I never know how my parents are going to behave when I come home. Never. At least not for a long time. And that was affirmed Wednesday when they came home without telling me.
The house was in a, say, disheveled state, so I knew My Fucking Father was going to rip me a new one for it. That came tonight, after I came home from working out and avoiding them as much as possible. I was preparing myself for the possibility that he was going to clean my room, and sure enough, as soon as I saw my old antenna missing from where I put it, I knew he did.
As usual, I heard his goddamn footsteps trundle up the stairs as I was looking around Grandmother's bedroom (into which I was thrown into by both my folks) while I was wondering where the hell did he fucking put my stuff. Oh yes, here it comes, the motherfucking "clean your room and throw all your old stuff away" speech again. Only this time he added all the things he didn't like about the shape the house was in when my parents blindsided me. He peppered his insults with a fair share of lies, also a part of the act. In particular he showed me a towel with a hole in it and said the towel ripped apart after I left it underneath an overwatered plant. It's become more apparent that My Fucking Father and My Fucking Mother are crazy in their own individual ways, but accusing me of shit I didn't do appears to be a trait they both share.
I was given a deadline to recycle all the papers tomorrow. I bluffed and said I work tomorrow, but My Fucking Father's on one of his rampages, so I had to sift through them. This is what storage is for. But ah, there is another surprise, although I guess I should have seen this coming the first time Mother got the mail and saw the bill from the storage facility.
I decided to leave because I couldn't fucking stand being at home with My Fucking Father, but also to put the bags I will send to storage tomorrow morning. My Father, hearing that I started the car outside, sat down on the stoops -- one of the ways to show how I'm really, really hurting him -- and reveals that he knows my secret about the storage facility, and then berates about why I pay money to throw papers into it. It's not just papers. It's Entertainment Weekly, it's programs, it's stuff that I resent My Fucking Father for wanting to throw away. He says I need to see a shrink. I think that's still a secret.
I just stared at him until he complained himself to exhaustion. I then asked to leave, and he shooed me out. Right now, I don't know if he's throwing all my stuff outside, or planning to throw me out of the house, or crying on My Fucking Mother's shoulder, or planning to kill me. I'm just really, really scared of what awaits me when I have to come back to the house again -- and it has to be fairly soon, because I know he'll be pissed if I stay out too late.
I truly hate my parents. My Fucking Mother the past two days, My Fucking Father now. I truly, truly, truly hate them -- for yelling at me now, for all the abuse they've heaped on me all my life, for turning me into the trembling, uncertain, negative son-of-a-bitch I am now.
Friday, December 5, 2014
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Welcome Home, Guys -- Wait, What The Fuck Are You Two Doing Here?
I got home Wednesday night after seeing my shrink and eating at Outback Steakhouse. I reached into the mailbox and thought it weird that I didn't feel any mail. Then I looked up and saw that there was a light emanating from the living room, but that must have been the automatic light.
But as I approached the front door I saw the shovel and the ice melt on the stoop. I placed both of them inside. And now someone's inside.
Who the fuck could it be? I doubt it'd be an intruder; they wouldn't just move the shovel and ice melt outside so they could maneuver better while robbing the house. I thought it was my brother and sister-in-law coming in to clean up the house. That would suck.
But it turned out to be worse. I opened the door ... and I heard Mother's voice from the kitchen. "You're home?" she bellowed from upstairs, "We're home!"
And they didn't tell me. God. Damn. Bitch.
I'm going to keep this short so that I can get this in before the day's done. I was extremely apoplectic that my folks blindsided me like this. I asked why they didn't tell me they were coming home, and I didn't get an answer, even a shitty one. After dinner Mother, who seemed all shiny-happy, started fucking yelling at me -- for not opening the mail on time, for not faxing real estate stuff to the property manager, for not writing down the month of the statements that come in for my parent's 95 checking accounts, for fuck's sake. My Fucking Father didn't speak to me at all -- well, besides telling me to throw my dirty clothes back on the dining room floor so he can wash them tomorrow.
Mother told me to call her at work today, where she bitched at me even more, for doing something to her computer and for not organizing her goddamn mail because she said I threw away some of her goddamn bank statements. I really do hate that woman sometimes. She got better after I got home today, and conversely I got more irate when I went through her mail and found the statements in a bad she admitted she didn't go through. But then My Fucking Father told me to clean the house and bathroom when they leave next week. They were better behaved tonight, and they will whisk themselves out of here almost as quickly as they came in. But fuck, I will never, ever forget how they surprised me like this.
---
I wonder what's worst for My Fucking Father to see. I left a lot of stuff just inside the front door, so he (and it was probably him) put it in my room. As soon as I came back home I realized that my porn was strewn all over my bedroom. I hoped that all the magazines were covered, or at least all of them were flipped to the back cover. All but one was. But that wouldn't have mattered, because right next to that Playboy, on my bed, kinked out with experience absorbing my ejections, was my cum towel. My Fucking Father might not have noticed. Or, he might have been so shocked that he still doesn't know what the fuck to say to me. Or, he might really want to screw me over and reveal what he saw in my bedroom at dinner, like, five years from now.
