Expenses Without Receipts

Man, I still haven't been catching up as much as I want to.  Starting from Sunday, May 22:

• Went to Hooters.  Have a receipt, but I never remember what I paid.  Since I just ate there, I'm going to write it down now.  With tip: $16.
• ETA on 8:05 a.m. on May 28 that I forgot that I participated in that weekend's Art-A-Whirl.  Saw a friend who lives close by and had a beer.  Also went to this art gallery that I try to patronize.  Stopped in for a bit and donated some cash: $3.
• On Saturday, May 21 I went to a party close to my house.  Had to after My Fucking Father blindsided me by telling me I have to dust off my TV and then told me I needed to "set up a schedule."  Fuck you.  For all that shit, getting a blowjob from ****e was well worth it.  Along with dances from Brooklyn and Mya and tip: $200.
• Thursday, May 19: Father surprised me by asking if I can get more money from AAA for their home insurance claim.  I wanted to stay home, but off to the library I go instead, where he asked me to make a copy each of the check receipt and the contractor's new agreement.  But apparently I oriented the originals incorrectly, so when I got them copied, they cut off the bottom half of both.  Which meant I had to do that shit all over again.  Waste of 20 cents.  Along with the letter I made and printed out (twice), the total came out to: 60 cents.
• Weird thing when I got the printouts of the letter; when I reached into the change slot to retrieve my five cents, I pulled out two dimes instead.  A person forgot to pick up his or her change.  And you know what?  It's not the first time that's happened.  Moreover, as I wandered to another part of the library, I picked up a dime off the floor.  So I got reimbursed for the two copies I wasted on the copier, plus that one effed-up invoice that printed only as a blank, which you'll see below.  Maybe things in this world do balance out.  An Infusion of: 30 cents.
• Wednesday the 18th ... My Father came home this day, and so I wanted to give him the impression that I was busy, so I went to the library -- ostensibly to "study," but I actually had to take a test for this job the temp agency said I could be hired for.  Probably didn't make it, but I still used that as an excuse to print out a coupon for valet service from the Hard Rock Cafe.  Price is just: 10 cents.
• On Tuesday the 17th, the night before My Fucking Father came home, I needed one last night to myself.  So I went to Caffetto to work on some alumni club stuff.  Ate a chocolate cake and washed it down with coffee.  With tip and it came to: $5.50.
• I then stopped by My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Tips, coffee and an LD with Kirah: $29.75.
• Sunday, May 15 was Championship Sunday, the last day of the English Premiere League, and I had to be there, even though nothing important was at stake.  In what is The Greatest Upset In The History Of Recorded Sport (and I am not joking about that), 5,000-to-1 shot Leicester City won the 38-game round-robin season, and Aston Villa, Newcastle and Norwich City were all relegated.  (I feel sad for Norwich, which got promoted when the season began.  Newcastle I don't care; they've become the NFL Washington club of the EPL.  Aston Villa, which was one of seven clubs never to have been dropped from the EPL, brought this outcome on themselves; they finished dead last in the league by a mile, and they were officially relegated a month ago.)  Both outcomes were decided before Champ Sunday.  I went upstairs because the only intrigue left -- whether Manchester City or Manchester United could claim the final Champions League spot -- was short-circuited when the Man United-Bournemouth match was postponed due to a bomb scare.  So I scrambled around to find games involving West Ham United and Southampton, the latter of whom displaced the former for a spot in the lower-level Europa League.  To find the former game I went to an out-of-the-way nook on the first floor of Brit's Pub.  For the latter I had to walk into a lobby and climb the stairs up to what seemed to be Brit's club room, which I had never seen before.  I might go back there again.  Oh, I had a big breakfast and paired it with a Bloody Mary.  With tip: $23.
• That evening I went to Caffetto.  Have been able to find spots here lately.  Tiramisu, hot chocolate, tip: $7.60.
• Saturday the 14th -- In retrospect I should have charged the fake frap stuff I got at SuperAmerica on my way to work that morning.  But since I opened up my wallet for that, by my own rule I had to find a way to spend cash on a second thing.  Then I remembered that I had Sacagewea coins to unload.  Then, while I was cleaning out my pockets for those gold dubloons, I saw what looked to be foreign currency that had the same size and feel of a quarter.  And then I saw in English on the bottom of one side: "United Arab Emirates."  Apparently somewhere (probably a vending machine) I got what is called a 1 dirham coin.  Interesting!  So even though it's worth 1 dirham, it probably was mistaken for 25 cents, so that is what it will go down for.  I'm saving it anyway, along with the four Sacs.  Total: $4.25.
• Friday, May 13 was the day I went to *****a's party.  Got a VIP with *e***** to make up for the facial I accidentally gave her.  Instead I was flaccid that I had to finish myself off.  She quickly got dressed while I had my dick in my hands.  It didn't take me long to realize that I was paying her even though I was jerking myself off.  Stupid me.  I got lappers from three of the other four there.  The one that didn't goes to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version).  They are hands-off, so it would have been deliciously ironic if I was able to lay my hands on her boobs.  But, I had to leave.  With cover and the total damage was: $175.
