Alright, now that it's not, I can talk about it freely.
Just got the results from tests I took before the weekend about my hurting dick. I knew from my doctor's last visit that it wasn't a urinary tract infection, which made me think that it absolutely had to be a venereal disease. But it turns out my results are all negative. I don't have a sexually-transmitted disease! I am clean as fuck, baby!
But I don't know if that's a good thing.
Hear me out. The way my doc told this, if it were a VD, he could prescribe me antibacterials to clear it up. (When he said this, he said, "If the tests for STDs are positive, great!" And I'm going, is it really great that I could have an STD?) But if my VD test is negative, then, what do I have? It still burns when I pee, and even though I know it's not an STD, what the hell is it?
So my next step is setting up an appointment with this urologist my doc referred me to, and hopefully I'll have time to do it today, but now I made this spill after trying to fill up the water pot and then I want to go out to the U. to get first-day-of-school free stuff. I get the day off from work, and I'm busy, and I'm pissing a firehose. (sigh)
Oh, by the way, just to let you know, if the tests turned out to be positive, and that I did have a VD, I sure as hell wouldn't tell. Come on, I have my principles!
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
Monday, September 3, 2018
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Gopher football (Re-Entry!). I don't know what is there to glean from the team's season-opening 48-10 victory Thursday over New Mexico St., a program that is already 0-2, got kicked out of the Sun Belt Conference, is trying to make a go of it as an independent and should by all rights drop down to second-flight college football. Of course, if somehow the Aggies marched into TCF Bank Stadium and beat the Gophers, I'd be losing my shit. But they won, convincingly, so I don't have to worry about that.
All I will say is that this is P.J. Fleck's second year. He may not have all of his players installed in his program, but he got his mulligan last year. Going 5-7 last year wasn't bad, and there were a couple losses that could have been victories with a break or two. But I've heard at least one person believe that this club won't win more than four games this year, and that would be a disaster. I need to see improvement. A bowl game, even a shitty one that occurs in mid-December, is a reasonable goal. And the schedule is lined up so that there are enough games against similarly-mediocre programs where Fleck and Row the Boat to, and I am not joking, eight or nine wins. And it is not unreasonable to expect the Gophers to defeat Fresno St., also at home, this Saturday evening.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). OK, what I thought these players need to do, sweep all three matches of their Diet Coke Classic, they did. Nevertheless, I am not impressed with North Dakota St., Georgia Southern and Arkansas as opponents, so compared to that, I didn't really have any program putting this squad behind a Gopher football team that might struggle all year. I am just surprised as hell that even after their struggles against two vastly superior teams in the previous week's Big Ten/ACC Challenge, they rose in the AVCA Top 25 from #4 to #3 -- although that was mostly because Nebraska lost to Florida (in an actually tough non-conference tournament, the VERT Challenge) and dropped from second to fifth.
I still have doubts as to how tough this team is. Maybe I will get answers this upcoming weekend in the Big Ten/Pac-12 Challenge (can a conference play in two Challenges against two different BcS conferences in the same season?). The Gophers and Penn St. represent the B1G in Stanford; the Gophs will play Oregon Friday and then the host Cardinal less than 24 hours later.
#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2). A 2-4 screening week, losing series to Cleveland and Texas, both on the road. This listless week was punctuated Sunday with an 18-4 drubbing at the hands of The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0, where the foes racked up 16 runs between the Fifth and Eighth Innings and only one Rangers player, Isiah Kiner-Falefa, did not come around to score a Run in the contest, and that's only because he came in as a Pinch-Hitter in the bottom of the Eighth.
This squad has been largely irrelevant since, oh, the All-Star Break. But now that football season and autumn is winding up, it makes it that much easier to even forget that the Twinks are still playing. Maybe moreso since, after playing three in Houston beginning this (Monday) afternoon for a special Labor Day game, they will come home and play a trio with Kansas City. Will anyone show up?
#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). It's weird; I always make a point to attend U. of M. non-con games because they feature teams that may not ever come up here ever again. For the novelty alone I want to see them; I'm sure I'll attend a game vs. Michigan St. or Illinois some time before I die. Customarily women's soccer teams play non-conference matches and tournaments for the first four weeks of the season. But it looks as though I will attend none of them this year.
How did that work? The Minnesota female XI began their year in Utah. They came home to the Robbie for a mini-tournament, of which I intended to actually go to all three matches being played on that weekend. But because of lightning, officials and the teams involved decided to split up the planned Doubleheader that Thursday; I had my heart set on seeing back-to-back matches, so I didn't want to go when it was determined the Iowa-Washington St. match was going to kick off early, around noon time. (Turns out that there were so many weather delays that it was decided that that match was cancelled.) I was going to see the match versus the Cougars Sunday right after watching the EPL downtown, but again, due to inclement weather, it was decided that the time would be moved up by two hours, and I decided I wanted to watch soccer on TV and cash in on a deal provided by The Local.
This week things went sideways on me. There was a game Thursday night, vs. DePaul, but I decided to help *****e*, one of the strippers I get to fuck, move. And on Sunday Stanford -- which is #1, of all things -- would be playing at high noon, but I already made plans to help out Mensa at the Minnesota State Fair around that time. There's one non-con game left, Friday against North Dakota St., but ... shoot, it's North Dakota St. It's not that exotic of a school, is it? They'll be around here to play again, I'm sure of it.
So at any rate I'm not playing on seeing any matches with this club for a while. And that's probably a good thing because these young women went winless this screening week. The Blue Devils beat the Goofers 1-0, and although Molly Fiedler tied up the match against The Farm in the 75th Minute to send the game into Overtime, Stanford's Sam Hiatt gave the foes the 2-1 Golden Goal victory in the 94th. The U. is now on a three-game losing streak, and more importantly, it has given up pretty much all of its CV in case it winds up a bubble team drawing comparisons with other bubble teams. At this point these Goofs need to play nearly flawlessly in-conference ... although they need to finish up their non-con against the Bison on Friday.
