My Parents Are Too Happy

Maybe it's because of the hellacious snowstorm we went through today. May it was because I saw Sam's Wine Shop close and clean out its store and Cheapo not open till midnight during my Lone Wolf Sojourn last night. But a funny thing occurred to me last night when my parents were in a good mood again: Are my parents about to close our store?

I fight with them a lot, but I'm most proud of them for doing two things I don't think I have the courage to do: Immigrate to the United States and start their own (successful) business. It's stressful work, the latter, but the upside to me is that they are their own bosses (well, they do have to listen to their customers, but that doesn't reallyh count). They have made their own way through this world, and they dragged three children through college with their store. That is an accomplishment.

But being the worrywarts that they are, they have complained for a long time how bad business is. To this day I have no idea if they're telling the truth, or how much of it is the truth. And they keep wanting to retire, they've said for years they've wanted to retire. But I've been seeing signs that trouble me. For the past, oh, half-decade, for example, that they've been getting home at a regular time, like 5 or 6; when I was really young, they would sometimes stay at the store till 7 or even 8, it was so busy. Also, my parents have taken frequent trips to Las Vegas. They love to go to Vegas. And finally, my father has started branching off into real estate since the country's economy has gone to shit the last couple of years.

These circumstances have been around for awhile, so maybe there isn't anything imminent, although the economy appears to be nothing most of us on earth has ever experienced. I don't know, I guess I just thought that with a late-February snowstorm, I'd expect them, in particular my father, to come home pissed off. He wasn't. It's like they say with people who have made the decision to commit suicide: They are very emotional, disruptive, prone to fits of anger and unconsolable, but then they are calm, almost serene -- and then they kill themselves. Does the same fate befit the store, the vehicle that has allowed me and this family to enjoy our American Dream? I hated working there when I was young, but I couldn't bear to see it die, especially in this economic climate, even though I wouldn't know the first thing about how to run a business.

Maybe I'm just depressed over the snowstorm.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

We introduce the Gophers baseball team, which started play last weekend. Maybe they'll be able to add some wins to this area's total. Lord knows we need it.

#0: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). With two more wins against St. Cloud State they win the regular season. And with UMD, archrival and team that I saw beat the Gopher ladies at Ridder in my only game in person, losing a spot to 4th in the weekly rankings, I'll give these girls a bump up to nothing. The accolades keep coming; this time, goalie Alyssa Grogan was named WCHA Defensive Player Of The Week. The playoffs begin this weekend with Bemidji State at the U., best-two-out-of-three. I'll say it again; if you want a winner in this town, the Gopher women's hockey team will have to do.

#-1: Gopher baseball (New!). Since it's too goddamn cold up here, they once again start on the road in a much sunnier place: Florida. But the circumstances are new; aping what basketball does, they and most of their conference opponents played in the inaugural Big Ten/Big East Challenge, where the Gophs began their season with a 2-1 road trip. (It's a good thing these two BCS conferences are banding together; note that when it comes to college baseball, these leagues are mid-majors at best.) They host Hawai'i twice: tonight and then Sunday, as part of this weekend's Dairy Queen Classic, which is in its 25th year. (I will be there Saturday evening when they play Washington.) This team is expected to suck this year, however. Last year was the first time in Manager John Anderson's 27 years here he had a losing season, and most predictions say he'll repeat that feat. The best this squad has to offer are OF(/WR!) Eric Decker, OF Matt Nohelty, and SP Scott Matyas.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -8). I should call their week two wins and two losses, but one loss (to Los Angeles) was via shootout where you get a point you really shouldn't get, and the other (to Calgary) was in overtime on a goal that deflected off Brent Burns. Two asides: a) that the losses happened on games being aired on free TV (when I could watch it) doesn't help; and b) that kind of lucky shot is symptomatic of why hockey is the Shemp of the Major Sports, namely, it's hard to analyze the sport when goals are scored by chance. The state of the NHL is such that a thoroughly mediocre team still can beat Detroit at home and then beat a rising Chicago team on the road the night after. But the end of their season is coming: They're leaving town to make way for the high school hockey tournaments, they embark on a six-game road trip, and they only have seven home games left. Also, the trading deadline is on Wednesday; says here they should still trade Backstrom and Gaborik, preferably together.

#-3: Wrestling (Last Week: -7). It's a sad state of affairs for TWMSS when the fourth-best team is a former superpower that has fallen from grace and expects to get their asses kicked by the current superpower (Iowa State) -- and does. The only bright spot this past weekend's 1-1 record is that 133-lb.'er Jayson Ness pinned his 51st opponent in his college career during their victory over Indiana on Sunday, tying a school record. They have next week off. The week after is the conference championships at Penn State.

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4). These guys are still projected to make the tournament, but damn if they're trying to get out of it. They crushed Northwestern at home, but who cares when you flop at fellow Bubbler Michigan? They have two very pivotal contests this week: tonight at Illinois, then have just about a week before they host Wisconsin.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). I have given up on this team. Any belief they can make this season meaningful was lost in a weekend sweep at Colorado College. But no lack of backchecking or defensive lapses or breakaways allowed was the reason this time. This time, they just got beat by a better team. UMD comes to town for two this weekend, and I think these guys are better than the Gophs too.

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5). They only lost once, but they are ranked lower than the men's hockey team because they lost a gimme at Northwestern, the worst team in the Big 10. Pretty soon they'll be giving that title to the Gophers. What exactly has Pam Borton done since inheriting Brenda Oldfield/Frese's recruits? Driving away the state's blue-chippers to the point of making them cry and quitting the sport? Whatever, I don't think I'll go to your games anymore. They finish their season visiting Michigan State and hosting Illinois.

#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). As expected, they lost every single fucking game this week. Most embarrassing was a collapse at Toronto. The Woofie Dogs have now lost four in a row, 9-of-10 and 12-of-14. Now that's the team we've grown to hate. They "stand their ground" this week: vs. Portland, Houston and Golden State.

#-8: Swarm (Last Week: -6). Swept away last weekend. For a fledgling team in a fledgling league, this is not the way to save your business from failure. I could flip-flop these guys and the Wolves, but they've lost five in a row and haven't won the past 30 days. God, this team blows. And I wanted to go to your games too. If you guys keep going like this, I'll stay home and touch my pee-pee instead. They continue their Bataan Death March this weekend.