• Went to Glam Doll afterward.  I wonder how often I'll be able to stop by now that Father's home?  With tip: $11.
• To Thursday the 12th, where I thought it was a good time to use the other Chipotle coupon I had for a free burrito at the Mall of America.  With Coke and tip it came out to just: $2.25.
• Don't exactly remember what I did afterward, but I wound up at Caffetto again, just on the computer, having a cup of coffee, which, with tip, came out to: $2.
• Then finished my night with an abbreviated stop at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  The vibe was weird; there were only three dancers stripper on this shift, and I didn't really want to tip any girl than Kelsey, who was on-stage when I went in.  Got so bored that I tipped her twice, didn't get caught without ordering a drink, and left about 15 minutes later.  Total price for my "visit": $4.
• Tuesday, May 10, where, oh my God, a series of bullshit things happened at the library.  Mother wanted me to print an invoice out, so I did.  Then, a little bit before the library closed, I checked my phone to see that Mother, who said as I left the house that she only wanted one copy, in fact wanted two copies.  So I tried going back into the e-mail where the invoice was and copy it, but when I printed it out, all I got was a blank square.  I went back to the invoice, and it too was blank.  Is it one of those one-print-only deals, if there is such a deal?  So, just before the place closed, I had to copy the invoice.  I hate burning money for bad printouts.  Total: 30 cents.
• Sunday the 8th: To prepare for Mother's Day I took my car in for a wash.  Charged the wash, but cash, of course, for the tip: $2.
• Afterwards I went to the library to print out more real estate stuff for Mother: $2.10.
• That evening Mother and I went to Murray's in downtown Minneapolis.  If I had my druthers, we'd find free parking and walk there.  But this is Mother's Day, after all, and we can't make Mother sweat.  So we parked in the ramp next door.  I wanted to use my credit card to pay on our way out, but the damn thing rejected my American Express.  And it didn't just reject it; it spat it out, like a baby spitting up his baby carrots.  Weirdest thing.  So I had to break a ten, which meant I got four Sacagewea coins back -- the coins I put into storage later.  Cost to park: $6.
• On Saturday the 7th, I decided to go across town, from the southeast Twin Cities to the southwest, after work because I wanted to bet on the Kentucky Derby at Canterbury Park.  For the past few years the racetrack has sent me this free voucher from which I could get cash that I would ostensibly use to bet on the race.  It could have given me a grand, but it was just two bucks, which it usually is.  I bet that and much more on most of the horses in the field except Nyquist, the favorite and the horse that actually won the Derby.  Whatevs.  Cost of the bets plus a slice of pizza and the tip for that pizza equal: $15.25.
• Around the parking lot at Canterbury I found a quarter.  An Infusion of: 25 cents.
• Friday, May 6: There was a party way south of the Twin Cities.  I swore I wouldn't go down there because it's too far, but I didn't want to be a complete stranger and potentially alienate her, so I went because ****a was going to be there and I thought she would be down for a bunch of shit again.  Big mistake.  For a $20 cover I got entry to a condo that either didn't have air conditioning or was broken.  The bitch who took my money (a former stripper!) was pushy.  And ****a got so lit-up drunk that she was found passed out, then was found to have thrown up.  Drank too much, she later said.  So I wasn't able to pull it out.  Instead I got some action with four of the dancers, one of whom charged me for two because she didn't stop and another who wanted to charge me for two even though we stopped at one.  Not for a long time will I visit this place.  Maybe in the dead of winter.  Total cost for cover and five LDs total: $120.
• Wednesday the 4th ... drowned my sorrows the day of failing my first-ever test scoring test at the Chipotle at MOA, where I had planned to use a coupon mailed to me where I would get free chips and salsa with purchase of a burrito.  Was so bummed that I ran out of salsa that I went back in line to buy some guacamole.  With Coke and tip it came out to an expensive: $12.
• After Chipotle I went out to the library to print something out -- probably something of mine, not Mother's: 20 cents.
• Had a devil of a time getting those printouts, though I don't remember exactly for what.  After I sat back down, printouts in hand, the guy who was waiting to print behind me came up to me and said, "Hey, you forgot your change in the change slot," and he gave me back what he thought was my change -- which paid for the two copies I had trouble making.  This karma might be giving me good mojo.  An Infusion of: 20 cents.
• On Tuesday, May 3 I stayed out for the evening to go to what turned out to be the only University of Minnesota baseball game I attended this year, a mid-season out-of-conference game vs. Kansas.  It was a shootout, which the Gophers won.  Program, hot dog and Coke came out to: $10.75.
• To Sunday the 1st, where I went to my only Golden Gopher softball game of the season, against Maryland.  Program, hot dog and (smaller-sized) Coke (compared to the one I got at the U. baseball game): $9.25.
