And Now It's Too Hot

It's summer now.  Had eighties earlier this week, it reached 90 yesterday, probably hit 90 today, and we'll be around that temp through the weekend.  I can remember not too long ago when it was cool enough to wear a jacket, and it was early last month where we had snow.

Speaking of snow ... I want to reiterate that I don't miss the snow, especially the freak spring snow that is so wet that it started melting as soon as the strong-angled sun hit it, thereby preventing the snowblower from blowing it onto the grass.  The cold?  I don't miss it, but I also want to reiterate that I prefer the cold over the heat and humidity we have now.  Like I have said before, if it gets too cold, I can add layers of clothing; if it gets too hot, I can't tear off my skin so my bones can cool off.  It's pretty damn hot as I type this.

In preparation for my colonoscopy, I have been ordered to drink a lot of water.  I have drank so much yesterday and today that I am now drooling through my mouth as a default.  I guess it's good that I have to drink water now that it's hot.  If it were cold, I might be more hesitant to drink so much water than I am now.

You're Making Me Dizzy, My Head Is Spinning

Don't tell my folks, but after work I saw Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol. 3 tonight.  Loved it; didn't think it'd be a Rocket origin story, but it was incredibly affecting.

And yet somewhere in the middle of it, I got nauseous.  Real nauseous.  There were some scenes that were animated as if the (CGI) camera was whipping around all over the place, so that could have been it.  I wonder, however, if what I ate (just a banana) and drank (coffee, lots of water, and a huge cup of Barq's and lime and raspberry Coke) set up me for my light-headedness instead.  If that's the case, I'll need to be a bit more careful as my diet is restricted up through my colonoscopy.

That being said, I am tired.  I need to wake up a bit early tomorrow.  But I am off the rest of the week, so just one more day and I'm in like Flynn ... assuming my nausea goes away.

Is it OK to masturbate the week leading up to your colonoscopy?  Well, I just did.  I will check my list, but I don't think it's forbidden.  And even if it is, hell, I already did it, so (shrug)

So I'm Getting A Colonoscopy This Week ...

... and I have been alternately frightened and bemused.  I have heard about the clear liquid diet, the preparation for that, about downing diuretics and Gatorade and lots and lots and lots of water, then evacuating your colon to the point where your fecal matter is urine.  When my sister was here we had dinner with my brother.  He talked about the colonoscopy he went through, and he called it "pissing out of his ass," and I think I lost my appetite then and there.

Then again (and sorry to be graphic here), Saturday night, returning from the MNUFC Match, I stepped into Kwik Trip because I wanted something to consume, and I tried their smoothie machine for the first time, and by God, for the next three hours I was running into the toilet to take a crap.  I have had diarrhea attacks before, and I want to think that I will go through something similar later this week when I get on this regimen.  I've been on the toilet for 45 minutes at a time.  I've felt as though I am excreting my organs.  My anus has been on fire before.  It's not great, but it's not an unfamiliar feeling.  So how different can this be?  Right?

What scares me a little more is the food restrictions that I will be, and am now, under.  I start the low-fiber diet soon, and I'm scared I'll accidentally eat something I'm not supposed to eat.  Worse than that, I will be working two days before I have to start the clear liquid diet and I can see myself not thinking and eating something I'm not supposed to eat.

Moreover, I don't know what other people (including Mother, who is also getting her colonoscopy this week, what a coinky-dink) are told to do, but I was told that starting last Friday, I am not to eat anything with corn, popcorn, nuts or seeds.  My clinic says that these things can stay in my system for a long time, and they can interfere with the probe.  I don't think Mother and her clinic has that prohibition.  At any rate, I can totally brainlessly consume stuff with those things.  For example, all this weekend I've been watching soccer Matches (the leagues are winding up this weekend), and I planned on drinking myself silly on Bloody Marys.  But I think the mix includes celery seed.  That counts as a, you know, "seed," right?  In the long run it's no big deal -- I drank ciders instead -- but I like my Bloody Marys.  Also, I want to finally see Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3 on Tuesday, and I always get popcorn.  But not this Tuesday.  And T-Mobile is giving me a free large popcorn too, but that expires ... on Tuesday.

