OK, starting from Tuesday, March 21:
- I lost my keys during or shortly after the family roadtrip to Niagara Falls. One of those keys I lost was the one to my storage unit. I needed to get into it with my parents gone, but I had to pay them to bust open the lock and give me a new one. I had the keys waiting for me when I got there after work to pay for it. I have a receipt for this, but this is one of those things where I will probably forget that I got a receipt, so I'm writing down the charge for this here: $30.
- That evening I went to Caffetto (instead of going to the movies, which I originally wanted to do) to ... well, to write this and to finish off my monthly expense list for the month of February. Large mocha, apple pie, tips: $9.
- On Monday the 20th I went to satisfy the second session of a Groupon I got to Wellspring, a combination physical therapy/massage spa. Wellspring is different in that it doesn't luxuriate in hour-long massage treatments. Instead their sessions last only half an hour, and they target problem hours the client (me) point out. As I requested, I was kneaded like dough from Kate. Her hands are strong; the first time I had her she massaged my right extensor muscle so hard I told her to stop because it hurt. I pride myself in not bending to a masseuse's strength, but she was ... uh, powerful. And professional too. So I felt really bad when I had absolutely no money to tip her the first time. I hope she wasn't pissed about that. She didn't act like it this time around, so I was able to just slip the receptionist the tip for this and the last session so she could give it to Kate: $25.
- That night I went to my third house party in the last five days. My God, I am a perverted, broke dumbass. I was looking forward to being taken into by *a***. But a half-hour after I got there (albeit late) she was dressed and leaving. I was very disappointed, but frankly, I was also relieved because that meant I didn't have to shell out all the money I had planned on spending, even though I knew I shouldn't have spent it. Nevertheless I eventually got four dances from the last three dancers there: *a***, *i***, and *a****, who charged me for two dances because I asked for lappers from her after she got dressed. Pfft. She'll be touching my pee-pee soon enough. With cover I still spent: $100.
- On Saturday, March 18 I went to the NCHC Frozen Faceoff Final, a game between Minnesota-Duluth and North Dakota that was more entertaining than important. Both schools were making the NCAA Tournament, but they nevertheless fought tooth and nail at each other, literally; there were, like, 21 total penalties for, like, 45 minutes or something. The Bulldogs won the conference tournament title late in regulation when the Fighting Hawks faced a 5-on-3. The way I ascertained the scalped ticket was interesting. I was just looking for one by myself, but then there was another guy, a NoDak fan, who was also solo. We teamed up to buy two tickets, which are easier for scalpers to sell. The guy wanted $45; we (at least I) wanted less. He then took out a quarter and offered me a deal: If the coin winds up tails-up, we pay $40 each; if heads, $30 apiece. The guy was willing to pay $40 straight-up, but he was OK with this. Luckily the coin wound up heads and we couldn't shell out the cash fast enough. Hey, all scalpers are hustlers, but at least this guy was honest about losing a coin toss. By the way, once we got into Target Center, I never saw that guy again. I did get to my seat late, so I am worried that he was there at the start, didn't see me, and just bolted for a better spot. Seemed like a nice guy. With program, hot dog and Coke: $46.50.
- I went to my club's football game-watching bar up the street because my alma mater's basketball team somehow made it to the second round of the NCAA Tournament and the alumni association wanted the satellite clubs to host parties. Needed to talk to the manager to make sure it was OK, and I chugged down a Coors Light to preserve good relations. Slammed that down in, like, 15 minutes. Am I building up tolerance? With tip the beer, for late-night Happy Hour, came out to: $4.
- Went to Glam Doll afterward. There is a guy there that seems to work late nights. He likes me. I don't know in what way, but he likes me. I usually get a Night Moves and pourover cup of coffee, and a bit after I get a second donut. This guy has often given me that donut for free, and in return I tip a dollar as a thank-you. It got kind of stranger this time around because on this visit he didn't have any beans for my coffee. I got a hot chocolate instead, but because of this "inconvenience," he didn't charge me for that drink or either of the two donuts I asked for. I tipped a buck for each of the three items. I hope he's cognizant that I'm not gay. Total is the cheapest trip I have ever made to Glam Doll Donuts: $3.
