Positive Numbers: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). I don't know if the Woofie Dogs have turned a corner, but let us praise this downtrodden squad at least for this week, as they turned in a 3-0 screening week and have their first four-game winning streak since 2012. I'm not sure what exactly has happened, although Jimmy Butler was injured last week. Also, I think Karl-Anthony Towns dropped 31 and 10 in a 112-99 beatdown of Dallas last (Saturday) night, so we don't have to worry about him, I don't think.
The Timberwolves, who currently sit third in the Western Conference, have a, uh, spacious screening week coming up. They host Charlotte Sunday, visit Golden State Wednesday, and hit Phoenix Saturday. Three games, two days apart, although the Hornets game comes the night after they beat the Mavericks.
#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). Swept two overmatched clubs, Maryland and Ohio St., at home this weekend. That's 11 in a row now for the fifth-ranked Golden Gophers. Cannot complain, really; these players are so good that I'm scared that it feels as though a loss is coming, you know? They now head out for the last four road games of their season; they go to the Indiana schools this weekend.
#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1). Like the volleyball team (and in a very busy sports weekend in Dinkytown), the Gopher male icers had two easy wins at home. But, seeing that this is college hockey, both victories were against the same weak team, this being Michigan St. 3-1 Friday, 4-0 Saturday, the latter of which was Goaltender Eric Schierhorn's 50th win while wearing the "M." This walkover should keep this squad in the USCHO.com Top 5. But this weekend will bring a test: Two at Michigan, which, like the Spartans, have a new Head Coach (Mel Pearson, who replaced the legendary Red Berenson).
#-2: Vikings (Last Week: Positive Numbers). At press time of last week's WMNSS, the ViQueens were trailing the winless Cleveland Browns, and at Halftime, they trailed, 13-12. But, like with most wins from this club, they very slowly turned things around and outscored the hapless Brownies, 21-3, to win their game at Twickenham, 33-16. So they go into the break 6-2 and as put-together as anyone in the NFC North to take the division. That would be an admirable goal to reach.
So now, let's talk about this stupid Quarterback quandary, which, if the organization doesn't handle this correctly, will sink the Vikes and torpedo the season. So Teddy Bridgewater is finally cleared to practice with the team after a freak non-contact incident last training camp that could have ended with him getting his leg amputated (and I still cannot fathom how an injury so benign could have such severe possibilities). It is not clear if his legs are any better than those of Sam Bradford, who was walking on spaghetti strings when he (and the team) were finally taken out of their misery when Bradford was pulled. Meanwhile, journeyman QB Case Keenum (who, I forget, owned one or more NCAA passing records when he left the University of Houston) has led/game-managed this team to four straight wins. And despite not knowing which of Bradford or Bridgewater will be backup Quarterback when they come back from their bye week this week, there is a lot of chatter that the club will -- and should -- name Teddy Bridgewater starter.
This is fucking insane. While he isn't Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady, Keenum is playing well enough to push this offense down the field. Most important, Keenum is the only one of the three who is demonstrably healthy, for now. To replace an uninjured and successful Keenum for Teddy, who has not had his game (let alone his legs) tested in actual game action in 1 1/2 years, when the Vikings are primed for a division title and basically have a good thing going, is bullshit. I don't see what they see in practice, but I and fans see what Keenum has done in games -- you know, the situations that should matter most of all. And to ruin a good thing because ... what, you guys like Bridgewater? You're hellbent on figuring out if you want to extend Bridgewater? You need to know right now which of the three QBs you will cut loose in the offseason (and all apologies to Kyle Sloter, who is done with the Vikings as soon as Bridgewater is activated)? You want to fuck around with a 6-2 season because you need to experiment? That is goddamn insane. Shit, right now, Case Keenum should be the Vikings' starting QB next year. But some people believe that this franchise should ignore actual data and put into place this perfect image they have in the heads of some front office people -- and potentially send the 2017 season into a tailspin just as dramatic as the 2016 season. Unbelievable.
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6). Yes, they routed the Mavs in Mankota over the weekend by a combined 11-3 tally. But last Sunday, they lost, 2-1 in Overtime, to Wisconsin, completing a Badgers sweep. It's early, but a pecking order is calcifying in top-flight women's hockey, and the U. isn't on top of it. I mean, they're sixth in the USCHO.com Top 10? Are you fucking kidding me?? I hope these folks drill Mercyhurst in Erie, Pa., this weekend.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -3). A 1-2 screening week. Didn't notice this until this week: The Mild sit dead last in the Central Division. A massive retooling to go alongside with a massive veteran core, and (albeit in the most competitive NHL division this past decade) Minnesota is last? I understand it's only a month, but I don't know if they're going to turn this around. And this doesn't go just to Matt Dumba, who Bruce Boudreau proclaimed was in his doghouse after a dumbfuck mistake led to The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers' game-winning Goal at the X Tuesday. (That's why they call him DUMBa, amirite?) I appreciate that Dumba collected two Assists as the Wild doubled up Montreal Thursday, 6-3, but with Saturday's 2-0 defeat to Chicago, the squad finished their homestand at 3-3. Thus, dead last in the division.
This week they strike out to the Eastern Conference on the road: Boston Monday, Toronto and Montreal in a Wednesday-Thursday back-to-back, and Philadelphia Saturday. I can totally see this season going pear-shaped on this road trip.
#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -5). OK, so the Little Brown Jug ain't coming home, either. Michigan took out all their frustrations on the Golden Goofers after the start of the contest was delayed about an hour due to lightning. (The same weather delay paused Michigan St.'s upset of Penn St., also being played in Michigan, for more than three hours.) The two stats that show how dominant the Wolverines were: Michigan had 371 yards rushing; Minnesota had 164 yards total. Yikes.
But now for some good news! These guys sit at 4-5, but it's likely that this club needs only one more win to be bowl-eligible. How can a team that finishes 5-7 go to a bowl game? Well, first of all, there are 40 bowls, which is goddamn ridiculous (bowls as a concept as well as having 40 of them). There likely won't be enough teams that finish .500 (6-6), the ordinary criterion for bowl eligibility to fill 80 slots. So the NCAA has dictated that you go down to 5-7 teams with the highest APR scores to fill those slots, if necessary. APR is the Academic Progress Report, basically making sure that the student-athletes are actually students. Well, guess which team's players are studying good? That's right! And that's why, in the viable chance a shit bowl needs an opponent, Minnesota will be one of the first. 'Murica!
That means that instead of trying to win their next two games, aka the only two games they can win this year, like I thought last week, it looks as though they need to win only more game -- and the easier of the two opponents in the next two weeks is fallen giant Nebraska, featuring Mike Riley, a Head Coach that probably will be canned after the year is over. And they get the Cornhuskers at home -- bonus! Wow, can you feel the anticipation?! CAN YOU?!?!?!
#-6: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0). Well, shit, being upset by Wisconsin at Robbie last Sunday was unexpected, let alone the worst thing they could do for their NCAA Tournament hopes. I also wonder if the way they lost, 2-0, will be seen by the Selection Committee as yet another silly defeat that signaled bad late-season form (they lost three of their last five matches). Chris Henderson of women's soccer blog All White Kit still believes the Goofers are in the tourney, albeit as the third-to-last XI in, but, aaaaahhhhhh, I don't know. We'll see when the 64-team field is announced tomorrow (Monday).
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