My God, I've Been Pissing Out Of My Ass

Just got out of the toilet where, for either the fifth or sixth time (lost track) since I began this clear liquid diet and colonoscopy preparation this evening, I have been evacuating my bowels.  I'll be honest: The first four or five times I felt I had my bowels in control because I was shitting and pissing, and that was it.

This last time, however, scares me.  It was like a vicious attack of diarrhea.  I have had that before, and I have spent maybe an hour on the throne where my organs felt like they were being liquidated and then excreted through my rectum.  But now it feels as though it's not going to stop.  I would have an attack, I thought it would be done, and then, "Ope!  It's coming again!"  I actually got dressed once and was about to open the door when I realized I had to go again.

What frustrates me this time around are two things.  First, the bowels have become all liquid.  That's good in the sense that this was expected after I downed all that Bisacodyl and Gatorade; in fact, if I were still pooping poop this late in the day, that would be a big problem.   But "pissing out of my ass," as my brother describes it, isn't a good feeling.  My colon shot out my liquid excrement not straight down but, I think, at an angle, so it started hitting my anus.  I had to clean all over my butt, and I hate that.  I might take a quick bath so I can wash my tushy again.

The other thing that frustrates me?  I have this incessant, primordial fear that I will need to go as Mother takes me to the hospital.  Will I shit myself ... well, piss/shit myself?  Hope to God I don't, but like I said, I don't feel as in control as I did earlier in the evening.

Yeah, I want to get this over with.  This is painful and embarrassing.  And I realize I've been saying "pissing out of my ass" a lot, and I want to stop typing that, let alone doing that.