All I will say is that this is P.J. Fleck's second year. He may not have all of his players installed in his program, but he got his mulligan last year. Going 5-7 last year wasn't bad, and there were a couple losses that could have been victories with a break or two. But I've heard at least one person believe that this club won't win more than four games this year, and that would be a disaster. I need to see improvement. A bowl game, even a shitty one that occurs in mid-December, is a reasonable goal. And the schedule is lined up so that there are enough games against similarly-mediocre programs where Fleck and Row the Boat to, and I am not joking, eight or nine wins. And it is not unreasonable to expect the Gophers to defeat Fresno St., also at home, this Saturday evening.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). OK, what I thought these players need to do, sweep all three matches of their Diet Coke Classic, they did. Nevertheless, I am not impressed with North Dakota St., Georgia Southern and Arkansas as opponents, so compared to that, I didn't really have any program putting this squad behind a Gopher football team that might struggle all year. I am just surprised as hell that even after their struggles against two vastly superior teams in the previous week's Big Ten/ACC Challenge, they rose in the AVCA Top 25 from #4 to #3 -- although that was mostly because Nebraska lost to Florida (in an actually tough non-conference tournament, the VERT Challenge) and dropped from second to fifth.
I still have doubts as to how tough this team is. Maybe I will get answers this upcoming weekend in the Big Ten/Pac-12 Challenge (can a conference play in two Challenges against two different BcS conferences in the same season?). The Gophers and Penn St. represent the B1G in Stanford; the Gophs will play Oregon Friday and then the host Cardinal less than 24 hours later.
#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2). A 2-4 screening week, losing series to Cleveland and Texas, both on the road. This listless week was punctuated Sunday with an 18-4 drubbing at the hands of The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0, where the foes racked up 16 runs between the Fifth and Eighth Innings and only one Rangers player, Isiah Kiner-Falefa, did not come around to score a Run in the contest, and that's only because he came in as a Pinch-Hitter in the bottom of the Eighth.
This squad has been largely irrelevant since, oh, the All-Star Break. But now that football season and autumn is winding up, it makes it that much easier to even forget that the Twinks are still playing. Maybe moreso since, after playing three in Houston beginning this (Monday) afternoon for a special Labor Day game, they will come home and play a trio with Kansas City. Will anyone show up?
#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). It's weird; I always make a point to attend U. of M. non-con games because they feature teams that may not ever come up here ever again. For the novelty alone I want to see them; I'm sure I'll attend a game vs. Michigan St. or Illinois some time before I die. Customarily women's soccer teams play non-conference matches and tournaments for the first four weeks of the season. But it looks as though I will attend none of them this year.
How did that work? The Minnesota female XI began their year in Utah. They came home to the Robbie for a mini-tournament, of which I intended to actually go to all three matches being played on that weekend. But because of lightning, officials and the teams involved decided to split up the planned Doubleheader that Thursday; I had my heart set on seeing back-to-back matches, so I didn't want to go when it was determined the Iowa-Washington St. match was going to kick off early, around noon time. (Turns out that there were so many weather delays that it was decided that that match was cancelled.) I was going to see the match versus the Cougars Sunday right after watching the EPL downtown, but again, due to inclement weather, it was decided that the time would be moved up by two hours, and I decided I wanted to watch soccer on TV and cash in on a deal provided by The Local.
This week things went sideways on me. There was a game Thursday night, vs. DePaul, but I decided to help *****e*, one of the strippers I get to fuck, move. And on Sunday Stanford -- which is #1, of all things -- would be playing at high noon, but I already made plans to help out Mensa at the Minnesota State Fair around that time. There's one non-con game left, Friday against North Dakota St., but ... shoot, it's North Dakota St. It's not that exotic of a school, is it? They'll be around here to play again, I'm sure of it.
So at any rate I'm not playing on seeing any matches with this club for a while. And that's probably a good thing because these young women went winless this screening week. The Blue Devils beat the Goofers 1-0, and although Molly Fiedler tied up the match against The Farm in the 75th Minute to send the game into Overtime, Stanford's Sam Hiatt gave the foes the 2-1 Golden Goal victory in the 94th. The U. is now on a three-game losing streak, and more importantly, it has given up pretty much all of its CV in case it winds up a bubble team drawing comparisons with other bubble teams. At this point these Goofs need to play nearly flawlessly in-conference ... although they need to finish up their non-con against the Bison on Friday.
Sunday, September 2, 2018
Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: August
Vast improvement in babeage over previous months, and yet who I would choose has never been clearer.
Of the ten babes for the month, only three of them are wearing one-pieces (including, surprisingly, main girl Kristen Arnhold, out of Baltimore). The women showing body are uniformly hot, although Phoenix's Nekkei looks a hell of a lot like Melania Trump, ugh. Runners-up include Samm from Douglasville, Ga. (cute smile, although she is standing in profile) and Philadelphia's Kristen (even though she has her arms folded in front of her).
But the hands-down best for the month of August is Portia. She is posing where she's sort of leaning into the camera, and therefore her torso is kind of obscured and out-of-focus. But she has ravishing black hair. Most important of all, she hails from the Maryland Heights, Mo., location, and I swear that I had her as a waitress at least once before. In fact, if I'm correct, I talked a bit with this Portia woman, and she was extremely nice and charming. So, Portia is the winner this month!
I would jerk off to all these girls, but it still hurts when things shoot out of my urethra.
Of the ten babes for the month, only three of them are wearing one-pieces (including, surprisingly, main girl Kristen Arnhold, out of Baltimore). The women showing body are uniformly hot, although Phoenix's Nekkei looks a hell of a lot like Melania Trump, ugh. Runners-up include Samm from Douglasville, Ga. (cute smile, although she is standing in profile) and Philadelphia's Kristen (even though she has her arms folded in front of her).
