#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1). Not a bad start. Started off the screening Week with a 7-4 win over Kansas City, finishing a road sweep of the Royals. They then dropped two-of-three at Miami, but started the home portion of their schedule winning the first two Games of a three-Game series versus the defending World Series Champion Houston Asterisks Astros. The pitching, particularly from the starters, has been exquisite. Combined, all hurlers for Minnesota struck out 16 Houston batters in Friday's 3-2, ten-Inning Win and 17 in yesterday/Saturday afternoon's 9-6 victory. Thirty-three Strikeouts against a team built by cheating? That's very impressive. Not enough to put them above negative numbers, don't get ahead of yourselves, but being able to mow opponents down in at-bats is going to be a great force multiplier if they can keep this up.
One more vs. Houston, then the White Sox come to town for three before they play at Yankee Stadium for four beginning Thursday.
#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5). They eked out a five-Point Win at Brooklyn, which was clutch, and they blew out the Spurs in a tilt that was being played in Austin for some reason. But I have to go back to Sunday, where they hosted a Portland team that had already been eliminated from postseason contention and had shut down Damian Lillard for the season ... and lost, 107-105. It didn't necessarily damage their standing when it comes to the Play-In Games, but this/Sunday afternoon's finale versus The Bastard Charlotte Hornets -- played at Target Center, so they had to hightail it back here after playing in Austin -- is mammoth; the Timberwolves sit ninth while New Orleans sits eighth. The Team That Was Stolen From Us is seventh, but Minnesota technically could finish as high as seventh and thus be in the same position as they were last Year, being able to host (and win) the first Play-In contest. Necessary for that to happen, of course, is for them to win. But one more victory could have pushed more tie-breakers their way. Now, there's a good chance they'll host The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics in the 9/10 Game On Wednesday and then have to play on the road Friday to get to the playoffs.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -2). Meanwhile, the Mild got nipped by Las Vegas in a Shootout at the X and got blasted by a desperate Pittsburgh squad Thursday before handling St. Louis at home last/Saturday night. I keep comparing the Mild with the Woofie Dogs for this Week's WMNSS and even though the Mild went 1-2, the record for the Week is only one reason I have the Mild below the Woofie Dogs. Yes, the Mild have a better overall regular season record, and yes, it appears as though both teams will fall short of reaching a plateau that will spare them more difficulties once the playoffs start -- for the Woofie Dogs it's getting at least the sixth Seed and thus escaping the Play-Ins; for the Mild it's capturing the Central Division crown. But for now, it looks as though Minnesota will, once again, be third in the Division standings, and for this Year, there's a likelihood they'll face The Bastard North Stars. While I want sweet revenge on The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0, after seeing the leg-pissing the Goofer men's hockey team did in the title Game (see all the way below), I have no belief any Minnesota team will grow some balls and win when they are not supposed to. For fuck's sake, Twin Cities clubs can't win when they are supposed to. So I am sort of leaning on the burden the Minnesota pro hockey sports team bears in ranking them below the Minnesota pro basketball team.
But I digress. On the bright side, the Mild are only two Points behind The Bastard North Stars and The Bastard Quebec Nordiques, and there are three Games left to play in the regular season. And they'll all be played this Week: In Chicago tomorrow/Monday, home to The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers (who are fighting The Bastard Atlanta Flames for the final spot in the Western Conference) the very next night, and at Nashville Thursday.
#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4). Split a series-ending Doubleheader at home vs. Penn St. Sunday, then got tripled by Indiana Friday before winning 6-5 yesterday/Saturday afternoon on a Game-ending Sacrifice Fly which, wow, ended the Hoosiers' winning streak of 23 Games. Kayla Chavez was the winning Run, and that is the second time I have mentioned her name here. This Week: One more against Indiana this/Sunday afternoon, then three at Michigan St. starting on Friday.
#-5: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3). Won a Big Ten series for the first time in a long time (I think) by tripling up Ohio St. in Columbus Sunday. Even with a Shutout defeat to Purdue on Friday and a 15-3 blowout Loss to the Boilermakers yesterday/Saturday afternoon, I kind of think this program has started to turn the corner. I mean, they can't get any worse than the past couple seasons, right? Oh yeah, their two midweek tilts have been cancelled (St. Thomas) or postponed (South Dakota St.) presumably because it's too cold. After Purdue this/Sunday afternoon, they're scheduled to play North Dakota St. on Tuesday and a three-Game set at Siebert versus Iowa beginning Friday.
#-6: United FC (Last Week: 0). Didn't expect their first Loss of the Year would come against Chicago (albeit on the road), but they did, 2-1 last/Saturday night. Well, at least they lost on the road. They host Orlando Saturday night.
#-Infinity: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). All I can say is ... fuck you guys. I don't care how bad you feel. Fuck all you guys. You represented the best chance for a Twin Cities championship in years, if not decades, if not a generation, featuring The Best Forward Line In Program History. I mean that.
And you motherfuckers actually had a 2-0 lead. And you choked, motherufucking big time. All those haters who say #GoldenChokers? They're right. They're right and you know it. And now we have to continue being #MinnesotaIsLoservilleUSA because of you goddamn failures.
I am now convinced I won't see a championship from a major sports team in town (and the Gopher men's hockey team probably is the cutline; if you think a Twin Cities team is less popular than them, then they're not a major sports team) as long as I live. Fuck, at this rate, I won't see a championship from any sports team in town as long as I live. We fucking suck at sports. Guess we're OK when it comes to quality of life issues, but sports? We're shit. We fuckin' blew it when the Gopher women's hockey team got upset by Wisconsin. We fuckin' blew it when the Whitecaps lost to Toronto in OT of the Isobel Cup Final. And now we fuckin' blew it here. My God, I want to fucking shoot myself.
(By the way, I was debating whether to watch this Game or go watch the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert. I ultimately decided to go to the concert because 1) I saw a deal where someone was selling a nosebleed seat for cheap and, combined with a credit I got for being a season-ticketholder for United FC, I got in for less than eight bucks, and 2) I thought they were going to lose. Would I give up watching RHCP to see them lose? Fuck no; if they would have won, I would have been happy seeing the headline on my way out of U. S. Bank Stadium. But while waiting for the outgoing crowd to clear so I could buy a t-shirt, I put on The Athletic and saw that those shitheads lost. I made the right choice.)
It speaks to the popularity of the Goofer men's hockey team that so, so many people are pissed off at them for fucking this up. There are a lot of angry, upset, hurt, and demoralized fans that are now convinced we are a damned sports fanbase. It is cold comfort, but it seems like more people are coming around to my way of thinking. If this is a catalyst for being even more furious at the decades-long mediocrity of local sports teams, and if that leads to those teams actually doing something in order to finally win a championship -- well, the viciousness and toxicity spewing out of all of our mouths right now would be worth it. But I'm not holding my breath.
Meanwhile, I will put the U. men's hockey team on par with the U. volleyball team. I might watch Games if the tickets are dirt cheap, but until you actually goddamn win something, I'm done. And so I go back to my original point: Fuck you guys.
EVERYBODY SUCKS IN THIS GODDAMN SPORTS TOWN!!! NO ONE CAN FUCKING WIN ANYTHING AROUND HERE!!!
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