Killed A Bug Sunday

Not intentionally.  At work.  I was taking one final leak before leaving for the day, and I saw this insect hobbling around on the floor.  It looked like it had only wing as it was veering back and forth, and it seemed to have stumbled into the caulk groove inbetween the tiles.

I noticed it, then proceeded to sit down to pee.  But then I got up.  Work now offers bottles full of disinfectant so our bums don't have to pick up the germs of other bums.  I was sort of in a rush to leave, but even though the pandemic seems to be receding in our rearview mirror, I thought it'd make sense to spray down the toilet seat and handle.  That bottle was on the other side of the bathroom, next to the sink, so I had to walk with my pants down in order to get it.

I took two steps and then I stopped.  "Wait," I thought to myself, "... did I ... just ... ?"  I got the bottle, duck-walked back and stooped down to where I thought it was ... and it was still there ... but in much, much worse shape.  It was now writhing in one spot, rolling back and forth because I crushed whatever little forward mobility it still had.

It was in my twenties when I started to realize that being dead oftentimes is better than being alive but in such a handicapped state that it's not worth it to live.  And if you caught me on a different day, I would have said a little prayer for it, peed, washed my hands and left it to die.  But this time around I went back to the other side of the bathroom, ripped off a piece of towel, pinched the little bugger up and disposed of it in the trash.  Maybe it was better not to allow its misery to be prolonged.  Or, maybe I didn't "do the merciful thing" for the insect but for me.  Or, maybe I should have just not stepped on the insect in the first damn place.

Yeah, I know I have probably inadvertently stepped on ants in my life.  But I'd like to think I can avoid killing insects I had just observed ten seconds before.  And yeah, I probably won't even remember committing murder on one of God's creatures by the end of the week.  But it's been two days and I still haven't let it go.