But to be totally honest, he might not have been pissed off at me for my porn. He may have been more upset that I left some garbage on the kitchen counter, in particular a paper plate and a yogurt cup. I left them there because I wasn't sure if we could recycle them. I'm serious; I think we can recycle them. I just didn't have time to do the research and then see if I could recycle it or have to dump it. You see, I thought I had time, but then my parents decided to come home and not tell me. Those fuckers. ...
But as I approached the front door I saw the shovel and the ice melt on the stoop. I placed both of them inside. And now someone's inside.
Who the fuck could it be? I doubt it'd be an intruder; they wouldn't just move the shovel and ice melt outside so they could maneuver better while robbing the house. I thought it was my brother and sister-in-law coming in to clean up the house. That would suck.
But it turned out to be worse. I opened the door ... and I heard Mother's voice from the kitchen. "You're home?" she bellowed from upstairs, "We're home!"
And they didn't tell me. God. Damn. Bitch.
I'm going to keep this short so that I can get this in before the day's done. I was extremely apoplectic that my folks blindsided me like this. I asked why they didn't tell me they were coming home, and I didn't get an answer, even a shitty one. After dinner Mother, who seemed all shiny-happy, started fucking yelling at me -- for not opening the mail on time, for not faxing real estate stuff to the property manager, for not writing down the month of the statements that come in for my parent's 95 checking accounts, for fuck's sake. My Fucking Father didn't speak to me at all -- well, besides telling me to throw my dirty clothes back on the dining room floor so he can wash them tomorrow.
Mother told me to call her at work today, where she bitched at me even more, for doing something to her computer and for not organizing her goddamn mail because she said I threw away some of her goddamn bank statements. I really do hate that woman sometimes. She got better after I got home today, and conversely I got more irate when I went through her mail and found the statements in a bad she admitted she didn't go through. But then My Fucking Father told me to clean the house and bathroom when they leave next week. They were better behaved tonight, and they will whisk themselves out of here almost as quickly as they came in. But fuck, I will never, ever forget how they surprised me like this.
---
I wonder what's worst for My Fucking Father to see. I left a lot of stuff just inside the front door, so he (and it was probably him) put it in my room. As soon as I came back home I realized that my porn was strewn all over my bedroom. I hoped that all the magazines were covered, or at least all of them were flipped to the back cover. All but one was. But that wouldn't have mattered, because right next to that Playboy, on my bed, kinked out with experience absorbing my ejections, was my cum towel. My Fucking Father might not have noticed. Or, he might have been so shocked that he still doesn't know what the fuck to say to me. Or, he might really want to screw me over and reveal what he saw in my bedroom at dinner, like, five years from now.
But to be totally honest, he might not have been pissed off at me for my porn. He may have been more upset that I left some garbage on the kitchen counter, in particular a paper plate and a yogurt cup. I left them there because I wasn't sure if we could recycle them. I'm serious; I think we can recycle them. I just didn't have time to do the research and then see if I could recycle it or have to dump it. You see, I thought I had time, but then my parents decided to come home and not tell me. Those fuckers. ...
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#0: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -3). I was at the Sports Pavilion for Saturday's dual against Oklahoma St. Glad I did; the Gophers avenged their home loss to the Cowboys two years ago by a score of 19-15. There was a blip in the rankings advantage the U. enjoyed when the Gophers' Sam Brancale, ranked 18th in the country at 125, didn't just get beat but got pinned by unranked Eddie Klimara. That tied the match at 9 going into halftime, but in the second half the U. had a grappler ranked 1st, 2nd and 3rd, and the decisions they racked up glided the Gophs to a solid win. And they maintained their #1 overall ranking.
There is this thing called the Cliff Keen Invitational this weekend. It seems like a special tournament and not a dual, so I don't think I'm going to write about them next week.
#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). Didn't know that the U. had a huge lead against St. John's Wednesday night -- not just at halftime, but with about four minutes left to go. Then the Red Storm stole a ball at the Goofs' defensive zone, and some guy had this thunderdunk, posterizing some guy. That apparently sparked St. John's to the win. If I had known that, I would've sunk this team even lower in last week's WMNSS.
Saying that, the team has bounced back quite well, beating two BcS teams this week. First they took out Georgia 66-62 in the consolation game of the NIT Season Tip-Off. Then they beat Wake Forest (at Winston-Salem, N.C.) by 15 in the ACC/Big Ten Challenge. Those are two victories over names that should boost the RPI, and they're two wins that will come in very handy when the NCAA Committee has to compare bubble teams, which the U. definitely will be.
They start a six-game homestand against some really cupcakes. They begin with Western Carolina and North Dakota.
#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). Went to Princeton over Thanksgiving Weekend and swept the Tigers by scores of 2-1 and 5-2. I don't have anything else to say. Sorry, my parents just came home, and the entire household is going down the shitter, because my Mother is yelling at me and I'm just about to murder her. They have a huge winter break after this weekend's series against St. Cloud St. at Ridder Arena.
