I will be on vacation till Monday. Should be able to find a public library while I'm away, but I'm not certain. At any rate, there will be no WMNSS till the following Friday.
OK, I'll admit the truth: I'm going to St. Louis. Southwest began direct flight to there last month with an introductory $49 each-way sale. I'm going down there for just over $100. At the time I figured, when the hell's the next time I'll be able to fly that cheap anywhere? Alas, my money woes have made me second-guess that decision. A lot of my credit card bill this month is because of hotel and car; without those charges, I won't be in such bad shape. That, of course, would mean I'd stay home. Which kind of makes sense.
You know, I love STL, but I honestly have no idea why I'm going. I shouldn't be going. I have no money. And I won't be able to enjoy myself because I have no money.
This is going to be a fucking disaster.
See y'all Monday.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Follow-Up To Yesterday's Gas Problem
The verdict: I was wrong! Tooling around yesterday I saw that the gas stations near my home actually raised the price of gas by more than a dime. So I hauled ass to the station where I had a coupon and filled up my tank before they changed their price, thank Buddha.
All this hemming and hawing for nothing. ...
All this hemming and hawing for nothing. ...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
To Gas Up Or Not To Gas Up
Taking off from my previous blog post, another thing that has brought me face-to-face with my lavish lifestyle was my drive to see the North Star Roller Girls at the Minneapolis Convention Center Saturday night.
I knew my ticket was in my day planner, and because I didn't want to bring my bookbag to the coffeehouse that afternoon, I put my day planner in my laptop bag. But after I woke up from my early evening nap, I bolted out of the house with just my bookbag. I realized my ticket was all the way back at home just before I thought I found a parking spot a few blocks from the bout.
I actually got out of the car and checked the bookbag in my trunk just to be sure. I actually should've done that before I left the driveway. So I was faced with a choice: Just fuckin' find a spot, go in there and buy a ticket for two bucks more than I paid for the advance ticket, or drive all the way back home to get it. Paying a ticket at the box office is $12, and I was going to roller derby, so this was one of the few times where I didn't really agonize over my choice: I started driving back home.
And I was pissed off, at myself. Fortunately, that's all it went to. That's why I like being alone: My failures are my own, not further burdened by the shame and disappointment in letting down others. If I was with My Fucking Father, Buddha help me recover from the verbal and non-verbal onslaught that son-of-a-bitch would come at me with for forgetting a ticket.
Anyway, the obvious downside to that is that I had to use up gas -- 20 more miles' worth, in fact. I had been at about 1/4 tank, but I thought I could make it to Monday at least. With my fuck-up, however, I felt sure that I'd need to do it the next day, Sunday.
But actually, I didn't. Driving back home late Saturday for good, the low fuel light came on. Damn, did I drive that much? I always think with a quarter tank I'd be able to do a day's worth of driving, but always I'm surprised at how much gas I go through, at least according to the tank.
And this is where I get stubborn. I'm approaching $500 on my Visa bill, and I don't want to go over that. I know I'll be at that point once I fill up all the way, but I don't want it to be so soon because I think -- maybe unrealistic -- that I'll have to just fill up my car again before I leave for vacation. But I don't want to get stuck on the side of the highway because I have absolutely no gas left. Moreover, creeping back into my mind is the thought of my fuel pump. I hear that you should always keep your gas tank at least a 1/4 full (some say 1/2 to be sure) because it starts the pump starts to overheat if there isn't enough fuel coarsing through it. I regularly flout that rule. Because I'm a lazy badass like that.
I didn't feel that badass driving around my neck of the woods Sunday, however -- I felt pig-headed. I found this coupon for getting gas at this place I usually go to, but I suspected that even with the discount, the gas I was going to pay there was more expensive than elsewhere. In fact, while running an errand for My Mother, I ran across an area close to my place that seemed to have a collection of gas stations quoting prices several cents lower than the ones closest to my house. And these were places close enough to make the hike worth it -- at least I think.
The last time I gassed up I actually went to one of those places because I couldn't find a coupon for the place I usually patronize. Just to check I went back to that gas station, whose coupons usually get me five cents off per gallon. Their price at the time was five cents more than the place I actually got my gas, It didn't really matter where I got my gas -- then.
Even armed with a coupon I decided to go to this new place, then drive back to my old place. I wanted to be fuckin' done with it, but ... something else just compelled me not to charge my credit card Sunday, not yet. My excuse was something that my brain kind of conjured up just to prevent me from filling up my tank: What happens if the price of gas drops Monday or Tuesday? It's been at around $2.60 for some time now -- isn't that an indication that prices are going to go down? Hey, didn't I hear that the benchmark price for crude has been going down? That means the price of gas is going down too, right?
Sunday, my gas station has a price that's only, like, three cents more than the other place, so if I used the coupon, I'd save two cents. But because I psyched myself out, I decide that I'm going to time the market and save money when the price of gas falls. But I do need some gas, so I make this even more elaborate by going to a third gas station, probably the one closest to my house, to put exactly six bucks in my tank because I know that lately this gas station has had the lowest prices. I need to maximize the bang for my buck!
Except that I didn't. After Sunday Dinner I went to the gym, then downtown to see this group whose lead singer is an ex-stripper whose pussy I've seen. I have a crush. Anyway, the low fuel light went back on again as I was finding a spot downtown on the way to the club. I did the same kind of trip tonight and I measured the total at about 35 miles. So you mean to tell me that six bucks won't get me 35 miles?? I thought it did.
Anyhoo, today I put in seven bucks. I fear that the price won't go down, that in fact it'll go up, but I just can't get my Visa above $500 yet, please, not yet. And guess what? It still wasn't enough to get me to where I was going today! So after work and coffee, I went to the third gas station, the one with the lowest prices (by, like, two cents, in case you need to know) and wanted to put in eight bucks, but I stopped the pump at $8.03, so what the hell, I rounded it up to $9, then went home. That should keep my car alright for tomorrow -- right?
Man, I've just fried my fuel pump by not refueling the past several days, haven't I?
I knew my ticket was in my day planner, and because I didn't want to bring my bookbag to the coffeehouse that afternoon, I put my day planner in my laptop bag. But after I woke up from my early evening nap, I bolted out of the house with just my bookbag. I realized my ticket was all the way back at home just before I thought I found a parking spot a few blocks from the bout.
I actually got out of the car and checked the bookbag in my trunk just to be sure. I actually should've done that before I left the driveway. So I was faced with a choice: Just fuckin' find a spot, go in there and buy a ticket for two bucks more than I paid for the advance ticket, or drive all the way back home to get it. Paying a ticket at the box office is $12, and I was going to roller derby, so this was one of the few times where I didn't really agonize over my choice: I started driving back home.
And I was pissed off, at myself. Fortunately, that's all it went to. That's why I like being alone: My failures are my own, not further burdened by the shame and disappointment in letting down others. If I was with My Fucking Father, Buddha help me recover from the verbal and non-verbal onslaught that son-of-a-bitch would come at me with for forgetting a ticket.
Anyway, the obvious downside to that is that I had to use up gas -- 20 more miles' worth, in fact. I had been at about 1/4 tank, but I thought I could make it to Monday at least. With my fuck-up, however, I felt sure that I'd need to do it the next day, Sunday.
But actually, I didn't. Driving back home late Saturday for good, the low fuel light came on. Damn, did I drive that much? I always think with a quarter tank I'd be able to do a day's worth of driving, but always I'm surprised at how much gas I go through, at least according to the tank.
And this is where I get stubborn. I'm approaching $500 on my Visa bill, and I don't want to go over that. I know I'll be at that point once I fill up all the way, but I don't want it to be so soon because I think -- maybe unrealistic -- that I'll have to just fill up my car again before I leave for vacation. But I don't want to get stuck on the side of the highway because I have absolutely no gas left. Moreover, creeping back into my mind is the thought of my fuel pump. I hear that you should always keep your gas tank at least a 1/4 full (some say 1/2 to be sure) because it starts the pump starts to overheat if there isn't enough fuel coarsing through it. I regularly flout that rule. Because I'm a lazy badass like that.
I didn't feel that badass driving around my neck of the woods Sunday, however -- I felt pig-headed. I found this coupon for getting gas at this place I usually go to, but I suspected that even with the discount, the gas I was going to pay there was more expensive than elsewhere. In fact, while running an errand for My Mother, I ran across an area close to my place that seemed to have a collection of gas stations quoting prices several cents lower than the ones closest to my house. And these were places close enough to make the hike worth it -- at least I think.
The last time I gassed up I actually went to one of those places because I couldn't find a coupon for the place I usually patronize. Just to check I went back to that gas station, whose coupons usually get me five cents off per gallon. Their price at the time was five cents more than the place I actually got my gas, It didn't really matter where I got my gas -- then.
Even armed with a coupon I decided to go to this new place, then drive back to my old place. I wanted to be fuckin' done with it, but ... something else just compelled me not to charge my credit card Sunday, not yet. My excuse was something that my brain kind of conjured up just to prevent me from filling up my tank: What happens if the price of gas drops Monday or Tuesday? It's been at around $2.60 for some time now -- isn't that an indication that prices are going to go down? Hey, didn't I hear that the benchmark price for crude has been going down? That means the price of gas is going down too, right?
Sunday, my gas station has a price that's only, like, three cents more than the other place, so if I used the coupon, I'd save two cents. But because I psyched myself out, I decide that I'm going to time the market and save money when the price of gas falls. But I do need some gas, so I make this even more elaborate by going to a third gas station, probably the one closest to my house, to put exactly six bucks in my tank because I know that lately this gas station has had the lowest prices. I need to maximize the bang for my buck!
Except that I didn't. After Sunday Dinner I went to the gym, then downtown to see this group whose lead singer is an ex-stripper whose pussy I've seen. I have a crush. Anyway, the low fuel light went back on again as I was finding a spot downtown on the way to the club. I did the same kind of trip tonight and I measured the total at about 35 miles. So you mean to tell me that six bucks won't get me 35 miles?? I thought it did.
Anyhoo, today I put in seven bucks. I fear that the price won't go down, that in fact it'll go up, but I just can't get my Visa above $500 yet, please, not yet. And guess what? It still wasn't enough to get me to where I was going today! So after work and coffee, I went to the third gas station, the one with the lowest prices (by, like, two cents, in case you need to know) and wanted to put in eight bucks, but I stopped the pump at $8.03, so what the hell, I rounded it up to $9, then went home. That should keep my car alright for tomorrow -- right?
Man, I've just fried my fuel pump by not refueling the past several days, haven't I?
Monday, February 22, 2010
I Am Broke
Shouldn't confess this, but I must.
Checked my accounts the other day in anticipation for my trip to St. Louis. I have about $6100. I give myself a floor of five grand; it used to be because if I fell below that I'd incur a monthly penalty, but since I got a savings account it's an artificial threshold. I'm close to it because (sigh) a got a thousand bucks from My Father for a class I have, uh, yet to enroll in. But I swear I will!
This is largely brought on because I continue to rack up huge charges on my credit cards. I was expecting this come holiday season, but I didn't really buy any gifts. Instead, I just treated myself to nights out on the town. That largely continued after the New Year, partly because I was fighting with Father and I just wanted to fucking out of the house. But then I just drove a lot to places to, like, drink coffee and write on my laptop. So now the biggest portion of the charges on both of my credit cards is gas.