• That evening I went to Caffetto for a cherry pie and hot chocolate.  I think they raised their prices around this time because prices used to be at quarters -- $3.25, $4.75, etc.  With tip: $7.60.
• I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) after Caffetto.  Sprite, tips and a lapper from *e***** totals: $29.75.
• Friday, April 29 -- After work I went to this ex-stripper who paid me back for lending her money earlier in the week, with 25% interest.  She's normal!  An Infusion of: $50.
• That night I chilled at Glam Doll.  Two donuts, per usual, and a coffee, with tip: $12.
• And then I finished my night not getting chill at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition), where I didn't get a drink but tipped a lot and got a dance from two strippers, Kendra and Kelsey.  Lot of money spent this evening: $44.
• On Thursday the 28th I went to ********a's party.  I did what I used to do: Get one lapdance (with booby-touching!) from every single stripper working there, just to spread the wealth and love.  Of her and the four other women, four of them have seen my dick, and I get the feeling the fifth wouldn't mind getting down; she joked after I got a dance from her that mine was "nice and big!"  Well, you can tell for real next time!  With cover: $115.
• Tuesday, April 26 ... I needed to go out this night for two reasons: To send in my evaluation regarding my grievances over The Move, and to find a Best Of The Twin Cities copy of City Pages before they're taken away Wednesday or Thursday.  But I figured I could go to Milkjam Creamery and buy some ice cream and eat it while looking for a little kiosk in which there's a copy.  I mean, there has to be tons of them up and down Lyndale Avenue, right?  WRONG!  Well, there was, but I had to walk a good half-mile before I could find one, and even then I was lucky to have found one of the last three copies in it.  Oh yeah, ice cream plus tip: $5.
• And then I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) for tips and a Sprite: $7.75.
• On Monday the 25th I lent said money to the ex-stripper-turned-friend.  Still not exactly sure why she needed to borrow money, and why she needed to borrow money from me, but she was decent enough to pay me back: $40.
• Sunday, April 24: Spent the morning at Anelace, a place but haven't been to in some time.  Coffee plus tip: $4.
• Then had more coffee that night, at Caffetto.  Salted caramel cheesecake, large coffee, and tip: $7.
• On Saturday the 23rd the alumni group went out to Como Zoo, a place I hadn't been to since a field trip in elementary school, if at all.  It's a really nice facility, and it's free too -- well, if you don't count all the donation suggestions and not-so-subtle people standing in front of the donation boxes.  That isn't pressure at all.  Wish I could do that for the club.  My donation: $4.
• After the trip I took in lunch at Maverick's, a place in a strip mall that is said to have the best roast beef in town.  What they don't have, though, is enough workers.  I saw a sign that said they were now going to close Sundays and Mondays (?!) due to a labor shortage.  First of all, who gives a reason for why they're closed on certain days of the week?  Second of all, if you have a labor shortage, why don't you pay people more?  Would you have a "labor shortage" then?  Finally, why is a mom-and-pop restaurant even using the term "labor shortage?"  Why can't you say you're closed those two days, then, apropos of nothing, on the bottom of the sign that if you're interested in working, ask the manager.  People will put two and two together without you looking like you don't completely grasp when certain terms should be used.  Shoot, you charge so much for your food, you should be able to pay a new worker a decent hourly wage.  With tip for a full meal: $12.56.
• Right on the parking lot of this strip mall is an old-time-looking Dairy Queen.  It's small and it stands on its own in the lot, and you just walk up and order counter-style; you pick it up at the other window, then go to one of four tables and eat it.  The old, crusty guy in front of me was complaining about something.  When I got to the cashier, he looked at the guy, who wandered off to the pick-up window, and said, "That guy is always here complaining about something."  Sounds to me like this is a shooting that's about to happen.  Bought a hot fudge sundae, which is what I usually bought when I was young: $2.99.
• That evening I guess I went out, because I wound up at My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place, possibly for a burger and fries.  With Coke and tip: $6.50.
• On Friday the 22nd I went to a party in St. Paul, right near the Green Line.  It was my first time over at *****a's place because I think she just recently moved in.  Got a dance from the host, but the main reason I was here was to get freaky with *e*****.  I tried to take control of things, but I wound up shooting some cum into her eye.  She didn't like that.  Duly noted.  That's why she would barely touch me the next time I was at *****a's party with her working there.  With cover: $155.
• Finished up the evening at Glam Doll.  Just one donut along with my coffee.  Plus tip and the total was: $9.
• I think I found a penny on the floor of Glam Doll, heads-up.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.
• Thursday, April 21: Because there's nothing on television on Thursdays, I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition), where I saw cute, underrated Tori for the first time in a long time.  She seems like one of those strippers who makes a point to not become a part of the place and the lifers who've been dancing there -- you know, like she actually is only stripping because she has dreams of doing something else.  Hope she doesn't, because she's got a hot body, and isn't afraid to use it!  With coffee and tips: $30.
• And I think I found a dime there.  An Infusion of: 10 cents.

Good through May 22.