I sent my Playboys to be signed by one of the "Girls of the Big 10." I got her P.O. Box, tee-hee! It was my second attempt; the first time I mistakenly added her name to the sending address, and I guess when sending something to a P.O. Box you should leave names out of it. Anyway, this time she e-mailed me (I have her e-mail address too, double tee-hee!!) and said she got it and would send it back shortly.

I still live with my parents. I blame them for turning me onto porn, but I don't want them to know that I read porn and buy Playboy's college issues and hunt for the e-mail addresses and MySpace pages of the girls who get bare-ass naked. But when I decided to go out tonight and watch some college basketball games at Hooters and maybe take a shot at seeing the Wolves game for five bucks (see previous post on how that went), I totally forgot about the package of magazines. This morning, I remembered that today could be the day that the mags come back, and I reminded myself to call my grandmother in the late afternoon and ask her if any big envelope came addressed to me.

I had "work" this afternoon and I didn't want to drive during evening rush on my downtown, so I went to the U.'s student union and proceeded to pass out for about an hour -- just the time when I should've called my grandmother about the package. By the time I awoke, it was 5 o'clock; my parents could've been home by then. Maybe I was being paranoid. After all, today is the only day where I wouldn't be there to get the mail before my parents do. What's the chance it'd come?

Uh, 100%? I came home at 12:30 and I see, on the sill where we keep all the new mail, the self-addressed stamped envelope I sent with the mags. Fuck! Did my parents see? I look around the edge of the package. There is one tear where the flap is. Did they make this tear? What can you see inside it? I jostle the contents of the package to see what's the most they can see through this hole. Answer: Not much. Thank Buddha she threw in a small car show summer festival guide to cover up the front cover (and "Playboy"). I don't think there was enough space to flex out that small guide and flex back all the other contents to see for certain what else was in there, unless my parents really wanted to spend a lot of time flipping the package around and peering through the hole without tearing the damn thing open and completely undermining their son's trust.

I don't think they saw anything. I really hope they just looked at the package without a second thought. But if tomorrow they ask me, "You got a package yesterday. What was it?" I have an answer I prepared for an hour tonight to back up. I'm going to tell them that a hot woman I met online wanted me to send her an old book on astrology, and the package is her sending those books back.

I hope they don't ask me about the package.

Went Downtown Tonight ...

And I walked past Target Center. I was planning on just hanging out by myself at Hooters and watch college basketball games all night, but I just wanted to say if I can get a dirt-cheap ticket. I still have a college ID, and Wednesday/College Night Timberwolves games are $10; if I can get one for $5, I'll go, even if they were gonna lose (and they did).

I finally got the attention of one guy:

"I got lower-level tickets!"

"Whoa, sorry, too expensive." (start walking away)

"Well, what do you want to pay?"

"Look, I'm a college student, and..."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO PAY?"

(sigh) "$5"

And this motherfucker walks away from me.

I had to chase this guy down: "Of course I was gonna walk away!" I should've hit him.

Asshole. Fucking asshole.

College Baskeball Bubble Watch/Tournament Bracket Prognostication Websites

This is a compendium mostly for my benefit, mostly to think about whether I want to put it in my "Favorite Blogs" column to the left:

I have to start with March Madness All Season (http://www.collegehoopsnet.com/blog/marchmadness/) because I'm copping its links column down below. Some of them are dedicated to a school or conference, so I ignore them. There also are several sites that have not been updated for some time, so I leaving them out.

ESPN: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/bracketology

Sports Illustrated: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/andy_glockner/02/23/bracket/index.html?eref=T1&eref=T1

Sabrematrician Ken Pomeroy's proprietary statistics (if you want to know which teams will reach the third weekend, which teams will surprise and which will flop, use this chart): http://kenpom.com/rate.php

Basketball Prospectus (great analysis on stats similar to Pomeroy's): http://basketballprospectus.com/

Bracketography: http://www.bracketography.com/

NCAA Hoops Today: http://ncaahoopstoday.blogspot.com/

Bracketology 101: http://bracketology101.blogspot.com/

Vegas Watch (synthesizes "sabrematrized" stats with betting odds on Internet sportsbooks): http://vegaswatch.net/

Rush The Court: http://rushthecourt.net/

The Bracket Board: http://thebracketboard.com/

The Bracket Project: http://bracketproject.50webs.com/ and, in what is, to me, like the Golden Age of Penthouse (during the mid-to-late '90's, when they finally showed oral, penetration and even golden showers) for brackets, a compendium of tournament predictions called The Bracket Matrix: http://bracketproject.50webs.com/matrix.htm.

Yet Another Basketball Blog: http://yetanotherbasketblog.blogspot.com/

My 69th Post For This Blog Will Not Be A Perverted One

It will be about employment. I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is there was an anxiety study backed by Pfizer that I decided I was enthusiastic to participate in. But today I was told that they're ending the study, either due to the lack of funding or ineffectiveness. Too bad -- I needed the money, and if I wasn't given the placebo I might have been taking a pill that would help me find a job, and get paid while doing it, too.

The good news? I overreacted on the hearing test thing I've been participating in for years now. They still have trials and conditions for me to go through, they just didn't have time that point a few weeks ago where I thought my job with them was ending. So I'll at least be able to make some walking-around money.

So I'm Wankin' My Dick To The SI Swimsuit Issue...

And I have to admit that through one "run-through" I'm disappointed. There are many reasons for this. I think last year was one of their better efforts: Marisa Miller became an SI Swimsuit Hall Of Famer with her performance, and they got strong bench support from the surprisingly sexy Danica Patrick (I didn't think she would have a good swimsuit body) and NFL cheerleaders. This year, although the NBA cheerleaders were just as spank-worthy, there was only one Patrick shot as far as I can see, and worse yet, Miller was nowhere to be found. Why? Did she move on to bigger and better things, or was she forced out?

I liken the girls in this issue to, say, the Florida Marlins: Few vets and many rookies who may have potential, but will have to spend a season (in this case, this issue) learning the ropes. They are all too indistinguishable now, but I'll give them a year and maybe their bosoms will blossom. Brooklyn Decker seems to be riping fine, but the other big gun, cover girl Bar Refaeli, didn't get me hard. That's probably due to her defensive interview on Late Show With David Letterman, where she wouldn't talk about boyfriend Leonardo DiCaprio even once. Babe, I know that's private, but you chose to work in a very public arena, so at least try and be classy when refusing to answer the questions, please? Sheesh.