(Aside: The low-fiber diet is weird in the sense that what I can eat is oftentimes bad for your health and what you can't eat is oftentimes good.  I was given a list and I can't help but see what is permitted and forbidden.  I'm not supposed to have any whole wheat, nuts, oatmeal, prunes, or granola.  There are some foods that I can eat that are good for you -- I think I'm going to lean heavily on bananas this week -- but most meats are permissible, as are milk (some people think it's too fattening, so I'm going to include it in the "bad food" column) butter and carbonated drinks, so I assume that means pop.  [I may not be able to eat popcorn, but I sure as hell will drink pop when I see the movie on Tuesday.]  Isn't it strange that to pull off this colonoscopy, I need to lean on stuff that's bad for me?)

Again, it's not a big deal (even though I hate passing up on free food), but the timing kind of sucks.  Then again, if I don't do it this week, the earliest possible date is the week of Independence Day, and I get the feeling my parents don't want to be in Minnesota that long.  So, I take the plunge this week.

I was told by my physician that if I get a clean bill of health, I won't have to do another colonoscopy for ten years.  There is the other method, the one pushed by ColorGuard, the one where you just shit in a box and send it in for testing.  I was told by my doctor that if you come up negative that way, you don't have to do anything like this for three years.  Honestly, I'd rather do the old-fashioned colonoscopy because it seems more thorough (I'll be knocked out, and if the doctor sees polyps he can just cut them out during the probe).  I also don't like pooping into a box.  Not to say the preparation isn't classy, but shitting into a box seems to be really, really barbaric.  I spoke about colonoscopies with my cousin (when my sister was here, we had dinner at his place), and he totally preferred pooping in a box.

Oh yeah, I also don't like shitting in a box because this Saturday Night Live skit scares the fuck outta me:

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Before we begin, I just want to make my annual note that, with the University of Minnesota baseball and softball seasons concluded, we are now at the fallow season of The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  The following three teams will be it, barring possible one-time cameos by the Timberwolves for the NBA Draft or if any team makes a huge-enough off-season splash that it warrants commenting, until the U. soccer team begins its season approximately 11 1/2 Weeks from now.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  A 2-4 screening Week ... and they still lead the American League Central by two Games over sprightly (if you can be so while sporting a below-.500 record) Detroit.  You want to know how much of a sorry-ass Division this is?  Not only would the Twinks be fifth in the A. L. East (ahead of only Toronto, the club they're hosting this weekend and with whom they have already split the first two Games of their three-Game series), but they'd also be tied for fourth in the A. L. West with Seattle, and no one's saying the A. L. West is a juggernaut (even though The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 are surprising Baseball Nation by leading the Asterisks by three Games).

The Rotation remains the strength of this squad, although it's gotten dinged here and there.  No, it's the relief corps and Lineup that's killing Minnesota right now.  This Week (or at least as it relates to Tuesday), Pablo Lopez was the one to crap the bed, allowing the tying and winning Run to The Bastard New York Giants.  Meanwhile, while the Twinks scored seven in beating the Giants Wednesday and nine in outlasting the Blue Jays yesterday/Saturday, they scored a total of seven Runs in their four Losses this Week.

They finish up with the BJs this/Sunday afternoon, then jet down for three in Houston beginning Memorial Afternoon.  They then come home to play four versus The Cleveland Guardians starting on Thursday.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -1).  Tuesday they went down to Houston, not a good squad, and got squashed, 4-0, crashing out of the U. S. Open Cup.  They gave up a Goal to the Dynamo just before Kervin Arriaga picked up his second Yellow Card of the night, dropping the Loons down to 10 men for the final 52 Minutes.  MNUFC allowed Corey Baird, who has yet to score in league play, to score a Hat Trick on them.  I think this fucker mocked Bongokuhle Hlongwane after he scored his third in the 89th.

