Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September

Hmmm ... at first glance (and right now, as I type this, this is the first real glance I'm taking of this month), I see a lot of untapped potential.  I see four babes (Lisamarie/Pembroke Pines, Fla.; Mia/St. Petersburg, Fla.; Deda/Knoxville, Tenn.; and Taylor/Orange Park, Fla.) whose photos would put them in the running for Best Babe were it not for the fact that their arms are folded in front of them.  Why did the photographer pose them like that?  It detracts from the shot and it hides the beautiful bodies of these beautiful women.  I don't get it, and the more photos I see from the Hooters calendars I buy each year, the more maddening this gets.

There is another woman, Emily out of Fairview Heights, Ill., who I would also consider -- except that she is posed while a shower is running.  It is hitting her flat stomach, and she was told to cup her hands in order to disperse the drop of the water and make it look, uh, "different."  That prop is also distracting as hell.  The shower is completely unnecessary.  Argh!  (But, at least I will get a chance to get this calendar signed by her next year when I visit St. Louis.  Hopefully.)

So that describes five of the 14 waitresses posing in September.  Those five above are honorable mentions.  I, however, have found three worthy of spankiness.  In third place is Sydney out of North Charleston, S. C.  The blonde with long hair is wewaring a pink/salmon one-piece wraparound bikini that shows off her stomach.  But I sense a body under there, plus it's almost directly facing the camera, and there is nothing in front of her body, like her arms or, in the case of poor, poor Lisamarie, a fucking bongo.

In second place is Orlando's Portia.  She does have a bothersome composition; her right hand is placed on her stomach, and a leaves of a plant are foregrounded on the bottom, which is hella nonsensical.  But damn, you gotta look at Portia.  She has long straight black hair and eyes that are pools of endless deep blue.  She's wearing an olive green two-piece bikini with a white border.  And although part of her stomach is covered, goddamn, what a slim, sexy stomach!

First place, however, goes to the girl with the big picture, Cassie from Fort Worth, Tex.  It's an All-American look: Long blonde hair, pink two-piece whose bottom ties up on the sides, and a bangin' body.  There's ... something on the ground in front of her, but that's where having the big picture is a huge advantage: What dominates is Cassie's gorgeous figure, not some object the photographer felt the need to place in the photograph, and the bigger the figure, the more you can ignore the object.

So congratulations to Cassie, as well as Portia and Sydney.  I will be sure to masturbate to all of you as soon as I have the chance!!!