#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -7). I don't know if you can call this progress. After all, Teddy Bridgewater passed only for, lik, 127 yards. I don't even know if you call the Vikings an improving team after they beat the Carolina Panthers. (I can say that the Panthers are a bad team, and Ron Rivera is in danger of being fired a year after leading the team to a division title.) At least you can say that it was a very unique game. The offense was, er, competent, and the defense was OK, but the game was carried by the special teams, which blocked two punts and returned both for touchdowns -- only the fifth time in the history of the NFL that has happened.
They have a possibility, believe it or not, of reaching 7-9. Sunday's home game against the New York Jets has to be a gimme win ... right?
#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Well, they aren't going to go undefeated after they got kind of crushed by Vanderbilt in the first game of the Gulf Coast Showcase. But they turned it around in the round-robin (?) tournament, first blitzing College of Charleston and then outlasting Georgia Tech. And then they went on the road and won their ACC/Big Ten Challenge game over N.C. St. tonight (Wednesday night), 60-55. Those wins over the Yellow Jackets and Wolfpack should help come tournament time, just like the men. And I don't know about you, but I have to think that this team will be better just because they changed coaches. They host Butler Sunday.
#-5: Wild (Last Week: -4). They got their asses kicked by the Kings last Wednesday, but this Wednesday they wound up a 2-2 week by beating Montreal, 2-1. Had a shootout loss (like the Kings, also at home) against St. Louis. But in their only road game, they went to Dallas and beat The Team That Was Stolen From Us in overtime, 5-4. Not a bad week, even if they sit only ninth in the Western Conference. They finish a four-game homestand with games against Anaheim and the New York Islanders.
#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -Infinity). Went to the Boston area over the weekend and beat Boston College 6-2 but lost to Northeastern 3-2. Northeastern isn't even ranked. Guess that's why they've slipped in the USCHO poll from 3rd to 6th. Have nothing else to say; parents and all. Like the ladies, the men's Gopher hockey team has one final weekend series before being done for the rest of the year. They begin conference play at Michigan St.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6). A 1-4 week. But that last loss, Wednesday night (tonight), happened to a team that was winless in the NBA, and one defeat away from tying the 2009-10 Brooklyn Nets for the worst losing streak to begin a season. That was the team that the Woofie Dogs just lost to, and comfortably, 85-77, shooting, like, 35% from the field in what has to be the most shameful defeat in recent Wolves history. Squeaking by the Lakers in Los Angeles is utterly worthless when compared to the loss to the 76ers. Oh, and they lost to Milwaukee, Portland and the Clippers, too.
The NBA's Slumpbuster hosts Houston, visits San Antonio, then plays Golden State at Target Center.
#-Infinity (tie): Gopher football and Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0 and Positive Numbers, respectively). Well, they had their chance. But in the end, Wisconsin was slightly more two-dimensional than Minnesota. Specifically, Joel (?) Stave was able to pass a little more than Mitch Leidner, and that's kind of the reason why they were able to give Jerry Kill his first loss after leading at halftime. That's not to say that this defeat ruins everything that's happened over the year. But while the defense acquitted themselves nicely, there remains a noticeable gap between Minnesota and the powers of the B1G, although it's safe to say that gap has closed.
They await the bowl exhibition, so they are done. So are the U. volleyballers, although they shouldn't, and it's incredibly, incredibly rare. In fact, for the first time in 16 years, Minnesota has failed to reach the NCAA Tournament. Worse yet, this was a year where they are hosting a regional. In volleyball, if you're in the tournament, you're bracketed so that you will play in front of your home crowd if you make it to regionals. Instead, the seeded teams going through the Sports Pavilion are Texas, North Carolina, Oregon and Colorado St. (The fact that no Big Ten teams were placed in this regional is a puzzling question in and of itself.)
I still am not satisfied as to how the fuck this program, one which perennially reaches the tourney (and wins) didn't qualify for the postseason for the first time since my senior year in college. Guess that season-ending sweep of Indiana at home wasn't enough. Maybe they should've sealed the deal at Ohio St. the game before instead of losing in five. Or maybe their fates were sealed with those back-to-back sweeps at Illinois and Northwestern. Regardless, I am kind of shocked that there isn't more outrage over this streak being broken, or that there isn't a front-page story in either of our newspapers asking what the hell is going on. That will put a fire under Head Coach Hugh McCutcheon. At the very least the guy who once coached the women's Olympic team has to be on the hot seat. How the fuck can you not be after this abortion of a season?
There is this thing called the Cliff Keen Invitational this weekend. It seems like a special tournament and not a dual, so I don't think I'm going to write about them next week.
#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). Didn't know that the U. had a huge lead against St. John's Wednesday night -- not just at halftime, but with about four minutes left to go. Then the Red Storm stole a ball at the Goofs' defensive zone, and some guy had this thunderdunk, posterizing some guy. That apparently sparked St. John's to the win. If I had known that, I would've sunk this team even lower in last week's WMNSS.
Saying that, the team has bounced back quite well, beating two BcS teams this week. First they took out Georgia 66-62 in the consolation game of the NIT Season Tip-Off. Then they beat Wake Forest (at Winston-Salem, N.C.) by 15 in the ACC/Big Ten Challenge. Those are two victories over names that should boost the RPI, and they're two wins that will come in very handy when the NCAA Committee has to compare bubble teams, which the U. definitely will be.