United FC seemed to try, but once that third Goal went in, I thought they quit.  I didn't really see that lassitude in last/Saturday night's Major League Soccer Match vs. Real Salt Lake.  What I did see was a piss-poor defensive effort in allowing RSL's Jefferson Savarino to score in the 28th.  But thank God for Hlongwane, whose shot mere inches and a bad angle away from goal caromed off RSL's Justen Glad for the equalizer.  Unfortunately, this was another winnable Game that MNUFC did not win, as the two teams settled for the 1-all Tie.

Luis Amarilla remains an enigma up top.  There has been talking he'll be moving back to his team in Ecuador.  That would move either Mender Garcia or Sang Bin Jeong to Striker, and frankly, given Amarilla's invisibility so far this Year, a change might do this side good.

Doubling up this Week -- at Austin Wednesday, home to Toronto Saturday.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  On Tuesday the Jynx completed their part of The Triple Crown Of Suckshit: All three local teams played and lost that evening, but it probably was the Jynx's that was the most infuriating.  They led The Atlanta Dream at Target Center by eight entering the Fourth Quarter and got outscored 24-10 in the final frame to lose by six.  (Remember that right next door, at Target Field, Pablo Lopez was blowing the Twinks' nascent 3-2 lead on their way to losing.  Goddamn, the pain-inducing chokejobs by both teams so close to each other had to have formed a Black Hole Of Failure.)  And on Thursday night, they lost in Phoenix by nine.  And I still think it's alright because you've got a loaded draft class coming and you might as well have the pick of the litter.

This club will be busy this Week: At Las Vegas tonight/Sunday night, in Dallas Tuesday, home to Connecticut Thursday, at Washington, DC Saturday.

New Desktop As Paperweight

Father bought a desktop a year or so ago, but he put it back in its box because he wasn't going to be home much nowadays.  Instead, he keeps using his very old desk, one that I think still runs on Windows 7.  That does make a kind of sense if you're OCD.  Then again, would it really hurt to just, you know, use a new desktop, even if you're only going to use it sparingly, if the old one is using a no-longer up-to-date operating system?

Anyway, even though I think they're not going to be here for more than a month, yesterday/Friday Father took out this new desktop.  On our way home from the airport he said something about Microsoft automatically updating the very old, Windows 7 computer.  Anyway, after dinner and before I wanted to take a much-needed, start-of-Memorial Weekend/start-of-long-holiday nap, Mother shouted out from the basement to Father about asking me for his help with something.  That something was helping Father get into the new computer because he forgot the password.

I don't remember the circumstances for why we needed to set up a password to get into it in the first place because if he was going to mothball this new desk, why set up a password to get into it when we all know we're going to forget it?  Maybe there was no way to use it without it.  Anyway, I remember seeing this new computer one day and not seeing it the next.  When I brought it up with my parents, Father showed me that he stashed it back in its box.  I thought that would be trouble later because we would have to re-learn and remember everything, including the password, but that's a problem for when that day comes.

Well, that day came yesterday/Friday, and I spent a frustrating several minutes trying to type all of our pet passwords we regularly deploy (I know that's not secure, but c'mon, everybody does that, and if you say you don't, you're a liar) and keep getting rejected.  We brought up the security questions, but we forgot the answers, including the pet answers we regularly deploy.  We could use a password reset disk, but we don't know where that is.  So now there is a new, barely-used desktop computer that might as well be a paperweight because it's not doing anything.

I just looked up a way that I might be able to circumvent this all, but I'll do that for my parents after I get home from watching the EFL Championship Play-Up Match this/Saturday morning and going to the library.  Hope it works; otherwise, this computer is pretty damn useless.