But the hands-down best for the month of August is Portia. She is posing where she's sort of leaning into the camera, and therefore her torso is kind of obscured and out-of-focus. But she has ravishing black hair. Most important of all, she hails from the Maryland Heights, Mo., location, and I swear that I had her as a waitress at least once before. In fact, if I'm correct, I talked a bit with this Portia woman, and she was extremely nice and charming. So, Portia is the winner this month!
I would jerk off to all these girls, but it still hurts when things shoot out of my urethra.
Saturday, September 1, 2018
Perverted Through My Pissing Pain
OK, first things first: Went to the doctor after work yesterday. He doesn't know what exactly is going on until the (long) weekend, and he couldn't prescribe me any pills to help my burning dick. And it still hurts like a motherfucker.
The pills I had been prescribed didn't do jack shit for my health. Did turn my piss orange. Like, Tang orange, or the color of the orange-flavored artificial drink that passed for orange juice when I ate lunch at the elementary school cafeteria. So tasty it was addicting, but none of it was nutritious ... which is probably why it was so addicting.
Anyway, I had a thought while taking these pills: If my piss turns orange, does my cum turn orange, too? And so I had planned to masturbate while on them to see if, you know, I cum orange. Well, it didn't turn out that way. I was in so much pain, plus I got so busy with other things, that I didn't touch myself until just now, last (Friday) night, and I consumed the last of my pills yesterday/Friday morning. But through this entire ordeal I still am able to get hard -- though I feel a stiffness up and down my shaft whenever I get a hard-on, which sort of doubles as pain up and down my urethra -- and, hey, YOLO, so I wanted to see what was up.
So I jerked off (to a great Penthouse pictorial, around the turn of the millennium, back when it was really good!), even though, again, my last pill was in the morning and most of the orange tinge to my urine left my body. And when I had my orgasm ... well, first, my instinct not to even touch myself while I'm in such pain was smart because cumming hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, plus not a whole lot of semen came out. And besides that it was its ... uh, normal color. Maybe it would have been orange had I touched myself the night or two before. But I'll take this as a legitimate experiment with a rigorous conclusion: If you take pills that turn your pee orange, your semen does not change color. Everyone, know y'all know.
The pills I had been prescribed didn't do jack shit for my health. Did turn my piss orange. Like, Tang orange, or the color of the orange-flavored artificial drink that passed for orange juice when I ate lunch at the elementary school cafeteria. So tasty it was addicting, but none of it was nutritious ... which is probably why it was so addicting.
Anyway, I had a thought while taking these pills: If my piss turns orange, does my cum turn orange, too? And so I had planned to masturbate while on them to see if, you know, I cum orange. Well, it didn't turn out that way. I was in so much pain, plus I got so busy with other things, that I didn't touch myself until just now, last (Friday) night, and I consumed the last of my pills yesterday/Friday morning. But through this entire ordeal I still am able to get hard -- though I feel a stiffness up and down my shaft whenever I get a hard-on, which sort of doubles as pain up and down my urethra -- and, hey, YOLO, so I wanted to see what was up.
So I jerked off (to a great Penthouse pictorial, around the turn of the millennium, back when it was really good!), even though, again, my last pill was in the morning and most of the orange tinge to my urine left my body. And when I had my orgasm ... well, first, my instinct not to even touch myself while I'm in such pain was smart because cumming hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, plus not a whole lot of semen came out. And besides that it was its ... uh, normal color. Maybe it would have been orange had I touched myself the night or two before. But I'll take this as a legitimate experiment with a rigorous conclusion: If you take pills that turn your pee orange, your semen does not change color. Everyone, know y'all know.
Friday, August 31, 2018
Whiny Mover Guy (Scheduled Post)
Spent the afternoon and evening helping *****e* move. I and about seven other guys pitched in. Man, that's a lot of handjobs she'll need to do to make up for it.
I got really tired near the end of my stay helping to move shit for her. In fact, I got a little tirangry. It may have come out as I was helping this dude try to pull *****e*'s treadmill up from downstairs. I don't know if you've ever tried moving a treadmill, let alone pulling it up from downstairs, but trust me, it'll ruin you -- as it did me, who was helping pull that goddamn thing up 14 stairsteps when the other guy said it won't through the threshold unless we go all the way back down and rotate the treadmill so it's vertical, not horizontal. That's when I dropped my head and reached for my back.
And I think it got around that I wasn't really projecting a positive image because a bit later *****e* checked up on me: "Are you OK? How's your back?" she said, and even though I appreciate her concern, I know that she was concerned -- that she even knew about my quick tantrum -- because the guy who I was pulling that treadmill with told her. And I'm not sure if he was actually being helpful, or if he said it like, "Dude, that handsome guy in the white t-shirt? He's got a bad back, and he's dragging all of us down. You've got to get rid of him!" Again, I was getting so exhausted that I really wanted to leave. But I don't know to be badmouthed behind my back, please.
And now I've got the reputation as the prick who whines a lot. Great.
I got really tired near the end of my stay helping to move shit for her. In fact, I got a little tirangry. It may have come out as I was helping this dude try to pull *****e*'s treadmill up from downstairs. I don't know if you've ever tried moving a treadmill, let alone pulling it up from downstairs, but trust me, it'll ruin you -- as it did me, who was helping pull that goddamn thing up 14 stairsteps when the other guy said it won't through the threshold unless we go all the way back down and rotate the treadmill so it's vertical, not horizontal. That's when I dropped my head and reached for my back.
And I think it got around that I wasn't really projecting a positive image because a bit later *****e* checked up on me: "Are you OK? How's your back?" she said, and even though I appreciate her concern, I know that she was concerned -- that she even knew about my quick tantrum -- because the guy who I was pulling that treadmill with told her. And I'm not sure if he was actually being helpful, or if he said it like, "Dude, that handsome guy in the white t-shirt? He's got a bad back, and he's dragging all of us down. You've got to get rid of him!" Again, I was getting so exhausted that I really wanted to leave. But I don't know to be badmouthed behind my back, please.
