#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). They probably will lose tonight to Texas. And if they somehow pull off a miracle win out of their asses, they almost certainly will lose in the title game against 100-win straight, three-peat-wanting Penn St. That means a perfunctory season-ending -Infinity in next week's WMNSS. And yet, even though I'm a championship-or-bust guy, I have to say that this season has been a success. Their path through the bracket made me think they had a better chance to get to the Final Four than your usual 11-seed. But I witnessed them rip through Colorado St. and Florida St. in taking the regional. Only mental lapses stopped them from sweeping both matches. They were that good.
Think of this as the most unlikely of the three Final Four teams Minnesota has ever sent to the last weekend. They were going into this season as a Final Four team only to lose big games against similar competition (Nebraska and two teams they should've faced in the NCAA Tournament if not for upsets, Washington and Oregon), they flat-out didn't play in a few conference road games, they were ritually sacrificied by the Lady Lions, and their best player, Brook Dieter, quit the team in October. And yet, somehow, they look like the hottest and the most defensively-disciplined team going into Tampa. They have Outside Hitter Tabitha Love, the region's Most Outstanding Player, although I would've given it to Setter Taylor Carico for her incredible ball control. And this week the AVCA named Middle Blocker Lauren Gibbemeyer a First-Team All-American. I hope they go all the way, but even every set they win is a cherry on top of a sundae they (and not I) expected to eat at the beginning of the season.
#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -10). Well, this is the way you bounce back after a dominated loss: A thorough thrasing of a pretty good team (at least by record) at home. I really did think the loss started a semi-slide for the Vikes, and I expected them to win a fistfight with the Bengals (BTW, RIP, Chris Henry). But it didn't turn out that way.
Don't know how I feel about the way they won. Their defense choked the life out of Cincy. But Adrian Peterson wasn't explosive despite scoring two touchdowns. Worse, Brett Favre had a second consective bad day throwing the ball (17-30-192-1-1), not dispelling strong evidence that his arm just poops out at the end of the year. This is the point where the running and the defense are supposed to step up and show the world this is a complete team. Still, #4 has to show he can step up and regulate, and right now he barely registers as a game manager. Can he get back on track Sunday night in Charlotte against the Panthers (BTW, again, RIP, Chris Henry)?
#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -9). Similarly to the Vikings, the Goph lady pucksters put their lost weekend behind them by going up to Grand Forks and taking a pair from North Dakota. Freshma Megan Bozek was named WCHA Rookie Of The Week for scoring twice and assisting twice in the two-game road sweep. The team finishes the first half of the season with three losses and a tie -- good, but again, let's see how they do in the tournament, assuming they get there. Squad's down for the year.
#-3: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -8). Sometimes I wonder if a program in a non-revenue sport, like Northern Colorado in wrestling, wonders if it's worth even existing after the sixth-ranked Gophers tear them a new one Sunday afternoon, 41-3. Leave the sport to the big boys, you know? Heavyweight Ben Berhow was named Big Ten Player Of The Week for his dominating performances here and against Nebraska last Thursday. Better yet, it looks like J Robinson has absorbed the heat of his real estate business dealings with his graduated players -- for now. Done till just before the New Year.
#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -7). Holy shit, is that the Gopher men's hockey team on a winning streak? Of three??? Well, I guess you're likely to do that when you're Michigan Tech, both by 3-2 scores, although they needed a last-minute goal to win the first game. Nevertheless, I still doubt the heart and effort of this team. If they could only muster one-goal wins against Michigan Tech, what does that say about them going up against teams in the second half of the season? Maybe taking Winter Break will shake them of their doldrums.
#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3). Two more cupcakes, two more blowout wins. Was there for the last 35 minutes of their Saturday afternoon ass-kicking of St. Joseph's. This team looks poised and deep, even if the Hawks are not having a very good year. They still haven't proved that they can win a game against a good team, and with the Big 10 down this year, their bark may be bigger than their bite.
But the big news may be the announcement today that prized in-state recruit Royce White will not join the team and in fact won't play college ball. He is alleged to have stolen a laptop from a dorm room last month and has been suspended for the time being, which apparently was enough for him to quit. See his side of the story on YouTube -- and he threw in a jab of Head Coach Tubby Smith, and raps, too! Will this affect the team? One game this week: home to South Dakota St. on Wednesday.
#-6: Wild (Last Week: -2). Their lame start to the year is now ovah. Even though they dropped a one-goal decision at Vancouver, they made up for it with an OT win at Calgary and then held on for a 2-1 win at home over Columbus. Guy Latendresse has been a revelation since leaving Montreal. And Mikko Koivu will replace Marian Gaborik as the Next Great Wild. They have another four games this week: at Montreal (Latendresse's stomping ground and the new home of former Wild pick Benoit Pouliot) tonight, at Ottawa Saturday, then hosting Colorado Monday and Edmonton Wednesday.
#-7: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5). Sure, they crushed Santa Clara. But it's that 17-point home loss to Iowa St. that should really be bothersome. So what if the Cyclones hit 57% from the field -- if you're a legitimate team, you should be able to at least not be embarrassed at home. They end their non-conference schedule with four losses, which definitely is middle-of-the-pack. They're done with b-ball for the next dozen days.
#-8: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6). A 1-3 week, and because they took a second victory from Utah, on the road, I'm going to call this week progress. Jonny Flynn could be lost in the Triangle, but his game-winning drive and layup with three seconds left against the Bastard New Orleans Jazz showed fans that he is the slasher point this franchise needed for a decade. The heart still may or may not be there, of course, as evidenced by their putrid 25-point loss at home to the Clippers -- the Clippers!!! -- but if there is any logic in this world, the worst playing is behind them. By the way, a friend said he had a free ticket to last night's game. I would've taken it, but thank God he decided not to call me.
However, he does have a comp ticket for tomorrow's match against the Bastard Cincinnati Royals and Tyreke Evans, the Point Guard taken two spots before Flynn. Right now he's outplaying Flynn, and he's bringing the Kings to the apex of .500. We'll see if they're going to be punished for their poor lottery luck. The Woofie Dogs also visit KG and Boston Sunday, host Atlanta Tuesday, and visit New Jersey Wednesday.
And by the way, I need to show the clip of Corey Brewer emasculating Derek Fisher in the Wolves' loss to the Bastard Minneapolis Lakers last Wednesday night. This was awesome, and for now stands as The Only Productive Thing Corey Brewer Has Done In His NBA Career:
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