They start a six-game homestand against some really cupcakes. They begin with Western Carolina and North Dakota.
#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). Went to Princeton over Thanksgiving Weekend and swept the Tigers by scores of 2-1 and 5-2. I don't have anything else to say. Sorry, my parents just came home, and the entire household is going down the shitter, because my Mother is yelling at me and I'm just about to murder her. They have a huge winter break after this weekend's series against St. Cloud St. at Ridder Arena.
#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -7). I don't know if you can call this progress. After all, Teddy Bridgewater passed only for, lik, 127 yards. I don't even know if you call the Vikings an improving team after they beat the Carolina Panthers. (I can say that the Panthers are a bad team, and Ron Rivera is in danger of being fired a year after leading the team to a division title.) At least you can say that it was a very unique game. The offense was, er, competent, and the defense was OK, but the game was carried by the special teams, which blocked two punts and returned both for touchdowns -- only the fifth time in the history of the NFL that has happened.
They have a possibility, believe it or not, of reaching 7-9. Sunday's home game against the New York Jets has to be a gimme win ... right?
#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Well, they aren't going to go undefeated after they got kind of crushed by Vanderbilt in the first game of the Gulf Coast Showcase. But they turned it around in the round-robin (?) tournament, first blitzing College of Charleston and then outlasting Georgia Tech. And then they went on the road and won their ACC/Big Ten Challenge game over N.C. St. tonight (Wednesday night), 60-55. Those wins over the Yellow Jackets and Wolfpack should help come tournament time, just like the men. And I don't know about you, but I have to think that this team will be better just because they changed coaches. They host Butler Sunday.
#-5: Wild (Last Week: -4). They got their asses kicked by the Kings last Wednesday, but this Wednesday they wound up a 2-2 week by beating Montreal, 2-1. Had a shootout loss (like the Kings, also at home) against St. Louis. But in their only road game, they went to Dallas and beat The Team That Was Stolen From Us in overtime, 5-4. Not a bad week, even if they sit only ninth in the Western Conference. They finish a four-game homestand with games against Anaheim and the New York Islanders.
#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -Infinity). Went to the Boston area over the weekend and beat Boston College 6-2 but lost to Northeastern 3-2. Northeastern isn't even ranked. Guess that's why they've slipped in the USCHO poll from 3rd to 6th. Have nothing else to say; parents and all. Like the ladies, the men's Gopher hockey team has one final weekend series before being done for the rest of the year. They begin conference play at Michigan St.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6). A 1-4 week. But that last loss, Wednesday night (tonight), happened to a team that was winless in the NBA, and one defeat away from tying the 2009-10 Brooklyn Nets for the worst losing streak to begin a season. That was the team that the Woofie Dogs just lost to, and comfortably, 85-77, shooting, like, 35% from the field in what has to be the most shameful defeat in recent Wolves history. Squeaking by the Lakers in Los Angeles is utterly worthless when compared to the loss to the 76ers. Oh, and they lost to Milwaukee, Portland and the Clippers, too.
The NBA's Slumpbuster hosts Houston, visits San Antonio, then plays Golden State at Target Center.
#-Infinity (tie): Gopher football and Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0 and Positive Numbers, respectively). Well, they had their chance. But in the end, Wisconsin was slightly more two-dimensional than Minnesota. Specifically, Joel (?) Stave was able to pass a little more than Mitch Leidner, and that's kind of the reason why they were able to give Jerry Kill his first loss after leading at halftime. That's not to say that this defeat ruins everything that's happened over the year. But while the defense acquitted themselves nicely, there remains a noticeable gap between Minnesota and the powers of the B1G, although it's safe to say that gap has closed.
They await the bowl exhibition, so they are done. So are the U. volleyballers, although they shouldn't, and it's incredibly, incredibly rare. In fact, for the first time in 16 years, Minnesota has failed to reach the NCAA Tournament. Worse yet, this was a year where they are hosting a regional. In volleyball, if you're in the tournament, you're bracketed so that you will play in front of your home crowd if you make it to regionals. Instead, the seeded teams going through the Sports Pavilion are Texas, North Carolina, Oregon and Colorado St. (The fact that no Big Ten teams were placed in this regional is a puzzling question in and of itself.)
I still am not satisfied as to how the fuck this program, one which perennially reaches the tourney (and wins) didn't qualify for the postseason for the first time since my senior year in college. Guess that season-ending sweep of Indiana at home wasn't enough. Maybe they should've sealed the deal at Ohio St. the game before instead of losing in five. Or maybe their fates were sealed with those back-to-back sweeps at Illinois and Northwestern. Regardless, I am kind of shocked that there isn't more outrage over this streak being broken, or that there isn't a front-page story in either of our newspapers asking what the hell is going on. That will put a fire under Head Coach Hugh McCutcheon. At the very least the guy who once coached the women's Olympic team has to be on the hot seat. How the fuck can you not be after this abortion of a season?
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
My Job Was Just Taken From Me
So early on this season, as this project began, I was tipped off of this job that was opening up soon. It was with a department I work with; in fact, I would be replacing someone I have spoken to many times. The employees that told me about this position really thought I would be good for this job, and they like me, and I like them, so I was ... well, open to taking the job.