- On Thursday the 16th I went to a party in St. Paul. Beforehand I had been texting back-and-forth with a *a*****. I agreed to give her $150 for services at this party, but when I went there she mumbled that she doesn't just put out during a VIP. I felt seriously burned at first. But then we started talking about things, and I began to like the conversation. That conversation eventually turned to shaving my pubes, and that's when she took out my penis and started grabbing it. It wasn't a handjob per se, but I didn't care because at least she was touching it. In fact she was complimenting my male sex organ, in particular saying that my "girth is good." I don't quite believe it, but even if she wasn't stroking my dick to completion, she was stroking my ego, and so I don't feel all that bad that I gave her so much money. With one dance from host *****a, cover and tips because *****a is a money-grubbing parasite, the total is: $187.
- Wednesday, March 15: I went to a party that evening. Lord knows I wouldn't have gone if my parents were in town. But this was being hosted by a guy whose phone list I am on. He has invited me to three parties up to this point, and each time I turned him down. I felt bad, so I finally agreed to go. Thank Buddha I did -- even though I knew none of the three strippers working this party (I thought I knew one but it was a different dancer dancing under the same name), the girl I got, ******e, was very good to go, if you know what I mean. And afterward, I realized that I may have seen her before after all. I hope to see her again; she herself is hosting a party soon, but she lives too far away from me to make that feasible. Hope I see him at this guy's party again. That was the only dance I got, and needed. With cover: $130.
- To Tuesday the 14th, where I went to the library to print out a tournament bracket and final pre-tournament Kenpom ratings: 30 cents.
- Went to see Logan that evening. Had heard that everybody involved took a pay cut in order to make the movie the way they wanted without interference. I was surprised at how little CGI there was in an X-Men flick. This was a road movie -- one that shows an old, mortal Wolverine, something I'm not used to and still am not used to. Yeah, I guess I wish the movie was better, but I appreciate it being different, quieter. Got free popcorn for this from watching a film last week, so the cost of the ticket and pop comes out to only: $7.50.
- Sunday the 12th was the date of the first-ever home match for Minnesota United, a date which will go down in infamy for 1) the snowy and blustery conditions and 2) the 6-1 ass-kicking Atlanta United laid on them. I decided to wait out the crowd and cooled my already cool heels at Espresso Royale. Got a large mocha because I was cold, but dammit I forgot the price, so I'm going to guess that with tip I paid: $5.25.
- Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) afterwards. Got two dances, one from Sammi, who I do know, and one from a Jasmine, who I did not know but talked enough good game for me to get a lapper from her. Jasmine ignored me as soon as our LD was down, though; goddamn user. With coffee and tips and I don't know if I've ever spent so much there before: $51.75.
- Saturday, March 11: Had my alumni club's annual volunteering effort. It asks for donations, and I donated: $5.
- I used the light rail to get to St. Paul ...: $3.50.
- ... in order to watch the Boys' State High School Hockey Championship, Class AA, won by Grand Rapids over fellow northern school Moorhead. Scalped ticket, program, and a Maui Wowi, the first time I ever got a smoothie (an pina colada) one from them: $39.
- On Friday the 10th I finally saw a Golden Gopher baseball game at U.S. Bank Stadium. They were there for a multi-game homestand, and I caught them on their final Friday, a victory over Missouri St. Ticket was free with my very old student card; hot dog and beer (which isn't served on campus) totals: $15.
- Went to Glam Doll afterward. As usual nowadays my second doughnut was free, so I give a buck in gratitude: $9.27.
- On Tuesday, March 7 I saw Hacksaw Ridge, the movie that got me my free popcorn ticket for Logan. Andrew Garfield seems to be a nice guy, and Mel Gibson is a competent director. Totally awesome true story, too, about the first conscientious objector (he would not pick up a gun to fight the Japanese in WWII) to win the Medal of Honor. But it is a war movie, and geez, Gibson laid on the splattering blood and the flaying body parts a lot. A lot. Ticket, popcorn, pop totals: $9.64.
