So I was having dinner with my folks. Father was doing his usual bitching about me going back to school or finding a job or setting up a schedule because I sleep too much, even though I have proven I do anything but. But that wasn't the worst part of dinner.
The worst part of dinner came after My Fucking Father buttered me up with his stupid and accusatory questions. Mother asked me what I thought about putting the house in my name. She said that I would then be responsible for the upkeep of the house -- electric bill, water bill, phone, Internet, property taxes and insurance. She raised this proposal once before, more than a year ago, but she kind of dropped it and didn't bring it back up. But she did now. Worse than that, this time she also gave me time to think ... but only a month.
When she raised this the first time, I ran to my shrink, who said that if the calculations are done right, he thought that all those monthly expenses aren't as bad as I thought they were. But I don't know about that. When Mother said this my mind took fleeting snapshots of the bills I would have to face, and I tried to conjure up ballpark figures for each. And then I compare that to the weekly checks I'm getting from the temp agency for this job. And then I remember all the times I go to the strip clubs, and then I think about the crossroads I would have to face: Either give up being a stripper hound and be unhappy in my boyhood home, or tell my folks I can't afford it and them asking how have I not saved up enough money after working all this time.
If they are really going to put the screws to me on this, I'm really between a rock and a hard place. If I get found out that I don't have the money to support the upkeep of this house, I definitely will have hell to pay. But a life where I'm permanently scrounging for money to pay for the house is a life not worth living, frankly. I might have an out: Go back to school full-time so I can demonstrate that I'm serious about moving forward with my life, but I can't be independent right now, so let's just continue this arrangement where I live with the help of you guys. That might be my only way out, but goddamn, I can't see myself doing this.
And I have a month to think about it? Only a month?
The weather has turned colder. But after dinner it's felt much colder. From outside and in.
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