Applying, of course, is another thing. I decided to let it marinate in my head. After all, although the commute is great, the workload seems not too challenging and I am a known commodity, this isn't in my field. As much as I bitch about not being able to find a job in sports, I'm afraid that taking a full-time job means that dream has died for good. So I waited to see if inspiration or fate strikes me. It's what I usually do, even thought other people may call it procrastination.
Since then, I totally got busy, so busy that I didn't have the time nor the energy to fill it out. Also, this Asshole yelled at me, work became nothing I expected, my boss turned into a nasty asshole as well, The Two temps turned out to have personalities that don't exactly mesh with mine, I got so stressed out I couldn't sleep well at night, and I generally began to question why and if I should work there at all.
And then, just like that, I filled out the application Sunday night. Most of the stress went away since my boss started firing people, and I insist that that should not have logically led to a reduction in my ennui even though my heart's no longer beating out of my chest, and that began after he started letting the other temps go. Anyway, my hate towards this project, and this job, and this company, vanished completely as soon as I thought about going for this job again, which was Wednesday, which is when my Thanksgiving vacation began and I had several days to at least think about it. I guess I would liken it to giving birth; it's absolute hell while you're going through it, but once you get done with it (and in particular you see your child), you forget all the pain and believe you can deal with the whole ordeal once again.
So I filled it out while eating at Buffalo Wild Wings and watching sports Sunday night with the intention of turning it Monday afternoon. Got wrapped up with this bullshit spreadsheet problem and I thought about just leaving without dropping it off, but I thought that since I filled it out, even to the point where I actually looked for such information as starting employment dates and ending hourly wages, I might as well turn it in as soon as I could.
I gave it to the person I was supposed to. She looked at it and went, "Oh, shoot! We just filled that position."
Well, fuck.
I knew I shouldn't have procrastinated. But you know what? I got busy -- busy with work. At this company. Can anybody blame me for not getting around to it till now? You know, it's just my luck that I was offered something, I can't get around to it for reasons totally understandable, and then once I do get around to taking advantage of this offer, it's taken from me.
I was putting the application away, probably to use to wipe my ass once I got home to take a shit. This feeling came over me -- of rejection, of anger, of getting fucked over. This was handed to me on a silver platter, and just because I had other duties with this same company I can't even interview anymore. This is totally unfair. Now I really have to be a temp again. Now I really have to look for work again, when I was totally OK with working here full-time.
Yeah, I guess I'm being hypocritical when I bitch about not getting a job I was wishy-washy over, and one that I badmouthed earlier in this blog post. But you know what? All that stuff about giving up on my dreams and worrying that my dream job in sports is dead? Yeah, fuck that. I lost this job because of circumstances beyond my control. I want what I don't have, OK? That's the way I roll. And that's why, right now, I am pissed off. All these guys, encouraging me to go out for this job ... they must be so disappointed in me.
---
Now that I lost out on my Dream Job, I wonder who got it. Were they interviewing people behind my back?
You know what really worries me? I think that one of The Two got the job. One of those fucking two interviewed under my nose, while I was trying to meet deadlines, answer questions, hunt down envelopes and try to keep this company moving along. Hell, I was cleaning up their messes and they were moving in on and taking my job from me! And The Asshole probably told them about it, too. He sits by them. Probably he told them, "Hey, there's this job open, and I know that Unforgivable Wetness probably knows about the job too, so you better apply and interview before he does!" Mean, nasty, two-faced rat fink.
So I'm out of a job after this, and I don't know what the fuck to do. Guess it's back on the dole.
Applying, of course, is another thing. I decided to let it marinate in my head. After all, although the commute is great, the workload seems not too challenging and I am a known commodity, this isn't in my field. As much as I bitch about not being able to find a job in sports, I'm afraid that taking a full-time job means that dream has died for good. So I waited to see if inspiration or fate strikes me. It's what I usually do, even thought other people may call it procrastination.
Since then, I totally got busy, so busy that I didn't have the time nor the energy to fill it out. Also, this Asshole yelled at me, work became nothing I expected, my boss turned into a nasty asshole as well, The Two temps turned out to have personalities that don't exactly mesh with mine, I got so stressed out I couldn't sleep well at night, and I generally began to question why and if I should work there at all.
And then, just like that, I filled out the application Sunday night. Most of the stress went away since my boss started firing people, and I insist that that should not have logically led to a reduction in my ennui even though my heart's no longer beating out of my chest, and that began after he started letting the other temps go. Anyway, my hate towards this project, and this job, and this company, vanished completely as soon as I thought about going for this job again, which was Wednesday, which is when my Thanksgiving vacation began and I had several days to at least think about it. I guess I would liken it to giving birth; it's absolute hell while you're going through it, but once you get done with it (and in particular you see your child), you forget all the pain and believe you can deal with the whole ordeal once again.
So I filled it out while eating at Buffalo Wild Wings and watching sports Sunday night with the intention of turning it Monday afternoon. Got wrapped up with this bullshit spreadsheet problem and I thought about just leaving without dropping it off, but I thought that since I filled it out, even to the point where I actually looked for such information as starting employment dates and ending hourly wages, I might as well turn it in as soon as I could.