Obviously this can be remedied by not going out (and not buying so much stuff either), but there are a lot of excuses I can come up with. I need to drive to work. The modem's been on the fritz lately, and I need the Internet to research, write and send my stuff. I can't work at home because of all the distractions. I don't want to be thought of as lazy because I don't do housework, so I stay out and come back after my parents return home. And hey, I like driving.
But the bottom line is I have to tighten my belt, again. And I don't like that. I don't think I'm an extravagant person, and I don't think I live beyond my means. But the credit card statements say otherwise. So I have no choice but to stay at home more. And that means I'll have the "opportunity" to wash the walls, pick up my papers and otherwise do shit that doesn't need to be done.
It's kind of ironic; the past few months I have bought stuff that is blowing a hole in my account because these are for things that I've been putting off for some time. For example, a couple weeks ago I bought these binders. I haven't touched them yet, but they're either for my papers or for my parents' financial statements. And lately I've started to work out. I found a community activities center that I kind of like. Trouble is it's about 15 miles away. I've gone there about a half-dozen times the past two weeks, and so I've been using up a lot of gas. Should I just get fat because I don't have the money to pay for filling up my tank?
But my bad feelings over seeing my checking account drained so low because of what I've done still saddens me. No one wants to cut back because that means you're sacrificing creature comforts that make you the happiest. I'll miss the late-night coffees, the dinners at Hooters, all the times I went to get lapdances at stripclubs. (OK, maybe I won't cut back on the strippers.) But I feel worse that I'm blowing through money right now.
Things on the horizon aren't making these easy. The state might be cutting back on my PCA hours. And I still have that vacation to go to. I don't want to control myself in St. Louis -- specifically East St. Louis. But if I'm hemorraghing cash, I'll be worse off in the long run.
Ah, fuck my life.
Checked my accounts the other day in anticipation for my trip to St. Louis. I have about $6100. I give myself a floor of five grand; it used to be because if I fell below that I'd incur a monthly penalty, but since I got a savings account it's an artificial threshold. I'm close to it because (sigh) a got a thousand bucks from My Father for a class I have, uh, yet to enroll in. But I swear I will!
This is largely brought on because I continue to rack up huge charges on my credit cards. I was expecting this come holiday season, but I didn't really buy any gifts. Instead, I just treated myself to nights out on the town. That largely continued after the New Year, partly because I was fighting with Father and I just wanted to fucking out of the house. But then I just drove a lot to places to, like, drink coffee and write on my laptop. So now the biggest portion of the charges on both of my credit cards is gas.
Obviously this can be remedied by not going out (and not buying so much stuff either), but there are a lot of excuses I can come up with. I need to drive to work. The modem's been on the fritz lately, and I need the Internet to research, write and send my stuff. I can't work at home because of all the distractions. I don't want to be thought of as lazy because I don't do housework, so I stay out and come back after my parents return home. And hey, I like driving.
But the bottom line is I have to tighten my belt, again. And I don't like that. I don't think I'm an extravagant person, and I don't think I live beyond my means. But the credit card statements say otherwise. So I have no choice but to stay at home more. And that means I'll have the "opportunity" to wash the walls, pick up my papers and otherwise do shit that doesn't need to be done.
It's kind of ironic; the past few months I have bought stuff that is blowing a hole in my account because these are for things that I've been putting off for some time. For example, a couple weeks ago I bought these binders. I haven't touched them yet, but they're either for my papers or for my parents' financial statements. And lately I've started to work out. I found a community activities center that I kind of like. Trouble is it's about 15 miles away. I've gone there about a half-dozen times the past two weeks, and so I've been using up a lot of gas. Should I just get fat because I don't have the money to pay for filling up my tank?
But my bad feelings over seeing my checking account drained so low because of what I've done still saddens me. No one wants to cut back because that means you're sacrificing creature comforts that make you the happiest. I'll miss the late-night coffees, the dinners at Hooters, all the times I went to get lapdances at stripclubs. (OK, maybe I won't cut back on the strippers.) But I feel worse that I'm blowing through money right now.
Things on the horizon aren't making these easy. The state might be cutting back on my PCA hours. And I still have that vacation to go to. I don't want to control myself in St. Louis -- specifically East St. Louis. But if I'm hemorraghing cash, I'll be worse off in the long run.
Ah, fuck my life.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Oh Yeah, And DVOA Sucks Too
Finally got around to reviewing my NFL regular-season win totals predictions. I used this new fancy-schmancy metric called DVOA -- forgot what it stands for, and I really don't give a shit, because it fucked me over.
They categorize the success or failure of a team's plays over the course of several seasons (encompassing, I assume, all the current players on the team) by down, distance, formation, possibly opposing defense (whether or not they're blitzing), score I think, etc. The results from that analysis is used to predict a team's fortunes for the next season. Specifically, they predict how many wins a team will get and whether they will win the Super Bowl. Did they predict the Saints to reach the Super Bowl? I believe the guys who created this DVOA thought the Chargers were going to go all the way, and, well, look how that turned out.
Anyway, I kept track of their predicted records. Also, according to this site called Vegas Watch, which uses mathematics applied to games and teams to find and exploit inefficiencies and inaccuracies in betting lines, pointed out the five teams with the biggest discrepancies between the projected DVOA win total and Vegas' win over/under, in no particular order: San Diego, Jacksonville, St. Louis, Seattle (who were predicted to have more wins than Vegas thought), and Arizona (which was thought to win less).
Well, thank fuckin' God I didn't get to Vegas to put my money where my mouth was, because only San Diego (DVOA thought they were win more than the 9 1/2 games the lines were given it) was right. The others were wrong, dead wrong.
Also, in ESPN The Magazine these "believers" gave the predicted record for all 32 teams. From that I kept track of who these guys thought would win the eight NFL divisions. The result: 3-5, including all four divisions of the NFC. By contrast, the "chalk" teams, the ones Vegas gave the best odds to win each division (at least according to the betting sheet I have in front of me) went 6-2. The Giants and Pittsburgh were the only favorites that did not win its division -- and by the way, DVOA thought they were going to win, too.
My fucking God, it creeps me out what would've happened if I actually laid money based on advice from these liars. Like the new-school measurements PECOTA and CHONE for last baseball season, trusting supposedly air-tight applied math to win games doesn't just lead you astray, it leads you to financial ruin. These guys were so wrong that I'm starting to think that these metrics ain't nothing but bullshit, a pile of numerical hocus-pocus that is acted upon because the guys who created it are, or at least bill themselves as, guys who know what they're doing. This is the same way got into the housing crisis.
It's insane. I hate this teabagger movement, where it seems as if they believe the dumber you are the fitter you are to be president. But if so-called knowledge leads to conclusions like these, and if you feel as if you were intentionally screwed over by people who trick you with their cunning, I can understand how you can believe that ignorance is bliss.
They categorize the success or failure of a team's plays over the course of several seasons (encompassing, I assume, all the current players on the team) by down, distance, formation, possibly opposing defense (whether or not they're blitzing), score I think, etc. The results from that analysis is used to predict a team's fortunes for the next season. Specifically, they predict how many wins a team will get and whether they will win the Super Bowl. Did they predict the Saints to reach the Super Bowl? I believe the guys who created this DVOA thought the Chargers were going to go all the way, and, well, look how that turned out.
Anyway, I kept track of their predicted records. Also, according to this site called Vegas Watch, which uses mathematics applied to games and teams to find and exploit inefficiencies and inaccuracies in betting lines, pointed out the five teams with the biggest discrepancies between the projected DVOA win total and Vegas' win over/under, in no particular order: San Diego, Jacksonville, St. Louis, Seattle (who were predicted to have more wins than Vegas thought), and Arizona (which was thought to win less).
Well, thank fuckin' God I didn't get to Vegas to put my money where my mouth was, because only San Diego (DVOA thought they were win more than the 9 1/2 games the lines were given it) was right. The others were wrong, dead wrong.
Also, in ESPN The Magazine these "believers" gave the predicted record for all 32 teams. From that I kept track of who these guys thought would win the eight NFL divisions. The result: 3-5, including all four divisions of the NFC. By contrast, the "chalk" teams, the ones Vegas gave the best odds to win each division (at least according to the betting sheet I have in front of me) went 6-2. The Giants and Pittsburgh were the only favorites that did not win its division -- and by the way, DVOA thought they were going to win, too.
My fucking God, it creeps me out what would've happened if I actually laid money based on advice from these liars. Like the new-school measurements PECOTA and CHONE for last baseball season, trusting supposedly air-tight applied math to win games doesn't just lead you astray, it leads you to financial ruin. These guys were so wrong that I'm starting to think that these metrics ain't nothing but bullshit, a pile of numerical hocus-pocus that is acted upon because the guys who created it are, or at least bill themselves as, guys who know what they're doing. This is the same way got into the housing crisis.
It's insane. I hate this teabagger movement, where it seems as if they believe the dumber you are the fitter you are to be president. But if so-called knowledge leads to conclusions like these, and if you feel as if you were intentionally screwed over by people who trick you with their cunning, I can understand how you can believe that ignorance is bliss.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Three Things I'm Doing For My Father Today
- Need to return stuff to Home Depot. Should get the money back in hand, no need to track.
- Sending rebate form for pliers bought at Menards. Should be $3/pliers, and I bought four, so within two months Father is supposed to get a dozen bucks back.
- Sending 23 sports tickets to the Paris. Twenty of them -- twenty!!! -- are winners. How the fuck did he do that? Actually, while looking through the picks, all but three of them he bet on the favorite. And all this time I've been giving him advice. I expect a total of $2,290.80 back for My Father. But just in case I'm sending the other three tickets. Two of them I know are losers, but I don't want to piss away money if I'm just not looking at this the right way. The third is a bit trickier; it's a Pittsburgh-Baltimore game where he chose the Over 43. The game finished with 43 total points. Is that a loss or a push? Sending it in case it's a push. If it is, the check should be $2,340.80 total.
As Long As The Home Modem Is Working, I'll Blog This...
See, this is why I always crouch down: If I see any feet and/or pants down at the ankles, I don't use the stall. In fact, this prevents me from doing what you fucking did to me on Wednesday: Trying to open my stall door. Why can't you fucking look?!?! Goddamn you invaded my privacy -- I'm taking a shit, for God's sake!!!
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Swarm (Last Week: -7). The only team this week to go undefeated. Sure, they only played one game. But it was a hell of a game, from what I hear: A 16-12 home win against previously undefeated Washington which featured a bench-clearing brawl at the end of the first quarter. After that three players were given game misconducts and thrown out, including Swarm leader Sean Pollock. But apparently fighting is supposed to work in box lacrosse the same way it does in hockey; the Stealth cut the 5-2 first quarter score to an 8-6 deficit at the end of the first half. Symmetrically, however, they repeated the exact same scores in the second half -- 5-2 Swarm in the third quarter (like the first), 4-3 Stealth in the fourth (like the second). The result, of course, is a Minnesota win that "catapults" them out of fifth and last place in the Western Conference. Tomorrow (Saturday) night they host Colorado at the X. Please keep this streak going, guys; I have no faith the teams below you will turn it around.
