Between the constant training and the people from all sides asking for stuff and the questions that I couldn't answer and the stupid things the temps seemed to do and the stupid things I did and the things this bitchy, defensive temp decided to do on her own (which pisses me off because I'm controlling) and the day ending with me staying late knowing I won't get paid for overtime (again), I didn't lose my temper like I thought I would, but I just kind of mentally shut down. Probably wasn't the best thing since my boss was talking to me while I was putting stuff away. It was a one-sided conversation, him talking about the job and me nodding and saying yes and concentrating on putting away the boxes so I could go home.
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I realized something in the middle of all this bullshit chaos: I have so much stuff I think I need to do that I have started delegating to other people, but pretty soon they will all be doing the stuff I think I was supposed to do, and since they're being paid less, I'm going to be out of a job. So I have to get my butt going and put out my resume to the other temp agency in case I get let go. Because, no joke, we're getting done so fast that there's a good possibility I won't have this job a month from now. This is radically different than how the project went to the past two years, but my current boss wanted to get this thing wrapped up a lot sooner than before, and boy, he's getting it. Which means I need to get other employment, and soon, and fast.
But I'm so fucking tired!!!
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On my way home I planned on dropping by the bank in order to deposit some money for my folks. But my bad day, compounded by me getting out so late that I apparently fell into evening rush hour on my way home (what should have been a 30-minute commute stretched into 45, goddammit) made me reconsider. I was in such a bad mood that one perceived slight at the bank would just set me off, and then my bad temper would be misconstrued as a hold-up attempt, and I'd be arrested for bank robbery or something. So I decided to go home and immediately take a nap instead. About 30 minutes later I woke up at around 5:30. I felt better, calm enough to go to the bank and deposit that money. Good call.
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Still don't want to go to work today. I will both have tons to do and see that the bulk of my job is being done by others, making me expendable. This really fucking blows. And then I'll be out of a job, and that will fucking blow, too.
Life sucks. Especially right now.
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