#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1). In a wan and quiet screening week (especially in Dinkytown), I'll give the top spot to the Gopher men ballers, for they had the victory over the bigger name, and they did it away from The Barn. It was a 20-Point pummeling of a probably not very good Oklahoma St. club (which, for the record, was a return Game for the one the Cowboys played in Minneapolis but at U. S. Bank Stadium as a dress rehearsal for the Final Four last year), which was played Saturday afternoon not in Stillwater, Okla., but in nearby Tulsa. Sure, ESPN.com's Joe Lunardi believes the U. is part of the Penultimate Four Out, but they have won two in a row and four-of-five.
Final non-conference Game this week: Richard Pitino hosts Florida International, the squad he coached for one year before jumping up here, Saturday afternoon.
Final non-conference Game this week: Richard Pitino hosts Florida International, the squad he coached for one year before jumping up here, Saturday afternoon.
#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Meanwhile, the Gopher women ballers are firmly ensconced in The Big Dance (according to ESPN.com's Charlie Creme) and are now 10-1 (with a ten-Game winning streak) after routing Lehigh, 77-49, Saturday afternoon at Williams. But now the nut-cutting starts: Conference play begins, and so the team cannot hide behind a resume that is more on the thin side. Can this team hang with schools their own size? We'll see, staring with a road contest versus Penn St. Saturday afternoon.
#-3: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!). Beat South Dakota St. in Brookings, S. D., 22-10 Friday. Have no idea how impressive this should be but, hey, at least they didn't lose to Rider!
South Beach Duals next week (wanking motion). They begin B1G play after mid-January.
South Beach Duals next week (wanking motion). They begin B1G play after mid-January.
#-4: Vikings (Last Week: 0). Yes, the ViQueens lost to the hated Green Bay Packers at home on Monday Night Football, 23-10. (That it happened the night My Favorite Stripclub [Non-Cover Version] closed forever feels like a gut punch.) But there are two ways to think of this in order to, uh, alleviate the pain. On the one hand, they already are in the playoffs because the Rams lost on Saturday. Sure, they are now "condemned" to the six-seed in the NFC Playoffs with this loss, but if the Rams had won, a playoff birth would still be up in the air, and that would really suck.
Also -- and hear me out -- pessimistic fans of this franchise had their diminished expectations of this group of players affirmed. Let's be real: You kind of thought the Vikes had a chance of losing at home, didn't you? Well, it happened. Look, this team isn't Baltimore or San Francisco or New England. They probably won't win the Super Bowl this year. Any hopes you had that they would are just that -- hopes, not predictions based on fact. So if you know how the Vikings usually roll (or not roll) in situations like this, how can you be shocked? So let's take bets on how motivated they'll be to host Chicago in the regular-season finale Sunday, then see which club is the NFC #3 Seed. Then we'll shit our pants, but not before acknowledging that I, for one, thought these guys would finish out of the playoffs at 8-8. This is by no means a successful season, but we all kind of knew that these guys are a good-to-very-good team, nothing more.
Right?
#-5: Wild (Last Week: -3). A 2-2 screening week. But there are a couple factors that force me to put the Mild below the Vikings in the survey. First off, there are some high numbers in a couple Games, specifically the 8-5 win over The Bastard Winnipeg Jets and a 6-0 home thrashing by The Bastard Atlanta ... uh, Thrashers. I am fixated on this loss; according to The Athletic (which I signed up for on a deal last month; I've been thinking about that for some time), that humiliation cost the Mild, like, ten percentage points when it comes to their chances of reaching the postseason. If they miss the playoffs, it would be that home defeat Saturday that contributed to their demise more than any other. I still can't quite believe that got fuckin' blitzed 6-0.
They're done until Friday, when they visit The Bastard Quebec Nordiques. They return to the X for a tilt versus the Islanders Sunday.
Also -- and hear me out -- pessimistic fans of this franchise had their diminished expectations of this group of players affirmed. Let's be real: You kind of thought the Vikes had a chance of losing at home, didn't you? Well, it happened. Look, this team isn't Baltimore or San Francisco or New England. They probably won't win the Super Bowl this year. Any hopes you had that they would are just that -- hopes, not predictions based on fact. So if you know how the Vikings usually roll (or not roll) in situations like this, how can you be shocked? So let's take bets on how motivated they'll be to host Chicago in the regular-season finale Sunday, then see which club is the NFC #3 Seed. Then we'll shit our pants, but not before acknowledging that I, for one, thought these guys would finish out of the playoffs at 8-8. This is by no means a successful season, but we all kind of knew that these guys are a good-to-very-good team, nothing more.
Right?