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). Once again, it is to the shame of the entire state that the second-best team in this week's survey. They had that game at Northwestern Sunday, they had it! But once again they pud out come crunch time and give the Wildcats faint false hope they'll make the NCAA Tournament with their three-point overtime win.
Still, I'm surprised the Gophers throttled nationally-ranked Wisconsin last night at the Barn by 17 (and by the way, why are these teams only meeting once this year? These guys share a border!). They're still going to the NIT. But did you know this is their third-straight win over the Badgers? They continue their homestand this week, hosting Indiana and Purdue.
#-3: Wild (Last Week:-4). The Atlanta Thrashers recently traded their two-best players ... and the Wild lose to them, at home?!?!?! This loss, on Friday the 12th, is when this team officially gave up. Yeah, they're only five points away from the last spot in blah-blah-blah, but they're also the third-worst team in the Western Conference. Being so close to the playoffs and so far away at the same time should be contradictory, but such is life in the NHL. They're not going to make it. And they don't deserve to, even if they tried to make it up with a 6-2 win over Vancouver before breaking for the Olympics. They're off until the Games are over.
#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6). They have another "tie!" I still don't get it -- they have a point, but they decide who wins and loses via shootout. Whatever. They "lost" on the shootout at home, then lost for real at St. Cloud St. (and they got their asses kicked too -- 6-3!), to be swept by the Huskies. The entire building called the Gopher women's hockey season is falling down on them: this broke their undefeated record at home, they lost to St. Cloud St. for only the second time ever, and they have now lost four in a row. This club is the Indianapolis Colts -- always strong in the regular season, but piss down their legs when it matters the most.
Worse yet is that this squad will be gearing up for the postseason just as their best players are in Vancouver for the Olympics. They host Wisconsin for a pair this weekend. Could the losing streak reach six?
#-5: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). Gone are the days when the Goph grapplers could beat a storied program such as Iowa. Gone also are the days when they could at least hold their own against the Hawkeyes at the Sports Pavilion. The #-1-ranked Hawks beat the living shit out of Minnesota Sunday night, 28-9. It's their first loss in Big Ten play -- I guess it's good to wait for this loss until near the end of the season. And despite this embarrassment, they're still ranked fifth in the NWCA poll. If polls are going to stay this stagnant, maybe they shouldn't come out with polls anymore. They host 10th-ranked Penn St. tonight (Friday night); if I get off of dinner early, maybe I'll go.
#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3). Randy Shaver of KARE11 News said this is as low as the program has been since being revived from the dead almost a decade ago. I don't think it's that bad -- single-digit-win seasons were de rigueur -- but this feels like a settling back to the bottom of the barrel from the 2004 Final Four season. They gave it their all at Williams against a great Ohio St. team and fell short by five. They thus seem spent last (Thursday) night in being Iowa's bitch by 21. Pam Borton's team is below .500, and she's still in danger of having a losing season at Minnesota for the first time ever. This week: at Indiana Sunday, then hosting Michigan Thursday.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2). I feel stupid in saying this, but I really thought the Woofie Dogs turned a corner. Never mind; they returned from the All-Star Game with back-to-back losses on the road against a mediocre team (Detroit) and a horrible team (Washington) by allowing 108 points and being unable to break triple digits both times. Before the trade deadline, they shipped Brian Cardinal (actually Brian Cardinal's contract) to the Knicks for the Human Victory Cigar (and former second-pick overall) Darko Milicic. I feel stupid in saying this as well, but last year Cardinal was a pretty effective bench player. I'll shut up now. This week: home to Chicago and the Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, then at Miami and at Atlanta.
#-8: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). These guys have yet to hit rock-bottom. They're still hurtling through standards I've never seen him fall through in a decade, and I fear that they could suck some more. Got swept at second-ranked Denver last weekend by a combined score of 8-2. What good is coming from this team? Seriously, why aren't more people bitching and moaning about this program? Host Colorado College for a pair this weekend -- goddamn, everything's at the U. this weekend. ...
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). Once again, it is to the shame of the entire state that the second-best team in this week's survey. They had that game at Northwestern Sunday, they had it! But once again they pud out come crunch time and give the Wildcats faint false hope they'll make the NCAA Tournament with their three-point overtime win.
Still, I'm surprised the Gophers throttled nationally-ranked Wisconsin last night at the Barn by 17 (and by the way, why are these teams only meeting once this year? These guys share a border!). They're still going to the NIT. But did you know this is their third-straight win over the Badgers? They continue their homestand this week, hosting Indiana and Purdue.
#-3: Wild (Last Week:-4). The Atlanta Thrashers recently traded their two-best players ... and the Wild lose to them, at home?!?!?! This loss, on Friday the 12th, is when this team officially gave up. Yeah, they're only five points away from the last spot in blah-blah-blah, but they're also the third-worst team in the Western Conference. Being so close to the playoffs and so far away at the same time should be contradictory, but such is life in the NHL. They're not going to make it. And they don't deserve to, even if they tried to make it up with a 6-2 win over Vancouver before breaking for the Olympics. They're off until the Games are over.
#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6). They have another "tie!" I still don't get it -- they have a point, but they decide who wins and loses via shootout. Whatever. They "lost" on the shootout at home, then lost for real at St. Cloud St. (and they got their asses kicked too -- 6-3!), to be swept by the Huskies. The entire building called the Gopher women's hockey season is falling down on them: this broke their undefeated record at home, they lost to St. Cloud St. for only the second time ever, and they have now lost four in a row. This club is the Indianapolis Colts -- always strong in the regular season, but piss down their legs when it matters the most.
Worse yet is that this squad will be gearing up for the postseason just as their best players are in Vancouver for the Olympics. They host Wisconsin for a pair this weekend. Could the losing streak reach six?
#-5: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). Gone are the days when the Goph grapplers could beat a storied program such as Iowa. Gone also are the days when they could at least hold their own against the Hawkeyes at the Sports Pavilion. The #-1-ranked Hawks beat the living shit out of Minnesota Sunday night, 28-9. It's their first loss in Big Ten play -- I guess it's good to wait for this loss until near the end of the season. And despite this embarrassment, they're still ranked fifth in the NWCA poll. If polls are going to stay this stagnant, maybe they shouldn't come out with polls anymore. They host 10th-ranked Penn St. tonight (Friday night); if I get off of dinner early, maybe I'll go.
#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3). Randy Shaver of KARE11 News said this is as low as the program has been since being revived from the dead almost a decade ago. I don't think it's that bad -- single-digit-win seasons were de rigueur -- but this feels like a settling back to the bottom of the barrel from the 2004 Final Four season. They gave it their all at Williams against a great Ohio St. team and fell short by five. They thus seem spent last (Thursday) night in being Iowa's bitch by 21. Pam Borton's team is below .500, and she's still in danger of having a losing season at Minnesota for the first time ever. This week: at Indiana Sunday, then hosting Michigan Thursday.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2). I feel stupid in saying this, but I really thought the Woofie Dogs turned a corner. Never mind; they returned from the All-Star Game with back-to-back losses on the road against a mediocre team (Detroit) and a horrible team (Washington) by allowing 108 points and being unable to break triple digits both times. Before the trade deadline, they shipped Brian Cardinal (actually Brian Cardinal's contract) to the Knicks for the Human Victory Cigar (and former second-pick overall) Darko Milicic. I feel stupid in saying this as well, but last year Cardinal was a pretty effective bench player. I'll shut up now. This week: home to Chicago and the Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, then at Miami and at Atlanta.
#-8: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). These guys have yet to hit rock-bottom. They're still hurtling through standards I've never seen him fall through in a decade, and I fear that they could suck some more. Got swept at second-ranked Denver last weekend by a combined score of 8-2. What good is coming from this team? Seriously, why aren't more people bitching and moaning about this program? Host Colorado College for a pair this weekend -- goddamn, everything's at the U. this weekend. ...
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Couldn't fucking blog at all last night because the goddamn modem was on the fritz. Actually called some South Asian at Qwest today; it's working now, but the problems are always late at night. If this keeps up I'll have to get another fucking fix-it man to come here and do something about it.
It's the wires. It's our goddamn wires.
It's the wires. It's our goddamn wires.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Alright, This Shit's Got To Stop
I was only blowing off steam last night. I really didn't think anything was going to actually happen when I decided to go out again tonight to work out and then dink around on my laptop with coffee. Everything was better tonight -- no lost keys, no bumping into tables and spilling coffee -- except for the ride to the coffeehouse. Not only did I brave the potholes again, but I'll be goddamned if I had to have a Heineken bottle laying right at the meter I wanted to park at. I tried to avoid it, I thought I avoided it, but as I was nosing my car to the meter, boosh!
Fuck!!! God I hope I don't have a flat tire. I have shit to do tomorrow. Why in the hell do I have to drive to a meter that happens a bottle there?
Fuck!!! God I hope I don't have a flat tire. I have shit to do tomorrow. Why in the hell do I have to drive to a meter that happens a bottle there?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
If This Is What Happens To Me After I Work Out, Maybe I Shouldn't Work Out
Some things, big and small, as a result of my decision to head out after dinner and work out because I'm getting really fat:
- I missed the tail end of the pairs figure skating free skate. Hopefully I'll remember to watch it again late at night, but I might be too busy masturbating to and/or the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
- I realized again that the coffeehouse I wanted to go to was at the end of the worst potholed pavement in the state. Goddamn you winter, and when in the hell is the city of Minneapolis going to fill those fucking holes in?!?!?! (I need to find another coffeehouse.)
- I wanted to eat pizza after drinking coffee, and luckily both places are kitty-corner from each other. But I wanted to make sure I could do that. Turns out the pizza place, which closes very late on weekends, closes at 11 weeknights. Boo!
- I did manage to do the one thing I had to do at the pizza shop: buy a ticket to the North Star Roller Girls bout this Saturday. So at about 15-10 till close I went in and bought a ticket. The only rub: Cash only. And I'm cash-poor. I really wanted to use my credit card for this, even if I'm racking up the charges, but I used ten bucks on the ticket.
Now I'll have to get money from the ATM tomorrow. ... - ... and I left my car to walk to the coffeehouse with my car not exactly rubbing up against the curb. I'm scared that a car taking that turn hard and fast will see another car coming the other way on the two-way and smash my driver's-side mirror. Luckily no one did.
- Gah! Banging my leg against the table, knocking my cup of hot chocolate and spilling it all over the goddamn table really pisses me off. ...
- And it begins to exacerbate what would have been petty annoyances easily tuned out of the mind. This coffeehouse I decided to go to plays music that is, um, funky. This is beyond alternative or college radio -- you need to be seriously bored with all kinds of music, and then have enough time to seek out acts that don't sound like anybody, anywhere, no matter how obscure they might be. Trouble with that is, the music sounds like shit. And in my paranoid and frazzled post-exercise state, this particular act, with its obvious lyrics and singing that sounds meant to bleed eardrums, made me want to dive for my headphones. ...
- Except that I couldn't find my goddamn earphones! I made damn sure I put them in my bag because I knew I was going out. And I swear I pulled them out of my bag after I got my hot chocolate. I thought I was wrong ... until I started picking up before midnight close and saw them behind my laptop. Fuck me -- my salvation from this noise assault was within my arm's reach, hidden away in plain sight.