But do you know the real surprise in this issue? Daniella Sarahyba! The Brazilian's got long dark hair, tan skin and a great smile that was the best part of every one of her shots. And her last shot, the two-pager of her lying on top of a balcony wall with her back arched her ass-in-a-thong in the air and her top untied? That's where I shot.

The three tennis players in the end were pretty good as well; they're not model-hot, but the big reason I don't like this is because I wanted to see more pictures of them. Tatiana Golovin is the hottest of the three only because in one shot she is posing with her hands in front of her tits. Maybe one day she'll follow down Ashley Harkleroad!

We Are Loserville, USA

I forgot the pathetic display by local teams last night -- Wild, Gopher men's and women's basketball teams all lose. God, we suck.

No Shit

That's why we like seeing bikini-clad women.

The two quotes I want to pull:

"The suggestion might be that there's some hard-wiring there that can
interfere with the average man's ability to interact on deeper levels with
really hot looking stranger women in bikinis," [Dr. Charles Raison, a
psychiatrist not affiliated with any of the studies cited in the
article] said.

Like I said, no shit.

Another avenue to explore would be showing images of men's wives and girlfriends
in bikinis, Raison said. He predicts the objectifying effect would not happen in
this context.

Uh, I'll have to disagree with the good doctor on that one. I'd jerk off to some guy's chick if she's hot and in a swimsuit.

Which reminds me ... mental note: Plan on jerking off to the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue tomorrow night, well after my parents and grandmother are sleeping.

My family sent in some LLC forms but we haven't heard back on its status. I called today and was told the application was sent back because it was incomplete -- I didn't put down the words "LLC," for fuck's sake. Coincidentally, and this seems to happen more often than I think it should, my father got a fax of that application and asked/told me to do it again.

My father was kind of riding me on getting it done. I had a self-defense class to go to at 7, but I thought I had time and so I went through it before I left a little after 6:30, which is a little late. Possibly because I was running late, possibly due to some subconscious anger over my father yelling at me, I throw the app in front of him on the dining room table. He starts to scream as I get the recyclables out from the back deck to be put on the curb for morning pickup -- "Why didn't you put 'LLC' on in the first place? Which of these papers do I have to send back? What is this initial list of managers you didn't fill out? What's the address?" And I have to say that I didn't yell or complain or whine, I sternly told and ordered and did things for my father -- not too calmly, but not overreacting so that my father would have a reason to escalate a fight. I left late, but got to my class on time. I got back at 1:30.

Now I'm worried that he'll passive-aggressively get back at me for "disrespecting" him. I kind of did, but if I did, it was for shit he's done to me ... in the past. Maybe I learned my passive-aggressiveness from him. For now, my comeback is, "What, you have a problem with how I acted to you last night? Why, are you mad?"

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). Guys, in this shitty sports scene we have right now, the Gopher women's hockey team has played, by far, the best over the new year, whether you like that or not. Two more wins over North Dakota keeps them on top of the weekly rankings, and they're poised to win the WCHA regular-season championship with a home-and-home this weekend against St. Cloud State. For all the accolades the team has won, they haven't had a player win Defensive Player Of The Week honors ... till this week. Congratulations to Kelly Seeler. Now, let's see if they don't poop out come tournament time.


#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -7). It is only because of the mediocre performances turned in by the teams below them that the women's hockey's worse halves are the big riser this week. Otherwise, a tie against Alaska-Anchorage at home would be enough offense to keep them closer to the bottom. That Jay Barriball earned co-Offensive Player Of The Week hosannahs does little to dispel the growing consensus that this team will be nothing more than an also-ran. Their two games at Colorado College, who is only a point ahead of them in the standings, looks close only on paper.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8). OK, so I was wrong about them not winning another single goddamn game, I admit it. Congratulations for winning at Miami, a playoff team, with Al Jefferson! Maybe this team has talent and heart behind Big Al after all. They have four this week, the highlight being a Sunday evening game against the Bastard Minneapolis Lakers.

My thoughts on the trade: Calvin Booth's face seemed a lot older than he actually was. Rashad McCants being ushered out is definitive proof that even Kevin McHale knows he should've taken Danny Granger instead in the '05 draft. I think we traded away two humps for two humps, but at least Shelden Williams is a year younger than McCants ... and he has for a wife Candace Parker, WNBA superstar and the closest thing to a hot female basketball player we have since that Florida player posed in Playboy! Even better news: We've got Bobby Brown! Which means we get Whitney "Crack Is Whack" Houston, too! Wait a second, that's wrong. Bobby and Whitney are divorced.


#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). One game -- a loss at Penn State, which looks a lot less embarrassing now that the Nittany Lions beat Illinois at Illinois and seem poised to get an invite to the Big Dance. The buzz, for all of Tubby Smith's magic, seems to have gone. It'll be great for the program to get back to the Tournament, but where did tenacious D go? They have two very important games this week: At fellow Bubbler Michigan tonight, at home for a gimme against Northwestern (which beat Ohio State at home) Sunday afternoon.

#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Normally a team that won once would be placed above a team that didn't win a single game. But when you lose at home, to a potential Tournament team, that broke your home-losing cherry for the year, you should be docked. Even the win at Michigan, important as that may have been, wasn't that great because Brittany McCoy needed to bank a three-pointer almost at the buzzer to avoid the loss. The Lady Gophs, who still are not in any tournament discussion (at least as far as I know) also have two important games. They host ranked Ohio State, a team they upset on the road earlier in the season, tonight; should I go? They then visit Northwestern Monday night.

#-6: Swarm (Last Week: -6). Treading water because they didn't play this week. (Thank Buddha.) Weird schedule and tidbits you'll only see in a fledgling sports league: After they host expansion Boston Friday night, then visit Philadelphia Saturday night -- the first of six consecutive road games ... that will complete the road portion of their schedule. Like I said, weird.

#-7: Wrestling (Last Week: -4). Well that tears it. They were going to get their asses kicked in Iowa, but to lose at Wisconsin, too? If this were a normal Gopher wrestling team, they'd beat the shit out of them. It's not like Wisconsin's a hockey school. Goes to prove that this team is a far cry from the championship squads of the past. Is it too early to start questioning the coaching of J Robinson? Mercifully, they end their regular-season schedule this week: They go to Ames to get sodomized by Iowa State and then "celebrate" the season hosting Indiana on Sunday.