#-5: Wild (Last Week: -3). A 2-2 screening week. But there are a couple factors that force me to put the Mild below the Vikings in the survey. First off, there are some high numbers in a couple Games, specifically the 8-5 win over The Bastard Winnipeg Jets and a 6-0 home thrashing by The Bastard Atlanta ... uh, Thrashers. I am fixated on this loss; according to The Athletic (which I signed up for on a deal last month; I've been thinking about that for some time), that humiliation cost the Mild, like, ten percentage points when it comes to their chances of reaching the postseason. If they miss the playoffs, it would be that home defeat Saturday that contributed to their demise more than any other. I still can't quite believe that got fuckin' blitzed 6-0.
They're done until Friday, when they visit The Bastard Quebec Nordiques. They return to the X for a tilt versus the Islanders Sunday.
#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). The slide continues: Four more losses (fuck) extend their losing streak to 11 Games. The screening week began with a slump-busting win for New Orleans Wednesday (which had lost 13 straight) and ended with a capitulation at a Golden State club that is nothing like they were the past half-decade. Note that none of the four defeats this screening week has been by more than single digits: Eight, nine, seven and nine have been the margins of defeat for these four Games. They've been competitive (especially since Karl-Anthony Towns hasn't played the past few contests), they just don't have that clutch gene yet.
At Sacramento Boxing Day. They then come to Target Center for Games vs. Cleveland Saturday and Brooklyn Monday. I've been offered tickets to both. My sister and brother-in-law are here until Sunday morning, but I don't think they want to watch a basketball Game and I need to hang out with them, so it looks like I'll go to the Monday match.
At Sacramento Boxing Day. They then come to Target Center for Games vs. Cleveland Saturday and Brooklyn Monday. I've been offered tickets to both. My sister and brother-in-law are here until Sunday morning, but I don't think they want to watch a basketball Game and I need to hang out with them, so it looks like I'll go to the Monday match.
#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: Positive Numbers). Goddamn you, Stanford. I don't know how much envy and animosity The Farm conjure in Gopher volleyball fans, but the school that crushed their championship dreams in the only NCAA Tournament Finals appearance the U. has ever made continues to torment them, sweeping them in the Final Four in Pittsburgh Thursday, 19-22-22.
With that being said, apparently there are a lot of mitigating circumstances to be OK with the squad's run. First of all, like Destinee Hooker of Texas, Minnesota ran into a dominating, iconic player on the other side of the net in Kathryn Plummer. She was named the AVCA Player Of The Year in Pittsburgh last weekend, an honor she won last year in Minneapolis. And apparently (I didn't hear or see the match) she proved why, at one point being responsible for 12 consecutive Kills for The Cardinal. Sometimes, it boils down to getting better players.
Which brings me to my next mitigating circumstance: Apparently, Minnesota and Head Coach Hugh McCutcheon has brought in the #1-rated class next year. (For those Minnesota provincialists: Not one of them is from here.) That should help reload a team that was trying to regroup from the loss of Samantha Seliger-Swenson, maybe considered The Best Setter In Gopher Volleyball History. Finally, when you consider the loss of SSS, reaching one step beyond what you should as the overall #7 Seed may mean that they were happy just to reach the third weekend. That is a loser's mentality, but if you step back and assess, shoot, this was a damn good year. And it could get better next year.
Will I go to a Game next year? Nope. Still mad over their choke job last year. But I give them credit for reaching the Final Four for the sixth time in program history, and for the third time in the last five years. That is the resume of a volleyball powerhouse.
With that being said, apparently there are a lot of mitigating circumstances to be OK with the squad's run. First of all, like Destinee Hooker of Texas, Minnesota ran into a dominating, iconic player on the other side of the net in Kathryn Plummer. She was named the AVCA Player Of The Year in Pittsburgh last weekend, an honor she won last year in Minneapolis. And apparently (I didn't hear or see the match) she proved why, at one point being responsible for 12 consecutive Kills for The Cardinal. Sometimes, it boils down to getting better players.
Which brings me to my next mitigating circumstance: Apparently, Minnesota and Head Coach Hugh McCutcheon has brought in the #1-rated class next year. (For those Minnesota provincialists: Not one of them is from here.) That should help reload a team that was trying to regroup from the loss of Samantha Seliger-Swenson, maybe considered The Best Setter In Gopher Volleyball History. Finally, when you consider the loss of SSS, reaching one step beyond what you should as the overall #7 Seed may mean that they were happy just to reach the third weekend. That is a loser's mentality, but if you step back and assess, shoot, this was a damn good year. And it could get better next year.
Will I go to a Game next year? Nope. Still mad over their choke job last year. But I give them credit for reaching the Final Four for the sixth time in program history, and for the third time in the last five years. That is the resume of a volleyball powerhouse.
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