- Finally, I couldn't find my goddamn house key! It was pulled away from my car key ring because I'm fat, and when I tried to pull my keys out to start the car it bent the ring's ends and my house key squirmed out. It's been loose in my pockets since then because the ring's ends don't close tight enough anymore. But shit, I should've known this would happen. It was secure in my ring, but now that it was loose it could be lost anywhere. Could it be at the gym? Thank Buddha I had the foresight to at least put that in my gym bag, where I found it after I parked in my garage.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Weirdness Of Tila Tequila
When I finally decided MySpace was the best way to stalk be a fan of Playboy and nude models, one of the first people I friended was Tila Tequila. I heard of her and how she managed to become a celebrity through her sheer will to be connected to everyone on the social networking site. Plus I saw her photos and she seemed really hot, and I needed someone who'd "care" about me.
I didn't really think I'd ever have a chance to communicate with her at all; she has almost 3.9 million friends. But I quickly realized she may not be the girl for me. She blogs on her MySpace incessantly, but unlike me, all of her posts contained a dozen exclamation points and the word "bitches" in the title, and "shit" and "mothafuckas!" in the prose. Plus the crap she was talking about was of the self-promotional variety, and I didn't think her branching out to become the next Christina Aguilera was going to be so successful. (And so far, it hasn't; she's moving into label head now.)
But then the death of her fiancé, household products heiress Casey Johnson, brought out a new craven low out of Tequila's personality. There are a couple of things wrong with the way she broadcast the news of her death in early January. On the one hand, I feel that talking about a loved one's death is kind of strange, if not tasteless. There are things you should be doing to mourn someone who ostensibly is supposed to be the closest person in your life; blogging and tweeting about her gets in the way. But it didn't really get in Tila's way; whenever she wasn't talking about Casey Johnson, she was talking about all the paparrazzi and media(another topic she's fond of bitching about, even though she can't hate it that much if she continues to talk about it)that's been hounding her since Casey's death. But that didn't take up the majority of her communications with her waiting public in the wake of her lover's funeral. Instead, it's been more stuff about her being persecuted by those who want to bring her down, or signing acts to her label, or the fetus gestating inside of her, or how she wants to adopt a baby in Haiti to go along with her own, etc.
I don't know how another person's mind works; I barely know how mine works. But if you're going to keep talking about your life to people who may or may not give a damn about you -- and I don't think you should -- you should talk about the things that should be most important to you, which in Tequila's case is the fiancé who died too soon. There are too many blogs from her regardless, but the fact that most of them just after Johnson's death were not about Johnson herself gives me the troubling feeling Tequila doesn't really care about Johnson, and never really did. She only cares about herself, even though she probably doesn't realize that about herself.
Oh, by the way, I checked her Twitter today, which is Valentine's Day. She has tweeted twice in the past, uh, three hours about Casey Johnson ... and that's it. You'd think she'd be talking about thinking about her all day. But no, there are dozens of posts about her label. And, in a tweet late Saturday, this:
Sure you were. Who was going torun your label carry the memory of your "wifey" if you dropped dead?
I didn't really think I'd ever have a chance to communicate with her at all; she has almost 3.9 million friends. But I quickly realized she may not be the girl for me. She blogs on her MySpace incessantly, but unlike me, all of her posts contained a dozen exclamation points and the word "bitches" in the title, and "shit" and "mothafuckas!" in the prose. Plus the crap she was talking about was of the self-promotional variety, and I didn't think her branching out to become the next Christina Aguilera was going to be so successful. (And so far, it hasn't; she's moving into label head now.)
But then the death of her fiancé, household products heiress Casey Johnson, brought out a new craven low out of Tequila's personality. There are a couple of things wrong with the way she broadcast the news of her death in early January. On the one hand, I feel that talking about a loved one's death is kind of strange, if not tasteless. There are things you should be doing to mourn someone who ostensibly is supposed to be the closest person in your life; blogging and tweeting about her gets in the way. But it didn't really get in Tila's way; whenever she wasn't talking about Casey Johnson, she was talking about all the paparrazzi and media(another topic she's fond of bitching about, even though she can't hate it that much if she continues to talk about it)that's been hounding her since Casey's death. But that didn't take up the majority of her communications with her waiting public in the wake of her lover's funeral. Instead, it's been more stuff about her being persecuted by those who want to bring her down, or signing acts to her label, or the fetus gestating inside of her, or how she wants to adopt a baby in Haiti to go along with her own, etc.
I don't know how another person's mind works; I barely know how mine works. But if you're going to keep talking about your life to people who may or may not give a damn about you -- and I don't think you should -- you should talk about the things that should be most important to you, which in Tequila's case is the fiancé who died too soon. There are too many blogs from her regardless, but the fact that most of them just after Johnson's death were not about Johnson herself gives me the troubling feeling Tequila doesn't really care about Johnson, and never really did. She only cares about herself, even though she probably doesn't realize that about herself.
Oh, by the way, I checked her Twitter today, which is Valentine's Day. She has tweeted twice in the past, uh, three hours about Casey Johnson ... and that's it. You'd think she'd be talking about thinking about her all day. But no, there are dozens of posts about her label. And, in a tweet late Saturday, this:
Ambulance on the way to my house. I could have a brain concussion and die ina few hours
Sure you were. Who was going to
Sunday, February 14, 2010
"Handicapping" 2009's Playboy Playmates For 2010 Playmate Of The Year
I was too harsh on last year's crop. I shouldn't've been, but I was. I think that way now that I persued through all of '09's Playmates and have a lot less quibbles.
Well, maybe I have a few. Miss March, Jennifer Pershing, has these eyes that are very vacant-looking, and whenever she finishes a sentence in her Playmate Video Data Sheet, she exaggerates her smile. But she has a sister who's autistic, so I feel bad for ragging on her more than that. Kelley Thompson, Miss November, does the same thing. Is it a mere coincidence that both girls are the only Playmates that are married? One other thing about Kelley: If you look at her Playmate Video Data Sheet, she's a hell of a lot more tan than she looks in her photos -- kind of bothersome.
I have reasons for hating the twins, Karissa and Kristina Shannon. They are, respectively (I think), Misses July and August, but this was Playboy's first-ever double issue. It's an effort to cut costs since they're losing money hand over fist, but I think it's a sad disgrace that they're going down this path in a possibly futile effort to stay in existence (they did this again for the current January/February issue). Also, they're felons. And from what I saw in their video, they might be airheads. And they fucked Hef, which either ensures that either they definitely will be Playmates Of The Year or they definitely won't.
Offshoots that bug me about the Shannon twins also taint my initial appeal towards two other PM's. Crystal Harris, Miss December, is stripper-hot, but she's now Hef's steady (the Shannon twins have stopped fucking Hef and moved out of his Mansion). Other Playmates are taken, but when one particular one is taken by "The Man," you can't avoid that no matter how much you close or avert your eyes. Meanwhile, another Crystal, Miss May Crystal McCahill, was busted for DUI early in 2009. Also, she's the daughter of another Playmate from the '60's, Miss August 1968 Gale Olson; not to be too harsh, this is Ms. Olson now, and even though it's inevitable, she is fat. And I get the feeling that in her later years McCahill will get as fat as she gets older as well.
The others I have no serious problems with. Jessica Burciaga, Miss February, loves the Lakers, a team that was stolen from us, but since she's so cute and real in her video I'll give her a pass. I also love her smoky voice. Another girl with a deep voice is Miss June, Candice Cassidy -- a turn-on. I've done some research on her; did you know she owns a studio in Ohio, and it looks like she's very active in it and that all her kid students like her and they're totally cool with her showing her hot bod and shaved pussy even though she lives in extreme south-central Ohio? She really does seem to have her shit together; you get the feeling that she'll be totally fine after her relationship with Playboy is over. That's really sexy.
Miss September Kimberly Phillips is active on facebook and I think she's walking sex. Plus, she confesses that her tits are totally fake, and that's awesomely honest! And Miss October is Lindsey Gayle Evans, a former Miss Louisiana until she also was arrested, for skipping out on a paying for a dinner and for possessing pot. Another pageant winner going rogue? That gets my dick hard like no one's business!
But if I had to pick a favorite, I'll go with Dasha Astafieva, Miss January and the 55th Anniversary Playmate. She probably will get no love because her layout came out so long ago and because she's not American. But if you look at her photo, you can see she not only shaves her pussy but shapes it too. I mean, how naughty is that?! I also like how real she seems to be as she struggles with her English in the PVDS.
Ah, hell -- I'd fuck all these ladies regardless.
(ETA: I totally forgot about Miss April, Hope Dworaczyk. There are many "experts" who speculate that she's actually the favorite for Playmate Of The Year, and there are many good reasons. She is a host of a TV show on E! Canada, so she is very comfortable and well-spoken in front of a camera. But the best reason, at least to me, is her last name. First of all, with all the common surnames of Phillips and Evans and Shannon and Harris, it is beyond refreshing that a hot girl has a unique last name. Moreover, it's incredibly fuckin' sexy that she is modeling naked under her real last name. She is absolutely honest about who she is and what she does, and she has nothing to be ashamed of, and she knows it.
But of course, I'd still fuck all these ladies regardless!)
Well, maybe I have a few. Miss March, Jennifer Pershing, has these eyes that are very vacant-looking, and whenever she finishes a sentence in her Playmate Video Data Sheet, she exaggerates her smile. But she has a sister who's autistic, so I feel bad for ragging on her more than that. Kelley Thompson, Miss November, does the same thing. Is it a mere coincidence that both girls are the only Playmates that are married? One other thing about Kelley: If you look at her Playmate Video Data Sheet, she's a hell of a lot more tan than she looks in her photos -- kind of bothersome.
I have reasons for hating the twins, Karissa and Kristina Shannon. They are, respectively (I think), Misses July and August, but this was Playboy's first-ever double issue. It's an effort to cut costs since they're losing money hand over fist, but I think it's a sad disgrace that they're going down this path in a possibly futile effort to stay in existence (they did this again for the current January/February issue). Also, they're felons. And from what I saw in their video, they might be airheads. And they fucked Hef, which either ensures that either they definitely will be Playmates Of The Year or they definitely won't.
Offshoots that bug me about the Shannon twins also taint my initial appeal towards two other PM's. Crystal Harris, Miss December, is stripper-hot, but she's now Hef's steady (the Shannon twins have stopped fucking Hef and moved out of his Mansion). Other Playmates are taken, but when one particular one is taken by "The Man," you can't avoid that no matter how much you close or avert your eyes. Meanwhile, another Crystal, Miss May Crystal McCahill, was busted for DUI early in 2009. Also, she's the daughter of another Playmate from the '60's, Miss August 1968 Gale Olson; not to be too harsh, this is Ms. Olson now, and even though it's inevitable, she is fat. And I get the feeling that in her later years McCahill will get as fat as she gets older as well.
The others I have no serious problems with. Jessica Burciaga, Miss February, loves the Lakers, a team that was stolen from us, but since she's so cute and real in her video I'll give her a pass. I also love her smoky voice. Another girl with a deep voice is Miss June, Candice Cassidy -- a turn-on. I've done some research on her; did you know she owns a studio in Ohio, and it looks like she's very active in it and that all her kid students like her and they're totally cool with her showing her hot bod and shaved pussy even though she lives in extreme south-central Ohio? She really does seem to have her shit together; you get the feeling that she'll be totally fine after her relationship with Playboy is over. That's really sexy.
