Another Cloudy Day 11/30

One positive thing about my seasonal job: It has ordered the rest of my day so that I know that anything I want to do I need to squeeze into a finite set of hours, particularly in the morning.

Since this is the last day of November, the local county compost dump is closing after today, which meant that I had to finish raking the leaves today. Also, I needed to purchase a new set of tires today to take advantage of an American Express rebate. Finally, I hear there's snow coming Saturday, and I looked at my really dirty car and figured I should get it washed.

So as I was spending four hours this morning dumping bags of leaves, buying tires and then dropping off the rebate in the mail, going to Target to pick up Grandmother's medications and trying out Burger King's Chef's Burger (pretty good, but the best part is the apple-smoked bacon), I kept looking up at the sky. The sun was out this morning as I was gathering the leaves, but ever since I got in my car it was overcast -- perfectly overcast.

I love cloudy autumn days like this -- or at least used to. I don't know when I decided I liked it, or when I realized it, but to me, a cloudy day is perfect for fall. Cool temperatures but not too cold, no allergies I have to suffer from, and all the beautiful leaves blazing in hot colors as they lie on the ground. The lack of sun tempers my anxiety. Things just feel ... stable in this tableau. Maybe that's why I like it so much: It means that things are alright.

But things are not alright. The Store is closing. Grandmother is ailing. She and my parents are fighting, and the house has been an empty, lonely, unloving home for a long, long time. So now, when I look up and see what had always been the perfect setting, I am sad for the changes going on in my life, the things out of my control that will give me pain and suffering. And that's why it hurts so much more: What used to be a scene of comfort is now a trigger for depression.

One downside to this new job: All the physical labor. I am at home with a barky back and heels that are on fire. Yet another reason to look for another job.

The goddamn modem My Fucking Father bought because he chose to believe my old one was to blame for our Internet connection problems has been fucking cutting out ever since he made me set it up. And an hour ago I tried to clean out the line by going into Mother's office and plugging in the modem there. And disconnecting and connecting the lines took so fucking long that I missed the beginning of the national nightly news, even though I stayed home the entire afternoon. Fuck.

Maybe the problem is Mother plugging her office phone directly into the wall jack without using a filter. For some fucking reason -- probably because the wires in the house are so goddamn old -- she doesn't get dial tone through the filter but can directly, which may be the cause of our Internet problems. But I'm too fucking tired to confront her about it.

You Know, Maybe I Should Look For Another Job

It all started last week, when I begged off of this Friday and Saturday, even though I was scheduled.

I have a supervisor and a supervisor supervisor. They both work the floor with me and the others. One of my co-workers say they're great people to work for. I wanted to believe that, but deep down, I'm thinking, Man, I know I'll be putting that to the test.

And I did when I thought I could get out of working the weekend. I get a call from my supervisor, who said, "The schedule is the schedule." And then she gave me an ultimatum: "You give it some thought, then you come back to me." Right then and there I thought I should just quit. I mean, I have some fun things I planned on doing, plus I have some work coming in with the Vikings, and I can even do some research stuff. I don't need this shit.

But then I gave it some thought. Whenever I feel angry and pushed around, I know that it will pass, and sometimes, if you give it some time, things will clear up for you. It did in a roundabout way: When I called a different store and asked that store's Human Resources Department if I could work for them instead (I thought that I could start with a clean slate and get the days I wanted off off). That was Sunday afternoon. I didn't think I was going to get anyone because I didn't think an HR department would be open over the weekend, let alone Thanksgiving weekend.

But they were, and that led me to thinking about the time I went in to fill out my application. There was a list of days and specific dates you could conflict out of. Then I realized that I think I did make myself unavailable for either Friday or Saturday, or both. Well, there's my silver lining.

So I called up the HR department at the store I'm actually working in right now. And yes, they were open. I "gently insisted" that she look at my conflict form, and after a minute, it did say that, yes, I begged off of Saturday. Work Friday but not Saturday? I need both -- still do -- but I'll take it, especially after the slap in the face Sunday night that the family is running out of money.

The HR person said she'll let my supervisor supervisor know about the conflict day she had me working on. So I thought it would be settled -- or, at least, I won't have to deal with it until I come in last night. Would they be mad? Would I get fired? In this life, I have to be prepared for anything.

I get let in. Neither supervisor acknowledges me. After I hang up my coat and get dressed, I go out to the field to start working. But my supervisor supervisor, just after she tells me which department to go to, addresses the situation. And she's OK with it, to a point. She knows she made a mistake about having me work Saturday, but she reiterated, with some passion in her voice despite diddling on her smartphone: "Whatever (supervisor's name) says, goes." She also mentioned that she put out next week's schedule Wednesday, and then I called her Friday. You know, the reason there was a two-day break was a little thing called Thanksgiving. But whatev.

I still had conflicts for next week, and before the conversation ended, I let her know about this. She said she needs to know, like, tonight, or at worst tomorrow. And she was adamant about it to the point where, it was clear, she was really angry about having my conflict brought to her attention. Either she's mad at me, and by extension herself, for overlooking that, or her boss or someone from HR chewed her out over the oversight.

OK, fine. There's some backbiting, but I can understand that. I probably would feel the same way if I was her. So I just put my head down and work. Meanwhile, I make sure I give her the dates next week that I can't work (Friday and Saturday) and make sure I get it to her before the end of the day, er, night, aka a couple hours ago.

I should have known that either I got on her shit list or she isn't as nice of a person as her employee said to me last week. When I asked her if she needed my employee ID#, she said no but didn't look at me. She didn't even miss a beat while she was snacking on something. Then, after I gave her the slip of paper detailing that I have to miss next weekend, she motioned for me to come out of the break room with her. There, she asked whether I was going to miss any more weekends. I said no, only because I need the money from this job.

"I will not give you any more weekends," she said emphatically, "I need people working Friday and Saturday." Well. Again, I could chalk it up to a prissy employee trying to get what he wants and not just working. But her passive-aggressive actions the rest of the night have made me reconsider this job.

First, after she ended this "private" talk we had, I opened the door to the break room for her, just to show her, hey, no hard feelings. She went in without thanking me. Double well. Later, as I was folding shirts, she comes over to my table and dumps several unfolded shirts on it. "These are not supposed to be on hangaaaars," she said as she left them there. Now, we put stuff that belongs on that table or shelf or rack that someone else is working on, on the assumption that it's easier for that person to take care of it. Hell, I've done it, and I've only been on the job three days. But the way she did it made it clear that she was pissed at me. You know, if you don't like it, tell me so. Then, while I look for a way out of this job, I'll at least give you some credit for honesty. Now, I won't feel too bad for making you take me out of work next weekend, then telling you I quit.

(By the way, all this time, my supervisor was OK with me. She directed me where I needed to go first thing last night, and then I launched into an apology about giving her tone [even though I didn't] and not calling back, blah-blah-blah. She was nice to me, surprisingly so. Unfortunately, I have a nagging feeling that she would be as backbiting as my supervisor supervisor if circumstances were different. What I'm saying is, I think she would be as bitchy as my supervisor supervisor if she weren't there, and she was only playing good cop because her boss was playing bad cop.)

God, I need the money. But with all the fucking tension and the feeling that I'm making undue demands from her, maybe this isn't going to work out. Maybe I should move on.

And to think a job that'll last only till the New Year would stress me out this badly.

Have That Unsafe And Insecure Feeling Again

So I turn off the TV because Channel 4 is doing the sports, and I already know that the ViQueens and the Mild and the Goofers men's basketball team all lost -- just realized that once again, tonight we are Loserville, USA -- and Rosen's Sports Sunday hasn't come on yet. It'll be on in less than ten minutes, but I needed total darkness because of the gut-punching news that my parents really don't have any money anymore.

So I'm in my bed, waiting for it come on (it's very informative) but not really minding if I just pass out. Unconsciousness is my escape from reality, and even though getting drunk or high might make me feel better, passing out at least doesn't cost me anything.

I felt kind of like this once before. It was near the end of my last full-time job, temping for Xcel Energy. I had grown to like it: It was late at night, perfect for a night owl like me, I liked the people I worked with, and I felt productive. The only thing that bothered me about the job since my first day was the sword of Damoclese of the impending end of the department. I don't know when news of its demise began, but it seemingly started at some infinite point before I got the job, like the beginning of the Big Bang.

I lived with it for two-and-a-half years. At some point I figured, Well, if it's gone on this long, how can this department end? So, since I had this full-time job long enough, I started treating it like a full-time job, and not a temp job that could end at any time.

Well, near the end of my tenure there, either late 2005 or 2006 or 2007, more news began to trickle in. They really were going ahead with plans to install this new machine, and therefore our duties in the department were going to change. But it wasn't hard to see the writing on the wall; this contraption would be able to do much of the things we were doing now, and faster. There was no need for all of us there. The day or reckoning was nigh.

Despite everybody saying, "Oh, don't worry about it," I did. I'm not stupid, I knew what was going to happen. So either because I was depressed or I wanted to make sure I got a full eight hours in every day because I didn't know when the checks would stop coming, I let my production sag.

Unfortunately, Xcel was a company who kept track of performance. We would have these monthly printouts of how many checks we went through. I was pretty good for most of my time there, but till the end my supervisor showed me my inexplicable downturn and added this ominous note: "These stats are surprising, and not what I've come to expect from you, but these are the stats."