I gave it to the person I was supposed to. She looked at it and went, "Oh, shoot! We just filled that position."
Well, fuck.
I knew I shouldn't have procrastinated. But you know what? I got busy -- busy with work. At this company. Can anybody blame me for not getting around to it till now? You know, it's just my luck that I was offered something, I can't get around to it for reasons totally understandable, and then once I do get around to taking advantage of this offer, it's taken from me.
I was putting the application away, probably to use to wipe my ass once I got home to take a shit. This feeling came over me -- of rejection, of anger, of getting fucked over. This was handed to me on a silver platter, and just because I had other duties with this same company I can't even interview anymore. This is totally unfair. Now I really have to be a temp again. Now I really have to look for work again, when I was totally OK with working here full-time.
Yeah, I guess I'm being hypocritical when I bitch about not getting a job I was wishy-washy over, and one that I badmouthed earlier in this blog post. But you know what? All that stuff about giving up on my dreams and worrying that my dream job in sports is dead? Yeah, fuck that. I lost this job because of circumstances beyond my control. I want what I don't have, OK? That's the way I roll. And that's why, right now, I am pissed off. All these guys, encouraging me to go out for this job ... they must be so disappointed in me.
---
Now that I lost out on my Dream Job, I wonder who got it. Were they interviewing people behind my back?
You know what really worries me? I think that one of The Two got the job. One of those fucking two interviewed under my nose, while I was trying to meet deadlines, answer questions, hunt down envelopes and try to keep this company moving along. Hell, I was cleaning up their messes and they were moving in on and taking my job from me! And The Asshole probably told them about it, too. He sits by them. Probably he told them, "Hey, there's this job open, and I know that Unforgivable Wetness probably knows about the job too, so you better apply and interview before he does!" Mean, nasty, two-faced rat fink.
So I'm out of a job after this, and I don't know what the fuck to do. Guess it's back on the dole.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Now I Really Don't Know What The Fuck I'm Gonna Do
This was a long weekend, and it still feels too short to me. That's because I am back to doing what I did all day Wednesday: Going through spreadsheets and correcting numbers. I am not looking forward to it, and I am going through scenarios in my mind where I don't have to do it.
Really, what I should be doing is looking at the spreadsheets online instead of going through the paper copies. But I don't think my supervisor wants me doing that. If I do, and he catches me, he might think I'm cutting corners, and I suspect that he thought I was doing that already. So I might be slaving away at papers again in the morning, even though he wants this pushed out by the end of the day. Hey, this has to be more right than fast. Both would be great, but better the former than the latter, so what's the rush?
Well, my job, current and any future ones, that's the rush. Fuck, if it's not one thing, it's another. ...
Really, what I should be doing is looking at the spreadsheets online instead of going through the paper copies. But I don't think my supervisor wants me doing that. If I do, and he catches me, he might think I'm cutting corners, and I suspect that he thought I was doing that already. So I might be slaving away at papers again in the morning, even though he wants this pushed out by the end of the day. Hey, this has to be more right than fast. Both would be great, but better the former than the latter, so what's the rush?
Well, my job, current and any future ones, that's the rush. Fuck, if it's not one thing, it's another. ...
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Does No One Care Anymore?
OK, I'm sorry, but I finally have to blow my lid. I've been trying to host these parties for my alumni club, and all season, week by week, attendance has steadily dropped.
We reached the nadir yesterday. Well, actually, I did. You see, no one showed up. I have to repeat: No one fucking showed up.
Why the hell not? Sure, our team was not as good as it should be. But we weren't that good last year, and people showed up. I didn't see any precipitous drop over the games last season. But there was this season. Why is that?
You know, I can't think of any other reason except that it's ... me. For some reason, people in the club don't like me. Nothing else has changed -- not the venue, not the mediocre season our team's been having ... well, I was President last year, too. I don't know what it is, but why couldn't it be because people think I'm a creep?
It's just pissing me off, though. What I hate most of all is that I am now the only person (well, me and the Vice-President) who cares to show up for these events. No, we're not doing a whole lot right now, but we're going to try and fill in with other things not that the season's over. But I don't know if I should even do that now that I see that no one is showing up for what is the most fundamental events the club has. So if they don't give a shit, why should I give a shit?
I'm looking around at the empty space while watching the game and I am so, so tired of being the only one who cares anymore. I'm responsible for the club now, but how am I supposed to get interest going when I apparently squandered everything? And why should I even bother if this is just going to happen the next time I plan something?
Why do I even fucking try?
We reached the nadir yesterday. Well, actually, I did. You see, no one showed up. I have to repeat: No one fucking showed up.
Why the hell not? Sure, our team was not as good as it should be. But we weren't that good last year, and people showed up. I didn't see any precipitous drop over the games last season. But there was this season. Why is that?
You know, I can't think of any other reason except that it's ... me. For some reason, people in the club don't like me. Nothing else has changed -- not the venue, not the mediocre season our team's been having ... well, I was President last year, too. I don't know what it is, but why couldn't it be because people think I'm a creep?
