When I'm Watching Soccer, I Shouldn't Be On My Phone So Damn Much

OK, so it was Decision Day in the English Premier League.  I thought I could see the Match I wanted to see, Leicester City-Tottenham Hotspur at Brit's Pub because they are big enough and have enough television sets to show all ten Matches.  But pandemic or no, they did not do that.  I thought about staying anyway, but then I thought that I couldn't stay and settle.  I knew the Black Hart of St. Paul would be showing Games on demand, so even though I missed the first half of the First Half, I drove across the river.

Soccer is a boring Game.  It just is.  I continually get piqued after initially getting interested because of Minnesota United and the EPL a decade ago, but it is so damn hard to keep watching a Match if nothing happens that I invariably scroll through my cellphone.  And that, invariably, means that I will miss a Goal once it finally happens.  It seems to have happened more often this season, but that's probably because I've been on my phone more and more.

And it cost me today.  Boy, did it fucking cost me.  I was looking at my phone for the pivotal Goal of the Foxes-Spurs Game, an Own Goal that tied it up at 2.  Then, I wanted to wait around to see Manchester City officially hold up the EPL trophy as champions for the Year, and while the endless parade of players were walking out and grabbing their medals, I looked down to get directions to the Mall Of America (to buy the cable for my iPhone XR), then further directions to the garage sale for one of the members of local band Babes In Toyland (which I decided not to go to, partly because would-be pickers would be given numbers and brought in in groups of eight, and that makes me feel like I'm being watched, and partly because I couldn't find the place [though I just looked at the coordinates for the garage sale and it turns out I was too south of it]).  And I look up, and those Cityzens have already lifted the goddamn trophy.

Now, it would have helped if I could have heard either the Goal or the trophy presentation.  But the audio for the Liverpool-Crystal Palace Game was on during the former, and the Black Hart was playing music during the latter.  An audio cue to cue me that the Corner Kick, which led to the Leicester Own Goal, was coming would have made me look up.  I think.  But (sigh) I guess I should have just put my phone away and kept looking at the Game, even if it would have made me fall asleep.

What's left (and I don't care about the Champions League Final) are the Play-"Up" Games down the English Football Pyramid next weekend.  There is just one Match Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  If I got bored in the middle of ten Matches (actually five; the other five Games weren't on, and I don't think they have ten TVs), I won't make it through just one without being inattentive.  And I'll probably miss the Goal that promotes a team because I'm going through fucking Twitter or something.