#-8: Wild (Last Week: -3). 0-2 this week, the second loss at home to Ottawa, 5-3, after they were up 3-0 after the first period. That pissaway may have been the single most pathetic display of Minnesota professional hockey I've seen since the North Stars pissed down their own fucking legs in the Stanley Cup Finals to Pittsburgh. How do you let that happen and expect to make the playoffs? Right now they're sitting on the outside looking in, and I don't know why they don't just trade Niklas Backstrom and Marian Gaborik now and say fuck this. They get a chance to embarrass themselves four more times this week before their schedule goes road-heavy the rest of the way.

Happy that Obama signed the new stimulus package today. Won't help me none, though. I'm ineligible, and I'll still be ineligible even if there is more dole money to be passed around.

Family Problems (Non-Father Edition!)

I'm actually surprised that today was one of those rare days where my father was the one in the family who treated me the best.

My mother wanted an automatic blood pressure monitor because one day she was worried about high blood pressure. So it came this afternoon, and my grandmother wanted to test out this shiny new toy. The instructions say that there can't be anything between the arm and the cuff, so she had to take her shirts off. She stripped down to her third shirt (guess she was cold today) but we couldn't roll up her shirt enough to put on the cuff properly. So she took off that shirt. And she wasn't wearing a bra.

Dude, I saw my grandmother's left tit today. For the first time. I ain't never gonna live that shit down.

Along with the automatic BP monitor, we were sent diapers. We wanted to give some away to my sister's best friend's mother, who was hit with a virus where she has lost all motor function, including the ability to hold her water. The sister's best friend wasn't home, so I decided to wait until tomorrow to bring over the diapers (they live two doors down from us).

I ask my mother what I needed to bring over; both diapers, she said. Then, as she does when she becomes a cunt, she starts asking my questions that aren't any of her business -- will the best friend be there, is the mom in a walker, etc. Then she starts advising me not to go because she doesn't want me to make the mom answer the door. Then she starts yelling at me not to go:
"You make her get up and if she falls down, you're screwed," or something -- she starts to talk fast and say gibberish when she gets pissy. But then she says, like she inevitably does, "I am telling you not to go!" and I feel my blood rushing through my body, the way my blood has done that every single time my mom yelled at me. And at that very instant, when she said that, I felt like I felt when I was just a kid and she was yelling at me for something I didn't do. And even though it was familiar, I haven't felt like that in a long time, that feeling of embarrassment and helplessness and that she's about to slap me across the face. Glad that she didn't. Hopefully she's afraid of me. I'm not small -- physically -- anymore.

God damn you, Mother. God damn you to hell.

We Are Being Treated Like Animals

Singing for tuition money? Might as well volunteer to be raped for the monthly rent.

I heard Dan Harris Of ABC News Say The Words "Pissed Off" Tonight

He used it to ask a question to Eckhard Tolle, author of that self-help book Oprah is falling all over herself for:

Dan Harris: Don't you ever get pissed off, annoyed, irritated, sad, anything negative?

I've never heard a newsperson use those words in a newscast before? Should you? I don't think you should. It jarred me.

Of course the phone had to ring just before I came.

We were eating dinner. I was getting something from the kitchen. My father says something in Chinese, but I don't say anything back to him because I don't think he's talking to me. My father says something again, this time in English, but he doesn't say my name, so I don't answer. He wouldn't talk to anybody else there in English, so I guess I should've said something, but ... I don't know, he was talking about whether I drink water in the morning as he recommended/ordered in the past, so maybe I was subconsciously afraid he was going to lecture me, and also it sounded like he was in the middle of a conversation and if I wasn't talking to him at the beginning of the conversation I wasn't going to answer him, and maybe I was thinking about eating my noodles or just spacing out in general. He didn't get mad; he just kept talking to my mom, and he seemed to be in good spirits.

But later? I don't know. He pulls passive-aggressive bullshit a lot. I'm afraid he's going to yell at me tomorrow for something, and he'll feel he gets to yell at me after I ignored him at dinner, even though I didn't hear him or understand him or I did hear him I wasn't paying close attention and fuck you, you were just going to yell at me again for something you don't think I do. Well, Father, two people can play this game. Why didn't my chopsticks match? I had one plastic one, the one we have the most of, and a smaller, wooden one. They didn't meet up at the end so I couldn't pick up small pieces of food in my bowl of noodles. Why couldn't you give me matching chopsticks? Are you mad at me for something? Does this mean I can yell at you tomorrow for something? And don't give me that bullshit that Grandmother or Mother set the table, I know you did it and you wanted to pull this crap.


See, I can be paranoid, too. I just feel I'm right.

This Woman Needs To Be Fired. Now.

I don't know if a single person besides me has looked at this blog. To up the ante, I will blog about someone who should be fired. Maybe that'll get some attention.

Her name is Leah, and she works at the Cub Foods in Fridley just north of 694 on University Ave. She's short, has brown hair highlights, wears glasses and has this obnoxiious jutjaw. Leah is lazy, incompetent, and has no customer service skills whatsoever. She's always smackin' her gum as she's either a) checking out my groceries without a hi or a thank you or even without making eye contact; b) not being helpful when you're asking her a question; or c) talking with her co-workers when someone -- either a customer or another co-worker -- needs her to do something. We're talking about a grocery story here, but I'm still surprised that she seems to have fallen up, for these days she's wearing an earpiece, like she's a damn supervisor.

I've had my annoying run-ins with her, but the final straw was yesterday. I was checking out and saw a woman waiting impatiently. The checkout woman was waiting on someone. A minute later, Leah saunters up like nothing's wrong. The woman was waiting for formula, and it looked like she was waiting for a long time, or at least longer than they should. And it looked like Leah made her wait, with her walking slowly to the formula shelf and smackin' her gum like her shit don't stink. I definitely believe she was talking to somebody or picking her ass before she did her job and helped a customer.

I hope that woman gave her the riot act, because Leah deserves it. Her co-workers can't like her, and regular customers have to be pissed off that she's still working there. Why the fuck hasn't she been fired yet? I wonder if I should start yelling at her or throw shit in her face the next time I need to talk to her about something. Because I don't think I nor anybody else can get her fired.