Miss September Kimberly Phillips is active on facebook and I think she's walking sex. Plus, she confesses that her tits are totally fake, and that's awesomely honest! And Miss October is Lindsey Gayle Evans, a former Miss Louisiana until she also was arrested, for skipping out on a paying for a dinner and for possessing pot. Another pageant winner going rogue? That gets my dick hard like no one's business!
But if I had to pick a favorite, I'll go with Dasha Astafieva, Miss January and the 55th Anniversary Playmate. She probably will get no love because her layout came out so long ago and because she's not American. But if you look at her photo, you can see she not only shaves her pussy but shapes it too. I mean, how naughty is that?! I also like how real she seems to be as she struggles with her English in the PVDS.
Ah, hell -- I'd fuck all these ladies regardless.
(ETA: I totally forgot about Miss April, Hope Dworaczyk. There are many "experts" who speculate that she's actually the favorite for Playmate Of The Year, and there are many good reasons. She is a host of a TV show on E! Canada, so she is very comfortable and well-spoken in front of a camera. But the best reason, at least to me, is her last name. First of all, with all the common surnames of Phillips and Evans and Shannon and Harris, it is beyond refreshing that a hot girl has a unique last name. Moreover, it's incredibly fuckin' sexy that she is modeling naked under her real last name. She is absolutely honest about who she is and what she does, and she has nothing to be ashamed of, and she knows it.
But of course, I'd still fuck all these ladies regardless!)
Saturday, February 13, 2010
My Grandmother's Really Pissing Me Off Right Now
Asking for change well after the cashier girl closed her tiller. Grabbing some food from the store next door when you didn't tell me you were -- again. Waking me up when I was really tired from driving you around all afternoon. Trying to sweet-talk me by saying bullshit about My Other Dead Grandmother just to make me do stuff. And goddamn, always wetting your finger with your fucking tongue so you can grab onto things -- shit, that is nasty!!!
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Wrestling (Last Week: -2). The most impressive outing from any Minnesota team is the grapplers, who went on the road last weekend and beat two ranked Big Ten opponents, Illinois and Indiana, and fairly handily. Maybe you should expect that because the Gophers are ranked fifth and the Illini and Hoosiers were 21st and 14th, respectively, but these days, from this team, you can't be too sure. They'll get a hell of a reality check Valentine's/Chinese New Year's Night when they host #1-ranked Iowa at Williams Arena. I'll be really impressed if they pull off the upset, but I won't hold my breath.
#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1). A team that goes .500 (2-2) for the week shouldn't be this high, but that's the state Minnesota sports have been recently. It looked good for the Woofie Dogs; their wins were the first two games of the week, which doubled their winning streak to a season-high four. (In particular was their win at Dallas, which broke long losing streaks against the Mavericks, against the Mavericks in Dallas, vs. division opponents this season, and vs. teams with winning records.) They then gutted out a seven-point victory at home against Memphis. Alas, it couldn't last as they completely crapped the bed at Philadelphia to end the winning streak.
I was at the game against Charlotte. Let me tell you, even though they're under .500, the Bobcats, behind Stephen Jackson and Gerald Wallace, can shoot the ball. They were blistering the court at 60%, and the Wolves were trailing at one point by 21. I told my friend they couldn't keep it up, and sure enough, they didn't; in fact, Minnesota went up by as many as 3 very late in the game. But poor rebounding, breakdowns in defense in transition, and an inability to set up offensive sets repeated itself through the very end of their one-point loss to Charlotte. Two guys were going after a Bobcat miss out of bounds, and one of them just threw it behind him to the open court, almost under the basket ... where Nazr Mohammed (who effectively neutralized Al Jefferson all game) picked it up and dropped the ball for the game-winning shot. The Woofie Dogs had one last chance, but they were unable to get the ball on the down low to Jefferson; Wayne Ellington had to fire it up from way behind the 3-point line, and of course it missed. In other words, they seem to be going backwards after making so much progress earlier in the week.
After All-Star Weekend, they begin the unofficial second half of the season at Detroit and Washington (where they'll meet up with the greatest coach the franchise has ever had, the currently embattled Flip Saunders) back-to-back Tuesday and Wednesday.
#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -8). It's sad that the third-best team in this survey just broke a six-game losing streak. My friend tonight was musing whether there will be a "Fire Pam Borton" movement, because there should be. Her team was completely uncompetitive in a, get this, 34-point ass-whooping at Michigan Super Bowl afternoon -- and they were almost doubled; the final score was 74-40, for shit's sake. Fortunately, they missed only three of 31 free throws in a seven-point win at used-to-be power Penn St. last (Thursday) night. Unfortunately, those six straight losses point this squad straight into the WNIT unless they somehow win the Big Ten Tournament, something they have never done. This week: home to Ohio St. NBA All-Star Game/Daytona 500 Day, then at Iowa Thursday.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4). They get to finish their unofficial first half of the season with five games at home, and sadly they are not going to go perfect this homestand like they need to in order to get back into the Western Conference playoff chase. Although they nipped a game Philadelphia Flyers team, 2-1, they coughed it up against the Bastard Winnipeg Jets Wednesday, 3-2. They play two more games at the X, versus a completely gutted Atlanta Thrashers squad Friday, then Vancouver on Sunday. Wait a second ... the Winter Olympics begin today (Friday); shouldn't the five players from the Wild (three Finns, two from the Czech Republic) be in Vancouver now? Shouldn't the NHL have already gone on Olympic Break?
#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -7). My friend who was talking about firing Pam Borton? He invited me to tonight's b-ball game against Michigan. And my Buddha, this team was amateurish; besides free-throw shooting and maybe Blake Hoffarber, no phase in their game -- offense, defense, rebounding, transition, set plays from timeouts, interior defense, preventing dribble penetration, offense in the lane, and my fucking God, holding onto the ball and making good passes -- looked good. There are many stats to point out how they sealed their NCAA Tournament fate last (Thursday) night, but here are the two that really stand out: They had more turnovers, 15-8, and Michigan outstole the Gophers 11-3. The entire game felt very NIT-like, but the home team's the one which lost. Can you say CBI? This week will be a hellish one. Sunday they're on the road to face Northwestern, a team fielding probably its best starting five in a long time and is trying its damndest to get into the Big Dance for the first time. And on Thursday they will host the Border Battle against Wisconsin, which is much better than Minnesota on paper.
#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). How can this team call itself a favorite (OK, maybe they're not calling themselves that; maybe I am) if they get swept on the road? Sure it was to UMD, which is ranked fifth in the nation. But those same polls have you guys at either #1 or #2. And you guys get your asses blown off, 3-1 and 3-0. You shouldn't be favored for getting to the Frozen Four, let alone a title. I mean, how many times can this squad tantalize us by posing as favorites even if they can't even put up resistance in a hostile environment against a quality opponent? As a result the Bulldogs move up to third in the USCHO and the USA Today polls while the Gophs give up the top spot to Mercyhurst (Minnesota's now ranked #2). I smell another defeat in the national semifinals; just want to throw that out there. They have a home-and-home with St. Cloud St. this weekend.
#-7: Swarm (Last Week: -5). Not good for a nascent team (even if has developed a cult following in its five years of existence), not good at all; they are now dead last in the Western Conference at 1-4 (and have lost three in a row) after losing to Washington, 12-9. Worse than that, that game was the first of a home-and-home series; they get the still-undefeated Stealth at the X Saturday night. They don't turn this around soon, they'll face the end of their season before they know it.
#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1). A team that goes .500 (2-2) for the week shouldn't be this high, but that's the state Minnesota sports have been recently. It looked good for the Woofie Dogs; their wins were the first two games of the week, which doubled their winning streak to a season-high four. (In particular was their win at Dallas, which broke long losing streaks against the Mavericks, against the Mavericks in Dallas, vs. division opponents this season, and vs. teams with winning records.) They then gutted out a seven-point victory at home against Memphis. Alas, it couldn't last as they completely crapped the bed at Philadelphia to end the winning streak.
I was at the game against Charlotte. Let me tell you, even though they're under .500, the Bobcats, behind Stephen Jackson and Gerald Wallace, can shoot the ball. They were blistering the court at 60%, and the Wolves were trailing at one point by 21. I told my friend they couldn't keep it up, and sure enough, they didn't; in fact, Minnesota went up by as many as 3 very late in the game. But poor rebounding, breakdowns in defense in transition, and an inability to set up offensive sets repeated itself through the very end of their one-point loss to Charlotte. Two guys were going after a Bobcat miss out of bounds, and one of them just threw it behind him to the open court, almost under the basket ... where Nazr Mohammed (who effectively neutralized Al Jefferson all game) picked it up and dropped the ball for the game-winning shot. The Woofie Dogs had one last chance, but they were unable to get the ball on the down low to Jefferson; Wayne Ellington had to fire it up from way behind the 3-point line, and of course it missed. In other words, they seem to be going backwards after making so much progress earlier in the week.
After All-Star Weekend, they begin the unofficial second half of the season at Detroit and Washington (where they'll meet up with the greatest coach the franchise has ever had, the currently embattled Flip Saunders) back-to-back Tuesday and Wednesday.
#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -8). It's sad that the third-best team in this survey just broke a six-game losing streak. My friend tonight was musing whether there will be a "Fire Pam Borton" movement, because there should be. Her team was completely uncompetitive in a, get this, 34-point ass-whooping at Michigan Super Bowl afternoon -- and they were almost doubled; the final score was 74-40, for shit's sake. Fortunately, they missed only three of 31 free throws in a seven-point win at used-to-be power Penn St. last (Thursday) night. Unfortunately, those six straight losses point this squad straight into the WNIT unless they somehow win the Big Ten Tournament, something they have never done. This week: home to Ohio St. NBA All-Star Game/Daytona 500 Day, then at Iowa Thursday.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4). They get to finish their unofficial first half of the season with five games at home, and sadly they are not going to go perfect this homestand like they need to in order to get back into the Western Conference playoff chase. Although they nipped a game Philadelphia Flyers team, 2-1, they coughed it up against the Bastard Winnipeg Jets Wednesday, 3-2. They play two more games at the X, versus a completely gutted Atlanta Thrashers squad Friday, then Vancouver on Sunday. Wait a second ... the Winter Olympics begin today (Friday); shouldn't the five players from the Wild (three Finns, two from the Czech Republic) be in Vancouver now? Shouldn't the NHL have already gone on Olympic Break?
#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -7). My friend who was talking about firing Pam Borton? He invited me to tonight's b-ball game against Michigan. And my Buddha, this team was amateurish; besides free-throw shooting and maybe Blake Hoffarber, no phase in their game -- offense, defense, rebounding, transition, set plays from timeouts, interior defense, preventing dribble penetration, offense in the lane, and my fucking God, holding onto the ball and making good passes -- looked good. There are many stats to point out how they sealed their NCAA Tournament fate last (Thursday) night, but here are the two that really stand out: They had more turnovers, 15-8, and Michigan outstole the Gophers 11-3. The entire game felt very NIT-like, but the home team's the one which lost. Can you say CBI? This week will be a hellish one. Sunday they're on the road to face Northwestern, a team fielding probably its best starting five in a long time and is trying its damndest to get into the Big Dance for the first time. And on Thursday they will host the Border Battle against Wisconsin, which is much better than Minnesota on paper.
