#-1: Wild (Last Week: -1). The fortunes of a local squad winning its league trophy pretty much falls on the Mild. They served up a rollercoaster of a screening Week. On Saturday, facing a three-Game sweep at the hands of the scuffling St. Louis Blues, the Mild score two Goals in the Third Period to force Overtime, which they won, 4-3. Then on Monday, down 5-4 late in regulation, the Wild score two Goals less than half a Minute apart to to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, 6-5. But on Wednesday they lost to the Golden Knights, 3-2 in Overtime. (On Wednesday night, the Wild, Timberwolves and Twins all played at home and all lost. Fucking sheesh. If I was in Vegas I would bet a parlay against my hometown clubs; I'd make a fortune, ffs. #MinnesotaIsLoservilleUSA)
I wonder how I should feel about the club's chances. Expectations coming into the season were low. Now that they've surprised everyone in the NHL to be the third team this Year to clinch a playoff spot, the Wild have earned the respect from some people who (and this is either faint praise or a euphemism for being a true dark horse) think they'll be a tough out in the First Round. And they have Kirill Kaprizov. But they also could face arguably the two best teams in the league, Las Vegas and The Bastard Quebec Nordiques, in the first two Rounds of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. So they could be one-and-done ... which, compared to preseason expectations, counts as a pleasant surprise.
We'll see how well they'll do because this is the last Week in this truncated regular season. Back-to-back home contests with Anaheim tonight/Friday night and tomorrow/Saturday night, then a pair in St. Louis Wednesday and Thursday to finish out the year.
#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0). You know what? I'm placing the Woofie Dogs above the Twinks this screening Week even though they lost both Games they played this Week. They were a pair of four-Point defeats; the Woofs had a late lead Saturday vs. The Bastard Charlotte Hornets before losing in Overtime, and on Wednesday The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies just counterpunched more often than Minnesota did as the clock wound down. What may be more reason to be optimistic for the squad's future is that Anthony Edwards, named Western Conference Rookie Of The Month, led the team in both Games, 29 against the Pelicans and a new career-high 42 versus the Grizz. But really, these guys are above the teams below them because, well, those teams have had horrendous Weeks.
You can see the end of the road from here! Three on the road (Miami, Orlando, Detroit, on alternating days) before hosting Denver Thursday.
#-3: Twins (Last Week: -4). Shit's not getting better with the Twinks. Won two-of-three against Kansas City, but after a 6-5 win, dropped three in a row to last-place Texas. Alex Kiriloff, finally free of service time shackles and thus probably on the big league club for the rest of his career, is now on the Injured List. Miguel Sano is now seeing more pine time as his Batting Average sits below the Mendoza Line. The Defense has not improved at all. And Alex Colome now has company in the bullpen when it comes to blowing leads; a couple times in the series versus The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 the Twinks have blown leads and, with yesterday's/Thursday's 4-3 loss, now is winless in all seven of their Games that have gone to Extra Innings. There are still five months left to go in the regular season, so there's plenty of time to turn things around. We have seen it with Twinks teams in the past. But Minnesota sports fans are near-suicidal, so fearing the worst for this organization after one month is not only understandable, it's your sworn duty.
This past Week was spent at home. This Week will be spent on the road: Detroit for three, then the White Sox for three.
#-4: United FC (Last Week: -5). As below expectations the Twinks have played, MNUFC has also humiliatingly underachieved. But unlike the Twinks, the Loons don't have 130 more Games to pull out of this tailspin. The XI is reaching new lows as evidenced by Saturday's 1-0 loss at Allianz to expansion team Austin FC. They are the only team in Major League Soccer not to have accrued a Point three Matches into the season. It is the first time in the franchise's time in top flight when they have begun a season 0-3. And they have scored only one Goal so far. (By the way, AFC, the club the Loons just lost to, has won two, tied once and is unbeaten.)
Jeff Rueter of The Athletic wrote a piece detailing the Loooooooons' current woes. The one I like the most: What the fuck has happened to Chase Gasper? The Left Back has had call-ups to the National Team, and yet he has been overwhelmed and, shockingly, slow in defending down the flank through three losses. It was Gasper's man who had space to cross a ground ball past a similarly tardy Romain Metanire (and he has been infuriatingly mediocre so far this Year too) for Austin's only and winning Goal. Is the injury to Bakaye Dibassy, who became the regular Left Centerback late in the summer, that much of a difference maker to Gasper and thus the Loons' Backline?
A few people (Rueter most notable among them) thought United FC could win the Supporters' Shield for having The Best Record In MLS and maybe even MLS Cup. Now they have an uphill climb to even reach the playoffs while they double up the work for the first time of the season this Week: In Colorado tomorrow/Saturday night and home to face Vancouver Wednesday.
#-5: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6). We have reached shitshow proportions. I highly doubt Maryland has been a program of any positive notoriety in its history. Yet they swept our Goofer Nine in College Park over the weekend. It is the fourth consecutive sweep they have suffered.
The closest (and thus most encouraging) Game of the series was Saturday. The U. actually had a 3-2 lead going into the bottom of the Seventh Inning. But the Terrapins mounted a two-Out rally to scratch in the tying Run with help from Golden Goofer Pitcher Nolan Burchill, who, after the tying Run came home, hit and walk batters back-to-back. Finally, in the bottom of the Ninth, Pitcher Boston Merila, who struck out two batters, walked one batter, then a second (even though that one was intentional), then a third, and then a fourth and final Terp. A Walk-Off Walk. And this ballclub is now 4-26 and riding a 13-Game losing streak.
It may stand to reason, then, that this weekend's home series against Ohio St. has been postponed and will likely be cancelled. Protocols for testing contact tracing for COVID-19 have commenced in the ... Minnesota club. Some player there said, "Fuck it, we suck, might as well party at the frat." Just as well; this will prevent the team from losing even more.
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