- Sunday the 5th -- Caffetto for a small coffee and apple pie. With tip and I spent: $6.25.
- (Note: This was the time I went to Hong Kong. I used Hong Kong currency, obviously, and even though it is my money, I decided that figuring out the exchange rate is too rigorous for me to bother with. I also know that I spent some money at LAX when I laid over in Los Angeles, and I feel bad I'm just going to skip over that too, but in the end, it's just too much. So that explains this hole.)
- With that said -- to go back to Thursday, February 23 ... I needed to print my China Eastern boarding pass out at the library: 10 cents.
- At the coin machine connected to the printer, however, I saw a quarter. Someone just dropped it and didn't notice it. I did. I actually made money on a printout. An Infusion of: 25 cents.
- Back to the 22nd, where I used the light rail for an interview into downtown. Was lucky to get a parking spot at Cedar-Riverside, aka the place where all the Somali refugees now live. The stop is close by, and in three stops I was at where I was supposed to be. Moreover, I was able to get my shoes shined, get money, buy a donut, do the interview and get Hong Kong money within the 2 1/2-hour window for one fare: $1.75.
- Lisa, the shoe shiner, just so happened to have her birthday on this day. Shining shoes usually costs eight bucks; I usually give her $15 total, but on this day I gave her double the normal price: $16.
- Said donut, Bogart's in the IDS kiosk. Plus tip: $2.75.
- On Tuesday, February 21, with the help of an abbreviated U. research experiment because a machine wasn't working, I got to the theater and, even though I probably missed the first reel, I finally took in Moonlight. I will say that my heart wasn't as rendered as I had hoped. But the critics were right that this is a coming-of-age story of a person who fits into categories we rarely see on film. Of the triptych, I sympathize most with Chiron, the bullied teenager. Wonderful story, and I think that in these politically-charged times, it should win the Oscar for Best Picture. Ticket, popcorn and pop: $9.64.
- To Sunday the 19th, where I went to Caffetto for a medium hot chocolate. Computer wasn't working then, I don't think. Plus tip: $4.
- On Saturday the 18th I went to Hooters for lunch. I still don't have a 2017 calendar, and I thought about getting one here, because I think three of the waitresses posed for a locally-focused one. If you buy, those models sign the calendar. Well, I know two of them, and once I decided I wanted to buy a calendar, I have had to wait until both of them were working at the same time. It's been about three weeks, and I haven't seen them together yet. I told one of them my plight, and she, uh, just shrugged. Hey, maybe I won't buy a Hooters calendar after all. But I did get an Angry Orchard and Lots-A-Tots. With tip it came out to: $17.
- Saw my co-worker/friend's play that evening. Snuck out of the house that night to do it. My goodness, he is so good. Oh yeah, this was at my parents' former theater. I have some thoughts on that, and I might share them later. But the price of the ticket, which I got through my very old student ID: $20.
- Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) afterward. I think this was the first time I saw *e***** since she kind of weaseled out on me from some one-on-one time. I think we're back on track, but I need to make sure I talk her down on price if we ever actually go through with this. With tips and coffee: $31.75.
- And I finished off the night with an uncommon trip to My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place, just for a salad and soup. With tip: $7.50.
- On Friday, February 17 I took advantage of my half days at work by visiting *a***, a wild Moroccan cat who eats me out for cheap. I wanted to show up at the front door with my pee-pee out, but I was afraid that someone would see me. Well, it was one step worse; the car driving right ahead of me (or was it behind me?) drove up right to the driveway. When I knocked on the door, *a*** told me he is renting out one of her rooms. Just my luck. At least he left quickly after he got there, so we had our two hours alone. Actually, once she got done with me, I took a nap on her bed. I wish we could have cuddled together, but the fact that she let me stay there for two, 2 1/2 hours without charging me extra makes her one cool chick who sucks dick real good. Wish she lived closer. Total for sexual service rendered: $120.
