Just In Case I Die

I was putting bug spray all over me on my way to see my friend in the cemetery.  I know you're not supposed to do this, but I directly sprayed it on my face because I was pressed for time.  And then, because the spray concentrated on a corner of my mouth I, uh, subconsciously (is that the right term?) licked it with my tongue.  This despite bug spray being harmful.

Oh, shit.

I didn't have water to swallow, which is what the spray recommends one do when you swallow bug spray.  This despite having water in a bottle that I brought with me because I was going to use it in the urn for the flowers I bought for my dead friend; I got there, poured the water in, then realized I wanted a swig just before I poured all the water into the dirty urn.  Anyway, I did have Coke and I sure as hell swallowed all that.  But the tip of my tongue has felt numb ever since I licked the bug spray and I've felt kind of oogy all afternoon.  So if I die, this is why.

Forgot About Grandmother

You know, dealing with this alumni club event and working and finding a new job, I totally forgot something I will never live down: I forgot that Grandmother passed away one year ago.  Not today, but maybe a week ago ... or maybe it was two weeks ago.  You know, I don't remember the exact date.  I just know that I am too late for it.

I was afraid that with her gone I would forget about Grandmother.  Memories don't sustain, at least not in my mind.  And that makes me ashamed.

BTW, I thought I was getting her ashes at some point, but I haven't received them yet.  Maybe I should talk to Grandmother's biological grandson and ask him -- if it's not too weird or rude to ask him about Grandmother a little more than a year after she died.

Um, Actually, I Was Offered The Job

So on my last blog post I complained about not hearing from these people with whom I interviewed, to the point where I thought it was weird that the person who asked me call her back didn't pick up the phone either time I left a message on Thursday.

Well, I tried again while at work yesterday.  And after confirming that they thought the interview went well ... they offered me the job.

Holy shit, they offered me a job.  Like, a full-time job.  And she even said there would be benefits.  This is the first time I've ever been offered benefits.  Hell, this is the first time I've ever been offered a job that wasn't temporary.

So I said ... I need to think about it.  I mean, I should take all weekend to loll through all the things that could go wrong.  In fact, I'll name one right now: The conflicts I have with the weekend.  I did raise this subject with the person I was speaking with and she said we could deal with that after I say yes.  OK, that sounds good with me.  I'm just not sure if she knows the extent of the time I need to take some afternoons.  I told everybody about my work with the Vikings.  I'm not sure if I told them about my alumni club stuff.  Wait ... on second thought, I haven't told them about it.  Well, if the times are what they usually are, in the evening, then that won't be a problem.  But I know that our first game starts at 3 p.m., and that will make it impossible to hew to my regular hours.  I think they're flexible.  I hope to God they're flexible.

You know, I still have until Monday to think about it, but there is no reason I can think of not to say yes.  But I still think I have the right to take the weekend before declaring one way or the other.  I'm just ... shit, I'm just scared.  I've been complaining about not being able to find something permanent, and now that it looks as though I have something, I feel this natural urge to pull away and to run away.  But for God's sake, I can't do that!  That'd be crazy ... wouldn't it?

Barren On The Job Front

Need to talk myself down because of the shit-ass 1-2 punch of mistreatment in customer service, and I thought I came up with something that at least wasn't a downer, but like so many things, I immediately forgot about it.  So I have to talk about something depressing: Finding a job.

Three things about it.

