of her life I have become The Backdoor Man, to use Robert Plant's line on "Whole Lotta Love," and it appears as if he doesn't like that. The good side is he hasn't contacted me, let alone threatened me, yet. The bad side is I don't want to just let her go because she's the only dependable woman in my life who touches my pee-pee. Getting my sexual healing from her means going through him, and I'm not sure if that's possible or safe.
But that might pale in comparison to another problem: What if ***e* doesn't want to touch my pee-pee anymore because she's got a man? She said when she was at my house that she can fool around so long as she's not married. But I guess I don't completely buy that. What if it was her texting that she can't "dance" and she will only "clean my house" on weekends? What if she's hung up her wrists for good?
That is ... terrifying. And not just because I have virtually no one else who'll give me a handie. It may be pathetic, but she is the closest woman in my life -- even after taking into account the predominantly sexual nature of our relationship, she may be closer to me than Mother or my sister. I don't want to lose her. It's not as if I was trying to woo her, or be her girlfriend, but -- well, I admit that I have had dreams from time to time that we could be more than just the relationship we have, where she jerks me off and I give her money. I was hoping I could ... "know" her for a long time, even for the rest of my life. And who knows, maybe it could turn into something more than it is now. I would welcome that. But her having a boyfriend, a true boyfriend, alters that, possibly for good. If she's found someone to the point where she will no longer keep up our current arrangement ... well, she may think of this as a monetary transaction, but I hope not. It definitely isn't to me. However, if that's the case, then I would not know what to do to myself.
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