I knew what was coming next, but I didn't think I could keep my job there even if I did continue to do well. What hurts -- what still hurts to this day -- is the last working day of the year. Little did I know when I wished everybody a Happy New Year, or when I checked next year's calendar for possible days off, would I be called by the temp agency later that morning, a couple hours after work, and told I was canned. It may have been because of my lack of production. To this day I still believe they planned to fire me that day and not tell me. That still pisses me off. None of my goddamn co-workers or supervisors there had the fucking decency to tell me to my face, right in the middle of the holiday season, I was going to be let go.

---

Meanwhile, I had been feeling really sad at my other job, ushering at the theaters in downtown Minneapolis. There was this one cunt who was a floor captain, and she had always been rude to me. No one liked her; shit, she still works there and I bet no one still likes her. But around the time of the end of my full-time job I had one or two major blow-ups where she was a real bitch to me and I let her have it.

The second time I had to talk to my supervisor. He was a really nice guy, but after I told him my grievances and how my life was going, he told me he was loathe to take away a job from someone who hadn't outright demonstrated she shouldn't have it, i.e. she didn't choke a customer out during a performance of The Lion King.

When we left after the meeting, we shook hands outside the front door. He told me to think about it, and that he would grant my request for a leave for the rest of January. I never have told him, but because he didn't give me the answer I sought, that was going to be the last time I shook hands with him, or ever worked for him, or even ever stepped into one of those theaters.

I feel kind of bad for what I did next. Because I was filing for unemployment, I couldn't tell him I quit. But then again, I didn't want to come back because that bitch was still working there. So every month before I knew he started working on the schedule, I would call his number up in the middle of the night (to avoid talking to him personally) and say I need the next month off. I knew he was going to be nice about it, and I knew that would let me keep collecting my checks.

I did that for, oh, ten months. Finally, around December of 2006 or 2007, he sent me a letter saying that I was terminated. Hopefully he wasn't mad, and I really do hope that he doesn't feel I jerked him around. Really, he's a great guy. I am just disappointed that he didn't act like a boss when he needed to and fired somebody who deserved it.

---

OK, so, the bed. It was around this time where I would be lying in my bed, either at night before going to Xcel or the morning after coming back, and I would be trying to figure out life and where I'm going next and what do I want to do and what I am doing here. Life shit, you know? And every single time my heart would race and I would sigh and I would feel chest pains because I could not come up with an answer. What I could count on is lying perfectly still and hoping I would doze off. I would spend no money doing that, and I would have no worries while asleep. I remember telling my best friend my troubles over a voicemail around Christmastime: "I just want to lay down in my safe, secure bed and not do anything. That's the only time nothing bad happens." Or something like that. Buddha bless them, he and his wife were so worried that a) he told me in a voicemail to me that he loved me and b) they actually came around the house to see how I was.

Well, that's how I was feeling a couple hours ago. All I wanted to do was have the power of rest take me over and help stiff-arm my demons till tomorrow.

But this time is different. This time, Grandmother isn't acting too well. This time, my parents don't have the financial security I could take for granted. I imagine my safe, secure sleep being interrupted by Grandmother's loud goings-on in the kitchen, or the sense of dread that my folks can no longer afford to keep the roof above my safe, secure, cozy bed.

I'll be frank with you: I'm a pussy. I've always felt somewhat unsafe and insecure. I'm pretty sure I felt this way when I was young. But, at least looking back, those worries were those of a child who didn't understand the world, and therefore thought his problems were insurmountable. That kid didn't know the world of pain he would grow into, and he didn't understand that things could get so, so much worse.

Yes, I acknowledge that I could be acting irrational, even paranoid, now. Maybe I'm blowing things all out of proportion. But what I know is that, right now, at this very moment, I am sitting next to my bed, the one thing that, at the end of the day, felt as good and as warm and as permanent as any material thing in my life. I could get inbetween the sheets and, at the very least, feel like I have a shield against all the bad things that plagued me. I may not defeat them, but I had something on my side that could hold them back.

Now, not that I think it has betrayed me or anything, but now I don't feel that safe and secure in my bed anymore. My troubles aren't going to go away just because I can fall asleep. And that makes me really, really sad.

I was told by my parents just now that, no, in fact they don't have any money. Now that they've "closed down" The Store, there's nothing they can do.

I don't know exactly what that means. I just know that I'm scared and depressed now.

Grandmother Flipped Out Over Her Checkbook Again

Last night she seemed fine through dinner , although that may be because I've been actively avoiding her, lest she accuse me of taking her checkbook again. But then My Father yelled at her about rice downstairs or something after dinner, and then, after I helped him put more RAM in his desktop, I come upstairs and she says that she has my checkbook.

(I will make one important distinction in the way she "accused" me this time as opposed to the last time, where My Father flipped out at her and told her to shut her mouth. She seemed more passive, weaker when she said it, as if she no longer believes that I took her checkbook, but instead she merely thinks I have it. I don't, of course. But I appreciate the change in tone, and I like to think that her calmer approach to the situation that she imagined in her head is an acknowledgement of how she acted six days ago, and that she at least remembers that she was wrong then.)

Father explained to her how they get money for Grandmother after she signs over a check. I don't know if she was complaining to them about missing her checkbook or not having any money while I was gone in the late afternoon/early evening (I went out to a shopping mall, then worked out for less than an hour), but she was back to her old, doddering, confused ways after dinner. And even after he explained things to her, I could hear her when I was in the bathroom complaining that she can't find her checkbook. While I was pulling my pants up I was thinking, "Oh, fuck. ..." and a part of me wanted to stay in there until she, I don't know, went away or something.

I had no choice but to storm out there, and it was weird seeing her in the front of her room, standing solemnly, hands folded in front of her, and while I passed by her she said, matter-of-factly, that she can't find her checkbook. As I do nowadays, I immediately go downstairs and tell Father.

"Forget it!" he screamed as he tried to put to desktop back together. "Don't help her find her checkbook, don't even go into her room!" I don't think this is the best way to help Grandmother, and I think his beefs with have nothing to do with her ailing mental health and have a lot to do with her annoying him. But honestly, I understand. And so I left.

---

Because the modem fucking wasn't working last night, I turned in early. I woke up from My Father's coughing, then heard my parents as one of them slammed the front door.

I swear Grandmother is up early and waits until they leave before she gets up. In turn, I don't leave my bedroom when she goes out to the kitchen. It didn't use to be this way; before, I would get out there and take her levels and make sure she takes her medicine in the morning. But, and I don't like admitting this, I don't like talking to her now. She weirds me out with her checkbook-looking and her talking to herself and her sighing and her wandering around and shit.

I know she's lonely. I can hear her from the sounds she makes in the kitchen. When she opens the refrigerator door I know she's just looking for its own sake. And sometimes I hear her pull out a chair, sit down, drink a gulp of her tea and make that annoying, "Ahhhhhhh!" sound after she swallows. And then I hear nothing. And I know that she's just sitting there, motionless, staring outside to the gray sky, probably thinking about life, loneliness and her mortality. And I want to race out there and tell her everything's going to be fine. But then she'll either say I have her checkbook or she'll ask me for money. And that's why I avoid her. I regret it, but I am just afraid to be around her now. And I'm sure she's getting sicker because of it.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). So I thought Tubby Smith's squad would be exposed once they had to live Williams Arena. No, at least not yet. They ripped off a 3-0 week which included advancing to the finals of the Old Spice Classic in Orlando after coming back to defeat both DePaul and Indiana St. Granted, the Gophers have been impressive in winning early-season tournaments before, only to collapse in Big Ten play and miss the NCAAs altogether; just look at last year. Nonetheless, I am very impressed by this team so far, and they deserve the benefit of the doubt, at least for now. They face Dayton for the title Sunday evening, then come home to the Barn to face Virginia Tech in the annual Big Ten/ACC Challenge game.

#0: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -5). I also underestimated the Gopher grapplers after their mild upset at Cornell. All the then-fourth-ranked U. did this week was march into State College, Pa. and upset then-#2 and defending national champions Penn St. by a dominating score of 23-14. That's pretty fucking impressive. They rise to third in the polls this week; they host North Dakota St. Sunday afternoon and visit Central Michigan Friday.

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -9). Well, at least the team is finishing strongly. They finished with an undefeated 3-0 screening week. They should have; the strongest opponent of the three was Wisconsin (which they swept at the Sports Pavilion), and the other two, Iowa and Indiana, have one conference win a piece.

Since the B1G doesn't have a conference tournament, their regular season ended last (Friday) night. They finish the year 18-11 overall and 11-9 within the conference. Due to a combination of schedule of strength, program reputation and the benefit of a doubt, they're still ranked in the AVCA Top 25 at #19. That should come up when next week's poll comes out, but will they have done enough to earn a seed?

In case you don't know how the volleyball tournament works, the four regional sites (host to the Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight games) are determined years in advance. Because v-ball doesn't make any money, NCAA bylaws mandate that if the host of one of these regionals makes the tournament, the bracket is set up in a way where they would play in their home court should they make it to the third round.

