#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5). First of all, let me just say that with all of the losses and off-the-field signs I think are negative, I truly don't think the Twin Cities sports scene has had a shittier week than the one it suffered through the screening week of March 11-8. Things are so negative here I had a hard time putting the teams in an order.
I managed to do so, and at the top at least, the "winner" appeared to be clear. The U. softball team continues to chug along at an impressive, though no longer invulnerable, pace. In the nightcap (or daycap) of the Washington Tournament, the nine lost to the host Huskies once again. What's worse is that they got bludgeoned, 9-0, in a game mercy-ruled at the minimum of five innings. Washington will remain just ahead of Minnesota in the rankings. However, they won the other five games they played, including a road victory against a currently-ranked Cal squad in Berkeley, and three wins that ended in five innings, including a doubleheader sweep at Pacific Friday. In the win over the Bears, Pitcher Sara Groenewegen reached 1,000 Strikeouts in program history, the third player ever to do so. That is good enough to reach the top spot, even though the top spot has to be a -1.
They finally begin Big Ten play next week when they are at Nebraska next weekend for a three-game series.
#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1). Can a team actually have a good week in the survey when they went winless? In this case, yes. Despite Minnesota getting bounced/upset against Penn St. in the semifinals of the B1G Tournament (and in double Overtime at that) in the squad's only game this screening week, it appears as though they nonetheless will grab the final #1 seed for the NCAA Tournament. And after a year where they didn't make the tourney at all, and with the calls for Head Coach Don Lucia's head (which definitely will not subside much, if at all, after the Gophers snag that top seed), that is saying something worthwhile for this year's team.
How did that happen, the U. actually rising up despite losing? I can't really get into it, but the PairWise rankings, the rigid (and some say inaccurate) formula the NCAA uses to select the at-large teams and rank the eligible teams, had Western Michigan ahead of the Gophers heading into Tournament Weekend. But in the National Collegiate Hockey Conference Frozen Faceoff at Target Center, the Mustangs lost its semifinal to Minnesota-Duluth. The NCHC stands out amongst all conferences in that it also hosts a consolation match ... and Western Michigan lost that one too, to Denver. My guess is is that those two losses, especially the one in the third-place game, gave Western Michigan enough losses to give up the comparisons to enough of the other teams in top-flight men's college hockey that they came up short behind Minnesota (and in fact other teams -- they went from, like, fourth to seventh or something) after the conference tournament games were over. (I heard from a source that the Mustangs did not practice yesterday [Saturday] morning, the day of the consolation. Practice makes perfect, right?)
Now, getting a #1 seed is not a panacea. Hockey upsets occur all the time. Also, as the last #1, they will go where the NCAA dictates they go, so the possibility they head out east is distinct. Finally, it was announced on Monday that freshman Defenseman Ryan Lindgren will be gone the rest of the year because of a lower leg injury suffered in the regular season finale to Michigan St. It'll be up to Goalie Eric Schierhorn (named B1G Third Star Of The Week and conference Goaltender Of The Year), Jake Bischoff (named conference Defensive Player Of The Year), Justin Kloos (named First Team All-Big Ten) and Tyler Sheehy (named conference Player Of The Year and Hobey Baker finalist) to play up to seed.
#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4). A 2-3 week. Dropped the rubber match with Missouri St. at Das Bank v.2.0. Sunday, got drilled in the one-off at Cal 7-1, then got beat at Sacramento St., 7-1 before winning the final two games to take that series. Like the softball club, these guys begin conference play on the road, namely three with Ohio St. next weekend.
#-4: United (Re-Entry!). Two weeks ago I teased that United would be playing two games the following week. Since the home opener vs. Atlanta was eight days after the season opener against Portland, the side actually fell out of the WMNSS last week. My bad.