#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). How can this team call itself a favorite (OK, maybe they're not calling themselves that; maybe I am) if they get swept on the road? Sure it was to UMD, which is ranked fifth in the nation. But those same polls have you guys at either #1 or #2. And you guys get your asses blown off, 3-1 and 3-0. You shouldn't be favored for getting to the Frozen Four, let alone a title. I mean, how many times can this squad tantalize us by posing as favorites even if they can't even put up resistance in a hostile environment against a quality opponent? As a result the Bulldogs move up to third in the USCHO and the USA Today polls while the Gophs give up the top spot to Mercyhurst (Minnesota's now ranked #2). I smell another defeat in the national semifinals; just want to throw that out there. They have a home-and-home with St. Cloud St. this weekend.
#-7: Swarm (Last Week: -5). Not good for a nascent team (even if has developed a cult following in its five years of existence), not good at all; they are now dead last in the Western Conference at 1-4 (and have lost three in a row) after losing to Washington, 12-9. Worse than that, that game was the first of a home-and-home series; they get the still-undefeated Stealth at the X Saturday night. They don't turn this around soon, they'll face the end of their season before they know it.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
This Happened Last Week, But It Was A Draft And I Wanted To Finish It
I was late leaving for my errands because I thought I needed to do a little housecleaning to make sure I don't get kicked out of the house. I leave in a hurry because I want to eat lunch before 1, otherwise it makes no sense to eat when dinner's coming about five hours later.
I drive away; only then do I check if I have everything. Fuckin' A, I forgot my cellphone, again. So I have to turn around and drive back to the house. I have to take the house key out of the key ring. I have to walk up the stairs -- and since I'm laced into the walking shackles that are my Chuck Taylor low-tops, I had to dirty all the places I just cleaned.
But I still can't find my goddamn cellphone! Gah, I must've placed it somewhere and I forgot. So, since I was close to the landline, I decided to call it. I was pretty sure I left it on, so as long as it's inside the house, I'll hear it.
And I heard it ... coming from my stomach. I put it in my hooded sweatshirt's pouch. I hate it when I'm so scatterbrained.
---
Compounding my general confusion was a question I'd been thinking about all day: Do I use my Applebee's card now or later? I wanted to try their 550-calorie menu, and I just received through the mail a coupon that allows me to buy an entree for $5.50. I haven't been to Applebee's in a while, and it expired on the 9th, so I was torn as to using it now or later? What made it worse was that I was approaching my 1 o'clock cutoff time, after which I don't usually eat lunch because it's too close to dinner. I made a choice to clean instead of to eat because I thought that maybe I could use the coupon later. But I had time to do it now, or at least I kind of do because I still had to go to Target to get some medication for my Grandmother.
But then I was still done at about 5 to 1. Do I walk across the busy street to Applebee's, or should I wait? I could just go to the library because I have some writing to do. ... At the end of it, I decide I don't know if I'll be busy to use it by Tuesday the 9th, so I cheat, go into Applebee's a little after 1, and try it. Deep down, though, I know it's because I just want to eat.
And those 550-calorie meals are filling! I got the entree with the most expensive list price, the Asiago Steak with veggies. I almost didn't finish it; I wonder how many calories I'm packing from all the meals I usually eat at home, including that night.
I have to be honest -- Monday and Tuesday we had a huge snowstorm, so I don't know if I would have been able to use the coupon then after all. Dodged a bullet.
I drive away; only then do I check if I have everything. Fuckin' A, I forgot my cellphone, again. So I have to turn around and drive back to the house. I have to take the house key out of the key ring. I have to walk up the stairs -- and since I'm laced into the walking shackles that are my Chuck Taylor low-tops, I had to dirty all the places I just cleaned.
But I still can't find my goddamn cellphone! Gah, I must've placed it somewhere and I forgot. So, since I was close to the landline, I decided to call it. I was pretty sure I left it on, so as long as it's inside the house, I'll hear it.
And I heard it ... coming from my stomach. I put it in my hooded sweatshirt's pouch. I hate it when I'm so scatterbrained.
---
Compounding my general confusion was a question I'd been thinking about all day: Do I use my Applebee's card now or later? I wanted to try their 550-calorie menu, and I just received through the mail a coupon that allows me to buy an entree for $5.50. I haven't been to Applebee's in a while, and it expired on the 9th, so I was torn as to using it now or later? What made it worse was that I was approaching my 1 o'clock cutoff time, after which I don't usually eat lunch because it's too close to dinner. I made a choice to clean instead of to eat because I thought that maybe I could use the coupon later. But I had time to do it now, or at least I kind of do because I still had to go to Target to get some medication for my Grandmother.
But then I was still done at about 5 to 1. Do I walk across the busy street to Applebee's, or should I wait? I could just go to the library because I have some writing to do. ... At the end of it, I decide I don't know if I'll be busy to use it by Tuesday the 9th, so I cheat, go into Applebee's a little after 1, and try it. Deep down, though, I know it's because I just want to eat.
And those 550-calorie meals are filling! I got the entree with the most expensive list price, the Asiago Steak with veggies. I almost didn't finish it; I wonder how many calories I'm packing from all the meals I usually eat at home, including that night.
I have to be honest -- Monday and Tuesday we had a huge snowstorm, so I don't know if I would have been able to use the coupon then after all. Dodged a bullet.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Reminders After The Wolves Game Tonight
- What a shit-ass way to lose. That last, game-winning basket was indicative of the Benny Hill-style play when it came to loose balls: Two Woofie Dogs chase after it in bounds, one of them throws it back on the court, under the basket, to an open Charlotte player.
- They did come back from 21 down, but so what? Gosh, I have to stop accepting moral victories.
- If it's before 10, why not eat ice cream at Stone Cold Creamery? I'll wait till it's warmer outside.
- I will hang out with my friend who works there some time after a game. But the tickets I got for this game and four others were from another friend who's going with me. I'd feel bad if I just decided to ditch my buddy who got me tickets for my buddy who's there just for a beer after hours. But maybe he's OK with it. Maybe I'll do it some time later in the season.
Can't Eat Like I Used To
Just finished a night and day of feeling like I was going to shit my organs out. Had pizza (which Mother seemed to be pissed at me arguing the price over with the Pizza Hut), but in an all-time low, I had only four slices. Maybe it was her behavior towards me, maybe it was the small pizza I had yesterday afternoon for lunch, or maybe it was the cheese stuffed into the crust of the pizzas, but I just didn't feel like eating more.
And I guess for good reason, because around midnight my bowels began raging. I felt like that guy in Aliens when that monster popped out of its body. Surely it didn't come out of my stomach, but my anal sphincter was no match for the excrement that forced its way out of my bunghole. Have you ever felt that massive internal pain that seems to tighten your intestines whenever you have a movement? Hurts like a bastard, doesn't it? Was in the bathroom for 45 minutes dealing with the pain.
(And boy did it smell. Not just from me, but from my Grandmother, who used the crapper just before me. It once again felt like a nuclear bomb went off in there, peeling paint and everything. Maybe she went through the same shit, literally, I did. Had to open up the window at night in 20-degree weather; didn't help.)
By this afternoon it seemed to pass, though I had these phantom movements where all I eventually shat were this pucker farts and little drabs of poop. Again, it could be the extra cheese in the crust, but right now I feel that the reason I had such a massive episode isn't the wrong type of food but that I ate so much food. If I were 15 years younger, man, I could've plowed through a whole large pizza and not even pee for a day.
I'm old.
And I guess for good reason, because around midnight my bowels began raging. I felt like that guy in Aliens when that monster popped out of its body. Surely it didn't come out of my stomach, but my anal sphincter was no match for the excrement that forced its way out of my bunghole. Have you ever felt that massive internal pain that seems to tighten your intestines whenever you have a movement? Hurts like a bastard, doesn't it? Was in the bathroom for 45 minutes dealing with the pain.
(And boy did it smell. Not just from me, but from my Grandmother, who used the crapper just before me. It once again felt like a nuclear bomb went off in there, peeling paint and everything. Maybe she went through the same shit, literally, I did. Had to open up the window at night in 20-degree weather; didn't help.)
By this afternoon it seemed to pass, though I had these phantom movements where all I eventually shat were this pucker farts and little drabs of poop. Again, it could be the extra cheese in the crust, but right now I feel that the reason I had such a massive episode isn't the wrong type of food but that I ate so much food. If I were 15 years younger, man, I could've plowed through a whole large pizza and not even pee for a day.
I'm old.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Bad Driver: UKW 880
Alright, I've had enough. I've had to deal with bad drivers since I was 15, and the driving this winter has been exceptionally awful when it comes to potholes. The last couple weeks I've had to deal with both the bad driving and the bad weather.
But what fuckin' happened about half an hour ago on the road is the final straw. I was just minding my own business driving to the library when the car about 50 feet ahead of and in the lane to the right of me, a car I kind of noticed because of all the snow on its body, just flung a huge piece of icy snow onto my windshield. It hit with such force that I thought my windshield would break. After I parked I had to touch it to make sure it wasn't broken in any way.
I'm fucking tired of the snow, and I'm fucking tired of people who don't even try to fucking scrape the snow off their own goddamn cars. I have to dodge the flying projectiles coming off the top of semis, and there was nothing I had to evade that was bigger than what I saw coming at my face on Central North just south of the 694 interchange.
So even though there is a form you can fill out online, I'm going to try and remember to do that after I call this motherfucker out here. A white Honda, Minnesota license plate UKW 880 pulled this shit on me between 12:50 and 12:55 p.m. today on 65 heading north towards the 694 cloverleaf. Fuck you for almost killing me. And if you see this, I dare you to comment. Come on, goddammit, I dare you.
But what fuckin' happened about half an hour ago on the road is the final straw. I was just minding my own business driving to the library when the car about 50 feet ahead of and in the lane to the right of me, a car I kind of noticed because of all the snow on its body, just flung a huge piece of icy snow onto my windshield. It hit with such force that I thought my windshield would break. After I parked I had to touch it to make sure it wasn't broken in any way.
I'm fucking tired of the snow, and I'm fucking tired of people who don't even try to fucking scrape the snow off their own goddamn cars. I have to dodge the flying projectiles coming off the top of semis, and there was nothing I had to evade that was bigger than what I saw coming at my face on Central North just south of the 694 interchange.
So even though there is a form you can fill out online, I'm going to try and remember to do that after I call this motherfucker out here. A white Honda, Minnesota license plate UKW 880 pulled this shit on me between 12:50 and 12:55 p.m. today on 65 heading north towards the 694 cloverleaf. Fuck you for almost killing me. And if you see this, I dare you to comment. Come on, goddammit, I dare you.
Priceline Success ... Or Is It Failure?
Going to St. Louis. Time's running short, so I bid on Priceline for a rental. Always go to Priceline, guys; what you do is check Orbitz for the rack rates (for cars and hotels), then Hotwire for their lower price which you have to commit on. That should give you the ceiling with which you can lowball a bid for on Priceline, which is what I did.
The cheapest rental for an economy was 18 bucks through Alamo. On Hotwire, it was 12 -- hell of a lot better than 18. So I go to Priceline and, what the hell, bid 10 bucks a day. I'm there only for four days, so maybe it works, and if not, a dozen dollars a day is perfectly reasonable.