This year's constellation of sites is interesting. The NCAA wanted to spread the tourney beyond the traditional power bases of the West Coast and Midwest by giving Florida and Kentucky regionals. (The other regional is in Hawai'i, and the Rainbow Wahine are ranked third in the AVCA with only one loss; they're going to be prohibitive favorites come regional time.) Kentucky and Florida are, respectively, 16th and 17th in the AVCA, just, respectively, three and two spots above the U. Seeds aren't given strictly by poll spots in the AVCA, but it's going to be interesting to see if any of the other three regional hosts will be given seeds, even though all three sit on the bubble. Would having an unseeded host in the tourney be an embarrassment? And will the tournament committee give the four hosts seeds that will magically fit, i.e. manipulate the seeds so that, say, Hawai'i is 2 (they were behind second-ranked Nebraska, but I just found out they were not just beaten but swept by Purdue), Kentucky is 13, Florida's 14 and Minnesota 16 so it just happens that they avoid seeing each other till the national semifinals? Actually, I think that's the way they have to do it. We'll find out the details on the selection show Sunday at 5 Central.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). Defeated New Hampshire at home Saturday, 6-1. Amanda Kessel scored a hat trick in this game as well as the one against the Wildcats the day before. They are now 8-2 in the Big Ten, 10-2 overall. They've won four in a row, but those games were all at Ridder (score difference in those four games: 24-4). They're on the road for the next four, three of which come in the next seven days: A two-game set at Harvard, then the first of a two-game series at North Dakota.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -1). They were blitzed at home by Edmonton, the worst team in the league the past few years, 5-2, but with the way their young gunners were scoring, you can see the chemistry of that opponent coming together. They've drafted high enough for so long, at some point we have to see dividends. Well, I saw them last (Friday) night. Those Oilers are going to be very, very good.

I can't hate on the Mild, though (although I guess I just did). That loss ended a five-game winning streak that included a shootout win over St. Louis and a regular win over Nashville. And because they're smack dab in the middle of a Wild six-game homestand, they have a chance to pad or regain their record as the best in the entire National Hockey League. Those games are against Calgary and Tampa Bay (Sunday and Monday), then they take a quick visit north to play at Edmonton Wednesday before coming back to the X and hosting New Jersey Friday.

#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -8). Don't get it. They hosted their Subway Classic and trashed Binghamton by 25 and North Dakota St. by 39. But then they take a trip to Moraga, Calif. for the St. Mary's Hilton Tournament and lose in the final two seconds by ... fucking Quinnipiac?! With no wins against teams better than Quinnipiac, Florida St. or South Florida, I can rapidly see how good this team is -- and, by extension, who they're capable of beating and who they're going to get whipped by. And the teams in the latter looks like it's going to be a lot bigger than those in the former. Sheesh. They finish their tournament tonight (Saturday night) vs. Virginia Tech, then play at Wake Forest Thursday.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -4). A 1-1 week: Beat the hell out of St. Cloud St. at home 5-0, then lose 4-3 to Michigan St. The Goofs have lost their #1 ranking; they are now third, and they could slip further after the back half of this series against the Spartans tonight (Saturday night) and the beginning of a two-game set against MSU-Mankato at Mariucci starting Friday.

#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -7). I'm not as down on the ViQueens' 27-21 loss to the Oakland Raiders as others. In fact, I don't know why people are down on this team as much as they were after they got their asses kicked at Green Bay the week before. The main reason the team lost is turnovers, which happen and shouldn't, but it's fixable. Many of the TO's were interceptions thrown by Christian Ponder, who still is a rookie. Hey, the season's over; let the nOOb figure out how to play in this game. One pick was bad, another (the one in the end zone) was a lack of judgment, but both mistakes are fixable. And even with all that, they were still down only by a touchdown at the end of the game. And there are people acting like they lost by 30.

Now that they're 2-8, I acknowledge the possible that Leslie Frazier is on the hot seat. Results are results, so I can accept the questions over his coaching tenure. I'm still happy he finally replaced Donovan McNabb with Ponder. Man, just let the kid figure it out. They're at Atlanta tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon.

#-7: Gopher football (Last Week: -6). Now see, I'm more down on the Goofs' gridiron team because I thought they would have a better game against Northwestern. In fact, I thought they had a decent chance of beating the Wildcats. But even though MarQueis Gray was able to rip Northwestern on the ground for 147 rushing yards and a TD, they still weren't able to make the game competitive, therefore they have now lost three in a row.

The future isn't looking all that great either, according to this article on the Strib. TCF Bank is now three years old, and predictably, they have lost attendance after the honeymoon because the team blows. They were buoyed this year by opposing crowds for the Iowa, Wisconsin and Nebraska games. They won't be playing here next year, nor any other team that would be able to make a road trip to Minneapolis.

But Illinois has made the trip in the regular season finale/Senior Day game. Illini Head Coach Ron Zook is probably gone, which means the Goofs have a chance to end the year with a win.

#-8: Twins (Re-Entry!). They're here because they lost long-time Closer Joe Nathan, who signed a contract with the Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0. He might not have been worth the money the Twinks needed to pay him if they exercised their team option, but I wasn't ready to give up on him yet.

Last year was the first year coming back from Tommy John surgery. Once Matt Capps imploded and Nathan was given back the closer spot, he pitched pretty well. Moreover, they always say that you have to give pitchers recovering from Tommy John surgery a full year after they begin pitching competitively to see how they are faring. That falls somewhere next year. Finally, you can argue that he was one of the most-familiar faces of the Twins organization, and if this franchise is on the down part of a cycle, and it'll take several years to become good again, I say you need to give reasons for fans to come to the ballpark, and those reasons are the people they grew up rooting for, guys like Michael Cuddyer and Nathan. Well, now the latter's gone and the former is about to go to Philadelphia. The organization is losing the people that emotionally connect to the team. And that's a very bad thing.

Want to go shopping for Black Friday, but I need to rake the leaves and maybe haul some of them away and go to storage and put down the fertilizer. And that makes me not want to do anything and just sit in my bed and watch football instead. But I can't, because I said I won't be here to eat tonight.

There's also a Gopher volleyball game I thought I wanted to go to tonight. But in a sign that it's not really that important to me, I didn't go to the website to check the time. Besides, they're only 10-9 in-conference and I don't want to see a team that sucks. Finally, they play at 7 (I finally checked), the prime time I want to go shopping.

I thought I was going to go to a volleyball game some time this year. How did I not plan this?

Daylight's burning outside and it ain't even light out. Have to go out.

The Warmest Thanksgiving In 21 Years ... And I Was Inside

I haven't been able to just sleep in, both because of my late-night job and because of my anxiety over my Grandmother. I thought that would continue because I had a feeling my parents would not leave for The Store today and would just stay at home cooking Thanksgiving dinner; they didn't.

But you know, I think my internal clock decided it was OK to let my folks handle any crap that might go down with Grandmother. That's why I slept till 11:45. I had thoughts of waking up in the morning to either go get coffee and work online or, if I were even more ambitious, exercise in preparation for Thanksgiving. But I didn't, and I didn't care.

But maybe I should have. It officially reached 59 degrees outside. Perfect fall weather, and it would have been great to just walk around on a perfect fall day. However, I was only coaxed out by my Grandmother rapping on the outside of my window from the deck. Apparently she was walking around the front lawn, went through the side door and decided she wanted to come in through the back. I went outside to close the side door and realized that it really nice outside. Too bad I wanted to stay in and watch football, and then I had to help set the dinner table for the family and my brother and sister-in-law who dropped by.

The only time I enjoyed extended time outside was when I took the recyclables outside after dinner, around 6:30. It was night, but it was in the low fifties. With my long underwear, felt nice. Too bad there was no sun.

Review Of The 2010 Playmates Vying To Be 2011 Playmate Of The Year (I Know This Is Really, Really Late)

I've been meaning to this for a long time because, hey, Playboy is porn, and I cannot live without my porn. Stuff I wanted to talk about instead just got in the way, you know?

There isn't any new insight half a year after Claire Sinclair was named 2011 PMOY. I still stick to my guns when I initially looked through the 2010 list: It's an underwhelming bunch.

Let's start with Miss January, Jamie Edmondson. Usually I go for redheads. But she got to be Playmate largely beecause she was on The Amazing Race. I watched the season she was on, and believe me, she was a straight-up cunt, as ugly an American as has ever travelled overseas. (She went on an All-Star edition last year after she got naked in PB -- just as bad.) Next.

Miss February, Heather Ray Young, was featured in the same edition as Edmondson. Last year, the January and February editions were combined into one, definitely to save money, even though it was a heretical move that Hugh Hefner has, I think, vowed never to do again. Every PB issue should have its own month. As for Young ... well, initially I thought she was a bitch. But I am on her facebook and she posts pictures regularly. But, then again, she insists on using her middle name, which is pretentious.

I want to jump around the months to keep me and you on our toes. Let's go to Sinclair, Miss October and current PMOY champ. She definitely is different from what your regular Playmate looks like. She's not blonde or chiseled. She has a buxom, cutie-pie throwback look to World War II pin-ups. That's great, and yet, compared to the cookie-cutter hotties surrounding her, she doesn't measure up. I feel bad about that because variety is the spice of life. But when I heard early talk that she was the slam-dunk PMOY, I was disappointed. I'm an asshole.

Let's go down a month to Shera Bechard, Miss November. She acts like an outright stuck-up bitch in this video interview for her hometown paper, the Toronto Sun. But she is the creator of #FriskyFriday, a weekly Twitter feature where Playboy models shoot and post sexy photos of themselves. I wish I had time to look for a link to this one where she is in the bathroom and the pic is taking from the doorway, and her back is to you but you can see her sweet fucking ass and her face reflected from the bathroom mirror, yet everything else is hidden. fap-fap-fap She is a classic beauty. No wonder Hef's banging her.