1. I realize just now I haven't talked about this; I was furloughed yesterday.  I knew going in that because the law firm was closed I would have both Tuesday and Wednesday off.  But Tuesday afternoon I received an e-mail from my temp agency that I was taking yesterday/Thursday off as well.  Why?  I think they don't know what the hell we're going to do.  Shit, we're supposed to do "quality control" when we get back in the morning, but I've done most of that already.  This is a sure sign we're winding down.  I don't know how much work there is left.  I don't know if we'll have a full week next week.  Fuck, today could be our last day for all I know.  What I do know is that I'm getting paid for only two days, and coupled with taxes and parking eating into my hourly wage, it's not going to make a dent in the huge credit card bill I'll need to pay off.
2. So I've been casting about for the next vine to keep my head above water.  I'm still trying to work this lab job, and I'm still undecided over it.  On Tuesday evening I see an e-mail from the company's PR person stating that she wants me to call her back.  Since it was late Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday was Independence Day, I felt no rush to get back to her until Thursday morning and say that I would call her around noontime, which is when I was at the dealer getting my car serviced.  She e-mailed me back saying that was cool.  But she didn't pick up her cell, so I left a message.  Getting anxious, I called her about four hours later, before I started exercising.  No answer.  Left another message.  She lets me know she wants me to call her, and when I do call her (at a time she agreed to), she ghosts me?  I'm scared as fuck that I got rejected for the job.  Well, I won't be all that heartbroken -- we have to talk about all the Saturdays I'll need to miss, and for that reason alone I don't know if this is the right job for me.  But that determination may have been made already, if this person's refusal to pick up the phone is any indication.
3. But there were some things that popped in all the other areas where I applied for jobs.  I received a lot of voicemails from out-of-state by people with Indian accents, for some goddamn reason.  But there was one native voice, with a local phone number, telling me about a job that was very close to where I live.  So I get on the horn (several hours after I saw this message) hoping to talk about the job with her.  Instead, she starts interviewing me and asking me for my resume.  At the end of it I asked her if the job I applied for, for which she ostensibly is looking for, is still available.  She basically said -- and this is weird -- "Oh, I think that was for a different website ... hey, I have to track so many things that some details fall by the wayside.  So, how about that resume?"  I appreciate her calling me, but this isn't the first time I got bait-and-switched like this, and it's starting to piss me off.  I don't think she had that job lined up for me at all.  She's just trolling for people she can make money out of.  And she probably won't be able to deliver, and I'll be back on the street, homeless and penniless.

Upon further reflection, I think I would have felt better of myself if I just blogged about those two rude bitches I encountered yesterday.

"Well, Where Would I Go Today?!"

OK, so after I got home from Caffetto I had this tea Mother asked me to drink.  But I was so tired that I fell asleep as soon as I took that cup of tea into my bedroom and put it right next to me on the night table.  So I have this goddamn cup of tea that welcomed me in the morning.  This is on top of the mocha and cookie I planned on eating at Caribou as soon as I leave (I'm blogging this at Caribou right now) and the lunch my folks packed for me.  And my belly is still full of the Bubble-Up and chocolate cake I had late last night.  So I drink it because I have to.  It may have induced me into taking a well-needed shit, but I am fuller after waking up full.

So yes, I am in a bad mood.

Bolting out the door I see the door open; unbeknownst to me, Mother went out for a walk in the early morning.  Hey, at least I don't have to quietly unlock the door.  While putting my shoes on Father, walking into view from the basement, says like he sometimes does, "Going to work?"  (Well, to be fair, he first asked me what time I'm going to be home, to which I reply a time so I can hopefully work out and finally get all these fucking calories out of me.)  He always asks me if I'm going to work.  Well, not always, but enough to annoy me, and enough for me, in my bad mood today, to finally come back at him with a passive-aggressive insult which has more than a patina of truth: "Well, where would I go today?!"  Hey, he has this fucking obnoxious habit of insulting me by asking me a question when I innocently ask him a question.  It's good to turn the tables once in a while.  Hell, I don't do it enough.

Well, I might get shit for this for dinner.  But he deserves it.  Then again, if he catches me here at Caribou not going to work, uh, I'm kind of fucked.

You See, It's Because When I Go Out, Invariably I Eat

So this is what I've eaten since yesterday (Tuesday) morning:

• A banana, which my parents gave me, which I eat sitting at the parking lot of a Caribou;
• A bagel, which I bought at Caribou and ate at the Nomad while watching the Sweden-Switzerland World Cup match;
• A Bloody Karenina, their version of a Bloody Mary, and a beer chaser, both of which I chased down the bagel with;
• A wrap of jerk chicken, taken from the Marla's Caribbean food truck that is parked outside the Nomad, which I ordered for the England-Colombia match;
• A tallboy of Tecate, which I chased down the jerk chicken wrap with;
• A mango tea from a different Caribou, which I ordered because I got a free size upgrade deal that was going to expire that day;
• A steamed bun that was also packed into my bag lunch, which I had to drive all the way to the community center where I work out (though not lately) because it's the only public microwave in town that I know of;
• Dinner at home -- four pieces of broccoli and two pieces of pork chops;
• Popcorn and some Minute Maid berry drink at the movies, where I saw Ocean's 8 -- not a bad movie, probably underrated compared to the critics;
• Leftover chicken and some slices of cucumber for lunch, for which I slept in and cleaned my room for a bit (seriously, I swear!) before leaving around noon;
• And a butterscotch root beer from this craft pop place from Milwaukee called Dang!  And Dang! it's not bad!