And now I've got the reputation as the prick who whines a lot. Great.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
The Fiery Gatekeeper
It's getting worse, a lot worse. Now it really burns when I pee. It's gotten so bad that I have become incontinent, not being able to expel through my pisshole and not feeling the urge to go. And I thought the pills I got were supposed to make me feel better.
About the not being able to piss thing ... I have no idea how it happened. But I think pissing has gotten so painful, especially over the course of last night, that my body just shut down that entryway out of my body. But I still have to pee, as difficult as that is now. I have this primordial fear that there is a build-up of urine in my bladder. What can I do? Work out it out? Sweat it out? Or just wait and see that my bladder will burst, giving me septic shock and ... you know.
And then I force myself to piss, even though I don't know if that's the right thing to do. For the past day or so urinating has been painful to the point of impossibility. I have no strength, no flow; therefore my pee comes out of my pisshole weakly, and at an odd angle to the opening of my urethra. It just happened at the Fair last night; after straining for a good minute or so, all I could do is piss my orange piss all around the toilet seat. And after I got done I saw a couple wet spots on the pants I was wearing. Good fucking lord, I literally pissed myself for the first time since I was a child, maybe ever. It was that humiliating an episode.
Maybe my primoridal fear is about urinating -- by which I mean the exact mechanism of pissing itself. And furthermore, this fear stems from something very specific about my piss, namely where the pain is at its most unbearable. I'm building up the urge, you know, and then at some point I feel my pee reach the end of my dickhole, and that's when it gets unbearable, you know? It feels as though I would be fine, and that my urethra is fine, except for the very end of it, right where I can expel my pee out of my body. It's that part that, for some reason, is turning my life upside-down right now. And it's only that area, that spot, whether it be a virus or bacteria or soap or rubbing it against my underwear for some goddamn reason or ... some other disease ... whatever the source, I'm going on and on about how I am losing my fucking mind because of the end of my dickhole. Just that point of pain is backing up everything else, that is making me feel swollen, that is scaring me into thinking that my body is just filling up with liquid waste that will kill me if I don't get it out of me soon. That is the fiery gatekeeper I'm imagining now. That is the enemy I have to deal with -- and that I feel I am losing to.
So my plan is to not fight this anymore. If I have to go, OK, but I'll try not to piss today. Maybe not shoving urine up through my urethra is part of getting better. In the meantime I had to listen to my body and go to bed early. Maybe my body needed me to rest in order to oust this fiery gatekeeper. And if that doesn't work -- well, I have an arrangement to see my doctor tomorrow. So the last part of this plan is to pray.
About the not being able to piss thing ... I have no idea how it happened. But I think pissing has gotten so painful, especially over the course of last night, that my body just shut down that entryway out of my body. But I still have to pee, as difficult as that is now. I have this primordial fear that there is a build-up of urine in my bladder. What can I do? Work out it out? Sweat it out? Or just wait and see that my bladder will burst, giving me septic shock and ... you know.
And then I force myself to piss, even though I don't know if that's the right thing to do. For the past day or so urinating has been painful to the point of impossibility. I have no strength, no flow; therefore my pee comes out of my pisshole weakly, and at an odd angle to the opening of my urethra. It just happened at the Fair last night; after straining for a good minute or so, all I could do is piss my orange piss all around the toilet seat. And after I got done I saw a couple wet spots on the pants I was wearing. Good fucking lord, I literally pissed myself for the first time since I was a child, maybe ever. It was that humiliating an episode.
Maybe my primoridal fear is about urinating -- by which I mean the exact mechanism of pissing itself. And furthermore, this fear stems from something very specific about my piss, namely where the pain is at its most unbearable. I'm building up the urge, you know, and then at some point I feel my pee reach the end of my dickhole, and that's when it gets unbearable, you know? It feels as though I would be fine, and that my urethra is fine, except for the very end of it, right where I can expel my pee out of my body. It's that part that, for some reason, is turning my life upside-down right now. And it's only that area, that spot, whether it be a virus or bacteria or soap or rubbing it against my underwear for some goddamn reason or ... some other disease ... whatever the source, I'm going on and on about how I am losing my fucking mind because of the end of my dickhole. Just that point of pain is backing up everything else, that is making me feel swollen, that is scaring me into thinking that my body is just filling up with liquid waste that will kill me if I don't get it out of me soon. That is the fiery gatekeeper I'm imagining now. That is the enemy I have to deal with -- and that I feel I am losing to.
So my plan is to not fight this anymore. If I have to go, OK, but I'll try not to piss today. Maybe not shoving urine up through my urethra is part of getting better. In the meantime I had to listen to my body and go to bed early. Maybe my body needed me to rest in order to oust this fiery gatekeeper. And if that doesn't work -- well, I have an arrangement to see my doctor tomorrow. So the last part of this plan is to pray.
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Um, It's Not Working
Yeah, it's been less than two days. But frankly, I thought this burning piss medicine would work instantly -- I mean, I would feel relief right after I took it for the very first time Monday evening. But that didn't happen. And I haven't felt much relief since. Not after a day, not after what I would consider a decent night's rest where I listened to my body and fell asleep at midnight, a rest I woke from this morning.
It's gotten so bad that I've been afraid to pee. I didn't feel the need to go this morning, but I knew that was because mentally and physically I did not want to feel the prospect of my pisshole hurting me. Eventually I had to, and yep, that burning sensation was still there, two days after I began this medication.
I set up a doctor's appointment this Friday as a contingency. Now I need a miracle for something to happen; otherwise, I am following my doc's advice and coming in to see him for more aggressive treatment ... and doing so on the last-ever day I get insurance through the state. That is important; otherwise I have no idea how much this would set me back. And I'm still afraid it won't work.
