All my life she has been putting food in front of me and asking me, "You not gonna eat the (food she put in front of me)?" Shit, she did that this morning, when we were eating banh mi and she asked me, "You not gonna drink tea?" I just said, "Nope." And that was it ... except that it wasn't, when she asked the same obnoxious goddamn thing again.
Did she say what she said tonight because of what I said this morning? Maybe. But it may be more a case of how I perceive what she said. I couldn't tell if she was talking shit about me in front of me because she was speaking Chinese. I suspect that she's been talking about me in front of me all my fucking life because I have never understood Chinese. But maybe that language barrier ... well, makes me think she said, and says, something she didn't/doesn't say. By that I mean I wonder if she's really saying, "You not gonna eat/drink (item to be consumed)?" I am annoyed that she has told me to eat and drink everything put in front of me all my life. But I am also triggered when she says, or at least I perceive her saying, "You gonna eat/drink that?" Those words sound like taunting to me, and I'm sick of it, but maybe, just maybe, she doesn't mean it that way. Maybe she's asking me, "We have (food/drink) available. Would you like some?" Or, at the very least, she isn't taunting me.
(sigh)
I think I've made her mad, and I feel bad about that. And yet, I feel that now she's going to hold that against me, and that one day soon she's just going to blow up on me for something that is no big deal. And I can probably trace that meltdown back to what I said today.
I'm going to find something in the fridge she made and eat it in a vain, circuitous attempt to make peace with her.
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