#0: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -3). Congratulations to the University of Minnesota men's hockey team. The Big Ten says that once Ohio St. and Michigan went to a Shootout on Friday night, the Golden Gophers clinched this Year's regular season crown, their second straight and sixth overall. May not mean anything because it ain't a championship, sure. But it's still a well-earned accomplishment that's worth at least the top spot in this Week's WMNSS and a non-negative number.
I have spoken a lot here about how much talent is on this squad, and how it's meshing very well this season. I'm still somewhat optimistic at their chances of raising that trophy and finally giving this metropolitan area a title-winning team of any sort for the first time since the Lynx in '17. But it might be more important to note that the crowds at Mariucci are finally coming back in full force. I attended the second Game of the season, October 2 vs. Lindenwood, and even though I have seen more scant attendances, it wasn't by much. I think fans are finally believing in this team and are reveling in every Win and landmark they claim. (Side note: I think this Year's team is taking a big step to [and this might be a harsh term, but I think it's somewhat accurate] erasing the history of the Golden Gophers' long-term tenure with the WCHA. The series they've had against Michigan, definitely this Year but I'll also include last Year's, are the hard-worn rivalries that will form the foundation of Big Ten hockey.)
Oh, by the way, they swept the Nittany Lions at Penn St. over the weekend, even though last/Saturday night's contest went into Overtime. They get to pay back the Buckeyes for what they did this weekend by hosting them next weekend in the final regular season series of 2022-3.
#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6). In their final series of the regular season, these Gophers swept St. Thomas on the road (at Mendota Heights), even though the Friday Match went to OT. They will probably face the seventh-seeded Tommies again to start the WCHA Tournament next Week ... or they could face last-place Bemidji St. as a result of winning the WCHA regular season title. That will happen only if Wisconsin upsets Ohio St. a second straight Game this/Sunday afternoon. For the record: Besides possibly/probably not winning the regular season crown, I am placing the Gopher women's hockey team below the men because I am more certain that this club will not win the NCAA championship. Would love to be proven wrong, kids.
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -5). General Manager Bill Guerin said recently that the team will tell him whether or not they will be buyers or sellers at the Trade Deadline. Well, after going 1-2 this screening Week, it appears as though -- and if it doesn't appear, they should -- they will be sellers. Or at least the third wheel in a three-way Trade. I don't know how exactly it shook out, but once the dust settled, the trade, the most important part of which was Ryan O'Reilly going from St. Louis to Toronto, had the Wild trading away prospect Forward Josh Pillar, retaining a quarter of O'Reilly's remaining salary, and obtaining a fourth-Round pick from the Maple Leafs for the 2025 Draft. Not this or next Year's Drafts, but the one in 2025.
Some fans are up in arms, but The Athletic's Michael Russo broke down the hows and whys of this three-way. If Russo says it makes sense, then it makes sense. I just wonder if Guerin will move Jordan Greeway and Matt Dumba before the Trade Deadline of March 3. Right now it looks like GMBG is operating a third way these upcoming Weeks: Using the organization's available cap space (and he somehow has built in enough for a team that's operating with about 14 million fewer dollars than all the other teams in the NHL) to either clear cap space in future Years or clear enough space this Year to go for a player that he thinks might push the Wild over the top. But like I said, that latter possibility happens only if Guerin thinks this team is good enough to make some noise in the playoffs.
Here's the kicker. I am with a bunch of doomsaying Mild fans in thinking the team should just tank. They haven't been playing well in 2023, that's for sure. But if the playoffs were to start now, they'd be in the playoffs. The last spot, sure, but they'd be in. Whoda thunkit?
Oh, by the way, their sole Win this screening Week was at home against The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0. I don't have too many hard and fast rules here in The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, but one of them, and this only applies to the Wild, is that I weigh results versus The Bastard North Stars much more than other Games, either ones the Mild play or ones the other teams on this survey play. So if this team only loses one Game in a Week but it's against The Bastard North Stars, I dock them as if they lost more than one Game. Now, they defeated The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0 in a Shootout, but it's still a Win, and since they've had a similar Week to, and are in a similar spot with, the Timberwolves, that victory puts them ahead of the Woofie Dogs.
Busy Week ahead. They host Nashville this/Sunday afternoon and finish their seven-Game homestand against Los Angeles Tuesday. While the X hosts the Girls' State High School Hockey Tournament, Minnesota will visit Columbus and Toronto back-to-back, Thursday and Friday.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). Wrapped up the first half of the season outlasting a hellacious Fourth Quarter run by the Mavericks (led by newly acquired Kyrie Irving, paired up with Luka Doncic for the first time ever) to beat Dallas in Dallas, then losing at home to Washington. There are so many lingering questions that can't be answered until Karl-Anthony Towns is back, and then you add the departure of D'Angelo Russell (traded to The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers) as another variable this team has to get used to. How is this team when it's at its best? Will they even find it that level this season?
What may save the Timberwolves is the uncommon, and maybe even historic, compression in the Western Conference. If the playoffs were to start now, they would be in eighth place and visiting New Orleans to play for a spot in the "real" playoffs. They're only three Games behind third place. They're also only three Games ahead of 13th. That's fucking ridiculous -- and that may give the Wolves the time to figure things out for, ideally, a deep playoff run.
They're at the All-Star Break now. They resume play Friday when they host Charlotte.
#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2). For me, some screening Weeks kind of just hit you with the reality that a team isn't going to be as good as you'd hope it'd be. I unfortunately feel that way right now about the Gopher softballers. After finishing the Northern Lights Tournament with a second, bookending victory over Western Kentucky, they went to Chapel Hill for the ACC/B1G Challenge and have promptly lost their first three Games there, two to host North Carolina and one to Virginia. These are the first BcS schools they're facing, and no doubt they will face many more. But coming off a 4-1 tournament against non-BcS competition, it feels as though they are out of their depth against fellow majors, and that's not a good sign.