How I'm not 200 damn pounds right now I don't know.  But this long walk from my usual parking spot to TCF Bank Stadium for tonight's United loss game will do me a world of good, and then it still won't be enough because Christ, look at that list above!

Sitting On My Ass Again, Thank Buddha

This is the second time this World Cup I am spending watching all the games on that day at the World Cup.  First was the final day of second matches, which was a tripleheader on Sunday.  Today, the final day of eighthfinals, is the second.  And once again I'm not getting shit from the guys here at the Nomad for just sitting here inbetween games, not ordering anything (ordered something before the first match began, won't order again until the second match begins) and just surfing the Internet -- and, of course, blogging this.

I feel safe here, truly happy.  I don't want to let the moment pass by without declaring that.  And I don't want to forget about this secure feeling for a long time, even if I lost my bracket when Sweden beat Switzerland earlier today.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Monday, July 2:

• Parked downtown: $8.
• Went to this coffeeshop called Penny's Coffee, considered to have very good coffee and one of the most splendid-looking rooms in the city.  The views are great; it's housed on the ground floor of a building that has floor-to-ceiling windows, and the patio is gorgeous.  I might spend a a morning eating breakfast with a friend out there next week.  But the coffee, as you can imagine, is expensive.  With tip, the coffee I asked to be poured into my mug, while excellent and distinctive, was: $4.33.
• Trying to figure out what to do after work but before going home.  It was hot, so I thought about DQ, then this place in town called Grandpa's.  Went to Grandpa's, but they were closed for Independence Day.  (Aside: Because the 4th of July falls right on a Wednesday, businesses are, I think, taking either the first half of the week off or the second half.  Either way traffic has been cut sharply because of this unique either/or situation; even though I got out of the house late, I got to my parking spot in about 20 minutes.  Actually had to turn around because I forgot to put money into the slot for parking, and yet I still had time to go to Penny's, a place I had never been before, to get coffee and reach my desk at 8:31.)  Eventually decided I was going to go to Dunn Bros. to get their pricey but scrumptious Mocha Icecrema.  Except that it's no longer called a Mocha Icecrema.  It's now just a Mocha Frappe, like it's called everywhere else.  It's still good.  With tip: $5.75.
• Sunday the 1st: Off a high from a successful party, I spent the early evening in a drunken daze around Uptown.  A hot spot that just had its soft opening over the weekend, Meyvn, was a place I spontaneously went to to have dinner and get really tipsy.  But before then I drove up Lyndale and remembered, "Hey, I haven't been to Crema Cafe in a while -- I'll go there!"  Ice cream really hit the spot.  With tip: $5.75.
• And then I went to Caffetto to unwind.  Medium hot chocolate plus tip: $3.75.
• Finally I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Met Cicily there and got a lapper from her for the first time in a while.  Had a Sprite.  Tipped only Cicily on-stage because one girl during that shift demands $5, another stayed in the changing room and a third was too busy talking to this one PL.  Saved a bit more money than I thought.  All told: $26.
• Back to the 30th, where I was going to spend the day charging everything I spent, nearly entirely at the two downtown pubs for both World Cup matches, on my credit card.  But then I remembered that I should print out the list of people coming to the next day's alumni chapter party.  So I went to the library (something I thought I was going to do anyway) and printed it out for: 10 cents.
• And then, because it was hot and I wasn't able to eat lunch at Brit's, I went to DQ before having dinner at home.  Had a chocolate sundae instead of my usual hot fudge.  Cost: $3.20.
• Friday the 29th ... parked downtown: $8.
• Did my best to avoid the oppressive sun and heat by ducking into the Red Cow for Happy Hour.  Then went out to the United match, where it was still ridiculously hot.  Got my usual hot dog and Redd's: $15.25.
