Because she loves me -- I know that -- ever since she came home from Las Vegas she has packed food for me to take to work. It always has consisted of a sandwich, done with love and quite tasty, and fruit, usually a banana. (Though sometimes I grab the banana on the way out.) What I usually do is eat the fruit first thing in the morning, then eat the sandwich for lunch after my lunch break while I'm working.
Now that I am not working, it's not necessary. What I do when I'm not working is go to a coffeeshop close by till lunchtime, then (at least ostensibly) have lunch at either a fast food place or a fancy restaurant, something I can't do while I'm working, then, like, work out or something. Chores and other things I can only do during the day will (or at least should be -- my goodness, I'm saying "at least" a lot) be sprinkled throughout my forced-upon sabbatical, although I will try and take the odd job here and there. But I'm not chained to a computer at work, so I can find my own food.
That, of course, can't fly. If I tell Mother that I don't need food, she'll then ask, "Why don't you?" And then I either am forced to lie, thus forcing me to keep track of those lies, or I won't be able to tell a lie and they'll know I'm not working, and that raises a whole holy hell of shit about unemployment.
So I will have to keep taking food to go to work in order for them to believe that I am going to work, and I will have no idea when in the day am I not full so I can just eat the food Mother gives me so I can get that out of the way. And I don't know about you, but eating food that's been in the car for a whole summer day isn't that great. Take yesterday, for example. I had to clear up my health insurance in St. Paul, and since I'm not out in St. Paul often, I had lunch there at a good place. It took me till the late afternoon when I had time to eat the sandwich Mother made for me, at the community center, dead tired, before I planned on working out, in my car. And the moisture from the deli meat and lettuce sopped into the white bread, so I was putting my fingers on this really squishy bread. It was alright, and I'm not sick yet, but it was messy, and I don't know if it really is safe to eat a hot sandwich. Also, in lieu of the banana (because Mother said they weren't ripe yet) she packed grapes and cherries for me. I had to sit down after my 40 minutes on the elliptical to eat them, just before I went home and had dinner.
So you see that I'm at a crossroads. I'm trying to do what I can just to get through to next week. What I wanted to do this morning is surreptitiously leave with the sandwich Mother made but without a banana, so I only have to chow down on one thing instead of two. But Mother was up in the kitchen early enough this morning where I had to grab a banana before I left. Man, she wasn't up that early yesterday morning. I need her (and actually Father too) to sleep in so I can just leave with just a sandwich so I could come back and, if they ask, say, "Whoops! Sorry, I just totally forgot on my way out!" But I can't now, so I'll have to find the time today to eat a soggy sandwich and a huge banana while eating a cookie and having a mocha in the morning (at the coffeeshop where I'm writing this now) but before I go to this taste test where I'm not supposed to eat anything a half-hour before it starts, and then after I watch Captain America: Civil War this afternoon.
This is my life, for God's sake. How can I go on with my life if these are the obstacles I have to overcome during my day?
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