This Girl Is Fucked Up

Click on the link, and if you can, go to TMZ and find the photo of her showing her big-ass belly days before giving birth to the octuplets. Worse than this Nadya Suleman character being on public assistance and thus needing us taxpayers to pay for her children, is her shameless and naked need for fame. Why do you have a photo of yourself nine months pregnant? It's said this was leaked by a friend for money, but I don't believe it. They way she's posing makes it look like she was publicizing, even promoting her pending birth. And add to that her professionally produced website soliciting donations (you can even use your credit card!), and this smells like nothing less than a full PR stunt. Whether it's to stay in the public eye or money, it creeps me out -- almost as much as her getting plastic surgery to look more and more like Angelina Jolie.

But although all the hate against this mom is understandable and justified, I hope vitriol doesn't extend to the octuplets, or the six children she already has. This isn't their fault, and they're not going anywhere. And those babies are kind of cute. We have to take care of them.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2). A win and a tie will get you the top spot here if you take your opponent's #1 ranking. Emily West saved her team's bacon by scoring the tying goal in Sunday's 3-3 tie with less than two minutes remaining. Special recognition goes to Jocelyne Lamoureux, who scored three goals and an assist and was named WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week. Her twin sister Monique shared it last week. They host North Dakota for a pair this weekend, and they are nothing like the juggernaut the men usually are.


#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4). Only other area team to not lose this week. They eked out a two-point win against a Penn State team they should've drilled, then came back home to defeat Iowa in a close one. If you're new to the Lady Gophs, you just need to know two names: Emily Fox (who led the team to the former win) and Ashley Ellis-Milan (who did so the latter). Don't look now, but these women have won their last four games. They try and avenge a loss to Purdue at home tonight, they travel to play Michigan Sunday afternoon.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -3). They finish their homestand 3-1, though they looked like shit in that 2-o loss to Nashville Friday. Doesn't it seem like they are always holding down the eigtht spot in the Western Conference playoff race? Their two games this week: at Detroit tonight, host Ottawa Saturday.

#-4: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). There is a sheer dropoff between the Wild and here; really, all these teams make a case for being at the bottom. For the grapplers, it's losing, at home, to a lower-ranked Michigan team by 1 on Friday. Oddly enough, on Sunday they nipped by two a Northwestern team ranked two spots lower than the Wolverines. It is more than obvious by now this team won't contend for the title this year. Their two opponents, both on the road, could finish off this team: Lower-ranked Wisconsin Friday, overall #1 Iowa Sunday.

#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). They didn't lose at home, but they lost twice, one of them a biblical ass-kicking to a Michigan State team I still have doubts about. Sandwiched inbetween that and a win at home over an Indiana team that's better than most people give it credit for was a loss to Ohio State. They have a chance to move back into the Top 25 -- and, more important, rise in my survey, since they only have one game this week: At a Penn State team that, once not too long ago, harbored dreams of reaching the Tournament.

#-6: Swarm (Last Week: -7). Now we are scraping the bottom of the barrel; none of the rest of the teams won a game for the week. For the Major League Lacrosse team, that makes it three in a row. Yeah, I guess it's hard to play back-to-back games, especially if you have to go from on the road to at home, doubly especially if your first game is against an undefeated Calgary team. But to repeat a 13-8 loss to Colorado (they lost both games by that score, what a ca-winky-dink!) gives off a listlessness not even an excuse such as "Well, this isn't our full-time jobs" can explain. They'll be here even again next week, for they have the week off to recuperate, reflect, and work at the warehouse.

#-7: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -8). This is getting to be embarrassing. Make it four losses in a row now after dropping a pair of one-goal games to hated Wisconsin at home. We should start questioning the direction of this program. At the very least Coach Don Lucia has to wonder if he's recruiting blue-chippers whose only goal is to get drafted by an NHL club ASAP. The talent is there; also there is possibly the belief this team is nothing more than a stepping stone. Can they pull out of their funk hosting Alaska-Anchorage at home this weekend? They just came in, and boy, are their arms tired!

#-8: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6). Season's over. It was over to begin with, but goddammit, they had to be cockteases and start playing better at the beginning of the year. And just when they seemed to have turned the corner, Big Al Jefferson had to tear his ACL. Somebody needs to look into the very peculiar trend of Timberwolves being lost for the season because of knee injuries: First Rashad McCants, then Corey Brewer, and now Big Al? Suffice it to say, they lost that game Jefferson was in; even it occurred very late in their game against New Orleans, karma demanded that Sebastain Telfair throw the ball behind Mike Miller with the chance to go back ahead. That capped an 0-3 week and a 4-game losing streak to linger through the All-Star Break. They have a back-to-back at Washington and Miami the Tuesday and Wednesday after the All-Star Game. Says here they won't win another goddamn game.

My Night

Went to BJ's to bury the hatchet with a stripper. She said she wasn't as pissed off as I thought she was. I wanted to get in, get the lapdance I owed her, then leave in time to watch Gran Torino at 9:10. But not only was her stage set from 8:45 to 9, she was tied up with some guy up until her show. (Busy lady, but you should look at her -- she's fuckin' hot, y'all.) I tell her my plight.

"Why don't you just watch it another day?" she advises. Not a bad idea ... I can stay after her set and get a dance from her, thus burying said hatchet ... although I had a coupon to see the movie, I should still save my money, especially after getting that fucking parking ticket on Monday and getting an LD tonight ... and Duke-North Carolina was on and I can go somewhere else and watch it while eating or drinking something. Yes, Clint can wait!

So I get my LD, feel like I've earned her love, and I can drive up to this Italian place close to my house I go to all the time that has this TV. No one eats there on a weeknight, so I can have the game all to myself, right? Right?! Well, of course fucking not. There's a couple there, watching CSI: NY (and the seriously fading career of Julia Ormond) intently. Maybe they're just about done? No; I see them getting their pizza. And they're eating very, very slowly.

By the time they're done and the guy gives me the remote (I shouldn't slam these guys; they were there first, and he was nice enough to give me the remote), it's a quarter after 10, 2:15 after the game began. Good thing the Tar Heels won going away; if I missed a classic, I would've been pissed about making the wrong choice.