Well touch me in the morning then just walk away, my bid was immediately accepted. It told me I was paying 25% less than the retail rate. I feel good ... but then I felt bad. Well shit; if they're going to accept my offer of $10/day, why didn't I say, like, nine a day, or even eight? This is a purely weekend vacay, so weekend rates apply. Should've thought of that.
Now I feel like I still paid them too much money. And when money's so tight, I have to fight for every cent. And I don't know if I did it when with my "successful" bid on Priceline.
The cheapest rental for an economy was 18 bucks through Alamo. On Hotwire, it was 12 -- hell of a lot better than 18. So I go to Priceline and, what the hell, bid 10 bucks a day. I'm there only for four days, so maybe it works, and if not, a dozen dollars a day is perfectly reasonable.
Well touch me in the morning then just walk away, my bid was immediately accepted. It told me I was paying 25% less than the retail rate. I feel good ... but then I felt bad. Well shit; if they're going to accept my offer of $10/day, why didn't I say, like, nine a day, or even eight? This is a purely weekend vacay, so weekend rates apply. Should've thought of that.
Now I feel like I still paid them too much money. And when money's so tight, I have to fight for every cent. And I don't know if I did it when with my "successful" bid on Priceline.
Monday, February 8, 2010
I Might Lose My Money Over Fucking Pizza
Great, now My Fucking Mother's pissed at me. Wait till you get a load of this. ...
Today was the third time we bought from Pizza Hut. We took advantage of their "any pizza, any size, any toppings, any crust for ten bucks" deal. This time, however, when My Fucking Mother called me to call Pizza Hut to order the pizzas that my parents would pick up on the way home, she asked me about the crust. Seems she is so pissed off about how tiny the pan crust is (which in fact is pretty big) that she really, really wants a bigger crust. But the stuffed crust is more expensive, so she settled on getting exactly the same pizzas we got the other two times -- Super Supreme on one pie, eight toppings on the other, regular crust with both. But I told her I'll ask about how much the stuffed crust is anyway.
I call "The Hut," and the guy who takes my order say it's supposed to be a dollar extra, but the coupon or something said it was free when it wasn't. I didn't quite understand what he said, but what I did understand was that he was going to give it to me for free. Yay! So it was $20.35 and it'd be ready in 15 minutes. I tell My Fucking Mother, ask if she wants any changes, and she didn't, so that was that.
Except ... except that I promised the guy that I'd call back after I called My Fucking Mother. And ... shit, I should've never promised to call him back. I totally space out and I start surfing the Internet and then go to the backand shovel the deck of snow. I think everything's cool until they come home and My Fucking Mother says that she paid $2.15 more than I was quoted.
Unbeknownst to me, My Fucking Mother laid down a gauntlet with two forks. There was one way I could have gone, a way that would have placated her, and the other way, my way, the I decided to take, the path that I did not know at the time pissed her off beyond belief.
What did I choose to do? I decided to call back Pizza Hut and ask why the hell was I charged two bucks more than what I was told I was going to be charged -- and I did it immediately. I felt two things: I had to do this now or else I would forget, or the guys at Pizza Hut would forget; and I needed to make this up to My Fucking Mother. So I call, then I'm put on hold (because apparently people really want their food delivered to them in the middle of a snowstorm.) I wait in my room, then go to the bathroom to wash up. After about a dozen minutes, some accusation that I should've brought a coupon, a refusal to admit I was right and an inability to find out which one of those promised me the price for the pizzas was $20.35, I got a coupon for $12 the next time I order. Fair enough.
So I'm done. And so was (My Fucking?) Father, who left to do ... something. Everything was cool, so I sat down at around 7 and finally started to eat pizza. But My Fucking Mother didn't talk or even look at me the whole time we were there. She grabbed the remote which was close to me, but that's the closest she ever got to me. And when she was done, she left me to wrap up and put away the leftover pizza, something she never did without telling me so. That's when it hit me -- not her being pissed at me, I felt that as soon as I sat down. No, my "epiphany" is that she was pissed at me because of something she tells me from time to time when I do something she doesn't want me to do: She hates when I, according to her, "make trouble." And it seems as if calling a pizza company to ask why I believe My Fucking Mother was charged two bucks more than I was told she'd be charged was stirring up shit for no good reason. And she's mad, she won't listen to reason; I could've told her I got the franchise for free because of what I think was a mistake on their part, she's beyond angry with me right now.
And it's horrible timing, because tomorrow afternoon the nurse that does the yearly assessment for my Grandmother is coming. Being her Personal Care Assistant provides the only income I have right now. She is my Grandmother's guardian and possible Power Of Attorney, however, and when the nurse comes over she helps translate between my Grandmother and the assessement nurse. With our right-wing extremist governor simply choosing not to generate any money at all for the state, there might be no money to pay all the PCA's; I've heard secondhand that people are getting their hours cut significantly and viciously. Are you telling me that to top all of that off, I'll have to deal with the possibility of a mom who is so upset at me she's willing to throw me under the bus, or worse not show up at all? You don't know her; she so totally could do some shit like that.
All of this because of some goddamn pizza. I can't win. Rarely does it feel like I can do right by either of these two people. Why can't I pay the amount of pizza I was told I'd have to pay? And why does my parent hold that against me?? Why?!?!?!
Today was the third time we bought from Pizza Hut. We took advantage of their "any pizza, any size, any toppings, any crust for ten bucks" deal. This time, however, when My Fucking Mother called me to call Pizza Hut to order the pizzas that my parents would pick up on the way home, she asked me about the crust. Seems she is so pissed off about how tiny the pan crust is (which in fact is pretty big) that she really, really wants a bigger crust. But the stuffed crust is more expensive, so she settled on getting exactly the same pizzas we got the other two times -- Super Supreme on one pie, eight toppings on the other, regular crust with both. But I told her I'll ask about how much the stuffed crust is anyway.
I call "The Hut," and the guy who takes my order say it's supposed to be a dollar extra, but the coupon or something said it was free when it wasn't. I didn't quite understand what he said, but what I did understand was that he was going to give it to me for free. Yay! So it was $20.35 and it'd be ready in 15 minutes. I tell My Fucking Mother, ask if she wants any changes, and she didn't, so that was that.
Except ... except that I promised the guy that I'd call back after I called My Fucking Mother. And ... shit, I should've never promised to call him back. I totally space out and I start surfing the Internet and then go to the backand shovel the deck of snow. I think everything's cool until they come home and My Fucking Mother says that she paid $2.15 more than I was quoted.
Unbeknownst to me, My Fucking Mother laid down a gauntlet with two forks. There was one way I could have gone, a way that would have placated her, and the other way, my way, the I decided to take, the path that I did not know at the time pissed her off beyond belief.
What did I choose to do? I decided to call back Pizza Hut and ask why the hell was I charged two bucks more than what I was told I was going to be charged -- and I did it immediately. I felt two things: I had to do this now or else I would forget, or the guys at Pizza Hut would forget; and I needed to make this up to My Fucking Mother. So I call, then I'm put on hold (because apparently people really want their food delivered to them in the middle of a snowstorm.) I wait in my room, then go to the bathroom to wash up. After about a dozen minutes, some accusation that I should've brought a coupon, a refusal to admit I was right and an inability to find out which one of those promised me the price for the pizzas was $20.35, I got a coupon for $12 the next time I order. Fair enough.
So I'm done. And so was (My Fucking?) Father, who left to do ... something. Everything was cool, so I sat down at around 7 and finally started to eat pizza. But My Fucking Mother didn't talk or even look at me the whole time we were there. She grabbed the remote which was close to me, but that's the closest she ever got to me. And when she was done, she left me to wrap up and put away the leftover pizza, something she never did without telling me so. That's when it hit me -- not her being pissed at me, I felt that as soon as I sat down. No, my "epiphany" is that she was pissed at me because of something she tells me from time to time when I do something she doesn't want me to do: She hates when I, according to her, "make trouble." And it seems as if calling a pizza company to ask why I believe My Fucking Mother was charged two bucks more than I was told she'd be charged was stirring up shit for no good reason. And she's mad, she won't listen to reason; I could've told her I got the franchise for free because of what I think was a mistake on their part, she's beyond angry with me right now.
And it's horrible timing, because tomorrow afternoon the nurse that does the yearly assessment for my Grandmother is coming. Being her Personal Care Assistant provides the only income I have right now. She is my Grandmother's guardian and possible Power Of Attorney, however, and when the nurse comes over she helps translate between my Grandmother and the assessement nurse. With our right-wing extremist governor simply choosing not to generate any money at all for the state, there might be no money to pay all the PCA's; I've heard secondhand that people are getting their hours cut significantly and viciously. Are you telling me that to top all of that off, I'll have to deal with the possibility of a mom who is so upset at me she's willing to throw me under the bus, or worse not show up at all? You don't know her; she so totally could do some shit like that.
All of this because of some goddamn pizza. I can't win. Rarely does it feel like I can do right by either of these two people. Why can't I pay the amount of pizza I was told I'd have to pay? And why does my parent hold that against me?? Why?!?!?!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Now I Really Hate Winter Driving
Driving home from drinking coffee, I have to drive through Uptown, which has some of the worst roads in the area. It's exponentially worse now that it's going through the up-and-down, freezing-and-melting winter.
It got dark and I wanted to get by this slow car, so I didn't see what apparently was a series of sizable potholes right down the center of the two-lane road I was on. But I heard and felt it, too late -- my car went BA-BOOM-BA-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!!! for five seconds as I tried to find smooth road under my tires. I finally did, but now I think my tires, shocks and C/V joints are shot.
Goddamn I hate Minnesota winters.
It got dark and I wanted to get by this slow car, so I didn't see what apparently was a series of sizable potholes right down the center of the two-lane road I was on. But I heard and felt it, too late -- my car went BA-BOOM-BA-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM-BOOM!!! for five seconds as I tried to find smooth road under my tires. I finally did, but now I think my tires, shocks and C/V joints are shot.
Goddamn I hate Minnesota winters.
Friday, February 5, 2010
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). They're going nowhere this year, but when will I ever get to put the Wolves on top of TWMNSS again? Playing only two games facilitated this meteoric rise; playing them both at home helped even more; and when the opponents are the Clippers and the Knicks, you have to cash in. The back-to-back wins put an end to their five-game losing streak. One thing that's helping: Ryan Hollins being installed in the starting lineup. If somehow the third-year man out of UCLA can blossom, that'll mean that ... the Woofie Dogs will have another overachieving role player on their roster. Oh yeah, and that winning streak will end this week; they play four games against Dallas, Memphis, Philadelphia and Charlotte.
#-2: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). They also enjoyed a 2-0 week, beating visitors Wisconsin and Purdue (the latter in their Endowment Meet). Kudos for beating ranked opponents. However they still rate as the fifth-ranked team in the nation. And they're still in the gauntlet of ranked Big Ten teams; this week the Gophers head to Illinois and Indiana. Like the Badgers and Boilermakers the Illini and Hoosiers are ranked much lower than the Gophers, but this is on the road, so who knows what could happen? By the way, Jayson Ness returns to the top of his class at 133 lbs.