It's gotten so bad that I've been afraid to pee. I didn't feel the need to go this morning, but I knew that was because mentally and physically I did not want to feel the prospect of my pisshole hurting me. Eventually I had to, and yep, that burning sensation was still there, two days after I began this medication.
I set up a doctor's appointment this Friday as a contingency. Now I need a miracle for something to happen; otherwise, I am following my doc's advice and coming in to see him for more aggressive treatment ... and doing so on the last-ever day I get insurance through the state. That is important; otherwise I have no idea how much this would set me back. And I'm still afraid it won't work.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Mmmm, Orange Piss!
This is my last week of having health insurance through the state. It's been great for me. First I paid nothing for it, lately I've paid $16 a month for it, and in return I can go to my doctor and the U. for my teeth, and I don't have to pay any co-pays. It's been glorious.
Starting on Wednesday I believe it has started to burn when I pee. I think it was a combination of wearing too-tight jeans and not showering. But after five days of this, combined with an unsubstantiated fear that putting this off my cost me more money in the long run, combined with wanting to use my current insurance one more time before I have to start paying more (way more) through my workplace, I did a spur-of-the-moment thing and went to my doctor less than two hours before my appointment.
I explained my predicament when I made the appointment, so when I got there I was swiftly given a cup to piss in. And just as my doctor examined my penis and testicles for bumps, the tests from the pee sample were back. That's quick.
There is nothing serious going on, at least he didn't think so. No Urinary Tract Infection, no diabetes, no blood indicating I'm bleeding internally. He just thinks my urethra has gotten a little irritated. So, to combat this, he got me a prescription of pills that'll last me three or four days. If the burning sensation isn't gone by the end of the week, he said, come back.
The medication is phenazopyridine. I'm supposed to take three pills each day, and it's an analgesic. But there is a pronounced side effect emanating from the ingestion of these pills that cause two gnarly things to happen. One is that my piss is supposed to turn orange. It's an indication that I am absorbing these pills, but ... damn, orange piss?!
The other side effect actually sounds scarier. It says right on the bottle, and I quote, "Soft contact lenses may become permanently discolored by this medicine." What the fuck?! Now, I don't wear contact lenses at all, but if something I'm taking is able to do that to a non-permanent tool that is in some way connected to my body, and that connection is some distance away from the mouth, shit, maybe I shouldn't be taking it. Jus' sayin'.
Oh, and it's possible phenazopyridine is a carcinogen. Whatevs, as long as it stops my burning piss.
Starting on Wednesday I believe it has started to burn when I pee. I think it was a combination of wearing too-tight jeans and not showering. But after five days of this, combined with an unsubstantiated fear that putting this off my cost me more money in the long run, combined with wanting to use my current insurance one more time before I have to start paying more (way more) through my workplace, I did a spur-of-the-moment thing and went to my doctor less than two hours before my appointment.
I explained my predicament when I made the appointment, so when I got there I was swiftly given a cup to piss in. And just as my doctor examined my penis and testicles for bumps, the tests from the pee sample were back. That's quick.
There is nothing serious going on, at least he didn't think so. No Urinary Tract Infection, no diabetes, no blood indicating I'm bleeding internally. He just thinks my urethra has gotten a little irritated. So, to combat this, he got me a prescription of pills that'll last me three or four days. If the burning sensation isn't gone by the end of the week, he said, come back.
The medication is phenazopyridine. I'm supposed to take three pills each day, and it's an analgesic. But there is a pronounced side effect emanating from the ingestion of these pills that cause two gnarly things to happen. One is that my piss is supposed to turn orange. It's an indication that I am absorbing these pills, but ... damn, orange piss?!
The other side effect actually sounds scarier. It says right on the bottle, and I quote, "Soft contact lenses may become permanently discolored by this medicine." What the fuck?! Now, I don't wear contact lenses at all, but if something I'm taking is able to do that to a non-permanent tool that is in some way connected to my body, and that connection is some distance away from the mouth, shit, maybe I shouldn't be taking it. Jus' sayin'.
Oh, and it's possible phenazopyridine is a carcinogen. Whatevs, as long as it stops my burning piss.
Monday, August 27, 2018
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Gopher volleyball (Re-Entry!). This team began play this past weekend with The Big Ten/ACC Challenge, both a season-opening showcase event for the sport (even though I don't think more than a thousand people attending the matches I attended) and a dress rehearsal for Target Center, which hosted the four games consisting of the U., Wisconsin, Florida St. and North Carolina and will host the championship in December. And I can tell you now that, by watching both Gophers matches (the one Friday vs. the Seminoles in-person, the end of the one Saturday versus UNC on the TV while I was exercising), I know that these women don't have it this year.
Sure, they won both games. But for some odd goddamn reason, after the U. was cruising in Set 3, Florida St. started to come back. The 'Noles scored three in a row to know up the game at 18 before the squad finally put them away at 21. And they actually dropped a set to the Tar Heels. Albeit that Set 3 was won 30-28, Carolina only lost Set 2 26-24 and Set 4 25-23. Championship clubs beat down their opponents, no matter what. It would have been a fairy tale to see the U. finally win the big one for the first time in their hometown. But it ain't gonna happen, no sirree.
They go back to the Sports ... er, Maturi Pavilion for the Diet Coke Classic next weekend. The most notable opponent is Arkansas. In other words, this should be nine Sets. Will it? We'll see what happens.
#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1). Lost a make-up game to the White Sox at Target Monday; split a two-game series against the ChiSox at Comiskey mid-week; then dropped three-of-four at home to Oakland, a team that, despite a really shitty home venue and one of the most meager bankrolls in baseball, still manage to overperform year in and year out. Maybe the Twinks could learn a thing or two from them.
They have two maximum road trips (ones versus three teams) left to go. The first one starts this week with a three-game series at Cleveland starting on Tuesday and three in Texas beginning on Friday.