My Day

I ate at Uncle Franky's today. I've been trying to eat there more because, whenever I go "work" at the U., I see their sandwich boards advertising their cheap specials -- $3 for a cheeseburger special. But the service, although great and friendly, always seems a bit slow. This was my third time there and because it's a small operation (I think today was the first time I saw a third person work there) I've had to wait 10 minutes to get my food. And I resolved the last two times to get there early enough so I don't have to suck down my food in order to get to "work" at 1. But goddammit, I just had to get gas at the beginning of my day, and once again I get to Uncle Franky's at 12:30.

While I was waiting for my food I get my lemonade. When I turn back to my table, the man sitting next to me is putting back the salt shaker on my table. While I wasn't looking, he got up, took my salt shaker because he didn't have one on his table, used it, then put it back. Without asking me. Dude, boundaries? I placed my bookbag on the other side of the table from him, to show my displeasure and to make sure he doesn't take anything else when I'm not looking. I also put the salt shaker at the edge of table, in case he needed it again. Am I wrong in thinking what he did was creepy? At least ask me, for God's sake.

There are two video games there: Ms. Pacman and Raiden, that vertical plane shooting game. Some guy puts a quarter in (remember when video games cost only a quarter? Remember when you could put quarters in a video game and slide a card in or some other shit?) and starts playing. He's probably as bored waiting for his food as I was.

But then they call his order number ... and he completely walks away from his game. Right in the middle of it. I can't fucking believe it; his plane is under attack and he's just gonna let it die like that?! Poor plane!! I had to avert my eyes and concentrate on something else just so I wouldn't hear it dying. I would've let my food sit there until my game was over. Besides, what a waste of a quarter. ...

Whatever Happend To Captain Stabbin?

Any porn enthusiast should know who I'm talkin' about. This is the guy of the titular site under the Reality Kings umbrella. He was old, ugly, fat ... and he had a cock that was long and, even better, crooked. And yet still he got "girls he's never met before" to take a ride on his yacht, most of the time alone, with a cameraman, where they'll eventually get fucked in the ass. Basically he's the Internet version of Ron Jeremy.

Captain Stabbin hasn't been updated in at least a year. Moreover, the Captain himself didn't show up for the last four or so installments. I'm worried about the Captain, of whom I'm a fan of because I can believe I have hope of getting laid by nubile chicks in the future, even if I don't have a big dick with a hook in it. You see, I've seen most of his installments, and very early on in his "missions" he fucked the chick, and a few times he went anal on them. Fairly soon thereafter, however, he stopped penetration and let his "mates" do the dirty work. For the rest of his run he only got his dick sucked. And that scares me because it makes me think he contracted a disease when he shoved his crooked cock up some amateur's poopshoot, and the venereal disease he got developed into something so bad he couldn't even participate in blowjobs and thus had to quit the business. That would be sad.

Or maybe he's found God.

Or maybe he died.

Anyway, where is he? I'd like to see him ruin some rectum again.

Read This Blog

Impressive article about how Alex Rodriguez's admission he used performance-enhancing drugs will eventually be a referendum on us baseball fans.

Some chick who posed for Playboy eons ago posted a picture of something on the back of her neck on her Facebook. I commented, "What's that supposed to be?"

She commented back, "Um, that's a piercing." I could tell by the way she typed it she would've said it what the sneery uptalk, like she wanted to say, "dumbass."

She thinks I'm stupid now? Alright, it was a piercing, it looked like you had a lesion on the back of your neck. I don't need that shit. Not today. Not after getting a parking ticket today.

My Day Of Humiliation

I decided to go to a job fair at the Minneapolis Convention Center today. It's for U. of M. students and alums only, but I'm desperate for a job so I thought I could sneak in. Couldn't -- they denied me at registration. The irony: I've been rejected for jobs, and now I've been rejected from even looking for jobs.

There were many reasons why I thought about not going. Getting rejected was one. The hassle and cost of parking is another. But I thought it was awesome that I passed by a car that was pulling away from a meter that is about as close to the convention center as you can get. So I was able to put a quarter in for 15 minutes, survey the fair, get my story straight, decide to try and register on-site (where I was summarily rejected like I said), then go back and put another two quarters into my meter and to put my coat in my car. The longest line at the fair, you see, was the one for coat check, for crissake.

Parking at a meter was awesome. Some dudes were paying three, even twelve dollars to park their cars, and I was going to go in for at least 75 cents. But when I got rejected with about 20 minutes left on my meter, I was faced with a choice: Leave immediately or stay in and use my time. I decided to do the latter because there was a voicemail on my cell I didn't catch. Sadly, I had to go through 25 previous voicemails to figure out that this guy was calling about a franchise opportunity that I went, ironically enough, to the Convention Center for two days ago. Then I called him back. Then I took a piss.

Then I realized that I was over five minutes past on my meter. I went out ... and goddammit, sure enough, I found a ticket on my windshield. I looked at my watch when I put my second quarter in and estimated that it would expire at 2:20. The time on my violation: 2:21. It was as if the meter maid was waiting for my meter to expire, idling her car next to mine to she can pounce the moment my meter started flashing red.

When shit like this happens to me, I go through moods. I frequently feel one way initially, then tell myself the equivalent of, "Oh, I think it's going to be OK," then at the end of the day my feelings towards the event is a compromise of both. Initially I thought, Fuck, I don't need this shit now, I ain't got no job! That's why I went downtown for! Thirty-four dollars? That's a night at BJ's! Now I can't go to BJ's! How embarrassing. ...

Later, though, I calmed down. The fine is only $34, which is pretty damn low. I already have an asset level below the threshold needed to apply for welfare health insurance, but I don't think you can ever be too careful. I didn't see any cop cars patrolling the area, and I saw the meter expire both after I pulled into the spot and when I needed to put more quarters in. Most of all, had I bit the bullet and decided to park in a lot or a ramp, I still would've been turned away at the job fair, so I still would've thought the three or twelve dollars I spent was a waste and I still would be bitching about depriving myself of a trip to the strip club. Unless I wanted to sit in my cold car listening to my voicemail when I had time to listen to it while hoping no one is honking his horn thinking I was about to leave my spot, it was a calculated risk. What are the chances that the meter maid would go around and catch me as soon as my meter expired? Yes, the fine is a hell of a lot more than what I would've paid for parking. But at the end of the day, I would still be pissed at myself for wasting money. The feeling's the same.