The brunettes are not memorable, not this ... er, last year. Kyra Milan (March) and Kassie Lyn Logsdon (May) are ... there. And although I like the Latin ladies, Miss August, Francesa Frigo, does nothing for me. The neckbreaker is her PMOY bid video, which makes her look like she'd be a lifeless drag to be with on a date:

The blondes fare much better. Amy Leigh Andrews (April) has kind of a fat face. But PB uses (or at least used) for their page asking for an e-mail address before you get to see nude photos a pic of her with a purple plaid shirt on, except that it's unbuttoned and framed around her big tits, so her already ample bosom is lifted up even more. Also, I like the fact that on her PMOY bid vid she shows us around her apartment, including a magazine rack with copies of Playboy just laying out in the open. Man, if every hot girl could just do that:

Shanna McLaughlin (July) seems kind of old, but maybe that's just her sexy maturity. She's quite chesty and has a great ass as well; furthermore, she owns a modeling company. Hmmm, maybe I'll be able to leech off of her if we ever got together:

The last three are really close. Ashley Hobbs (December) has these saucer eyes and a sharp chin with a dimple, indelible physical qualities that make her sexy. And her thin body is something very masturbatable. Finally, on her facebook I think it says that she's in a management position with the United Way or something, or at least she was until she moved to Cali to pursue modeling. Doesn't matter if she was or still is; a babe as hot as her on top of people is sexy. If she were my boss I think I'd have to jerk off right in front of her, right at my work desk.

Then there's Olivia Paige (September) who strikes me as fucking hot for some reason. For a few seconds in her PMOY bid vid she plays with her dog by alternately slapping its cheeks. It may be abusive, but it also looks fun. Maybe I'm giving her some slack because she personally thanked me for my tweet saying she was a perv for posting a Twitpic of her making cookies in the shape of breasts with her grandmother -- and that I liked it!

But, if I have to give PMOY to somebody, I'll give it Katie Vernola, Miss June. I think the main draw is that she was 18 when she did her spread. There's one photo in that pictorial of her, directly facing the camera, sitting on the floor and leaning back on a bed with a come-hither look that belies her relatively short time on Earth.

As a whole, I wish there were better. But I will repeat what I always say in the face of naked women in front of me: I'd still fuck all of them. God's honest truth.

Snow Evaporates On Its Own

You know, the one thing that's great about winter during shoulder season (when it starts to get cold and when it starts to warm up) is seeing snow melt.

We had a few inches of snow fall Saturday. It wasn't a big deal -- it's just a few inches, nothing I haven't seen before. But I dreaded -- absolutely fucking dreaded -- shoveling it. I just didn't want to start yet another season of hurting my back shoveling that shit. Last winter was the worst in a long time; we obliterated our season average for snow, and I think we wound up with the fifth-highest total in the area ever.

People are predicting a winter not quite the same, but very similar, which means more hours of trying to clear our driveway and trying not to get hurt or frostbitten in the process. I'm too old for this shit.

So imagine my joy when I heard reports before the storm that it will be warm enough to melt. And thank Buddha the weather forecasters were right. Starting really on Monday, the snow that I left on the driveway (Father cleared out some of it at the top of the driveway, from the front door to their car) would go away on its own. This afternoon, it was completely gone, replaced with wetness. In fact, I could only see small patches of icy snow on the front lawn. That should be gone this time tomorrow, when there's a chance we will hit 60 on Thanksgiving Day.

Before I would bemoan the fact that Thanksgiving is so warm. This year, I'll totally take it.

And last night, before heading off to work, Grandmother fucking confronts me again: "Where did you put my papers?" she asked while holding her passport. She flipped through the pages, indicating that she was missing things she thought were in it, and once again she accused me of doing something to them. Only she wasn't wildly flipping out like she was Sunday night -- I think.

"I'm not talking about my checkbook," Grandmother disclaimed. I could take that one of two ways. Either she remembers how she reacted Sunday night and wants to put that behind her, which would be good that she understands her unruly behavior. Or, she said that in a, "I know you did something to my checkbook, but I'm not worried about that now" sort of way. Which would, you know, suck and reinforce my belief that she needs to be put in a home.

She then said, "OK, I'll look again." I was on my way out; I told her just before I went to the bathroom, and she, as is her wont these days, cornering me with something just before I go. Her checking her bedroom again can also be taken one of two ways: Either she's saying, "Maybe I was wrong," or "Fine, I'll take care of it." I'll take the former, but I have a bad feeling it's the latter.

Just to be safe, I went downstairs and immediately told on her to Father, who went upstairs to check what was going on. He went back downstairs almost immediately. I don't he did anything. In fact, I think Grandmother told her something to get him off her back, and now she's angry at me for ratting on her. I could totally see her getting back at me.

Man, I just want her to fucking leave me alone today. I'll take just one fucking day. Please.

There's A Stranger In My House

Grandmother was at it again last night, and it was worse than it was before. She once again wanted to find her checkbooks, the ones that I found in her purse, twice. I thought she was OK when she went up to my bedroom door and immediately remembered they were in her purse.

But later, during dinner, she confronted me not about her checkbooks but about her ATM card. I was tired and I wanted to see how she would react if I didn't just drop everything and help her find it, so I told her I didn't have it and would help her look for it as soon as I was done eating.

She basically became someone -- something -- else entirely. She was muttering to herself at the dinner table, talking about where her money went, how she put it somewhere and now she can't find it, and, worst of all, accusing me of taking it. It was different last night. Before, she only asked if I took it. With her increasing emotion at the dinner table, I truly think she believes I took it.

Grandmother looked possessed. Her eyes were wide and her body language was as in control as I had ever seen it. She gave off the impression that she was alert and under control, but when she opened her mouth she was anything but. The indignation on her face when she was staring at me was something I have never seen from her before. She's been taken over by a monster.

It was then that she decided she didn't want to eat anymore; something about being too pissed off to finish her soup. That was when Father stepped in and asked her what was the matter.

"It's nothing," Grandmother said. She always said that to me when I asked her if everything was alright. I used to believe her. No more.

But she continued, "I can't find my checkbook and ATM card." And Father saw a replay of helping her find it last week. He tried helping her mentally retrace her steps, but she wouldn't get off accusing me of stealing them. She then complained that living here made her crazy, and Father used that to try and convince her to leave. But she just got up and went to her bedroom, supposedly to rest.

No, not to rest. It's taking me a long time to eat my huge bowl of soup nowadays, and that meant Grandmother came out to confront me to more times about her goddamn ATM card. First she threw down the cards she could find in front of me at the dinner table, to which I could only say, again, "I didn't take your card." Then, while we were cleaning up, she waddled back out to the dining room, listlessly. Father asked her if she was OK, to which she replied that her head hurt and, finally, she turned my way and asked, "Come one, where's my card."

Father, washing the dishes from the sink, finally had enough: "HE DOESN'T HAVE YOUR CARD, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!" Grandmother always shirks from his yelling, and so she just waddled back to her room, muttering more stuff about her money.

I couldn't deal. All I wanted to do was head out to see the MLS Cup. But Father knew he had to try and nip this in the bud once again, so after he was done cleaning the dishes he marched into Grandmother's bedroom and helped her find the things that probably were in front of her all along, yelling at her every second of the way. What I caught was this:

"He takes care of you, and now you think he steals from you?!"

"My head hurts."

"Our heads hurt because you complain so much!"

And then, not a peep from Grandmother's room. I came out to ask Father if he found her ATM card. He said it was in her purse, in one of the clear windows. Of course.

---

I no longer look forward to going home. Ever since her dementia (and it has to be dementia) worsened after Daylight Saving Time ended, she has been replaced by this money-grubbing, paranoid demon. I don't know if I'm going to have Good Grandmother or someone who needs help finding shit that's in front of her -- or, worse, someone who wants to kill me.

I'm serious about that. I was really scared last night that she believes I have her money. (And for the record, she has no money because she spent it all.) When I came back home I told Father my fears. He told me to lock the door.

I did a couple better. I put my computer bag and bookbag in front of the door. If somehow Grandmother opened the door (that fucking thing doesn't close all the way) with a knife in her hand, maybe her stumbling over the bags will give me enough time to wake up and defend myself.

I didn't want to go to sleep early; I have to adjust my clock because I start my late-night job tonight. But I didn't want a confrontation with Grandmother, so I turned in early.

I heard a knock on the door. I ignored it. She went away.

Bitch is going to kill me, I know it.

Our relationship has changed. For good.

I thought my modem problems were over once I switched back to the first one I ever bought. But now I'm getting these fuckin' timeouts and "failed to open page" pages. What the fuck? Why isn't it working? Is it because of the weather? Don't tell me it's the modem. My God, all I want to do is surf the fucking Internet. ...

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Wild (Last Week: -5). This is one of the rare weeks where I put on top a team that actually lost, ahead of teams that went undefeated. But even though they were soundly beaten at Los Angeles on Saturday, 5-2, they won their next three games, two of them on the road. Pulling back, they have won eight out of their last ten games. And they lead the Northwest division. Not too shabby for a team picked to finish last in the Western Conference. They may be top-heavy, but the additions of Dany Heatley and Devin Setoguchi finally give this franchise some offensive creativity and scoring punch.

They just began a six-game that takes them virtually through the end of the month. They host St. Louis, Nashville and Edmonton this screening week.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4). Looks like Tubby Smith really relies on home cookin'; it's a 2-0 week with victories over South Dakota St. and Fairfield. Trevor Mbakwe is looking great so far, but will the team still be competitive once they finally leave the confines of Williams Arena? The end their season-opening six-game homestand Monday against Mount St. Mary's before departing for Orlando and playing in the Old Spice Classic over Thanksgiving Weekend. They also host Virginia Tech in this year's edition of the Big Ten/ACC Challenge.

#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2). Amanda Kessel scored four goals (the ninth U. player ever to do so) as the Gophers beat the living shit out of New Hampshire last night, 11-0. This sounds like a score between Canada and, say, Mozambique in the Winter Olympics. What does that prove for the second-or-third-ranked Goofs? Probably nothing. They complete their two-game series against UNH this afternoon.