One more tournament tilt versus the Cavaliers this/Sunday morning, then they had to Waco, Tex., for the Baylor Invitational next weekend. Scheduled opponents (apparently they're not all firmed up yet) include the host Bears, Texas A&M-Commerce and ... Maryland, which is weird for two reasons: 1) They're a conference (well, "conference," because I still can't fucking believe Maryland isn't in the ACC because they should be) team, but I am guessing this will count as a non-conference Game, which still doesn't make sense to me, and 2) Maryland is the other B1G squad playing alongside the U. in this weekend's ACC/Big Ten Challenge. Are they going to Waco on the same plane? They should; they can split money on a ride.
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -Infinity). It's still pretty fuckin' wild to me that the Gopher hockey teams are riding as high as the Gopher basketball teams are sinking low. Don't believe that's happened before. Anyway, the female b-ballers are here because they somehow eked out a Win Wednesday, 95-92 over Nebraska at The Barn, only their third conference victory of the season. They then reverted to form yesterday/Saturday afternoon, getting humiliated at Northwestern, 76-62.
I have heard a lot about these Gophers turning the ball over seemingly every other possession. I have looked up the statistics on NCAA.com; the team is averaging 17.6 Turnovers per Game. I swear it was more. The Goofs rank tied for 271st out of 350 top-flight women's basketball teams in that category. I swear it was worse. (Dead last, by the way, is Saint Peter's, at 22.8 TO/G.) It is disquieting that a program led by a Hall Of Fame Point Guard has a team that turns the ball over so goddamn much.
Only one Game this screening Week, but it'll be a solemn one. On Wednesday they travel to East Lansing and face Michigan St. at the campus of that horrible mass murder.
#-6: Gopher baseball (New Season!). Traditionally, college baseball starts up a Week after college softball, so here come the male Nine. They've started their Year in Surprise, Ariz., and the Sanderson Ford Classic. And they've started off the season with two Losses, to California-Santa Barbara Friday night and Oregon St. yesterday/Saturday afternoon. Don't freak out too bad; both the Gauchos and the Beavers are ranked ... in one poll; they're Receiving Votes in the other. (Odd: Cal-Santa Barbara is ranked 14th in the poll Oregon St. is RV'ing in, and in the other poll, the Beavers are 18th but the Gauchos are Receiving Votes.) Maybe we need to see more Games against teams their own size and caliber before assessing how good or bad they are. But they play the Gauchos again tonight/Sunday night and then New Mexico tomorrow/Monday morning. They then play a three-Game neutral-site series in Ft. Myers, Fla., vs. Saint Louis.
#-7: Whitecaps (Last Week: 0). It may be the modest size of the Richfield Ice Arena and the paucity of parking surrounding it, but it looks as though the Whitecaps are making a name for themselves. I built in some time to get to Richfield, and parking was still at a premium by the time I got there. (The public address announcer during the Game said this is the franchise's first sellout at this arena, even though it looked like there were many spaces one could sit.) Thankfully I managed to get a spot at an auxiliary site right next to the road. If I didn't get that, I don't know where I would park, and I don't know if I would have been able to get to see puck drop in time.
Oh yeah, about the Game. They lost. They lost? To last-place Buffalo?! Yep, they did. Defensive breakdowns were the story. The second Beauts Goal came when two Whitecaps players collided just before the puck was being taken out of the Defensive Zone. The dagger Goal came off a big rebound of a slap shot where only a Buffalo player was within four feet of the puck when it finally came down; that player promptly hiked it into the corner of the net while, presumably, all of the Whitecraps players were just standing around. The 4-2 defeat snapped their winning streak at six.
All in all, it was a shocking and very disappointing performance by a Whitecaps club that I thought had things going their way. This was not something I expected, let alone against a team that had won only two Games before last/Saturday night. I thought they were going to win both Games this weekend. And that's why I'm putting them this low in the WMNSS. In case you haven't seen my principles in constructing this list before -- or if I have never spelled out my principles before -- I consistently give added weight for two things: 1) Games, Win or Loss, that I watch in person, and 2) their results against The Bastard North Stars (see above).
After finishing up with Buffalo (and maybe they'll win this one!), the Toronto Six come in for a two-fer beginning Saturday. The Six are not in last place in the PHF, like the Beauts are, but second.
#-8: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!). On Wednesday they were supposed to play at Michigan St., but because of that mass murder, that contest has been cancelled. Or postponed. I don't know which. I think they initially said cancelled, but now I'm not so sure. Anyway, it is the second Golden Gopher Game in as many Weeks to not go off as scheduled due to unusual circumstances; remember that the Game in Illinois on February 7 was postponed because too many players on Minnesota's squad were injured.
That brings me to the point I want to raise here. They're going through an absolutely shit season. They're on a nine-Game losing streak with Losses this screening Week to Iowa and Penn St., both at Williams Arena. But apparently they are riven with injuries this season, plus this is only Benn Johnson's second Year helming the U. How much of a pass do you give him? You can explain any injuries, but only to a certain point. The best coaches -- and I assume Minnesota wants to be a top-tier program -- will be able to both recruit and develop depth. Johnson certainly hasn't. So are fans and boosters going to give him latitude and throw away this execrable season because so many players are hurt? I don't want to give him such leeway, but maybe I'm being too harsh. Or, maybe too many other people are being too forgiving.
On Monday they make up the Game at the Fighting Illini. Wednesday they're in Maryland and they travel to Nebraska Saturday. Those two postponements resulted in a de facto three-Game homestand (which, of course, they all lost). All three Games this Week are on the road. Karma?
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