Now, after going through my thesis and antithesis, what's my synthesis? Paying 34 bucks to park fuckin' sucks, dude. And I didn't even get to do what I wanted to do, so today was a complete waste of time. I shouldn't've gone. I shouldn't've even left the house today.

My Dinner With My Family

We went out to dinner tonight. Funny -- no one told me!

I was exercising and cleaning up my room when I heard my brother come home. We said hi -- grunting mostly. Thought what special occasion would bring him home. Whatever -- went back to my room to watch LeBron vs. Kobe. Father knocks on the my outside wall, loudly, "Eat!" Where's the food? Whatever, I set the table. He knocks again: "What are you doing in your room?" Where's the food, goddammit? "Er, watching TV."

Then I walk outside to see my father watching TV. In nice clothes. As he walks outside so he doesn't bite my head off, I ask my brother, "Are we eating out?"

"Yes. Hong Kong Noodles." (That's not the name of the place we went to, by the way.)

"Hong Kong Noodles?"

"Yeah, they have food there."

"You don't have to be a fuckin' dick about it."

So we get dressed. Don't think my 'Rents know that I didn't know. I'll tell them tonight over dinner, hopefully in a passive-aggresive way.

We go to St. Paul. Remember being there before; not bad food. We eat. Mother asked me to finish off a dish. I wanted to add some rice to mix in with the stuff I was eating. My father took the rice dish away, as if to have some himself. While I was trying to hork all my dish down, I overheard my father say:

"Keep it away from him in case he wants to eat some more."

I looked up. He took little rice. No, he didn't take any rice.

I heard that, dad, fuck you. Fuck you, you asshole.

God, I hate my family.

First Father Blow-Up Of The Year

He yelled at me not to go to the supermarket, but my grandmother wanted chicken broth and my mom (who thought I was at the store already and told me not to bother going) wanted ice cream and milk. Ignored them, got them, came home, was going to drop it off before heading out to dinner and a concert with a friend.

I was bringing the milk down to the downstairs refrigerator when, as he was looking up the stairwell to me at the top, "I think you should spend your time doing something else besides going to the supermarket all the time."

This seems kind of innoucous, or at the worst something your dad would say to you on occasion. To me it sounded like yet another loaded phrase to hurt me. He was using my unemployment and my hesitation not to work at another dead-end job against me, even though I was just running to the goddamn grocery store. Are you threatening to throw me out of the house if I don't find a job again? Fuck you, Father. I don't go to the supermarket every day. In fact, watch me not go to the supermarket tomorrow -- or do anything tomorrow, for that matter.

All I could muster was, "You think?" and glaring at him as I put the milk in the fridge.

If he throws me out of the house, I'll let you know.

Everybody Twin Cities area sports team lost tonight: The Wild, Gopher men's hockey, Gopher wrestling, and the Swarm.

I swear, I should count the number of days where more than one local team is playing and they all lose. Going back the past 12 months I know for a fact it's in double-digits. It could be as high as three dozen.

We suck.

Yogurt Update

Being an obedient grandson, I did what my grandmother told me and ate another cup of yogurt tonight. It was now thawed in the refrigerator, and I swear it looks even more distasteful now. I was eating water, for shit's sake. I might just put it back in the freezer just because what I ate the night before has a more similar consistency to what I think yogurt should look like than the separating gunk I had tonight.

Why in the fuck did she put the yogurt in the fucking freezer, anyway?

And by the way, I could read the expiration date on this cup -- it was December. Ha!

Another Failure To Communicate

I might get into so much trouble over this.

After a year-long-plus absence, I went back to this strip club to meet this stripper I used to have a strong rapport with. We had a falling out over the overdose death of one of her co-workers, and I may have used strong words and/or weirded out on her. But I chose to stay away.

Unemployment, loneliness and longing changed my mind, and so I came back. And we agreed to bury the hatchet. We haven't even talked about her.

But apparently we both have thin skin. She runs a blog that really is a published schedule of the girls working at her club each day. Well, one day (2/4) she didn't post. The day before (2/3) she said she was told she couldn't use props and that she overheard one of them saying she was no fun to work with. She posted the next day (2/5) and explained why she couldn't post -- tech issues or something. So in her comments section I said I was glad she didn't get fired or quit. I don't know why I posted it; I connected the troubles she had on the 3rd with her deciding it was the last straw and quitting, or she got into an argument with the girl who bad-mouthed her and was shitcanned. In retrospect it was silly to post because there was no good reasoning to think she left her job.

But her response to my comments (2/6) doesn't sit right with me. I'm getting a pissy tone by her "I don't have to do this" and "That may sound mean, but it's not meant to be." Well, I didn't mean to sound mean when I said I'm glad you didn't quit or were fired. I didn't forget that you were doing this for the good of the club; I was just worried that you didn't post as regularly as you have, probably more so than warranted. Maybe it was a poor choice of words. Maybe I shouldn't've said anything at all -- no, I now know I shouldn't have said anything at all. But it's a stupid comment. Are you angry about what I said? Why are you angry about what I said?

I hope this isn't more than it actually is. I hope I'm not making it more than it actually is, and I definitely hope she isn't making it more than it actually is. Because if what we have here is another failure to communicate, I won't be able to go into the club anymore.

I posted another comment basically saying, "I'm sorry." I'm apologizing for things I shouldn't have to apologize for. I'll just keep away for now. Last thing I need is a beautiful woman biting my head off -- and we're not having BDSM sex or anything.

Is It OK To Eat Frozen Yogurt?

Not fro-yo, like Pinkberry, which you still can't get here. But like Yoplait, the store-bought stuff. I saw a bag of it sitting on the kitchen counter. I thought, Oh yeah, yogurt! I need that because it's tasty and it's good for you! My grandmother asked me to eat one, and being the obedient grandson that I am, I did ... but when I grabbed a cup out of the bag, it was icy. Oh shit, she puts cups of yogurt in the deep freezer in our garage to save for a later date, I guess.

"Eat it, it'll make you shit!" she says. She always says that -- "it'll make you shit." Like shitting 18 times a day is a good thing. My grandmother says that for most foods -- bananas, nuts, fruit smoothies, that weird Vietnamese dish she always liked to eat when she was young. I think she just likes saying that.