It's just pissing me off, though. What I hate most of all is that I am now the only person (well, me and the Vice-President) who cares to show up for these events. No, we're not doing a whole lot right now, but we're going to try and fill in with other things not that the season's over. But I don't know if I should even do that now that I see that no one is showing up for what is the most fundamental events the club has. So if they don't give a shit, why should I give a shit?
I'm looking around at the empty space while watching the game and I am so, so tired of being the only one who cares anymore. I'm responsible for the club now, but how am I supposed to get interest going when I apparently squandered everything? And why should I even bother if this is just going to happen the next time I plan something?
Why do I even fucking try?
Saturday, November 29, 2014
SUCCESS!!!
OK, so in my last blog post I was complaining about how I'm pissing away so much money. Well, I did wake up and I did go to stripclubs (not one, not two, but three) ... and let me just say that it was money well spent.
Uh, maybe I should be more specific: I got a handjob last night. Even better, it was at a place where I least expect it. I was afraid I was totally going to get caught -- which made the feeling of cumming into that stripper's hand that much more satisfying. Seriously, I cannot bitch anymore about money or my weekend ending or anything, because I got a handie. This took me back to when I was spending money like it was going out of style and I didn't care. It's ... I am blessed, that's all I can say.
Uh, maybe I should be more specific: I got a handjob last night. Even better, it was at a place where I least expect it. I was afraid I was totally going to get caught -- which made the feeling of cumming into that stripper's hand that much more satisfying. Seriously, I cannot bitch anymore about money or my weekend ending or anything, because I got a handie. This took me back to when I was spending money like it was going out of style and I didn't care. It's ... I am blessed, that's all I can say.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Money, Running Through My Fingers Like Water
I took out $200 Wednesday night with the intent of spending it on strippers -- all of it, Wednesday. But I overslept.
Thought that meant I'd be sitting on $200 through Thanksgiving until tonight, Friday night. But then I decided to go to the K-Mart close by that's about to close, where I spent $70 on a bunch of shit. (I'll talk about K-Mart some other time; it deserves its own post.) Then, after oversleeping again this morning and going to the Mall of America at 5:30 instead of 2, when I wanted (where I missed seeing my friend before he left even though I promised to see him -- seriously, I wonder why people like me), I kind of got swept up in the Black Friday/holiday spirit. So even though I was open to buying some things at the Megamall, I wound up emptying my wallet. I spent money on boxers and briefs, two categories of clothing I need to fortify. I also got a basic Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt for half-off, and I thank the guys for that sweet deal. But mostly I spent money on eating out: A breakfast bagel special at Bruegger's, a special breakfast at HRC, then the lunch menu at Buffalo Wild Wings while watching a little bit of sports, then this special drink called a Mocha Me Crazy at Caribou Coffee. Oh, and I bought a cupcake at Cupcake to take home, too.
I may have $20 left in my wallet. So, assuming that I don't oversleep again tonight (eh, I give it less than 50/50), I will go to the ATM and get yet another $200 to go stripclubbin'. No wonder why I can't leave the house; I prefer to spend money on now instead of planning for later.
---
My weekend, for all intents and purposes, is over. These past two days, even though I lazed about and did very few productive things, have been sorely needed. God, I deserve a three-day workweek after the crap I've been through the entire fall. But tomorrow I have to worry about whether the bar is going to give me space to watch our game even though Minnesota will be playing Wisconsin at the same time. And I work the Vikings game Sunday. So that's two days of work (I consider worrying about watching our game downtown Minneapolis "work.") And then the next day's Monday -- back to real work. So I have things to do until next weekend. I've been lazy, but I don't feel so bad about that since now that I have to actually do things, with other people, for other people, for these two days and then the workweek.
But there is the strip club tonight. I at least have that.
Thought that meant I'd be sitting on $200 through Thanksgiving until tonight, Friday night. But then I decided to go to the K-Mart close by that's about to close, where I spent $70 on a bunch of shit. (I'll talk about K-Mart some other time; it deserves its own post.) Then, after oversleeping again this morning and going to the Mall of America at 5:30 instead of 2, when I wanted (where I missed seeing my friend before he left even though I promised to see him -- seriously, I wonder why people like me), I kind of got swept up in the Black Friday/holiday spirit. So even though I was open to buying some things at the Megamall, I wound up emptying my wallet. I spent money on boxers and briefs, two categories of clothing I need to fortify. I also got a basic Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt for half-off, and I thank the guys for that sweet deal. But mostly I spent money on eating out: A breakfast bagel special at Bruegger's, a special breakfast at HRC, then the lunch menu at Buffalo Wild Wings while watching a little bit of sports, then this special drink called a Mocha Me Crazy at Caribou Coffee. Oh, and I bought a cupcake at Cupcake to take home, too.
I may have $20 left in my wallet. So, assuming that I don't oversleep again tonight (eh, I give it less than 50/50), I will go to the ATM and get yet another $200 to go stripclubbin'. No wonder why I can't leave the house; I prefer to spend money on now instead of planning for later.
