I wanted to go out to the strip club tonight because 1) I wanted to see the Stanley Cup Final game, which was only on cable, and 2) I'm feeling horny and I wanted to see some tits in my face.
So I go down to my favorite stripclub and am minding my own damn business when this guy comes up from behind and asks me about my ethnicity. He's a fat guy, not out of place in a neighborhood bar like this, but he has an accent. I was raised to be polite, but I wanted to be terse in an effort to get him off of me, so I tell him. Didn't work; he says something unimportant, and then he says -- not asks, says -- he's going to pull up a chair and start talking to me. Great.
Again, I'm still trying to be nice, but the shit he's asking me -- and he's pulling along the conversation -- was all about my race -- how he admires Chinese people, he's shocked that I'm from here, etc. I try to be terse without being rude in an outright way, but eventually I cave and I give him more information about myself to sate his curiosity, which is becoming more and more intrusive and strange.
Then, probably to be nice but maybe in a way to get him off my back, I reflect the attention back onto him -- what's his race, were did he come from, etc. That's when he really gets strange. He has a heavy accent which I thought was Russian but actually is Slavic (he's lived in Bulgaria, the Czech Republic and Russia). He actually has the balls to insist that he doesn't have an accent. And he gets really pissed off when people say that he does. He's now into cuckoo territory. Around this time is when a dancer finished her shift onstage, and I glom onto her for a lapdance just so I can get the fuck away from this guy.
I think he gets the message that our conversation has run its course. He didn't get this message. I got done with my girl and go back to looking back at the hockey game when this motherfucker comes back and resumes talking to me. I still don't have the stones to tell him to leave me alone. He kind of senses that; he invites himself to sit next to me fuckin' again, but he gives me a chance to tell him to buzz off. I can't; instead, I say that I'll give him as much attention as I could but it'll divided. He leaves ... and the he reappears right next to me. Dude, did we miscommunicate or something?
This is where he stopped being merely obnoxious and became downright scary. He started going off on women, how they're bitches and easily controlled and stuff. This is where another stripper came up to us and wanted to join in on the conversation/hustle for a dance. I try to get her fully integrated into the conversation:
(To this ass) "Wanna clue her in as to what we're talking about?"
"Why? She's a woman!"
I'm absolutely stunned that this chick didn't either walk away or throw something in his face, because he kept up the weird misogyny. He had ranted all night about how people are defined by their culture. I tried to say, while I wasn't looking at twat, that it's dangerous to assign a single person all the characteristics of his ethnicity because, of course, that's stereotyping. But he went on and on about how I looked like Confucius, how it's shocking that a guy "like me" would be seen in a place like this, and, sadly, that Russian women are ugly and crazy. I'm glad he stopped fixating on me, but that meant he started trashing females.
This is when I told him I'm getting a dance from this girl and then taking off. I had it. I didn't even want to get a lapdance from this chick, but I fucking needed to get away from this prick. (By the way, as long as I was giving away twenty bucks, I snuck in a nipple pinch, although she wasn't a bad conversationalist like that other douche.)
I still wasn't done with him. As I was leaving that son-of-a-bitch was outside having a cigarette. I give him a half-ass wave; he responds by saying even more gibberish: "You even walk like Confucius!" You know how he walks? I thought he had a limp.
At this point I'm just freaked out. I swear he's stalking me; he doesn't smoke but wanted to just to perch himself outside and see me walk away, get into my car, see my license plate number, and see in which direction I was headed so he can triangulate where I live. So I hid my car. It helped that a huge truck was parked between me and him, but I still felt I needed to fuckin' wait him out. I called my friend while I was in my car and hoped we could chit-chat for half an hour. Instead I caught him at work and we only talked for three minutes.
This is ridiculous; am I really afraid of this douchebag? I need to be a man and leave. So after I hang up the phone I start the car and drive off. And I'll be goddamned if he still wasn't there?!?!?! This asshole now knows everything about me! He knows I'm coming back tonight to see my favorite stripper for now and he's going to either talk my ear off about how Chinese I am and/or kill me.
Fuck my life.
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