- Almost forgot ... I live a double life. I had scheduled *a*** this day because that evening I would be in that part of time for ... uh, this club I just joined. In addition to meet-ups the first Friday of every month, there is a dinner the third Friday of every month. This was the first time I had this, er, feast, and I wouldn't have been able to do that unless I stuck around the area there. Ironically, though, because of Lent, the club is moving its feast to my part of town for this month. I will be able to partake in this one (possibly my last one) because it's just ten minutes away from me. Dinner cost me: $21.
- Finished up the night going down to the new Glam Doll. Night Moves, pourover, free donut, tip: $9.27.
- Thursday the 16th ... I went to Chatime in Dinkytown only because I was there the 7th and I forgot to write down how much my pourover was. Glad I remembered to note it this time. Plus tip, the coffee came out to: $3.50.
- On Wednesday, February 15 I found a quarter somewhere, I forgot. An Infusion of: 25 cents.
- To Tuesday the 14th, aka Valentine's Day, where I celebrated by watching Hidden Figures in the afternoon by myself. Good movie, but one of those feel-good Oscar bait films that touches on all the right topics of rising above adversity and all that. Ticket, popcorn, pop: $9.64.
- I then went to the library to print out my free admission to the pilot of the HBO miniseries Big Little Lies that was happening that Thursday. BLL was good too, although after hearing how the book upon which the TV series is based, I would have liked to see the end. Cost: 10 cents.
- Monday the 13th -- used the light rail because I wanted to spend time watching Monday afternoon English Premiere League soccer in downtown Minneapolis. Wanted to get my shoes shined then too, but the shoe shine lady was on vacation. At least I got to the Local in time to watch the kickoff; otherwise I wouldn't have. Total cost for the round trip, plus a dime extra that got fucking wedged in the machine: $4.10.
- On Sunday the 12th I had Caribou ... got a deal for coffee because I bought a sandwich. With tip the total was: $5.50.
- That evening I went to an event by the same club. Well, sort of. This is only for people born within a certain age, namely Generation Y. And that's funny to me, because all my life I thought I was part of Generation X. But for this club at least I'm Y. That's alright. We went to this indoor mini-golf/amusement part area which serves alcohol called Can Can Wonderland in St. Paul. I think the place got seed money through the city, so I hope it makes it. I charged a lot of my time there, but I paid cash for the mini-golf, the food, and tips: $35.76.
- I believe I didn't have any EWRs back through until (is that phrase correct?) Tuesday, February 7, where I finally saw La La Land, the presumptive pick for Best Picture at the Oscars before the foul-up. (I saw the very tail end of it in Hong Kong; I woke up and realized the Academy Awards were live during that time. I turned on the TV to see a bunch of people causing a commotion, something that doesn't happen in what was supposed to be the very end of the ceremony. That's when I caught wind that La La Land was incorrectly named Best Picture when it actually was Moonlight. Shortly after I knew for sure what had happened, Jimmy Kimmel ended the show.) It was a very good movie; in particular, the ending dream sequence, where Ryan Gosling thought what might have been, was particularly powerful. But ... well, shit, the Trump victory has put me in a permanently sour mood. The times have made me hunger for something more substantial. If Hillary Clinton were in the White House now, maybe I would feel a lot better about this movie. Ticket, popcorn and pop: $9.64.
- Like I said, I had pourover coffee from Chatime this day at the U. I think I threw in a buck tip this time, however, so the total for this visit actually was: $3.69.
- That evening I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition). I got my regular coffee. I spent a lot of money there. I tipped and I got a dance from sexy *a***. And then I bought drinks for two hot strippers there: A Toni, who was finishing up her shift, and *******a, who was just starting and seemed so strung out from the day that I thought she needed something. All told the total damage came out to: $41.
- Somewhere around this day I found a dime. Infusion of: 10 cents.
