Case Keenum has to be starting Quarterback until he gets hurt, and I don't care how many Teddy Bridgewater lovers are out there. Meanwhile, I hadn't realized until the games against Detroit and The Bastard Cleveland-by-way-of-St. Louis Rams that the defense is really good, especially when it comes to stopping the run. A lot of that has to do to health; the D is uninjured -- so's the offensive line, come to think of it -- and health is one of the main reasons these guys are so good right now. Don't want to worry about when their luck will turn, but for right now, this is a damn good team.
And now they have a week-and-a-half to survive the middle of their three-game roadtrip (seriously, the NFL has to stop schedule three road games in a row for teams) against Atlanta.
#0: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: 0). Have no idea how good this team is supposed to be. But they remain undefeated (6-0) after beating Xavier by a dozen at Williams Wednesday, then defeating Wake Forest also by a dozen at the Lady Rebel Round-Up in Las Vegas yesterday (Saturday). In the win over the Demon Deacons, Carlie Wagner moved into third place all-time in U. women's b-ball history for threes, although I highly doubt she'll catch up to Rachel Banham; she's 136 behind her. The squad plays Nevada-Las Vegas this (Sunday) afternoon for the tournament title, then visit Chapel Hill, N.C. to play North Carolina Wednesday afternoon as, maybe, part of the B1G/ACC Challenge.
#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). Have no idea how good this team is supposed to be, either, but hey, going undefeated in a screening week is a definite plus in this week's survey, even if you play only one game and the opponent is a pushover. You take 3-1 at Lindenwood, every time. They go for the sweep this (Sunday) afternoon, then come home to Ridder Arena to host Bemidji St. in a Friday-Saturday series.
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: 0). OK, so this club beat Alabama A&M and Massachusetts and Alabama, the latter two on their way to the Barclays Center Classic title. But they're down here because of the wildest happenings and visuals you may ever see from a college basketball game ever.
So midway through the Second Half, tensions boiled over in yesterday's (Saturday's) game against the Crimson Tide. The Gophers' Dupree McBrayer and Alabama's Dazon Ingram got into it. Apparently, the entire Tide bench got up off the bench and onto the court. That is illegal. And so the referees threw out the entire Alabama bench, five players, for stepping onto the court.
That means that the Crimson Tide were down to the five players that were on the court at the time of the mass ejection. And it got worse. Ingram fouled out shortly thereafter. So Alabama was playing with just four players. And it got even worse. John Petty rolled his ankle and did not come back into the game. So Alabama played the rest of the game with just three players. I mean, just look at this:
Alabama is playing Minnesota with THREE players! #minnvsbama pic.twitter.com/100xAeRpFq— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) November 25, 2017
OK, so why are the Gophers, who won a tournament title, this low in the survey? Because the Alabama Crimson Tide actually fucking outscored Minnesota 30-22 while playing two men down for the last 10:21 of the game. They actually got the lead the Goofers built up playing 5v5 down to three points with 92 seconds left before the U. made some free throws and finally outlasted the Crimson Tide trio, 89-84. Now, I guess I can imagine the team seeing Petty getting helped off the court and initially thinking, "Fuck yeah, it's 5-on-3, let's beat the shit out of them!" And then they went, "Uh, they're just defending the rim ... what the fuck do we do?" Also, mad props to Freshman Guard Collin Sexton, who dropped 40 on Minnesota and singlehandedly kept 'Bama in the game. But for shit's sake, if you can't just destroy a team playing 5-on-3 and actually have to fucking hang on to beat them instead, well, that's just goddamn unacceptable, you know? I mean, seriously!
It snuck up on me, but one of the three U. tickets I bought way back at the State Fair was for the men's basketball team's B1G/ACC Challenge game, which comes up this Wednesday night. And it's a deceptively good one; the Gophers, currently ranked 14th, host 11th-ranked Miami. The Golden Goofs are still undefeated, but if they play the way they played with two more guys vs. Alabama, this intriguing matchup won't be much of a matchup.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4). ARRRGH!!! part one. After a 2-2 screening week which consisted of an Overtime loss at home to New Jersey, a close win at putrid Buffalo, a Shootout victory at the X over Colorado and blowout 6-3 loss to St. Louis where the Blues scored thrice in the Third Period, they remain mired near the bottom of the Central Division while the Blues, Winnipeg and Nashville start to put points ahead of the Mild. I don't know what the hell could be the problem besides the trading of Marco Scandella and the absence of Zach Parise, but I don't think they have it this year. And if they don't make the playoffs, there should be some soul searching within the organization. This week: At sad Bastard Atlanta Thrashers, the first-ever meeting with the expansion club (and surprise hit of the early year) Vegas Golden Knights (no "Las," apparently), then another meeting with St. Louis, this time in St. Paul.