So my parents are home, and frankly, I can't wait for them to leave again.  But by Mother asking me to keep my colonoscopy date for next week instead of one at a clinic closer to us for the Independence holiday, I think they want to leave quickly, too.  And that makes me sad because I do like having them around.  They feed me, they pay for my food, and yeah, it's nice to have my folks around as long as they're in good health and good spirits.  So I feel guilty for wanting this whole big, cavernous house to myself.  And then watch me change my mind on this, and them, this time tomorrow.

I just went through a whole slew of things I need to do around the house in order to tidy up for my parents, and yet the one thing, the one very thing I've been thinking about all night is how to answer this asshole on Twitter.  Obsession is a two-way street, especially with a guy who really needs to get his ass kicked, but I have to respond.  I hope I can do it perfectly, and then go on about my night.

Lot Of Stuff I've Done, Lot Of Stuff Left To Do

Still haven't done everything I truly can in preparation of my folks coming home.  I did wash some of the dishes tonight, which is something I didn't think I had the will to do, but I guess I had some pissed-off energy I needed to shed after going to this bar and watching Minnesota United fall apart in the U. S. Open Cup.  Oh, after work I also threw some twigs from the unfinished backyard fire pit into the trash, another thing I've wanted to do but thought I wouldn't have the energy for, but it helped tremendously that work was so slow yesterday/Tuesday that I left work after eight hours.  I even had time for a hard nap before going to the bar.

Working on getting a big load of wash cold/dry low clothes done right now.  Geez, I guess I am doing a lot of stuff.  But there's still a lot of stuff to do.  More dishes need to be done.  I could pick up my room, but maybe I don't care.  Finally, I need to move all the stuff I took out of storage back into storage.  And no, I made no headway on all my stuff.  I just used my barware that I now have to clean and stash again.

I'll have two relatively free days to do it.  But like I said before, I have to take the car in in the morning and hopefully get it back to drive to my dental appointment in the afternoon.  (Still can't quite wrap around the fact that my teeth aren't "done" getting cleaned, but that's what you get when students are working on them.)  I then have the evening to do all the above stuff as well as eat the leftover Mexican food from Friday -- if I'm not so tired that I just pass out for the rest of the night.  

The Babes Are Out In Force!

I have to admit that sexually, I've lost a step.  I can't cum like I used to.  And I can't get hard like I used to.  It'll be quite, uh, hard for me to accept that.

Still, I appreciate the divine beauty of the female figure.  And with the weather finally turning in a hotter direction -- I think winter's behind us now -- and us heading into Memorial Weekend and The Official Start Of Summer, I am going to see some hot fucking women walking around.  I won't be able to sprout wood, but I sure as fuck will turn my head.

Happened last/Monday night after a long day at work.  Went to Bebe Zito for some fries before going next door to Caffetto for a cola (and then back to Bebe Zito where I stood in line for 15 minutes after the sun set for ice cream, but anyway. ...).  I went in and I saw these two gorgeous young women.  One of them had purple highlights in her hair.  She was wearing all black, but her top was cropped and her skirt was short.  She's fucking hot, but I gotta tell ya, I went all gaga for her friend, who was wearing nothing but a red bikini top and red Daisy Dukes shorts.  Her boobs were big for a girl her size, and I was fantasizing that she would adjust her top or her tits would fall out or something.

What I did next is something that will probably get me canceled if someone ever found me out.  While they were eating their ice cream across the parlor, I snapped a photo of her.  It's not great; she had her side to me.  But I was lucky that she turned her face toward me as I shot her.  Again, I don't have her full face, but at least I have something to attach to her body.  Moreover, I was sitting against the outside window.  If anyone through the window or walking into the store saw me, I'd be dead to rights.  (I also made sure the ice cream scooper didn't see me; I waited until she turned her back on me.)

I still might take a run and jerk off to this grainy picture.  It might take me some time before I spurt.  But while my physical, uh, admiration for hot young women might abate, I'm still glad I can appreciate a smokin' young thing whenever I see her.  I'm glad I'm alive!