I'd give a more detailed WMNSS, but I just tried updating my iPhone even though it was already up-to-date (I don't want to get into it), and the goddamn thing is now at the restore screen -- you know, the one where it has the image of a plug telling you to plug it in, and there's the restore URL on top. I went through this in October but I got myself out of that jam somehow. But I didn't get out of this one, goddammit. So I need to take my fucking phone to the Genius Bar tomorrow when I really can't afford to. I hate technology.
So if you don't mind, I'll be a bit terse with the survey.
#0: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2). Wow -- there might be something wrong with the Illinois softball program. It seems apparent the Gophers aren't all that good, but they swept the Illini in Champaign over the weekend (the Sunday Game was moved up to make a Saturday Doubleheader), and the first two tilts were called after five Innings where the U. were up 16-1 on Friday and 13-0 in the first contest Saturday (they scraped by in the third Game, 6-4, and that's after Illinois put up three Runs in the bottom of the Seventh Inning). That's great. Unfortunately, I don't think they'll win by those winning margins the rest of the Year.
They finally open up Cowles Stadium for the season with a series vs. Ohio St.
They get the annual mid-week two-fer against The Bastard Seattle Pilots out of the way tomorrowTuesday and Wednesday in Milwaukee. They then finally open up Target Field with a three-Game series against The Cleveland Guardians Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.
#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0). The West is tight! Every Game matters. So, even though they started off the Week finally getting free of Detroit at Target Center and then making a statement in going to Denver and beating the Nuggets by 13, they came home and laid an egg last/Sunday night versus the lowly Chicago Bulls. Even with those two good Wins, that damaging Loss now puts Minnesota back into third place in the Western Conference, even if they're only a Game behind the first place Bastard Seattle SuperSonics. This isn't January; this is where the Games really start to matter and you can't half-ass shit.
On the bright side, I think people have deduced that one more Win means the worst the Wolves can finish is sixth, which means that even if they lose out, they'll avoid the Play-In Tournament. Yippee!!! They could do it in back-to-back home Games against Houston or Toronto (the latter of which I'm planning on going to), or they could do it at Phoenix or The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.1.0.
#-3: United FC (Re-Entry!). Suffered their first defeat of the season Saturday, 2-0 at Philadelphia. Not a big deal; no one's going undefeated in Major League Soccer. One potential weak spot: Some observers thought that Victor Eriksson lacked fitness. His bad header led to the dagger Goal. Watch this space. Hosting Real Salt Lake Saturday.
#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1). Dropped two-of-three at Iowa. Now, I know this isn't bad as the 2021 or 2022 seasons, but John Anderson's last season as Manager isn't going anywhere. The begin a five-Game homestand with a one-off vs. South Dakota St. Tuesday and a trio against Illinois.
#-5: Wild (Last Week: -3). I keep saying this, but any chance for the Mild to reach the playoffs are gone this screening Week. They beat San Jose, but everyone does. It was more important to beat (Las) Vegas, and more importantly, getting two Points while holding the Golden Knights to zero. Well, that didn't happen because the Mild blew yet another Third Period lead. In Overtime, Head Coach John Hynes did the same thing he did a few Weeks ago: Pulled the Goalie in order to get an extra attacker to win the Game. This time, though, VGK was able to pot an Empty Net Goal -- and thus, by rule, lose the Loser Point they gained by getting the tilt to OT.
They finish a six-Game homestand playing Ottawa, The Bastard Quebec Nordiques and The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers before playingin Chicago.
#-Infinity: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). In the NCAA Tournament, they came from behind to defeat Nebraska-Omaha, 3-2, but then got pummeled by Boston University, 6-3, to see their season end in the Quarterfinals. Of course.
They blew a 2-0 First Period lead to the Terriers Saturday. You know, they blew a 2-0 lead and then lost to Quinnipiac 15 Seconds into Overtime of the title Game last Year, they sent out a tweet I think the next Day vowing they'll be back. I replied to them that they have no goddamn clue if they're ever going to be bac, because they might never have as good of a chance of winning a championship for the state of Minnesota than the one they just choked on. I wanted -- want -- to be wrong. But goddammit, I was proven right.
I'd bloviate more on this, but my anxiety is at a 10 now that my phone has frozen on me.
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