#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: Positive Numbers). Inclement weather played havoc this weekend. Friday's match against Ole Miss, where Megan Gray deposited the game-ender in the 109th minute/Double Overtime, kicked off as scheduled, at 7:30. But there were thunderstorms forecast all day. The Gophers' match was supposed to be the back end of a doubleheader, but because of the potential lightning, the first match, between Iowa and Washington St., was moved up to 11 a.m., then moved down as the rain poured in. Finally, and for some reason, they cancelled the match -- which really sucked for the Hawkeyes, who had no other game to play in the Twin Cities and had to hightail it down to Iowa City for a game yesterday (Sunday) afternoon.
And then, due to storms which actually did not come at all, the match versus the Cougars was moved up Sunday from 1 p.m. to 11 a.m. I was going to go to that game immediate after watching the EPL at The Local, but I decided not to go after the time of the game changed. (I did plan on going to Friday's DH as well, but once I saw that the Hawks-Cougs match was moved up to the afternoon, there was no two-fer I would have wanted to go for, and so I went to the volleyball double-header in downtown Minneapolis ... where I would have gone for Saturday's matches instead of I took in the DH at Robbie Stadium on Friday. See, my life is ruled by if/then cases.) And I'm glad I missed it, because the Gophs suffered their first defeat of the year, and a convincing on at that: 2-0 to Washington St., which is ranked 22nd in at least one poll. So maybe the U. aren't so special after all.
They continued their homestand this weekend. They host DePaul Thursday; I should be going to that match-up. And Sunday afternoon nationally-ranked Stanford come to town. I would have gone to this game, but dammit, I already made plans at the State Fair.
#-4: United FC (Last Week: -2). No Darwin Quintero, no chance as the Looons turned in a disinterested, somnambulistic 2-0 loss at Kansas City Saturday. (This weekend was coined Rivalry Week by Major League Soccer. What rivalry?) Don't tell me Christian Ramirez would have done worse. Don't tell me that at least they would have gotten more chances with Superman as Striker. Still can't fucking believe this trade.
The only saving grace to this lost season is that they are on break until September 12.
#-Infinity: Lynx (Re-Entry!). I admit that I have been a dick when it comes to foretelling the end of The Lynx Dynasty. I also admit that, in the past, I have been mostly wrong. I have been wrong since 2011 and 2012, when I first didn't believe the Jynx would win their first title, and once they did, didn't believe they would ever reach that success ever again.
But let me say this time, and with no joy in my heart, that his truly feels like The End Of An Era For The Minnesota Lynx.
Now, talking about this squad in these terms is unfair. It probably is a symptom of the "patriarchy" that rules this world. It manifests itself in many ways, including from me. For example, I don't know how the Jynx went from world champions to the seventh-best record in the WNBA and a one-and-done road loss to L.A. (the team the Lynx beat last year who apparently also has fallen on black days). I didn't go to one game this year and I don't think I saw more than, oh, five minutes of their season on TV. Yet I feel the need to talk about them. Looking at it from a different angle, I am about to go on and on about a club I didn't even watch this year, and I am only doing so because they were so bad this year. Did I wax rhapsodically about them when they won the whole shebang last year? No. I'm only talking about them when they lose. I admit that, too. Finally -- and this includes the whole culture and not just me -- whereby a lot of the media talked up the Lynx last year, and I don't see a whole lot of teeth-gnashing about the team, not even sports-talk-heavy "Cheryl Reeve should be fucking fired!!!" hot takes. They lost and they are forgotten, quickly. Such is the case with a women's team, I hate to admit.
With that being said, I'll voice my faults, as filtered through the patriarchy as they might be. I thought that the Jynx's 18-16 regular-season record was the worst by a defending WNBA champion in league history. But I just did some quirk research through Wikipedia and it turns out that that is not the case. In fact, they're not really close; three defending champs finished below .500 the following season. (The Phoenix Mercury did it twice, for some reason.) So at least they avoided that ignominy. But still the question remains: Why? Well, I still stand by that old chestnut that veteran teams (and despite a young bench the starting five is real, real old) can get very gold very quickly, and I think that's what happened here. Also, the Point Guard situation was in flux the whole year. Lindsay Whalen, in retrospect, could not handle being the starting PG for the Lynx as well as prepare for her new role as Head Coach of the University of Minnesota women's program. (I say retrospect even though everyone knew juggling both plates was impossible.) Reeve just never found a suitable replacement for Whalen, and that was the hole through which the water ultimately sank the Jynx ship. (I must also pause and say that I had been slagging on Whalen on the team for a long time. That her sharp decline in production was predicted by me gives me no solace, especially since I have been predicting her sharp decline in production for years now and was only lucky to be right in her last year playing as a pro.)
So, what now? It feels as though the band finally is breaking up. Maya Moore is still in her prime, Sylvia Fowles is still a prime force on the down-low and I would like to think Rebekkah Brunson is ageless. Does Seimone Augustus think it's time to finally hang it up? Meanwhile, is the franchise's worst season this decade a one-time blip, and they'll continue to accumulate 'ships in odd years? Or is this ... The End Of An Era? Who knows, but whatever happens, these players are back on The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey until they lift a trophy.
Sure, they won both games. But for some odd goddamn reason, after the U. was cruising in Set 3, Florida St. started to come back. The 'Noles scored three in a row to know up the game at 18 before the squad finally put them away at 21. And they actually dropped a set to the Tar Heels. Albeit that Set 3 was won 30-28, Carolina only lost Set 2 26-24 and Set 4 25-23. Championship clubs beat down their opponents, no matter what. It would have been a fairy tale to see the U. finally win the big one for the first time in their hometown. But it ain't gonna happen, no sirree.
They go back to the Sports ... er, Maturi Pavilion for the Diet Coke Classic next weekend. The most notable opponent is Arkansas. In other words, this should be nine Sets. Will it? We'll see what happens.
#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1). Lost a make-up game to the White Sox at Target Monday; split a two-game series against the ChiSox at Comiskey mid-week; then dropped three-of-four at home to Oakland, a team that, despite a really shitty home venue and one of the most meager bankrolls in baseball, still manage to overperform year in and year out. Maybe the Twinks could learn a thing or two from them.