• And while I was sitting through another excruciating loss I found a penny at my right foot.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.
• I then went to Glam Doll.  But which one?  The one in Nordeast is much closer, and I promised myself that I would go to one of these after a United match.  But ... shoot, the original on Eat Street, although so far away, just has that ... ineffable feeling that I like and that makes me feel safe.  So I took the longer drive down there.  Big mistake, I think.  There was a huge back-up going from 35WS to 11th Ave.  I don't know if it has anything to do with construction, but I didn't think it would snarl up traffic on a Saturday night.  But it did.  I should have used common sense and just went the two miles in the other direction to Nordeast.  But hey, I got to see people I'm familiar with.  I put the first donut, the pour-over and the tip for both on my credit card.  This EWR is for the second donut and the tip for that: $1.75.
• Thursday the 28th -- parked downtown: $8.
• Caribou sent me an e-mail saying that I could get a dollar off a beverage for Thursday.  So I went in for a small mocha I had them put in my thermos.  Plus tip: $4.
• I had tickets to the premiere of HBO's Sharp Objects, which was being screened at Southdale in the evening.  Texted my friend to see if he wanted to come; got no answer.  Hmmm. ...  Sometimes, but not always, they offer free popcorn and pop.  They did here, which saved me a trip to a fast food place afterward.  Instead I went to Caffetto to work on some stuff on the computer.  Small iced mocha plus tip totaled: $4.75.
• Back to Wednesday, June 27, where I, uh, parked downtown: $8.
• I then went to Caribou because I got another discount from them, a free size upgrade.  I still wanted them to use my thermos, so even though it was the same size as before, I was being charged for a medium, and therefore on this day I was charged for a small.  With tip: $2.50.
• Tuesday the 26th: Parked downtown (aside: I calculated the net hourly wage I'm getting on my current gig.  Taking away a dollar -- I work eight hours and parking costs eight bucks -- I barely make ten bucks an hour ... and that's before I pay for food and drinks) which set me back: $8.
• Had to break away from the food my parents pack for me.  There's a place on the IDS Center Skyway called One Two Three Sushi that has specials on Tuesdays.  And on this Tuesday I got this shrimp California roll, or something.  These guys have a tip jar even though this roll was already pre-made.  Do I tip like a bigshot for pre-packaged meals?  I didn't.  Total: $5.75.
• That evening I went out to the library for two things.  One, I had to print out the ticket to Thursday's screening of Sharp Objects.  Second, I was sent by the alumni association headquarters a confidentiality agreement that, once I signed and returned, would give me permission to take into possession some information that I believe I need to run the club.  While I understand privacy issues, I think this was information I have needed for a long time.  And yet I wonder if this agreement was something I could have had for several years now.  If so, it's strange to think that no one told me about it.  Guess that's why you always have to ask.  Anyway, I printed out both the ticket and this agreement, so I spent: 20 cents.
• On Monday, June 25 I did not go to work, so I did not park downtown.  Instead I had an interview, and so to prepare and/or relax I went to Caribou for a bagel and coffee.  With tip it came out to: $6.
• I then I went to the library, and then I went to the gazebo and the building where my shrink works and at the lunch my folks packed for me; I was there in the hopes I could see him after my interview was over.  And then I went to the Nomad to watch dueling World Cup games.  I saw my shrink after the matches.  Tecate plus tip: $5.
• Sunday the 24th ... this was the day where I decided I was going to plop my ass down at the Nomad and stay there for eight-plus hours to take in all three games of that day's World Cup tripleheader.  Like I blogged, it was really nice to be allowed to just sit, play on my computer, and watch TV.  So long as you pay for the privilege, of course.  A Bloody Karenina (man, their Bloody Mary mix is spicy!), what I believe to be a chana-and-potatoes bowl from the Marla's Caribbean food truck, a can of Tecate and tips for all comes to a total of: $22.75.