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -6). I can't figure this team out. Their first game after being proclaimed the best team in top-flight college hockey and they lose at Wisconsin. However, after avenging that loss with a win the next game, they were given another week on top. They probably will not receive a third reprieve after losing at St. Cloud St. last night, 4-3. And they had to furiously come back from a 4-1 Huskie lead. They finish their home-and-home tonight at Mariucci, then start a two-game Thanksgiving series at Michigan St. starting on Friday.

#-5: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!). The grapplers are back! Unfortunately they begin their season by getting upset at Cornell, 21-16. Sure, the Goofs were ranked fourth and the Big Red fifth, so it isn't too much of an upset, but it's still an upset. It won't get better for them; on Sunday they visit Penn St., ranked best in the nation. I hope this is J Robinson's way of getting his team ready for the season quickly enough for them to learn and be good enough to win when it really counts -- at the end of the season and the NCAA Championships.

#-6: Gopher football (Last Week: -7). Well, I still believe this team is better than it was at the start of the year. But I will admit some air when out of my good feelings for this team with last week's 42-13 drubbing at home against Wisconsin. My barometer of whether the Goofs are improving is whether or not they're able to beat the massive spreads Las Vegas is giving them. The spread I saw for that game was 27. The U. had been really good the past few weeks covering, but they lost by 29, so they are nowhere close to being competitive with even the better teams in the conference.

And now they're getting their asses beat by Northwestern. Northwestern, the league's pointy-headed school!!! However, the U. is running the shit out of the Wildcats. Can they come back, or at least make this a game?

#-7: Vikings (Re-Entry!). I put the ViQueens below the U. football team because more of the air has been let out of the pro team's balloon. I really thought Christian Ponder and the team would put up more of a fight than they did, even if it is at Green Bay, by far the class of the NFL this year. But 45-7? Dispiriting. No phase of the game looked good Monday night. Oh well, at least they host Oakland tomorrow afternoon, and they have a chance of winning that one.

#-8: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3). Here comes the wake-up call. They lose the other two games of their WBI Tip-Off in Daytona Beach, Fla., to Top 15 team Florida St. and South Florida. The memories of their run to the Final Four has never appeared so distant. They are hosting their own tourney, the Subway Classic, right now, against Binghamton. They face either North Dakota St. or Nevada, in the Championship or Consolation Game, tomorrow afternoon. They will then head to Moraga, Calif., to take part in yet another tournament, the Hilton Tournament hosted by St. Mary's, Friday when they play Quinnipiac.

#-9: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). OK, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this team. This is a upperclassmen-laden squad that should at least be competitive because they have historically been one of the great powers in the Big Ten, one of the best leagues in college volleyball. You will have bad weeks, but I really didn't think you would get swept at home by a very good Michigan team Sunday. If Mike Hebert were still coaching this club, would they lose, or even drop a set?

They finish 2-2 on their four-game homestand, then lose 3-1 at fourth-ranked Nebraska Wednesday. That currently puts them 8-9 in-conference. They swept Michigan St. but were swept by Penn St. and Nebraska, and lost their only game to Purdue. They will make the NCAA Tournament this year, but mostly because of reputation.

They finish their regular season this week. They're at Iowa tonight, then come back to the Sports Pavilion for games against Wisconsin Wednesday and Indiana Friday.

Grandmother Turned On Me Last Night

No, it doesn't look like taking Grandmother off the Ambien has cleared up her confusion. After coming back from work last night she called me over from her bed and told me she needed to buy meat and vegetables for the family -- even though 1) the family doesn't want her to buy anything and 2) she has no money. She railed me, bad and unjustifiably -- "What are you talking about, I'm not yelling at you!!!"

Whatever. She is sundowning bad. I was looking underneath her door overnight and she still had her light on. That's a classic sign that she needs light because the darkness confuses her.

I don't want to call the social worker because My Father is hellbent on getting her out of here. But if she's going to act like this, even if it's unintentional, we need to move on moving her out.

No, Steve Winwood, I Don't Know What The Night Can Do

For almost the past two weeks, I have been sleeping normal hours. I think it started with the day-long visit I had last Wednesday, where I had to be at the hospital by 7 in the morning and, thus, dithered before finally decided to sleep in early. I haven't been able to stay up since.

There have been many reasons for this. The end of Daylight Saving Time has knocked my internal clock out of whack. My Grandmother's recent health issues makes me want to make sure she doesn't do anything weird when she gets up in the morning, therefore I have to be up in the morning. I have felt the need to do the same thing for my parents as well, especially My Father. Finally, having no Internet means that I have no reason to stay up late at night, and I have been able to doze off at around 1, just after the late-night talk shows, and some nights even earlier.

I don't like that feeling. No doubt My Fucking Father would love that shit. And maybe this is a sign of things to come because I'm getting old. But for the past couple mornings I have woken up at a "normal" hour, like 8:30 or 9. And I'm lying in my bed, sunrise pouring into my room, and having a whole day of things that I could do but don't have to do and, more importantly, don't want to do. Meanwhile, my anxiety over my 85-year-old Grandmother, who may not be senile but could definitely be bored as shit, prevents me from doing anything productive. What if I, say, go out and paint the shed or go catch an exhibition at an art museum or eat at Matt's and something happens? I need to make sure she's OK and the house is OK, and I can't do that if I'm passed out unconscious. So I stay up.

Still hate it, though. This Sunday I start a late-night job for the holidays. I need to make some money somehow, and the late-night hours gives me a premium over a first shift position. But I also took it because I thought of myself as a night owl. That doesn't seem true with the way I've conked out at a decent hour. And the thought of driving in the snow and ice and cold to work at 9 at night and back home past 6 is something I am starting to fear. I've always been scared of sliding off the highway, but at least in third shift jobs I go downtown, where I can take side streets and drive really, really slow. I have to take highways to get to this one, and I know one day it'll be dangerous to use them.

I don't know if I would be thinking those fears ten years ago. Maybe this is a phase, or something seasonal. But if this doesn't go away? What if this is the new normal?

So It's Not Dementia? Really?

Her doctor made the case that what I think is dementia really is just old age. He's not ruling it out, but he thinks all Grandmother's bitching about her fucking goddamn checkbooks could just be anxiety.

I took her off both Aricept and Simvastatin because of the 1-2-3 punch of falling down, waking up pissed off and crying. But of all the medications she's taking that could cause the confusion and dementia-like systems I described to him, there's only one: The Zolpidem, the sleeping pills. So he told her to get off it for two weeks and see if she's any better.

So far, she's not. After Father ripped her a new one last night for leaving food all around her bedroom, and after I told her I don't have any more Zolpidem for her (she told the doctor she only took it sparingly when she told me she uses it all the time -- why the fuck did she lie to the doctor? If she uses it all the time, maybe she wouldn't have told us to get off the pills), she started crying. It's only the second time I've ever seen her cry ... but it's the second time this month.

The doctor said that if she's still worrying about things when she comes back in about two weeks, there's some anti-anxiety medication she could go on. And if her forgetfulness continues, the next step would be to go to a neurologist. But dementia? No. At least not yet.

Damn, My Grandmother's right, clingy and obstinate she has become.

My Relationships With My Family Were Reversed, For One Night

Shit kind of hit the fan last night. Grandmother frittered away her money again yesterday morning, and she asked me where I put it. I found it for her before leaving for the day. I came back in the afternoon and since I didn't hear anything, I thought she was gone. But she was actually taking a nap in her room, and just as she was about to say something, I closed her door on her.

She seemed fine when I came back home for dinner with the chicken My Father wanted me to buy because it was Chicken Mondays. Grandmother seemed hyper on account of her sundowning, but she was alert and aware, and she was able to help me out with toasting bread to eat with my chicken. I was going out to work out, and she asked me to buy something for her to eat before I come back home. This is the third time this week she wanted me to do that. It's probably because she wanted to eat something hot without warming something up in the microwave and risk My Father's wrath. Nonetheless, it's something weird that I have to keep track of.

When I come back home, Grandmother's lying on her bed. All I did was put the sandwich right next to her on her nightstand when she asks me, once again: "I can't find my checkbook. Where did you put it?"

And this is where I could have remembered that this is not My Grandmother talking but her disease, or her fear, or her trepidation over the circumstances and environment changing around her. But I chose to respond with some anger: "What do you mean I took it?! I didn't take it! I helped you find it this morning. You put it somewhere!!!"

And so began an argument where I didn't quite understand what she was saying because she speaking Chinese words I didn't know. She may have been speaking lucidly, situation excepting. But what I gleaned from her arguing was that she doesn't know where her money went and that she hadn't gone out to spend any money at all -- both lies. Is she saying that just to defend herself, or does she really believe she hasn't done anything and that I'm stealing money from her?

After about a minute of a back-and-forth that was as loud as I've ever spoken at her, she said she didn't want to argue anymore because her heart couldn't take it. So I told her, "Fine, you want to believe I took your checks, I took them," and since she seemed to be really panicking, I thought she needed to just go to sleep, so I turned off her nightlight. When I did she went off: "Don't do that, don't turn it -- WHY ARE YOU TURNING IT OFF???" But I walked away. She needs some help, I thought.

After stewing about it, I decided that I needed backup after this blow-up. I saw that Grandmother turned back on her light as I went downstairs. I rarely want to talk to my parents beyond dinner, but I knocked on their door and told them what had just happened and that she has been wanting me to find her checkbook for the past month now. They just chalked it up to her senility, though they both want her gone for a long time now.

I thought I blew off enough steam, so I went back to my room and forgot about it. After several minutes of watching TV, I hear Father stomp upstairs and, for the first time in a long time, go to Grandmother's room. I mute the TV to hear Grandmother start yet another argument with Father. She seemed to be saying the same things to him that she said to me -- she didn't spend any money, she doesn't know where it is, why would I take it. Then, silence.