They have two maximum road trips (ones versus three teams) left to go. The first one starts this week with a three-game series at Cleveland starting on Tuesday and three in Texas beginning on Friday.
#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: Positive Numbers). Inclement weather played havoc this weekend. Friday's match against Ole Miss, where Megan Gray deposited the game-ender in the 109th minute/Double Overtime, kicked off as scheduled, at 7:30. But there were thunderstorms forecast all day. The Gophers' match was supposed to be the back end of a doubleheader, but because of the potential lightning, the first match, between Iowa and Washington St., was moved up to 11 a.m., then moved down as the rain poured in. Finally, and for some reason, they cancelled the match -- which really sucked for the Hawkeyes, who had no other game to play in the Twin Cities and had to hightail it down to Iowa City for a game yesterday (Sunday) afternoon.
And then, due to storms which actually did not come at all, the match versus the Cougars was moved up Sunday from 1 p.m. to 11 a.m. I was going to go to that game immediate after watching the EPL at The Local, but I decided not to go after the time of the game changed. (I did plan on going to Friday's DH as well, but once I saw that the Hawks-Cougs match was moved up to the afternoon, there was no two-fer I would have wanted to go for, and so I went to the volleyball double-header in downtown Minneapolis ... where I would have gone for Saturday's matches instead of I took in the DH at Robbie Stadium on Friday. See, my life is ruled by if/then cases.) And I'm glad I missed it, because the Gophs suffered their first defeat of the year, and a convincing on at that: 2-0 to Washington St., which is ranked 22nd in at least one poll. So maybe the U. aren't so special after all.
They continued their homestand this weekend. They host DePaul Thursday; I should be going to that match-up. And Sunday afternoon nationally-ranked Stanford come to town. I would have gone to this game, but dammit, I already made plans at the State Fair.
#-4: United FC (Last Week: -2). No Darwin Quintero, no chance as the Looons turned in a disinterested, somnambulistic 2-0 loss at Kansas City Saturday. (This weekend was coined Rivalry Week by Major League Soccer. What rivalry?) Don't tell me Christian Ramirez would have done worse. Don't tell me that at least they would have gotten more chances with Superman as Striker. Still can't fucking believe this trade.
The only saving grace to this lost season is that they are on break until September 12.
#-Infinity: Lynx (Re-Entry!). I admit that I have been a dick when it comes to foretelling the end of The Lynx Dynasty. I also admit that, in the past, I have been mostly wrong. I have been wrong since 2011 and 2012, when I first didn't believe the Jynx would win their first title, and once they did, didn't believe they would ever reach that success ever again.
But let me say this time, and with no joy in my heart, that his truly feels like The End Of An Era For The Minnesota Lynx.
Now, talking about this squad in these terms is unfair. It probably is a symptom of the "patriarchy" that rules this world. It manifests itself in many ways, including from me. For example, I don't know how the Jynx went from world champions to the seventh-best record in the WNBA and a one-and-done road loss to L.A. (the team the Lynx beat last year who apparently also has fallen on black days). I didn't go to one game this year and I don't think I saw more than, oh, five minutes of their season on TV. Yet I feel the need to talk about them. Looking at it from a different angle, I am about to go on and on about a club I didn't even watch this year, and I am only doing so because they were so bad this year. Did I wax rhapsodically about them when they won the whole shebang last year? No. I'm only talking about them when they lose. I admit that, too. Finally -- and this includes the whole culture and not just me -- whereby a lot of the media talked up the Lynx last year, and I don't see a whole lot of teeth-gnashing about the team, not even sports-talk-heavy "Cheryl Reeve should be fucking fired!!!" hot takes. They lost and they are forgotten, quickly. Such is the case with a women's team, I hate to admit.
With that being said, I'll voice my faults, as filtered through the patriarchy as they might be. I thought that the Jynx's 18-16 regular-season record was the worst by a defending WNBA champion in league history. But I just did some quirk research through Wikipedia and it turns out that that is not the case. In fact, they're not really close; three defending champs finished below .500 the following season. (The Phoenix Mercury did it twice, for some reason.) So at least they avoided that ignominy. But still the question remains: Why? Well, I still stand by that old chestnut that veteran teams (and despite a young bench the starting five is real, real old) can get very gold very quickly, and I think that's what happened here. Also, the Point Guard situation was in flux the whole year. Lindsay Whalen, in retrospect, could not handle being the starting PG for the Lynx as well as prepare for her new role as Head Coach of the University of Minnesota women's program. (I say retrospect even though everyone knew juggling both plates was impossible.) Reeve just never found a suitable replacement for Whalen, and that was the hole through which the water ultimately sank the Jynx ship. (I must also pause and say that I had been slagging on Whalen on the team for a long time. That her sharp decline in production was predicted by me gives me no solace, especially since I have been predicting her sharp decline in production for years now and was only lucky to be right in her last year playing as a pro.)
So, what now? It feels as though the band finally is breaking up. Maya Moore is still in her prime, Sylvia Fowles is still a prime force on the down-low and I would like to think Rebekkah Brunson is ageless. Does Seimone Augustus think it's time to finally hang it up? Meanwhile, is the franchise's worst season this decade a one-time blip, and they'll continue to accumulate 'ships in odd years? Or is this ... The End Of An Era? Who knows, but whatever happens, these players are back on The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey until they lift a trophy.
Sunday, August 26, 2018
The Carcass Of Herberger's
Today is the last day in the life of Herberger's. Didn't think it was, but it is.
