Positive Numbers: Vikings (Last Week: 0). I once thought that last week's game hosting Chicago would commence the suddenly tough juggernaut that would finish the season. Brett Favre's surgical slicing and dicing of the Bears meant that ... the juggernaut actually begins this Sunday night at the Bastard Chicago/St. Louis Cardinals. I wanted to elevate the Vikes from -1 to 0 to Positive Numbers because this team is rolling as well as the '98 team. But games against Cincinnati and the Giants, plus roadies versus Carolina and the very same Bears in cold Chicago, could derail this train.
And then there's the little problem of being only the second-best team in the NFC. I saw New Orleans and Drew Brees pick apart the New England Patriots Monday like vultures to a carrion, and I'm convinced that they'll go 16-0. This could set up a scenario where the Saints host the Vikings and Brett does to the Who Dats what the fucking Atlanta Falcons did to us at the end of that '98 season. But shit man, those guys are scary. And if we fall victims to the Brees Buzzsaw, why even try with the signing of Favre and the rest of this operation? By the way, speaking of Brett Favre, congratulations to him for being named NFC Offensive Player Of November.
#0: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). This was at home, if you really want to be a Debbie Downer. But this team has lost to very good teams before at Ridder. So I give the second-ranked Gophs major props for not only sweeping but blanking third-ranked Clarkson last weekend with 4-0 and 2-0 scores. Never heard of this team, let alone how good this team is, so an upstart might have been much easier to push around than an established power. What you can't deny is that Goalie Noora Räty has so far been very excellent this year. In stopping 41 Golden Knights shots over the weekend, she was named Conference Defensive Player Of The Week for the second time this season. This week, possibly a sterner task: a pair at USCHO #9 Harvard.
#-1: Wild (Last Week: -6). After they played like they just wanted to stay in bed all season, this team had undoubtedly the best week of the season so far. Although one game went into overtime and another to a shootout (thereby giving the opponents a point), the Wild went 3-0. They might not have turned the corner, but they've certainly picked themselves off the curb. A gutsy sweep of the home-and-home with the Bastard Quebec Nordiques is a sign that they may have found the passion to play. And I saw a lot of the back-and-forth with Nashville last night; the Predators are a good team, but it was great to see the Wild fly around the ice and respond whenever the team scored a goal. Maybe this is the speed Head Coach Todd Richards was looking for when installing his system. They've got four this week; they get to host Anaheim on Friday before hitting the road for three against Nashville, the Bastard Winnipeg Jets, and those same Bastard Nordiques once again.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4). They at least finished the season right, sweeping their last two games at home, including one of fifth-ranked Illinois on Senior Night. They thus stabilized their ranking in the AVCA Top 25 to #11 and was given the 11th-overall seed and the third seed in the region they get to host. Whether they get there, however, is a very good question; at 4 o'clock this afternoon they start the NCAA Tournament against Louisville, which won the Big East tournament. If they survive the Cardinals they get to play either Duke, which finished second in the ACC, or Tennessee, an also-ran in the somewhat strong SEC but are hosting this particular pod. The Gophs haven't been playing lights out, so a loss in front of their home crowd for the second straight year is a strong possibility. And having your best hitter quit isn't good. By the way, how in the hell did I not know Brook Dieter quit until six weeks after it happened? Oh yeah -- congrats to Middle Blocker Lauren Gibbemeyer for being named First Team All-Big Ten.
#-3: Wrestling (Re-Entry!). They started off the non-conference, dual meet part of their schedule with a triumphant 31-9 ass-kicking of Cal State Bakersfield. They thus stay in the Top 5 of both the National Wrestling Coaches Association and the InterMat rankings. I for one assume that they'll beat cupcakes that have no overt reason to maintain a wrestling program; it's beating the elite programs, and beating them consistenly (like the Gophers used to), that I and other fans want to see. They will face a test this Friday at Oklahoma St., which is either just ahead or just behind them, depending on which poll you look at.
#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5). There is a gap from the top five teams this week to here. The lady ballers lost handily the Junkanoo Jam final toTop 10 team Xavier in the Bahamas after a five-point escape against TCU this weekend. The shameful loss to Winona St. to start the season aside, where this team is in relation to others is crystallizing rapidly; losses to Utah and Xavier mean they'll be a filler tournament squad at best. Facing Maryland (and former Minnesota coach and sparkplug of the resurrection of the program from the dead, Brenda Oldfield/Friese) at Maryland tonight is a certain loss. Returning home to face Penn St. and Idaho seem like sure victories.
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -7). First these guys are in exodus, then they get injured, then they play like shit, and now it gets all weird. In last weekend's College Hockey Showcase in the state of Michigan, they get introduced to a little bit of prison sex by Michigan, 6-0, their worst beating in 11 years. The next night they decide to bench Goalie Alex Kangas (who seemed fairly in control when I saw him help defeat Bemidji St.) for Kent Patterson and they score a 2-1 upset of seventh-ranked Michigan St. Was it a bad night for the Spartans, or does the win show that the talent is still there to beat really good teams, they just have to expend the effort? They have a home-and-home with MSU-Mankato this weekend, and maybe they should let Patterson take the pipes for this series.
#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -9). Well what do you know?! I thought their only opportunity to halt their losing streak was last night versus the Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies, and then they would've tied the mark for longest losing skid. But I'll be goddamned, they averted that fate by going to Denver and defeating the Nuggets, 106-100, Sunday night. Maybe there is some pride on that team. Or this is the first sign of the midseason malaise that infects the entire NBA. I will say that it's more like baseball season than hockey season in that, if you stay awake long enough, you'll see that every game is an instance where you can observe and mark the change and evolution of a team. Real hardcore fans can find something to analyze in every game. In fact, I think that a basketball season is unique in that a group discovers itself without any fan really giving a shit. The Timberwolves could be a glaring exception -- after Ramon Sessions pudded out with two blown free throws that could've tied their game with Memphis, I'll assume losses at the Bastard Charlotte Hornets, vs. the Bastard New Orleans Jazz, at Toronto and vs. New Orleans this week. Those four games are bunched into a pair of back-to-backs where they play on the road one night then come home to play the next. What a fucking schedule.
#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). They won just one game this week just like the Woofie Dogs. There are many reasons why I put the Gophs at the bottom of this week's survey. First of all, I expect the Wolves to be down here often, so I thought I'd give them a break. Second, this squad technically lost one more game than their pro counterparts. And third, this may sound paradoxical, but I expected so much more from this team than the Timberwolves that I'm much more disappointed with Tubby's squad.
Don't get me wrong; like the Wolves, they went on the road and beat a much more talented team in Butler. But they've run into a three-game skid, strated in the 76 Classic semifinals against, of all fucking teams, Portland. Then they couldn't hit the game-winning shot in the third-place contest against Texas A&M. And now, just last night, they surrender with three minutes left in the game and lose to Miami. (By the way, what is the Gophers' record in the Big Ten/ACC Challenge? Because, for real, I don't remember the team ever beating an ACC team in this setup. If that's really the case, that's fucking embarrassing.) There are still three players who need to sort out their shit and get back on this team, because this team certainly is not living up to their potential now. Fortunately for them, they still have a crap-ass schedule; this week they come home to play against Brown and Morgan St.
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