#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). ARRRGH!!! part two. With all the talent laden on this squad, it's maddening to see them lose by double digits to Charlotte and Miami (the latter at home, for crissake), and just squeak by a rebuilding Orlando team at Target. I don't really buy into "time to gel," not with so many good players, both young and old, on the team. The Woofie Dogs have gone through a huge makeover and yet it feels like the underachieving, mediocre Wolves teams of old. It doesn't matter that these guys are tied for fifth in the Western Conference right now -- this shit has to stop, especially considering they're finishing up a four-game homestand with contests with awful Phoenix and so-so Washington to start their busy week and visiting New Orleans and Oklahoma City to finish it.
#-5: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5). So I didn't pay $40 to a scalper for a ticket to see Penn St. like I did last year. No, I went onto Stubhub and paid $43.05 to see Penn St., ranked tops in the AVCA, this year. And unlike last year, they lost, and emphatically, in four embarrassing Sets last (Saturday) night. So first, let me say that that was the worst $43.05 I ever spent, and if such a game arises next year, I'm pretty sure the humiliation I feel over shelling out so much money for a loss this disconsolate will weigh on my mind.
Yesterday (Saturday), thinking about the game, I took a closer look at the AVCA Top 25. After their slip-up to Illinois, they dropped to eighth, which I thought was understandable. But then it dawned on me: Wouldn't they want to be ranked in the top four as a sure sign they would be one of the top four seeds for the NCAA Tournament? That way they would assure themselves (assuming they win out) that they would host the first four rounds of the tourney. I kind of took it for granted that even with the slip-ups to Illinois and Purdue and Michigan St., the fact that they're in the toughest conference in College Volleyball Nation will tilt the RPI and other metrics in their favor.
But then I checked the RPI; Minnesota's not in the top four there, either. Oh, shit. That's when I convinced myself that if they beat the Nittany Lions at home, that would totally catapult the club into the Top 4, which I means I could go to Maturi Pavilion and see them cruise to their third straight Final Four. But that went out the door with the loss. So not only will they have to hit the road the second weekend, they might not even get the eight-seed. It's possible they could line up against Penn St. in the regional final in State College. Man, for someone who had this idea that they would be ready to go all the way and finally win their first NCAA title, it's not fun to finally realize that this team isn't as good as I thought it was.
The bracket is announced tonight (Sunday night) at 8. They are assured of playing first- and second-round games at Maturi next weekend.
#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). Shit results like this weekend is the reason why there are more and more people who think Don Lucia has to move on. In their first-ever meeting as conference mates, these Golden Goofers got swept at Notre Dame by scores of 1-0 and 5-2. Worst of all, one tweeter believed that the team quit playing in the third period of last (Saturday) night's ass-kicking. If that's the case, there's no hope for this year and this program. Can they get it back up for their Border Battle against Wisconsin next weekend at 3M?
#-Infinity: Gopher football (Last Week: -7). It was a particularly Black Saturday for local sports, especially for the U., especially for U. teams at home. Beyond the humbling by the v-ball squad, the football team ended its terrible first year under P.J. Fleck by getting steamrolled like a cuck at TCF Bank by Wisconsin yesterday (Saturday), 31-0, losing Paul Bunyan's Axe for the 14th consecutive year. They finished the season with back-to-back shutouts, the first time that's happened in Lord Knows When. They generated 46 total yards at Halftime. Gah. And I forgot this little nugget: Because of their current 14-game winning streak, the Wisconsin Badgers now lead the all-time series versus Minnesota for the first ever, at 60-59-8. The way things are trending, Bucky Badger is going to put some distance between it and Goldy Gopher.
I can't help but harken back to Tracy Claeys, who took this team, or at least the program, to a bowl game last year. Has there been this much turnover? Or has Fleck just burned down the entire forest in order to build it up in his own image, and an ending like this is the result?
Oh, and all the hype about getting to a bowl game despite winning only five games has gone to shit. Apparently enough teams have won the requisite games that Minnesota's nifty APR score is not necessary to fill all 39 bowls.
Eh, I throw my hands up. Like I say, you always have to give a mulligan to a Head Coach's first year, and despite all the haters who hate his rah-rah "Row The Boat" BS, I'm willing to give him a chance. But of course, he has to show improvement. Till next year, paddlers.
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