I last checked into Herberger's last weekend, after I had stopped by the week before and made a mental list of things I wanted and needed. But even after spending all that much time browsing I decided to hold off and wait to see if I could get a better deal. I mean, there was a suitcoat that cost $425. Even at 70% off, I still would have paid around $127.50 -- extraordinary bargain for a coat of that price, but I still couldn't afford it. And since I hadn't seen prices dip when going into Herberger's before, I thought I had time to time out the bargains, and then swoop in when Herberger's finally throws in the towel and discounts everything, like 90% off. Then I would get that suit, and that shirt, and that Sinatra-style hat, and that ...
Herberger's had a countdown. As of last weekend there were 12 days left. So I had time.
No, I didn't.
After work yesterday/Saturday I went to Herberger's to see if my risk of not buying anything the weekend before backfired on me. And the answer is, Hell yes, it backfired on me! The money-conscious, price-pinching vultures that are people picked through all the good items on sale. There were still things on sale, but it was shit I didn't need. All the clothing there were ill-fitting ones, for men of grotesque proportions; I think I found pants that were 50x32 and 29x40. And what would I need pillows for?
Meanwhile, all the things I would have bought were long gone. The suitcoats I zoomed in on as both fitting and fashionable were nowhere to be found. (There were two suitcoats left, and both of them were too big for me.) The Sinatra-styled hats disappeared too; the only ones that even looked that stylish were brown, and they were all too big for my head. So I gambled that I would be able to come back this weekend and get the things I wanted for a slightly lower price than the weekend prior, and I lost. I wanted to buy something, anything, at Herberger's, only to commemorate its death in a rapidly deteriorating shopping industry (and, if I may say, shopping mall -- I should blog post about this soon). I had the wherewithal to buy pants about a month ago in case a situation like this happened; it looks like those are the only items/mementos I will buy there. I could swing back by today/Sunday, but there's nothing for me there to buy, and besides, I think it's going to feel really weird and sad to shop there.
I guess last workweek, one where my calendar was full of hermetically sealing myself (Monday), taking in two movies (Tuesday), seeing Da Beauty League championship game (Wednesday), attending the first day of the State Fair (Thursday) and watching college volleyball matches downtown (Friday), was the one where the cash-strapped common people decided it was time to buy. Yes, I ran the risk and I knew it. But let me state for the record that I was screwed in a way. You see, Herberger's put up a sign counting down the days until they would close up shop for good. When I walked out the door last Sunday, they were at 12 days. And I swear, when I walked back in yesterday/Saturday), it was down to 3 days. How in the fuck do nine days come off in a matter of a week?! Unless this is new math, 12-6 does not equal 3. I think that if Herberger's stuck to its original closing date, whereby they would die on the 31st of August instead of (I think) Monday, the suitcoats and pants I had my eye on would still be there, and then I would decide it was time to whip out the credit card and take them. But they moved up their death date, and my prized wish list items were spirited away.
And all that's left are weird clothing and the weird people who are about to suck all the marrow out of a virtually dead clothing store by buying that weird clothing at 80% off.
Oh, and by the way: RIP, Herberger's.
I last checked into Herberger's last weekend, after I had stopped by the week before and made a mental list of things I wanted and needed. But even after spending all that much time browsing I decided to hold off and wait to see if I could get a better deal. I mean, there was a suitcoat that cost $425. Even at 70% off, I still would have paid around $127.50 -- extraordinary bargain for a coat of that price, but I still couldn't afford it. And since I hadn't seen prices dip when going into Herberger's before, I thought I had time to time out the bargains, and then swoop in when Herberger's finally throws in the towel and discounts everything, like 90% off. Then I would get that suit, and that shirt, and that Sinatra-style hat, and that ...
Herberger's had a countdown. As of last weekend there were 12 days left. So I had time.
No, I didn't.
After work yesterday/Saturday I went to Herberger's to see if my risk of not buying anything the weekend before backfired on me. And the answer is, Hell yes, it backfired on me! The money-conscious, price-pinching vultures that are people picked through all the good items on sale. There were still things on sale, but it was shit I didn't need. All the clothing there were ill-fitting ones, for men of grotesque proportions; I think I found pants that were 50x32 and 29x40. And what would I need pillows for?
Meanwhile, all the things I would have bought were long gone. The suitcoats I zoomed in on as both fitting and fashionable were nowhere to be found. (There were two suitcoats left, and both of them were too big for me.) The Sinatra-styled hats disappeared too; the only ones that even looked that stylish were brown, and they were all too big for my head. So I gambled that I would be able to come back this weekend and get the things I wanted for a slightly lower price than the weekend prior, and I lost. I wanted to buy something, anything, at Herberger's, only to commemorate its death in a rapidly deteriorating shopping industry (and, if I may say, shopping mall -- I should blog post about this soon). I had the wherewithal to buy pants about a month ago in case a situation like this happened; it looks like those are the only items/mementos I will buy there. I could swing back by today/Sunday, but there's nothing for me there to buy, and besides, I think it's going to feel really weird and sad to shop there.
I guess last workweek, one where my calendar was full of hermetically sealing myself (Monday), taking in two movies (Tuesday), seeing Da Beauty League championship game (Wednesday), attending the first day of the State Fair (Thursday) and watching college volleyball matches downtown (Friday), was the one where the cash-strapped common people decided it was time to buy. Yes, I ran the risk and I knew it. But let me state for the record that I was screwed in a way. You see, Herberger's put up a sign counting down the days until they would close up shop for good. When I walked out the door last Sunday, they were at 12 days. And I swear, when I walked back in yesterday/Saturday), it was down to 3 days. How in the fuck do nine days come off in a matter of a week?! Unless this is new math, 12-6 does not equal 3. I think that if Herberger's stuck to its original closing date, whereby they would die on the 31st of August instead of (I think) Monday, the suitcoats and pants I had my eye on would still be there, and then I would decide it was time to whip out the credit card and take them. But they moved up their death date, and my prized wish list items were spirited away.
And all that's left are weird clothing and the weird people who are about to suck all the marrow out of a virtually dead clothing store by buying that weird clothing at 80% off.
Oh, and by the way: RIP, Herberger's.
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