- Saturday, February 4 -- How did I wind up at T-Rex Cookies? Oh ... that place (formerly occupied by Cupcake) was one of several bakeries in the area pledging to donate a percentage of their sales that weekend to Planned Parenthood ... or another organization under attack by Republicans. In solidarity with that fight, T-Rex had this special sandwich called the Donald Trump. It was white bread, American cheese and bologna with salty chips and a small pickle. The sign trumpeting this said it wasn't meant to be mean-spirited, but Christ, of course it was! I would have gotten that if I had seen it before I got one of their huge cookies and a coffee. Still good, though. With tip: $7.46.
- I then went to the library to print out a pass to use Metro Transit that night for Crashed Ice. (I forget the official name of the sport, if you could call it that.) Total: 10 cents.
- So I went to St. Paul for said Crashed Ice. Went once before. Forgot how packed it is, and forgot that even though the ramp is high up above the crowd, it's really hard to see the skaters without aid from the huge TVs dotting the course. There were food trucks around the area. I finally tried a place that has a mortar spot in Nordeast, New Bohemia, for its Surly Brat. Big, juicy good; just wished it were small enough so that it's toppings didn't fall off the top of the dog. With tip: $9.
- Afterwards went to the new Glam Doll. I eschewed their doughnuts for a sandwich called an Old School. And unlike the original GD, this place can serve alcohol, so I bought a can of Global Warmer, whose brewery I have forgotten. With tip it came out to an expensive: $17.35.
- Let's take it back to Friday the 3rd, where the health insurance place treated me out to Khan's Mongolian Barbecue. It was supposed to a fete just for me and my fellow temp co-worker, both of who was working our last day. Except that it wasn't; I got extended, albeit part-time, for what turned out to be an extra three weeks, just in case. Furthermore, my friend, of which it was still his last day, didn't even show up. So the day before was his last day, and he missed out on Mongolian barbecue. It had been a long time since I ate it. It's tasty. But I didn't realize that that meats are frozen and then they just fry the hell out of it. I guess it's the sauce that makes it tasty. Tips only, as per custom: $2.
- On Thursday, also known as Groundhog's Day, I went to the library to print out ... I don't remember. Could be Mother's stuff, could be mine. Total: 60 cents.
- Jesus H. Christ, it's been a long time since I did this EWR. Going back to Sunday, fucking January the goddamn 29th, where I went to Caffetto for some hot chocolate in the morning. With tip: $3.
- That late afternoon I, for the second straight year, headed to the U.S. Pond Hockey Championships. It's less than a decade old, yet it seems to have entered the local consciousness and become a bucket-list item for sports fans around the world. Not too shabby. I saw the Open Final, where the same team, Wright Homes, a ... real estate company or something ... won a second straight time. I think they play dirty. I don't like Wright Homes, and if I ever muster enough money to buy a house, I sure as hell am not going to patronize these Wright Homes ringer fuckers. Labatt Blue was sponsoring the championships, so I got a can of Labatt Light. Add to it chicken wild rice soup to warm up from standing outside on a frozen lake and tip, and I spent: $11.
- Saturday the 28th ... I used the light rail (round trip) ...: $3.50.
- ... to go see the final final North Star College Cup. It pitted the five Minnesota teams (the U. was always in it; Minnesota-Duluth, St. Cloud St., Bemidji St. and Minnesota State-Mankato rotated out) playing over two days. It's a great concept; after all, this is The State Of Hockey. But from the crowds this night and the night I went in its first year, it didn't quite catch on with the local populace. Plus this fell right in the middle of conference season, and I think all five schools agreed that that weekend could have been better spent scheduling in-conference. I stuck after the Bulldogs won the last cup; officials were so hellbent on wiping away the memory of this ill-fated tournament that they started ripping down the adhesive board ads within, oh, 15 minutes of the end of the trophy ceremony. Too bad; I hope they find a use for the North Star College Cup. Scalped ticket, program, mini-donuts [first time I ever bought those at a sporting event], a Goose Island Green Line [is that named for our Green Line?] and tip equaled: $40.50.
- And then I finished off my night at the original Glam Doll. My second donut was free; as is my custom I give him a dollar for it. So, with all tips the total was: $9.27.
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