Was anyone else at Sunday's home opener at Das Bank? I was cold and I made the stupid mistake of wearing my boat shoes instead of my steel-toed Docs because I didn't want the hassle of security wondering why my feet were beeping. And then the fucking game started, and a snowy and wet afternoon turned into a ghastly sight on the pitch. My goddamn God, I didn't think a soccer defense could be so obviously exploited, but Atlanta United made it look like child's play. I really thought that, even though our team is mostly made out of players from warm-weather countries, the, uh, imprimatur of Minnesota cold would make MNUFC better equipped to handle the weather. Instead, Atlanta seemed more comfortable with Minnesota weather than the Minnesota squad, and that is downright fucking embarrassing.
I wanted to say that footy fans have been waiting for professional soccer for a long time, and that after Atlanta's 6-1 ass-kicking of United, those fans are still waiting. But you know what? The team finally earned its first point ever in MLS Saturday, a 2-all draw at Colorado. The main highlight taken from this is that MNUFC led for the first time ever in top-flight soccer by virtue of Christian "Superman" Ramirez tallying in the 58th ... followed by United once again fucking up on D and allowing the Rapids to tie it up scantly a minute later. They held onto the tie for dear life shortly thereafter when United stalwart Justin Davis was Red-carded. So yes, they pissed away a lead. But they didn't get their doors blown off. That's what I consider progress.
They visit New England Saturday.
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). This is where I start to talk about the off-the-field stuff that's bugging me. Minnesota held its girls' state high school basketball tournament this week. In conjunction with that, both local papers named their first teams. I checked both the Star Tribune and Pioneer Press for the lucky young women, in particular where they will go for college.
Guess what? Not one of the seniors in the first, second or third teams selected by either newspaper is going to Minnesota. Not one. That really should be embarrassing for Head Coach Marlene Stollings. The first thing you make sure of is that you get the best from your home yard, and right now, the Minnesota border is an open fence. Stollings might be able to make that up by recruiting the best from other places, but frankly, she ain't no Geno Auriemma. Why in the hell isn't she keeping home-state blue-chippers home? It's a very bad look especially considering that the team 15-16 overall, 5-11 in the Big Ten, and ain't even going to a shit tournament this year. Stollings has this young woman named Destiny Pitts coming in, but ... (shrug).
Is something good going to happen to this program, or are we still drinking the Kool-Aid from The Whalen/McCarville Era?
#-6: Vikings (Re-Entry!). Oh, and sinking ship that is the Vikings. Riley Reiff, Mike Remmers and Latavius Murray signing with the team will not make up the hemorrhaging of former players that quickly signed elsewhere. Adrian Peterson -- well, that's something I've anticipated for a long time. But Cordarrell Patterson, who had a breakout year for the Vikes this year and may have been the best receiver on the team, left for Oakland. And Matt Kalil, who the team had apparently settled upon to be the starting Left Tackle next season, decided to join his big brother Ryan in Carolina. We settled for the oft-injured, spiraling Matt Kalil, and he decides to spurn us. What a fucking comment on the state of the team.
Worst of all was Rhett Ellison (another Trojan) leaving for the Giants. On their way out, Ellison's father, Riki, blasted the ViQueens, noting that the players fleeing Winter Park is a sign of "toxic leadership" (he tweeted that and then deleted it) and went on longer in a somewhat-flowy (?) screed here. To which I say: I think Riki Ellison is onto something. All these former players leaving the team is a pattern, a bad one. I don't know if Vikings fans realize they are seeing such a different team next year. But it could be a terrible one. We shall see. But I shall anticipate with a hell of a lot of fear for the future of this organization.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). Monday's rout of Washington at Target was nice; Ricky Rubio, who has kicked his game up several noticeable notches, dished out a franchise record 19 assists in that game. But subsequent losses on the road to Boston and Miami have further shaved the already slim margin for error this team has in getting the final playoff spot in the Western Conference. They are now 4 1/2 games the Denver Nuggets for eighth, and they need to climb through Portland and Dallas to get there. Not impossible, but if you keep losing, it very soon will be. And this screening week is going to be a tough one: In New Orleans (who's only a half-game behind the Woofs) this (Sunday) evening, hosting San Antonio, then at the Lakers and the aforementioned Trail Blazers back-to-back.