So I turn back on the volume to watch late-night. And then I hear Grandmother from the hallway: "Sorry!" (Without knocking, like she didn't yesterday morning, when she just opened up the door and asked me for money because she didn't have any.) She was holding the purse where she always stores her five precious checkbooks. "This fell on the floor and went underneath the bed! I thought you took it!"

At the end of the hallway, Father was preening over Grandmother with this look of incredulity. She kept stammering on and trying to apologize. I put up my finger at her face and was about to say, "I love you, and I would never take money from you!" But Father stepped in and ordered her to her room: "Go to bed!" And she dutifully did, grinning and laughing all the way.

It was weird. Usually in the house it's Grandmother and I versus Father, with Mother being what could be called a sympathizer for Father. But for last night, Grandmother had been acting up and going after me. I am absolutely shocked -- still am shocked -- that she would betray me like that, even if it is the dementia. So last night, Father was on my side, and it felt good to have someone have my back in the face of such crazy accusations. I have to say, however, that wanting Father's approval after his judging me for so long was not part of my thinking.

Nevertheless, as Grandmother was retreating to her bedroom, I thanked Father for his help in stepping in and resolving this bizarre situation. He turned off the hallway light.

---

I don't know what to do with Grandmother. I had to wake up early to take Father to his biopsy. I took the car out of the garage, went back inside and waited at the bottom of the stairs, hoping Grandmother wouldn't talk to me.

But she was wandering upstairs. At the top, she asked me: "Are you going out?"

I didn't want to talk to her, so I gave her the silent treatment.

After a few seconds she went to her next question: "Before you leave, do you mind helping me give me my insulin shot?"

She can do it herself. And even if she couldn't, I didn't care. I needed her to know I was still upset with her. Maybe this will force her to remember.

Finally, she gave up. "OK then, here's the bag of garbage," as she left it at the top of the stairs and walked away. About a minute later Father came up from his bedroom. We left; I left the bag upstairs.

I drove back because the gas station was on the way. She left the bag outside.

We'll see how she is in 45 minutes, her doctor's visit.

A Checklist Of Things To Talk About Grandmother At Her Doctor's Appointment Tomorrow

In reverse chronological order:

• Well, the main thing these days is her paranoia and defensiveness over money. This morning, as well as last Wednesday and Thursday last week and definitely around the 1st of the month she has been a terror, constantly asking me where her checkbooks are, several times a day. In fact, last Thursday or Friday she asked me where they were five minutes after I told her. She has also been quite defensive, accusing me of taking them and not letting her know where they are. She gets that way when she runs out of money. Today she says she has very little, even though I got her most of her monthly welfare check on the 1st.
• The events Tuesday evening: Putting creamer in her soup, then asking me again whether I fixed the phone and if she bought pork that afternoon.
• She has been sundowning a lot: Puttering about, going to my room several times a night to either ask something or tell me a story with an enthusiasm that is unlike her.
• Last Sunday, she came to my bedroom door eight times to either ask me something I already told her or to tell me something I didn't give a shit about.
• When I was in Miami around October 1 -- this is before her last visit to the doctor's -- I called home around every morning to make sure things are OK. For the first couple of days she asked me what time I was coming home. The last few days, though, she knew I was out of town.
• One time she told me that he was going to drive me out of the house as soon as he throws her out about seven times in this conversation. This was around mid-September.
• Father says she tried to microwave something metal in September.
• She had been forgetting things over August. Father said she left the water in the sink open to the point where it flooded the basement. Grandmother may have done it twice this month.
• Father also says that he caught her leaving a pot of water boil to the point of complete evaporation.
• She has been kind of scared ever since she heard that they were closing The Store in early August.
• I left insulin syringes for her when I was in Italy. She forget to use five of them when I got back home.
• She has been forgetting things for a long time. Father keeps telling me that before I leave, I need to check the stove and back door.
• In fact, years ago I was visiting my uncle in Hong Kong and she told me that if she was playing at a casino, she would throw her chips down and then just walk away.
• She had been very good this weekend -- lucid and self-aware of how she's slowing down. But especially when it comes down to her being desperate over money, she becomes senile and paranoid.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Dan Goodale

Boise St. has been the current school in the non-BcS Six of the past decade or so threatening to pry open and gain entry into American sports' most exclusive and unfair postseason. The thing the Broncos, and people who hate the current playoff system, want is for them to somehow be given a spot in the Mythical National Championship Game. For schools that are disadvantaged, like Boise St., the bar is set impossibly high. They could go undefeated and still not get in. So that means that they can't slip up even once. One loss and they're done for.

They had a great team last year, but they were upset by Nevada when their kicker, a senior named Kyle Brotzman, blew field goals that could have won the game for Boise St. in regulation and give them the lead in overtime. Well, in a nasty case of deja vu, last night fifth-ranked Boise St.'s perfect season and their case for inclusion in the MNC were dashed when their kicker, a freshman named Dan Goodale, sliced a field goal wide right at the gun to give TCU a 36-35 win. It was the Broncos' first loss at home in 35 games.

If they're not careful, Boise St. is going to become this millennium's Florida St.

Poor bastard.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4). This has been one of the rare weeks where every single team in the WMNSS had something positive happen, even the last one. There weren't extenuating circumstances that separated one team from the others, so in the end I settled for ranking by number of wins ... and somehow, a team that has been a very disconcerting disappointment winds up on top because they're the only one that went undefeated while notching more than one win. They beat Ohio St. in four sets, then swept Michigan St. Can they get a run going hosting ranked Michigan Sunday afternoon? And can they somehow beat Nebraska in Lincoln Wednesday night? I have a feeling they won't be repeating their top ranking this time next week.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -5). In a battle of #3 vs. #4 in the country, the Gophers managed to sweep UMD with last Saturday afternoon's 3-2 win. They are now 8-2 in the WCHA (in second behind Wisconsin) and are 10-2 overall. They go into this weekend's break still third in the polls.

#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). This is the start of the busy season for the WMNSS. In a season that should be a referendum on whether or not Head Coach Pam Borton gets to keep her job, the Goofs begin their season beating a name school, Arkansas, 68-60 yesterday afternoon in a tournament in Daytona Beach, Fla. behind 24 forced turnovers. There are very slim hopes this season this team will make any sort of meaningful noise this postseason, so it's Borton's job to basically pull of a miracle. And if she doesn't, well, I think it's time to move on. They finish up the WBI Tip-Off playing Florida St. this afternoon and South Florida tomorrow afternoon,

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!). Meanwhile, the Y version of Goofs b-ball also started their year last night at Williams Arena with a 70-58 victory over Bucknell. Trevor Mbakwe, considered by one site I saw as one of the Top 20 prospects for the NBA this year, scored 13 of his 17 points in the second half. This program's postseason hopes are scantly better than the women's ... so, should Tubby Smith be on the hot seat? Mbakwe and his other big man on the down low, Ralph Sampson III, should be leaving after this year, thereby taking Smith's to-date best recruiting class with them. But he has a freshman Point Guard in Austin Hollins. The point was the main reason a promising season last year ended with them losing ten out of their last 11 games and a complete blackball of all the postseason tourneys, even the CBI. They say Hollins is good ... but who cares if the people he can feed the ball to are on their way out? Whatever, that's a debate for next season.

Testing his squad apparently isn't something Tubby wants to do; this is the start of four home games to begin the season. They host South Dakota St. Monday and Fairfield Thursday.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: 0). Well, that was fun while it lasted. Their five-game winning streak ended Thursday, 3-1 at San Jose. They're a good team, but can you blame Nicklas Backstrom for this? He did resume control between the pipes once they began their roadtrip in Calgary Tuesday. (Josh Harding backstopped the Mild in their 2-1 win over St. Louis last Saturday.)

I'm glad that there's finally some scoring punch, even if it comes mainly from new acquisitions Dany Heatley and Devin Setoguchi. Mikko Koivu now has players who can finish (did you see his pass on the down low to Setoguchi [or was it Heatley?] in front against the Bastard Atlanta Flames?). And Guillaume Latendresse seems to have followed in point production as well.

They finish their five-game roadtrip going back-to-back tonight and tomorrow night at Los Angeles and Anaheim, then at Columbus on Tuesday (ouch! Random). They then begin a six-game homestand against the Bastard Quebec Nordiques Thursday.

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1). Well, that was fun while that lasted. On the strength of a sweep of North Dakota, the Gophers reached #1 in the polls for the first time in three years. And in their first game being the team on the catbird seat, they lose their first conference game, 3-1, at Wisconsin. And the Badgers were leading 3-0 before the Goofs scored late. You can't win them all, but this team hasn't yet faced good teams on the road, with the possible exception of UMD. Tonight's rematch should provide more evidence if the bottom of this ship is leaky. The team then begin a home-and-home with St. Cloud St. Friday.

#-7: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). They put up a good fight, so I feel kind of bad putting these guys next-to-last. They were 28-point underdogs at Michigan St., but they were one final drive away from tying it. Moral victories are a lazy way of thinking you're getting better. But from the way they were getting beat by New Mexico St., North Dakota St. and Purdue, I'll take a 31-24 loss. Jerry Kill has simplified the offensive playbook for MarQueis Gray, they're playing a lot tougher on defense, and finally, this team looks like they believe they can win every game. Confidence can help you loads. Now, can it help them beat Wisconsin at TCF Bank this afternoon? Probably not. But a month ago I would've said fuck no.