Look, I understand that yogurt is good for you, but is it good for you if you freeze it? Is it all dependent just on the expiration date? I tried looking at the cup's expiration date; the goddamn thing was printed over the item number. I could be going to the shitter once an hour all weekend because I just ate old bacteria-ridden yogurt. I have a meeting tomorrow, I can't be farting and being scared I'll squeeze out liquit shit into my long underwear.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). In an overall down week in Minnesota sports, the team that started the year at the bottom of this pile somehow leads it for the second week in a row. Nonetheless, its output this week is impressive: A pair of two-point wins on the road, both ranked, the second one against higher-ranked (then-#5) Ohio State. And congratulations to Gordon Bierschenk, who was named Big Ten Wrestler Of The Week for scoring nine points in his two matches. They get to go home and host Michigan and Northwestern -- piece of cake -- this weekend.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -8). I've got to say this: The Lady Gophs are ranked second in one poll and third in the other. Why is there a discrepancy? What could the difference between the two polls be? Why are there two polls? In women's college hockey? Hell, why is there more than one poll in any college sport? Ahem. Anyway, they kick ass at Mankato, sweeping the Lady Mavericks by a combined total of 16-5. What is not in dispute is that both polls have Wisconsin a unanimous #1, and they are coming here for a two-game series Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Minnesota could use a third identical Lamoureux sister.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -3). The week started off shitty: A 3-1 loss at Edmonton where G Niklas Backstrom lost for the first time in 11 games against the Oilers ... and yet was pulled for the fourth straight time in Rexall Place. And yet Backstrom pulled out of it by holding on for a 4-3 OT win at Vancouver Saturday, then a 3-0 shutout at home against the Anaheim (No Longer Mighty) Ducks Wednesday. I still think he's too inconsistent to say he's our bonafide #1, so why not trade him to Washington? Also, Cal Clutterbuck continues to be a hitting machine and a productive rookie, thereby depriving us a good time to call him "Cal Clusterfuck." Witty, huh? They complete their four-game homestand this week, including a payback game against the Oil Sunday afternoon.

#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5). One of the corpses on Black Thursday, where every local team playing lost; these ladies got waylaid by Purdue. But then they come home and win a pair -- a too-tight one against Northwestern Sunday afternoon, and then they stifle Michigan State at the end of the second half Monday night and blow past the Lady Spartans. Do you remember when playing Penn State was a big deal? It's not after the Lady Lions' longtime coach was exposed for hating the dykes on her team. Anyway, they go there Thursday, then host Iowa Sunday afternoon.

#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -6). You know, it's great to see that this team has enough talent to end long losing streaks, but the reality smacks up terribly against your wildest dreams. This week illustrates that perfectly. The Gophs ended a 20(!)-game losing streak to Illinois (a game I planned to watch but decided not to because a friend of mine got tickets to a touring beach volleyball exhibition -- hmmm, hot chicks in bikinis), and you think they have a shot to end a 19-game road losing streak to Michigan State. But then they don't score from the field the first six minutes of the game, trail by 26 at half, trail by as much as 35 in the second half and complete the season be-swept by a 29-point margin of defeat. They had a shot to move into a first-place tie with the Spartans; this biblical ass-kicking just shows how far away from national championship contender they are. Next week: at Ohio State, then hosting Indiana.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). Yes, they are incapable: 1-3, capped off by a loss to an Atlanta team you'd think this version of the T-Wolves wouldn't lose to. Yeah, losing at home to the Lakers and at Boston shouldn't be surprising, but this? At least they beat Indiana on the road, who drafted Danny Granger the same year the Two Elves took Rashad McCants, who was benched a dozen games before coming in tonight against the Hawks. Was that a good choice, Mr. McHale? They play three leading up to next week's All-Star weekend, including an almost-disastrous back-to-back at Houston and New Orleans this weekend.

#-7: Swarm (Last Week: -7). They stay here because they had no games this past week. But they have a back-to-back this week? Why can't they just space it out and have one game a week, like football? Anyway, they start off on the road against divison leader (and undefeated) Calgary. I might attend Saturday's game against Colorado because all college students get a free seat at club level.

#-8: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). What a fuckin' turd of a performance. The Gophers, who were ranked fifth, were swept for the first time ever by Minnesota State. Unranked Minnesota State. By a combined score of 9-3. Just saw highlights of one of those games -- turnover after turnover, breakaway after breakaway, defenders not where they're supposed to be. Man, they looked like shit. What the hell gives with this team? Do they not fucking care? I don't know what to think anymore. They host Wisconsin for a pair this weekend, and let's hope they grow a pair.

It was below 0 when I went to sleep at 4:30 in the morning and woke up at 6 so my mother and I could eat a free Grand Slam at Denny's. Afterward I planned to take my Grandmother to America's Best because she was complaining about her glasses sliding down and irritating her nose. But I was too tired and I crashed from 9 till about 1:30.

After surfing on the Internet, we got rolling around 3, where the outside temperature crawled above 0. I thought maybe we should just do this tomorrow, since it's already late and there really was no reason to go out now, it's not like I have a job or something important to do. But I promised her we would go, so we went.

The thing about America's Best is it covertly reinforces the adages that you get what you pay for and that they don't give too much of a shit about you if you aren't making money for them. They are more than helpful if you pop in and ask them to clean your glasses, but they'll make sure service anybody who has an exam or wants to get an exam. And unfortunately that means that more often than not there is a line, including today. I wasn't too infurated about it -- again, nothing to do -- but after 10 minutes it was pretty clear that they weren't going to move any faster. My grandmother, who apparently was pissed off that I trusted a place she wasn't familiar with when there was an optician around the block (even though I suspect he'll charge me $25 for adjusting her glasses because he's in a bad location and therefore gets no business), decided 10 minutes was enough and we bolted.

This is what I hate: Mentally listing all the reasons not to go out (it can be done another day, I might get into an accident, more miles on an old car), deciding to go out and resolving to get something accomplished, and then you don't even do that. I could've stayed home and finished up watching all the bonus stuff on Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Instead I put 15 frivolous miles on my car, making me 15 miles closer to an entire fluid exchange I don't have the money for. Plus I was tooling around the neighborhood on a cold day, which is always hell on a car. All that so my granny can leave in a huff for being made to wait.