#-8: Wild (Last Week: -6). OK, this is getting fucking serious. They lost every single goddamn game this screening week (at Chicago, at Washington, at Carolina [all two-goal defeats], then at home to the Rangers 3-2). They have slipped behind Chicago for the Central Division lead, and then some. They're not going to fall out of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and hockey is not a sport where building momentum is important. But -- seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this goddamn team?!?!?!
They visit Winnipeg this (Sunday) afternoon before some home cooking the rest of the week: San Jose, Philadelphia, and Vancouver.
#-Infinity (tied): Gopher wrestling, Gopher men's basketball, and Gopher women's hockey (respectively, Re-Entry!, -2, and Re-Entry!).
I know I need to say a lot about these three programs, but I'm tired. Plus, if I go off on these three, I might pop a blood vessel and really hurt myself, and I can't do that because I have shit to do. So let's just mow them down.
The Gopher PR site touted Minnesota returning to the Top 10 in the NCAA Championships. All well and good, except that they didn't win. In fact, they finished seventh, and it wasn't too long ago that a seventh-place finish would be well nigh unacceptable. Two Gopher grapplers did make it to the final match. But at 197, Brett Pfarr got dominated by Missouri's J'Den Cox, 8-2 (finishing the season undefeated), and at 125 Ethan Lizak got doubled up by Lehigh's Darian Cruz, a guy who Lizak grew up 20 minutes away from in the Lehigh Valley area in Pennsylvania. So no U. wrestler finished the year with a title. Also a fall from great heights. OK, so I am willing to give Head Coach Brandon Eggum a mulligan in his first year as actual Head Coach. But I remember when the U. went back-to-back at the beginning of the millennium, and it's those standards that the program has to get back to. I don't know if they're capable of doing that anymore.
As for the men's basketball team, well ... it appears as though Middle Tennessee St. was the first 12-seed to be favored over a 5-seed in a First Round game in Las Vegas sportsbooks since 1999. Everybody could smell the upset, so it wasn't really an upset -- and it wasn't, as the Blue Raiders held off the Gophers and bumped them out of The Big Dance as early as possible with an 81-72 humiliation Thursday in Milwaukee. The U. was the highest-rated seed to lose in the first round. That is embarrassing, although it might be even more embarrassing to have the majority people think you are going to lose and be proven right. This certainly is an improvement over last year; they transposed the "8" and the "24" so that the higher number was in the win column; no team this year had such a drastic turnaround. That earned Nate Mason a place in the All-B1G First Team and Richard Pitino Head Coach Of The Year. But now comes next year and the question of whether the program can build on this. Pitino has a talented class coming in next year, led by Isaiah Washington out of the Bronx. That would make Minnesota, according to some, a contender in the league next year. But I'm really afraid that Reggie Lynch and Amir Coffey will declare for the NBA. And if that's the case, then what? All the signs point higher, but it comes with the usual Minnesota level of pessimism.
And goddamn, the Gopher women's hockey team. They fail to three-peat, falling in the national semifinals to, gulp, Clarkson, 4-3 on Friday. These are the same fucking women who upset the Goofers in the 2014 title game when everyone thought Minnesota was going to win. And to think of it, if not for Clarkson's two wins over the U., this program would be playing this afternoon for a sixth consecutive national championship. I am really, really starting to hate Clarkson University. Those cunts. I really want Wisconsin to beat the living shit out of the Golden Knights. Yes, Wisconsin. No, you can't keep this up forever, although the UConn women's basketball team is making it look easy. Maybe this was a rebuilding year, or maybe the loss of too many players, most notably Dani Cameranesi, for large periods of time this season was finally too much to overcome. But fans have been accustomed to this program winning titles and not settling for anything short of that. They did this year. And like I always say, any season short of a championship is a failure. And that gets this club back onto tracking on the Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey for the first time since the 2015 season. Welcome back, and thank you for making this weekly list longer.
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