No More Fast Food, And No More OnlyFans (Cross Fingers)

I went to the gas station to get some money from the ATM -- and, as long as I was there, coffee and breakfast to eat.  So I go up to the ATM and pull out money that eventually is going to ********a later that night for a massage.  And I see that my balance has dipped to ... well, let's just say the amount is enough to make my heart skip a beat.

I'm pretty sure today/Friday is Pay Day.  Still, that won't make up for all the money I have spent.  I'm pretty sure more money has gone out than has come in since vaccines started to become available.  I don't know if a rebound from the pandemic has encouraged me to spend more money than I would have if COVID-19 didn't exist at all.  Yeah, come to think of it, I'd still be spending money like no one's business, pandemic or no.

Like I think I've said here before, there are two big reasons money flows through my hands: Food and porn.  I don't know if I can stem my fast food fixation and eating out, but after I spent $38 at Hooters watching and not listening to the NBA Draft, I think I can do better.  I think I can tough out just having coffee at work two days a week.  On the porn side, I don't do much stripclubbin' anymore, and while every sexual tryst makes a huge dent in the wallet, I haven't been doing a whole lot of that lately (last/Thursday night's massage notwithstanding).  Buying porn on OnlyFans, in fact, has made up for that, and I think and some.  Gotta put a stop to that.

I remember when I was a temp working at the old Best Buy Headquarters.  I was getting money out of an ATM on the campus, and my ATM card got rejected.  I was at my desk when I somehow determined I had only, like, a hundred bucks left.  Maybe it was a thousand, I don't know, but I spent a good hour at work calling the bank to make sure that wasn't a huge error.  Finding out I don't have as much money as I think I should have is a borderline traumatizing experience for me, and I often turn into an ascetic, go home and not spend money in light of those experiences.  Honestly, my heart ran cold when I saw my remaining balance at the gas station yesterday morning.  Those are times when I usually resolve to lock myself down, regain some self-discipline, and effort to grow that account again.

Will I this time?  Can I moderate my passion for food and dining out, and control my sexual urges?  Well, if not, it might take a smaller back account to provide the jolt I need to change.