#-8: Twins (Re-Entry!). Color me surprised. I tweeted after the season that there's a 20% chance the Pohlad brothers would sell the team in the next 18 months. Removing the General Manager isn't exactly a sign they're tired of owning the Twinks. Impressed.

Is it the right move? Bill Smith wasn't the one fucking up double plays, or missing the cutoff man, or grooving softballs down the heart of the plate, or out for chunks of the season for bilateral leg weakness. But I think what happened is Jim Pohlad, apparently the brother most assuming the ownership duties of his late father, Carl, saw the bad trades Smith made and, more crucially, looked at how Smith's draft picks were progressing, and was very disappointed. I really think that injuries were the main reason the Twins' season was a lost one. But the farm system is as barren as our frontyard. Development is a vital part to any Major League Baseball team's success who are not the New York Yankees, and even if the Twinks' prospects of success are still good, there is no next generation the way the organization's youngsters are (not) playing.

When confronted by this, Smith said things that were not to Jim Pohlad's liking. That's why he hired Wayne Krivsky, a man who helped ex-GM Terry Ryan when Ryan was Smith's boss. Some have speculated that Smith did not know of the hire at all, and he gave Pohlad an "either he goes or I go" ultimatum. And Smith was gone, replaced by Ryan, the man he replaced when Ryan said he was burned out and the architect of the Twins' recent success. And I thought it the change was a little more amicable than that.

In his press conference, Ryan was a lot more dire of the organization's future than I thought an incoming GM would be. He thinks this team is going to suck for the next several years. I trust his word, but we also gave this fucking team a new stadium two years ago. Do you mean to tell me the Twinks are going to fleece taxpayer money for shit? It may be Smith's fault, but given the context, he seems a very convenient scapegoat.

My Fucking Family Is Driving Me Fucking Crazy

Grandmother is losing it now, big-time. She asked me to help her find her fucking checkbook three times yesterday, twice within five minutes of each other. I rummaged through her drawers, threw down her five checkbooks and walked back to my bedroom, only for her to waddle over and ask me where I put it. She put it away in the drawer again. She has fucking dementia, goddammit.

I go to sleep early because 1) I have to get up early and 2) Grandmother fucking wore me out yesterday. But then My Fucking Father had to cause a ruckus when I was trying to pass out. He has a biopsy next week and I got him pills. There are instructions on taking them, and he didn't exactly know what they were, so even though my bedroom was pitch black, he came up to it and asked if I was awake.

I helped him through the forms he had to sign and told him what the physician told me about the pills. I thought that was the end of it, but no, he was searching through the cupboards for extra forks, then turning the TV on really loudly, then dropping shit on the floor. When I heard a clang, I swear I thought it was Grandmother stirring shit up out there -- "How can that be," I was telling myself," I gave her a fucking sleeping pill! Swear to fucking God, My Fucking Father and My Fucking Crazy Grandmother are acting the same way now.

Oh, and while I was shutting my door My Fucking Father added, "Hey, why don't you clean your room?" As soon as we send Grandmother to her Last Home Before Death, pops.

And then I couldn't sleep. I tried going to bed at 1 when all this shit happened, and I don't think I was unconscious till 4. Having four cups of coffee after sundown didn't help. And having no fucking Internet to make me fall asleep only made my shitty night even worse.

I am losing my mind. Things are falling apart. ...

This Is What Happened Three Weeks Ago Sunday

I was working the Vikings-Packers game on October 23. Since it was a late game, there was no reason for me to come home for dinner because chances are I was going to be late. So I had an opportunity to make a night of it.

But what to do? All the shit that's been going on prevents me from throwing money all over the place, but I've felt so crummy for so long that I want to do something, and damn the consequences.

I was going to be running all over the Twin Cities because I know I had one destination late at night: My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition). But what to do inbetween? I could either exercise at the gym ... or go down to the Megamall, walk around a bit there and call that exercise, and then maybe grab a cup of coffee and work on my computer. Although I had been getting fat and not taking advantage of the buy-two-months, get-three-months-free deal I received through the community center, it didn't sound like that much fun. And to add justification, I was going to cash in one of my winning tickets.

Well, what happened was I got to my car some time past 7:30, and after fighting through traffic and taking a quick nap, it was around 8 (I think, it's been so long) when I went into the mall. And then I realized it was Sunday. I think I thought that since this was the Mall of America it would be open later than most other malls on Sundays, around 9. But no, the stores close at 6, like any other mall on Sundays. And so I couldn't cash in the winning ticket. The choice of going to the mall was a big mistake.

So what the fuck do I do now? I would have to go from one end of the Twin Cities to the other in order to get to the gym, and by the time I got there I'd have less than an hour to work out, so that'd be a waste. But there was no reason to walk around the mall because nothing is open. So, despite the fact I had seconds at the post-game grub, I decided to indulge my urge of seeing beautiful women in tight clothing by dropping by Hooters and ordering a salad and beer. I was staring into a TV showing the New Orleans Saints beating the hell out of the Indianapolis Colts and wondering just what the hell am I doing here.

And I'm still fat.

During dinner last night, Grandmother took the pot of vegetable soup she makes for herself and, for some odd goddamn reason, put coffee creamer in it. She later added salt and, maybe, tried to act as if she meant to do that.

That's not necessarily what worries me about Grandmother. What worries me is that later during dinner she asked me if I had fixed the phones. Not only did I tell her fixed the phones about an hour earlier, she had asked me if I had fixed the phones already. Also, she asked me if she bought pork when we went to the grocery store yesterday afternoon. She had already asked me if she did earlier in the evening.

When Grandmother took out the pot of soup out to the dining table, My Fucking Father had a look of such outrageous and gross indignation on his face it would be funny if it weren't so sad.

I felt like I needed to simmer down the tension in the room and to help with Grandmother. After cleaning the table I walked her over to her room and made her take a nap with me.

My God, this is so painful.

And now, of all the fucking things that are going to shit in the household, the modem went to pot too. So I had to go without Internet last night and am only putting this post up today.

I finally know what I need to do to correctly install this new modem. Hopefully it'll work, and hopefully I'll write something meaningful late tonight or tomorrow during my hospital stay.

I Think My Grandmother Has Dementia

She was OK Saturday when I had things to do, and when I saw her while I was raking leaves yesterday afternoon she looked very sunny. I saw her getting dropped off, leaving a car with, I believe, her best friend, who was sick.

I had to leave to dump the leaves in the country compost pile, then get a haircut for an interview today and some lancets for her diabetes testing. As customary, Grandmother called me and asked if I was coming home to eat that night. I don't think we had that talk, so this wasn't a case of me telling her once and then needing to tell her again. I said I will, at about 5:30.

About 15 minutes later I hear my cell vibrate again. Oh no, did Grandmother forget? It was Grandmother alright, but this was a very different-sounding Grandmother, a mad and yelling one. Speaking in Chinese, I think she said something to the effect of, "You son-of-a-bitch, why did you leave when I was walking out the door?! I knew I saw you!"

"Grandmother?"

"I need you go to pick me up and get pork chops and vegetables. I saw you and now I don't see you?" And she hung up.

It's hard not to take it personal. I really wanted to drive back immediately and confront her. But this may be what they call "sundowning," where someone starts to behave erratically come nighttime. It's really shitty that this seems to be worsening the day Daylight Saving Time ended. Or, it's been there for some time and it took Sunday for it, in a way, come into the light.

In the end I decided to wait for the lancets. I wanted to go to the mall real quick, but with Grandmother being bratty I decided I did have to come back around 5:30. When I came into her room I asked her about the call. She did say she called -- the first one, about when I was coming home.

"No, the second one. You were yelling at me for not taking you to the grocery store."

She hesitated for a second. "Oh, that one? Oh, I did ask you if you could take me to the store."

"No, you were yelling at me. Why?"

"I wasn't yelling at you!" Grandmother said, and she then proceeded to defend herself with very animated body language -- waving her arms in a dismissive motion, asking accusatory questions ("Why would I do something like that?") and talking way beyond what my query required. It was as if she was trying to hide the fact that she realized she called the wrong person, or worse, called for no reason.

I need to see the best in her. I want to think that she just remembered and that, indeed, she was only asking me to take her to the grocery store. That's the problem with a second language; I don't always understand the words and the nuances, so I could be wrong. But I swear she was yelling at me for doing something I didn't do.

We left it there. But, as is her wont these days, she walked over to my room eight more times last night asking me different things. At least they weren't the same thing, but one time she said we needed to get pork chops and vegetables tomorrow, when I've told her repeatedly that's not necessary because my parents won't eat anything she buys anymore.

But it's back to reality. Eight times??? She didn't do that over the summer, let alone six months ago, let alone a year ago.

Another time she walked over and asked me where her money was. How in the fuck was I supposed to know? We go over to her bedroom and look all around her bed before she realized she had it in her pajama pants. That's when I showed her the pile of cleaned and dried laundry that I brought up from downstairs. One of her Walks To My Bedroom she wanted me to buy her underwear tomorrow because she thought she hung them out to dry in the deck and the wind just took it away. I showed her her undergarments and threw them on the bed, one by one. She just laughed: "I thought I took them outside!"

And one other time she didn't want anything from me; she wanted to relay a story from yesterday afternoon about her best friend forgetting something and also finding it in her purse or somewhere obvious. I had never seen Grandmother that jovial in a long time. Which is great ... or is a sign of mood swings.

Forgetting where to put the recycling bins ... asking me again and again if I'm coming home to eat or not ... all the walks back and forth to my bedroom ... buying food for the family that they haven't eaten in years ... forgetting to turn off the sink and toaster oven (Father said she's left two things to burn in there this weekend) ... I really wish it weren't so. And maybe it has something to do with her cholesterol, or maybe she's having a really slow stroke. Or, this is the beginning of something bad and painful.

