Oh, Have I Told You About My Heart Beating Out Of My Chest?

I've felt my heart beat out of my chest for a large part of my life, but it's gotten a lot worse since I began my flu biller job.  It's not just a big beating heart; although I have felt pain on my left side (mostly my shoulder and chest) also for a long time, it has gotten more pronounced more often since Labor Day.  I just chalked it up to having to grow up and getting a steady job, even if it's only temporary.

But it's gotten worse, much worse.  Lately -- and I wish I knew when exactly it started, but maybe a couple weeks ago, or maybe earlier than that, specifically the time when my car really started to act up -- my heart has really started to pump out of my chest, I mean like really.  Maybe the stress over my car's myriad problems caused my arteries to really restrict, but I feel pain in my chest a lot nowadays.  What's worse, and more troubling, is that I feel this pain when I'm sleeping.  It's shocking to feel your heart beating so hard that you can't fall asleep because of it.  I don't know if it's stress or my work day or maybe even the nightmares I've been having, but I try to go to sleep and then I feel blood either getting shoved or trying to leave my heart.  It feels like it's ... malfunctioning.

It kind of bothers me at all parts of the day now.  Whenever I work or my down time, morning or night, it's there at times.  I thought that it was all just due to some pent-up energy, and the way to relax myself is to concentrate on something, like exercise or the task at hand.  It works for a bit, but then the pounding in my chest comes back.

I have other things wrong with me too, at least today.  I'm kind of feeling dizzy.  That's happened at times, but they've always passed.  I notice it today because it's happening along with the heart thing.  I hope it's just because I haven't eaten anything substantial, although once I got home from work late last (Monday) night I gorged on some crackers and grapefruit.  And just now, while writing her on my laptop, I'm seeing bright spots whenever I quickly look left-to-right and back again.

One other thing: I feel a bump around my asshole.  Is that another anal fistula forming right next to the seton that (at least supposedly) removed my old one?  The doctor said that fistulas are a sign of Crohn's Disease -- and another symptom of that is dizziness.

Or there could be a more straightforward illness.  When getting prepped for getting this seton up my butt, I did visit the doctor twice in the past eight months.  Of course they check your vitals, height, weight and blood pressure.  Each of the last two times, for the first time in my lifetime, my systolic number, the top number, was borderline.  It had been normal, even well below normal, for as long as I can remember.  But just as I began to have acute pain in my chest, the blood pressure seems to prove I'm not being a hypochondriac.

The nurse at the time asked me if I've ever been on blood pressure medicine.  I said no with an incredulous tone, as if I were offended that she thought I was in my fifties.  It may turn out that she was right.

Can't go to the doctor; too busy, and I don't think they keep evening hours.  So I deal.  Maybe the stress of my parents being at home will subside soon, and I can really relax during the weekends where all I need to do is stay in bed all day.  Could it be all the coffee I drink to stay alert at work?  Or, maybe unemployment is the best thing for me; if my heart's beating because I work, maybe no work means no heart beating out of my chest.  Then again, at that point I'll have the time to get my heart checked out, so maybe I'll both find out the diagnosis and "get" the treatment.