Da Paying For College Crossroads

So Friday afternoon, at ****e's driveway before I went in and fucked her (I moved up the time so as not have that test weigh heavily on my mind, even though it turns out it didn't matter, for reasons I shall explain later), I actually did well -- 90%.  There was one algebra question I really hope I nailed, and it is kind of bothering me that I don't know for sure if I got that right.

I soft-shoed my performance, saying that I was glad I could look up the answers and that there were some questions I would not have even been able to begin to understand.  What's an "operational software," anyway?

Well, the recruiter said that because I passed the quiz, I was accepted.  And so, the next step is paying for the six-month program.  I don't know if I said it before, but it's $11,000 for the whole thing.  I can pay that over six months or two years.  I can also get a grand knocked off if I pay the other ten grand immediately.  I told him to give me the weekend, and he can call me ... and I still may not know.  I told him that "I am doing my best to wrangle the funding -- and I still might not know by Monday."

And this is the crossroads, isn't it?  The maxim that is swirling in my head right now is, "There is never the perfect time to do what you want to do."  I wish there were signs that would utterly point me down this path -- suddenly unemployment, for example, or a huge jackpot where I could pay for the whole program.  Not to mention that I am in no mood to spend 30 hours a week trying to understand computer programming and statistics.  But the alternative is ... this.  I have a steady job, and then I go home, eat, take a nap, go fart around on the Internet, maybe masturbate, then say goodnight.  That sounds like just existing, and not living at all.  And then I fall into that routine and it feels oh-so right.  Smh.

It is not the pressing issue as it was before, thank goodness.  But paying for it is probably the big obstacle facing me right now.  (This "do I want to" question is an existential one, and I don't know if I'll be able to answer it even after I start the program -- if I start the program.)  If I talk about it with my folks, and if they agree to pay for it, or at least backstop it, maybe I'll take the plunge.  Or, maybe it'll be something I dream about doing and not do.  Huh.