I need to call the doctor and case manager. I hope I'm wrong about this, but at the very least I need to find out, and prepare for the worst.

I've Been Wearing Long Underwear With A Hole In The Ass This Whole Week

Maybe it's been two. I've haven't changed clothes in a while.

I don't know if I remember seeing it last winter, I could have. But I didn't remember when I pulled them on the first time this winter. I was just changing pants one day when I felt a huge draft behind me and "Whoa!" I knew what that meant.

I should have changed, but I haven't. I won't till after I take my shower tonight. Mostly it's because I'm just lazy and there's been too much shit in my life. But honestly, part of it is I like the feeling of it. If I ever see a stripper or a hot chick and somehow I undress in front of her, I could bend over and shockingly moon her. Once in a while these past seven days or two weeks I've imagined stripping in front of a girl and she sees the hole and she grabs my junk from behind. Or, even better, she pegs me up the ass -- and I don't even have to pull off my long underwear!!!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Stars (New!).

I know I will say something stupid, but I am obligated to talk, at least briefly, about yet another championship team in Minnesota, albeit, like the Lynx, a minor one. The Minnesota Stars won the North American Soccer League championship last Saturday by tying the Fort Lauderdale Strikers 0-0 in the second leg of their two-leg championship series. (The NASL is the second-highest level of soccer on the continent, just below Major League Soccer. Consider it the AAA of soccer, even though there are no affiliations.) The previous Saturday they crushed the Strikers at the National Sports Center in Blaine 3-1, thereby winning the title on aggregate, 3-1 (you see how it works?).

What an underdog story this is. They had to wait until the last day of the regular season to qualify for the playoffs as the sixth-team in an eight-team league. They then proceeded to ambush three teams on their way to the championship. I was at the first leg of their semifinal against the top seed and best team in the NASL, the Carolina Railhawks. They both played stout defense until, with about ten minutes left to go, a rainbow chip-in from about nine feet went just over the leaping fingertips of the Carolina Goalkeeper and just under the crossbar. It's that goal, followed by a scoreless tie in Carolina, that, I believe, turned them from scrappy Davids to true contenders.

This team is so small they didn't get a parade, even a small one like the Lynx. Instead, on Tuesday night, there was a victory party at Brit's Pub downtown. That's cute, and I mean that sincerely. OK, so you may not have enough of a following to use taxpayer money for security, but you then just find the biggest room to hold all your supporters. I kind of regret not going just to see the scene, but only diehard fans seemed to be at the party, and I didn't want to be seen as a bandwagon jumper in a place so small.

It's been a banner year for Minnesota sports when it comes to minor leagues. The Lynx won the WNBA, the Stars the NASL, and the St. Paul Saints were one win away from winning the American Association Championship. The teams people care about can't do shit, but the niche teams can!

So congratulations to NSC Minnesota Stars for winning the second soccer title in Minnesota history (the previous incarnation of this team, the Thunder, won the equivalent of the NASL title in 1999). You, just like the Lynx, have a three-year amnesty from the WMNSS. You never have been on the survey till now because there's a superior league over you, but it still applies.

---

#0: Wild (Last Week: -3). Could the answer be at Goalie all along? The Mild have had a 3-0 week for the first time in who knows how long: A home-and-home sweep of Detroit (whom they have already played three times ... and won all three) and a 5-1 dicksmack of Vancouver at the X on Thursday.

The man in net is Josh Harding, the backup to well-paid starter Nicklas Backstrom. Should there be a goalie controversy? The Star Tribune's Mike Russo says that it feels like Harding will play tonight's game at home against St. Louis, then Backstrom will come back in for their four-game road trip, which begins at Calgary on Tuesday and San Jose on Thursday. If there is a marked difference between how the team plays in those games, expect that story to top the local sports scene.

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). I am starting to be impressed. Finished a sweep of Alaska-Anchorage, then beat North Dakota 2-0 at Mariucci Friday night in what looked to be a typical shove-after-ever-whistle fight. They now stand 8-1 overall and remain undefeated in-conference. North Dakota lost a lot of players from their Frozen Four team last year, but this would be the kind of game a Gophers team from the past few seasons would lose. Could the swoon in the program be over? Finish with NoDak tonight, then at Wisconsin Friday.

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -6). Is Jerry Kill beginning to turn this team around? You can't say a lot about the loss to Nebraska, but they didn't get killed like I thought they would, and they did win the second half of that game 14-7.

But I really liked how they gutted out a 22-21 win over Iowa last Saturday at the Bank to keep Floyd of Rosedale for a second consecutive year. They were down 21-10 when Duane Bennett ran it in from a yard out for the score. After the two-point conversion failed, they caught Iowa napping and recovered an onside kick (I love how Kirk Ferentz's teams just swoon in the second halves of seasons. Is there any heat behind him for an NFL job now?). And with under three minutes to go, MarQueis Gray kept the ball and scampered in from three yards out to cap the come-from-behind win. On the highlights I saw, the Minnesota sideline was riled up with excitement, jumping and yelling with every great score and tackle. That's the kind of emotion that a coach can instill in this team.

That's why I give them, oh, a 2% chance of upsetting Michigan St. this afternoon. They won't win, but I think they can cover.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -5). I was scared of this game. I thought Cam Newton would be able to zone-read and raced through the ViQueens defense whenever he wanted. And he had a ... uh, a game, hitting 22 out of 35 passes for 290 yards and three touchdowns. He was the Carolina Panthers' leading rusher last Sunday (53 yards, the longest being 24). And he drove them down the field for a field goal that would have sent the game into overtime.

But a man older than Jan Stenurud, Olinda Mare, missed hooked it from 31 yards out to give the Vikes a 24-21 win, only their second of the season. They were lucky to win that game. Because that contrasts to the performance under pressure exhibited by the Gophers, I'm putting these guys below them.

How big of a difference is Christian Ponder? We don't feel like comebacks are impossible now -- even with Ponder only going 18-28-236-1. The Quarterback play had to come up to a level where there is at least a threat that we can score through the air. If Donovan McNabb was still under center, we lose this game.

This is a very talented team that's 2-6. Adrian Peterson is once again the NFL's best Running Back, going for 162 all-purpose yards and a touchdown both running and receiving. And Jared Allen registered another sack, keeping him on pace to take Michael Strahan's season sack record and giving him Defensive Player Of The Month Honors. He's a legitimate contender for Defensive Player Of The Year ... so long as the Vikings win a game now and then.

They're off this week.

#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -7). Last week I was scared for this team; this week I can't figure them out. While watching the USC-Colorado game last night at a bar, I went over and looked at part of the Gopher match against Penn St. The Nittany Lions, four-time defending champs and currently ranked sixth, were up two sets to zilcho on the Goofs, ranked 15th. I saw them survive to take the third set, then noticed while I was watching the Trojans that they took the fourth set too.

Well, that shows some heart there, I thought. So as the fifth and final set came to its conclusion I walk back over to the TV showing it. The set was last tied at 11. At 12-13, Tori Dixon jump-served long. Man, I hate it when volleyball teams piss away points with service errors. The Nittany Lions, at match point, then served up a perfect jump serve that a Goof had to lunge to get. The ball went over the net -- it's called an overpass -- and Katie Slay slammed it back on the Gopher side to win the set 15-12 and survive the match 3-2.

One very interesting stat: Penn St. outblocked the Goofs 17.5-0. Minnesota officially recorded no blocks in this match, and somehow they came back from two sets down to tie it. How? Digs (the U. had 83, Penn St. 68) and errors (five for Minnesota, 13 for Penn St.).

But they did go 1-1 this week. Last Saturday they beat third-ranked Illinois in straight sets in Champaign. The Illini are the highest-ranked team Minnesota has ever defeated. The long-serving Dixon had six block assists and four aces. How in the hell can a player rack up four aces? How in the fuck does a team that got swept at Northwestern turn around a sweep the third-best team in the country? A combination of that and this Penn St. match means that this team is still very talented but does not have their chemistry down pat, making a run to the Final Four, a tournament which this year has a regional at the Sports Pavilion, highly unlikely.

Because of the addition of Nebraska, the once-traditional schedule of Friday-Saturday games is no longer scripture. They continue a four-game homestand against Ohio St. tonight (the same time as the men's hockey game? Doesn't sound like a good idea. I had a friend who went to see the hockey game and then traveled down to our GameWatch, and it must've been hell to get out of Dinkytown), then host Michigan St. Sunday afternoon.

#-5: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). They beat the team that they could have lost to, and lost to the team they definitely should have beaten. I can't understand the Goofs' 2-1 loss at Bemidji St., one of those programs that scraped together money they found inbetween their couch cushions just so they could field a top-flight program, and from then on just hang on. But somehow they did, giving the U. their second loss of the season.

They rebounded very nicely last night, routing third-ranked UMD (Minnesota is ranked fourth) 4-1 at Ridder; Jen Schoullis scored twice on the power play. They finish their two-game series against the Bulldogs this afternoon (finally, some sense from the U.; apparently three games going on at the same time in such a concentrated area is madness, but two's just fine!), then they don't play until the 18th.

#-Infinity: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4). Their season is over after a needed miracle run through the Big Ten conference tournament fell short. They beat Wisconsin Wednesday 2-0, but were eliminated by Penn St. (they're ranked 10th or 11th, depending on which poll you look up) 3-1. They thus finish the season 9-10-2. Freshman Taylor Uhl scored her 15th goal of the year in the loss, the fourth-highest season total in program history.

I don't know what else to say about this.