Good through July 2.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -3).  Frankly, neither summer team deserves the top spot because both teams are absolute shit right now.  And technically, the Twinks should be #1 because they at least won a game this past screening week.  But I'm still on a high from the party yesterday afternoon, and I wanted to be really pessimistic and rank these two teams based on how many losses they had over the week.  Totally unfair, I know, but really, when both squads are this bad, who the fuck cares?

The Loons, coming off yet another demoralizing and existential defeat the week prior, had to make another go of it against a pretty good team, FC Dallas.  But based off of the humiliation against Colorado and seeing that this game was at home, I thought United had a not-unheard-of chance to win.  I thought a draw would be a good result, and one that was reachable.  And it was.  Unfortunately, they lost.

Can you guess how Dallas scored its Goal?  Yep, you guessed it -- off a set piece.  In this case it was a Corner Kick; some dude out-jumped one of our dudes and headed it in.  At least the Burn didn't score within the first 15 minutes of the match.  Meanwhile MNUFC put the Burn on the back foot for many moments in the match and doubled them up on Shots.  They just couldn't put it in the net.  So now they are riding a three-game losing streak heading into an Independence Night match versus a Toronto FC club that is scuffling and yet still probably should beat the Loons.  I don't want to go to this game, but I already have a season ticket, so I have no choice.  After that is a Saturday night match at Houston.  There's a good chance this losing streak reaches five.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Yep, it's over.  They suffered through losing two-of-three at Comiskey and then getting swept at Wrigley.  Yesterday/Sunday Gleeman & the Geek talked about downshifting this season from one of contention to one of development.  The problem, at least the way they see it, is that the front office and Manager Paul Molitor are still in this limbo state of bringing in and then playing veteran guys who cannot be around when this team is legitimately good again.  Why not just play the youngsters to give them some PT and to see just what the hell they're made of?  For example, why not bring in your best and youngest pitching prospects to the Cubs series over the weekend?  The Twinks' lineup, which has suffered massive brownout due to injuries and underperformance, manged to spray the ball around all parts of the Wrigley infield, and yet they still lost all three games to the Cubs.  If it wasn't one thing it was the other, and those factors have combined to crush the franchise's hopes for an actual playoff spot.

This week: At Milwaukee for three, then starting yet another 1 1/2-week homestand when The Bastard St. Louis Browns come to town for a four-game series over the weekend.

A No-Stress Fest?

OK, so the big party in the alumni chapter's calendar is this afternoon.  And, well, everything is set.  I just sent an e-mail to everyone who's coming, telling them what's up.  The weather may or may not cooperate, but if it is raining or if it's too hot, we can just go inside.  There may be three dozen people -- good, not the biggest, but not the worst, either.

I went over to the host's house on Wednesday.  It's always a pain in the ass to find someone to do it every year.  There is always some scramble that begins, oh, in the fall before these parties.  In the nine or so years I've been a part of this club, we have always managed to go from place to place, from couple to couple.  We have never repeated a house.  I think that's a rarity; in fact we may be the only affiliate who does this.  And there may be a good reason no one else does this.

So why do I do it?  Well, this started before me, so a precedent was set.  Nevertheless, when I became leader, I felt this need that I had to find a different couple every year.  I know that other chapters have a dedicated person to do it, and that makes things easy.  But the paranoid side of me is afraid that such an arrangement would lead to a complacency, and if (or maybe when) the time comes where the family that always hosts can't do it or decides not to do it, well ... I think I would fill up with such anger and, well, betrayal that 1) I would never forgive the hosts and 2) I would be freaking out to find another couple who would do it.  In other words, finding one family to host it every year lulls me into a false sense of permanence that would ruin me if that sense were to be taken away from me.  To prevent that, I just say that we're moving this party around every year.  Better to jump than to be pushed, if that makes any sense.

Nonetheless, like I said, finding new people every year, while making me feel sharp (OK, that sounds dubious), is a chore.  And that's why I felt such an ... oh, an equanimity when speaking with the mother of the house.  For one thing, they too are alums.  For another, they have a great house.  Moreover, they live in one of the richest zip codes in the Twin Cities.  She says they love to throw parties.  And she says that we're all set when it comes to refreshments, decorations, cake, and preparations.  I usually come over the day before to set up and ask questions.  After this visit on Wednesday, I plan on showing up an hour before the party starts, and, if I get her messages right, I don't need to do much of anything.  And finally, I don't have to pay for the food, either.

See, the more I think about it, the more I think that my first party of this type when I became president scarred me for life.  I may not have taken this a seriously as I should have.  But comparing my experience dealing with those hosts and the four host afterward has been like darkest night and brightest day.  The last three hosts have been easygoing, cooperative, fun to talk to, engaging, and non-judgmental.  And yet I have compared those three hosts to the overbearing first one.  That's extremely unfair, and yet I can't help but color my expectations for this party against that.

This time around is excellent, even better than the previous three, when it comes to preparation.  Nothing to worry about?  Perfect!  Well, actually not.  Having nothing to worry about is something to worry about.  Or is it?  I want to think that everything is going to go smoothly.  And in fact, I have not had such little anxiety over an event ever.  (I always have anxiety over everything, so take that for what you will.)  But if everything is all set, and nothing that is not set is beyond my control, why worry?  And to be honest, I don't think I have anything to worry about.  And it is for that reason that I wonder if my wandering with this event should stop.  Maybe I should just ask these guys to host forever, so I can stop running and searching.

Well, we'll see.  The party hasn't even happened yet.  I'm sure it'll go off fine, with nothing untoward, but we should just wait until it happens to assess.  And even if it is a success I'll probably ask another family to carry the baton forward.  Maybe this is stress I just expect to have.