---
My weekend, for all intents and purposes, is over. These past two days, even though I lazed about and did very few productive things, have been sorely needed. God, I deserve a three-day workweek after the crap I've been through the entire fall. But tomorrow I have to worry about whether the bar is going to give me space to watch our game even though Minnesota will be playing Wisconsin at the same time. And I work the Vikings game Sunday. So that's two days of work (I consider worrying about watching our game downtown Minneapolis "work.") And then the next day's Monday -- back to real work. So I have things to do until next weekend. I've been lazy, but I don't feel so bad about that since now that I have to actually do things, with other people, for other people, for these two days and then the workweek.
But there is the strip club tonight. I at least have that.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Yeah, About Seafoaming My Car ...
... well, I guess I really, really didn't care that much because even though I set my alarm for 7:28, I turned it off. I woke up for good at around a quarter after 8. Oh, shit, I said to myself, that crunches my workout time before the community center closes at 11.
So as was my plan I drove the car out to the community center in order to Seafoam through what appears to be the brake booster line, the location for which I finally saw in an online photo. The engine needed to be at operating temperature before I put it in. I was kind of surprised at how many cars were in the parking lot, but it turned out that there was an open skate at the rink, of course. I would have preferred if I had the whole lot to myself so I wouldn't bother anyone with the huge plumes of smoke that was supposed to come out of the exhaust pipe.
I step out of the car with it still running, pop both the hood and the trunk, and grab the can, clamps and pliers (to unclamp the hose), and plastic cup to pour the Seafoam in. I look at the place where the booster line's supposed to be ... and it looks nothing like the picture. What I think is the brake booster was attached to a bolt. I unclamped the hose, but I was unable to untwist the bolt. And then I thought, Well, is this really the brake booster line? If this doesn't match the picture, well, maybe I'm about to make a mistake. A few admittedly weak attempts to loosen the bolt later, and I nixed it. Screw the Seafoam.
I did take the hood being open to check the wiper, coolant and steering fluid. The steering fluid seemed a little low before, and it did this morning, so I took that out and poured a little in. Just then the wind picked up and started to make my hand hurt, a lot. That's when I realized that even if I was able to unbolt that line, my hands would get hypothermia by the time I put the Seafoam in, screwed the hose back on, waited 5-15 minutes like I was supposed to, then drive out the smoke through the tailpipe.
Yeah, so best laid plans and stuff. Maybe I need to do more research and try this again, maybe in the summer.
So as was my plan I drove the car out to the community center in order to Seafoam through what appears to be the brake booster line, the location for which I finally saw in an online photo. The engine needed to be at operating temperature before I put it in. I was kind of surprised at how many cars were in the parking lot, but it turned out that there was an open skate at the rink, of course. I would have preferred if I had the whole lot to myself so I wouldn't bother anyone with the huge plumes of smoke that was supposed to come out of the exhaust pipe.
I step out of the car with it still running, pop both the hood and the trunk, and grab the can, clamps and pliers (to unclamp the hose), and plastic cup to pour the Seafoam in. I look at the place where the booster line's supposed to be ... and it looks nothing like the picture. What I think is the brake booster was attached to a bolt. I unclamped the hose, but I was unable to untwist the bolt. And then I thought, Well, is this really the brake booster line? If this doesn't match the picture, well, maybe I'm about to make a mistake. A few admittedly weak attempts to loosen the bolt later, and I nixed it. Screw the Seafoam.
I did take the hood being open to check the wiper, coolant and steering fluid. The steering fluid seemed a little low before, and it did this morning, so I took that out and poured a little in. Just then the wind picked up and started to make my hand hurt, a lot. That's when I realized that even if I was able to unbolt that line, my hands would get hypothermia by the time I put the Seafoam in, screwed the hose back on, waited 5-15 minutes like I was supposed to, then drive out the smoke through the tailpipe.
Yeah, so best laid plans and stuff. Maybe I need to do more research and try this again, maybe in the summer.
This Is How I Know I'm Old
Just over two hours ago I woke up.
I had my work clothes on.
I was sleeping above my covers, with the bottom of them covering my feet because my feet get cold.
I checked the iPhone I laid next to me. It was 2 o'clock in the morning.
I had plans to go stripclubbin' this evening. That's why I didn't change. But I didn't want to go out too soon. Plus, I felt really, really tired after a torturous day at work looking through papers; I felt extremely fatigued during my session with my shrink.
So, at around 9 o'clock, I was kind of at a crossroads. I gave myself some time to rest, thinking that I may wake up around 10:30, when I would then see some Letterman or Fallon, then some Kimmel and Meyers, then go out. But ... I kind of knew that I might also sleep through the night. And frankly, I was OK with it. So no, I could have set the alarm clock, but I didn't, because if my body needed to rest, well, the strippers can wait.
And that's what happened, obviously. I have a lot of money burning in my wallet, and I guess that'll wait a couple days. Meanwhile I am up and ready to do some chores. Going to water the plants after this. Might also shred some credit card applications. Finally, after a couple more hours of rest, I think I'm going to try and use Seafoam in my car. Just want to make sure where the heck the brake booster line or PCV is.
I fall asleep instead of going out? I look forward to doing things around the house? Yeah, I'm getting old.
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