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). Like I always say with this squad, a 2-0 weekend is great, but let's wait till we see 'em in the postseason. RW Brittany Francis was named WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week for her role in the Gophs' home sweep of MSU-Mankato by a combined 8-3 score. They have now won six in a row (including shootout wins) and is named by some polls as the new #1 team in the country. But now they face a formidable opponent in an unforgiving situation: at #5 UMD. We'll see how tough this team is after the weekend.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -2). In a pattern that's getting to be familiar, they won the one game they were at home (against Edmonton, this season's NHL shit-eater) and lost the two games they played on the road (at San Jose and against the Bastard North Stars). This is the sixth consecutive game where they win while at the X but lose away from it. Guy Latendresse remains a revelation. And that's all I know about this team this week. Their win over the Oilers begins the five-game homestand that takes the team and the league to the Winter Olympic Break. They have two on the docket, against Philadelphia and the Bastard Winnipeg Jets.
#-5: Swarm (Last Week: -5). I don't know if lacrosse follows the player development model of the NBA, where you hold onto your draft picks as long as you can and get to enjoy cultivating them into stars for as long as you like, that of the NFL, where you have a hard salary cap and you either decide to sign a guy or convince him to take less money or just outright cut him, or that of MLB, where you can spend as much (or as little) as you like and player development is a mere suggestion. The Swarm, with talent that's been selected in-house or gathered through free agency, appears to be following a similar pattern, that of being very mediocre. They gave the Buffalo Bandits their first win of the season on Saturday, 11-7 at Buffalo. The Swarm now stand at 1-3. And they now go from facing the NLL's sole winless team to the league's last undefeated team, the 5-0 Washington (State, not D.C. like I thought) Stealth, in Washington Friday night (tonight).
#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -8). They did win a game. The reason I put them below the Swarm, which lost its only game this past week, is because they also lost a game. To Alaska-Anchorage, a team that's allowed Michigan Tech to escape the label of WCHA doormat. The Gophers usually paste the Seawolves, regardless of home or away. Yet somehow they follow up a 7-4 win with a 2-1 loss to these patsies??? These. Guys. Have. No. Heart. And yet, inexplicably, F Zach Budish was named WCHA Rookie Of The Week. Whatever. They're going to get their asses kicked on the road against Denver this weekend.
#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4). Totally uncompetitive in their lone game this past week, an 85-63 pasting at Ohio St. This Evan Turner person must be really good. This is Tubby Smith's third year as coach, and there are now some rumbling starting as to whether he should be shitcanned. I'm not exactly happy that he hasn't had success, but I have to give him at least a couple more years of bringing in the players he can recruit in order to gauge his effectiveness. No, it doesn't help that Trevor Mbakwe, Royce White and Al Nolen all are no longer playing for the Gophs, but it's better that they be barred from ever donning the jersey and doing damage to actual team records. Now, will they get into the tournament? Uh, no, not after losing four of five. They do have two winnable games this week, however: at Penn St. Saturday, then home to Michigan Thursday.
#-8: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6). Meanwhile, the distaff ballers have officially hit rock bottom for the year. They had many chances Thursday (last) night, but a steal in the lane sealed Wisconsin's 76-74 win over the Gophs at the Barn in double overtime. That completed a week to forget for the squad, for they lost by 13 to Illinois on Sunday afternoon. How in the hell can you lose both games in a homestand and expect to get into the Big Dance? They've lost five in a row -- just like old times when this program was nonexistent. Williams Arena will get to host tournament games this year, but they'll be one of those sites that take in teams that have no following on their home floors, because the Gophers sure as fuck won't be playing in them. At Michigan Super Bowl Sunday, then at Penn St. Thursday.
#-2: Wrestling (Last Week: -1). They also enjoyed a 2-0 week, beating visitors Wisconsin and Purdue (the latter in their Endowment Meet). Kudos for beating ranked opponents. However they still rate as the fifth-ranked team in the nation. And they're still in the gauntlet of ranked Big Ten teams; this week the Gophers head to Illinois and Indiana. Like the Badgers and Boilermakers the Illini and Hoosiers are ranked much lower than the Gophers, but this is on the road, so who knows what could happen? By the way, Jayson Ness returns to the top of his class at 133 lbs.
#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3). Like I always say with this squad, a 2-0 weekend is great, but let's wait till we see 'em in the postseason. RW Brittany Francis was named WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week for her role in the Gophs' home sweep of MSU-Mankato by a combined 8-3 score. They have now won six in a row (including shootout wins) and is named by some polls as the new #1 team in the country. But now they face a formidable opponent in an unforgiving situation: at #5 UMD. We'll see how tough this team is after the weekend.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -2). In a pattern that's getting to be familiar, they won the one game they were at home (against Edmonton, this season's NHL shit-eater) and lost the two games they played on the road (at San Jose and against the Bastard North Stars). This is the sixth consecutive game where they win while at the X but lose away from it. Guy Latendresse remains a revelation. And that's all I know about this team this week. Their win over the Oilers begins the five-game homestand that takes the team and the league to the Winter Olympic Break. They have two on the docket, against Philadelphia and the Bastard Winnipeg Jets.
#-5: Swarm (Last Week: -5). I don't know if lacrosse follows the player development model of the NBA, where you hold onto your draft picks as long as you can and get to enjoy cultivating them into stars for as long as you like, that of the NFL, where you have a hard salary cap and you either decide to sign a guy or convince him to take less money or just outright cut him, or that of MLB, where you can spend as much (or as little) as you like and player development is a mere suggestion. The Swarm, with talent that's been selected in-house or gathered through free agency, appears to be following a similar pattern, that of being very mediocre. They gave the Buffalo Bandits their first win of the season on Saturday, 11-7 at Buffalo. The Swarm now stand at 1-3. And they now go from facing the NLL's sole winless team to the league's last undefeated team, the 5-0 Washington (State, not D.C. like I thought) Stealth, in Washington Friday night (tonight).
#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -8). They did win a game. The reason I put them below the Swarm, which lost its only game this past week, is because they also lost a game. To Alaska-Anchorage, a team that's allowed Michigan Tech to escape the label of WCHA doormat. The Gophers usually paste the Seawolves, regardless of home or away. Yet somehow they follow up a 7-4 win with a 2-1 loss to these patsies??? These. Guys. Have. No. Heart. And yet, inexplicably, F Zach Budish was named WCHA Rookie Of The Week. Whatever. They're going to get their asses kicked on the road against Denver this weekend.
#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4). Totally uncompetitive in their lone game this past week, an 85-63 pasting at Ohio St. This Evan Turner person must be really good. This is Tubby Smith's third year as coach, and there are now some rumbling starting as to whether he should be shitcanned. I'm not exactly happy that he hasn't had success, but I have to give him at least a couple more years of bringing in the players he can recruit in order to gauge his effectiveness. No, it doesn't help that Trevor Mbakwe, Royce White and Al Nolen all are no longer playing for the Gophs, but it's better that they be barred from ever donning the jersey and doing damage to actual team records. Now, will they get into the tournament? Uh, no, not after losing four of five. They do have two winnable games this week, however: at Penn St. Saturday, then home to Michigan Thursday.
#-8: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6). Meanwhile, the distaff ballers have officially hit rock bottom for the year. They had many chances Thursday (last) night, but a steal in the lane sealed Wisconsin's 76-74 win over the Gophs at the Barn in double overtime. That completed a week to forget for the squad, for they lost by 13 to Illinois on Sunday afternoon. How in the hell can you lose both games in a homestand and expect to get into the Big Dance? They've lost five in a row -- just like old times when this program was nonexistent. Williams Arena will get to host tournament games this year, but they'll be one of those sites that take in teams that have no following on their home floors, because the Gophers sure as fuck won't be playing in them. At Michigan Super Bowl Sunday, then at Penn St. Thursday.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
An Unfortunate Streak Broken
I thought I posted a blog yesterday, something about Priceline. Well, I looked through my records and it turns out that I didn't blog it, I just saved it as a draft because I wasn't done with it. That means that Feb. 3 is the first time since, possibly, the first week of this blog (in Jan. 2009) that I missed blogging a day and wasn't on vacation.
You know, this blog is very important to me. Even though some days are hard, I try to eke out some writing every day. Missing a day, especially because I wrote something but didn't actually finish or even post it, is very embarrassing to me. Even shaming. All I can do is apologize and hope that I will never do it again.
I'm writing during Letterman because I wanted to write about my day. I feel like I should write about this instead and shelve my blog post about my day. Which means I now have two drafts in the system. Not exactly what I had in mind when I started this.
You know, this blog is very important to me. Even though some days are hard, I try to eke out some writing every day. Missing a day, especially because I wrote something but didn't actually finish or even post it, is very embarrassing to me. Even shaming. All I can do is apologize and hope that I will never do it again.
I'm writing during Letterman because I wanted to write about my day. I feel like I should write about this instead and shelve my blog post about my day. Which means I now have two drafts in the system. Not exactly what I had in mind when I started this.
Driving Continues To Be A Goddamn Nightmare
This asshole yesterday is driving like he's in a race. I can't let him do that because otherwise he'll think he's the king of the fucking road. The least, the very fucking least, you can do is fucking put your goddamn turn signal on so that I'm ready to cut him off as soon as he takes your spot. I'm not going to hit you, I swear. Him? Fuck him, I'm ready for war, I don't give a shit if I hit him. But we'll never know if I could beat him and show him who's boss since you didn't let me know where you were going to go, now, did you? Traffic fuck-ups that are started by the too-quick are finished by the too-slow. Fuck you.
And you, truck driver I had the unfortunate luck of driving up the ass of today, you! If I only hadn't pointed my car in the wrong direction I wouldn't have run into your ass. I will admit that, it's my fault. But by trying to correct my path I see you, in your fucking semi, waiting on a side street next to the elementary school to make a right turn. Once you decide to hit the acclerator I hit the brake, because your fat ass needs all the space in the world to make a turn. I was hoping you were going to stay in the left lane, but I know I had to stay motionless because of the worst thing that could happen, the worst that did happen, which was you jerking your wide right turn back across the left lane and onto the right lane, aka the lane I was on. So not only did I waste time driving the wrong way, I am now waiting behind a slow-to-brake, slow-to-speed up semi -- and at a red light to boot. I hit my steering wheel in frustration so hard I needed to test it to make sure I didn't break the horn. I didn't -- and I sort-of inadvertently sent a message of frustration your way. So I have to at least thank you for moving out of my way, then falling in behind me so I could pass you. So not fuck you. Now please don't hunt me down. And please don't get in my way again. Thank you.
And you, truck driver I had the unfortunate luck of driving up the ass of today, you! If I only hadn't pointed my car in the wrong direction I wouldn't have run into your ass. I will admit that, it's my fault. But by trying to correct my path I see you, in your fucking semi, waiting on a side street next to the elementary school to make a right turn. Once you decide to hit the acclerator I hit the brake, because your fat ass needs all the space in the world to make a turn. I was hoping you were going to stay in the left lane, but I know I had to stay motionless because of the worst thing that could happen, the worst that did happen, which was you jerking your wide right turn back across the left lane and onto the right lane, aka the lane I was on. So not only did I waste time driving the wrong way, I am now waiting behind a slow-to-brake, slow-to-speed up semi -- and at a red light to boot. I hit my steering wheel in frustration so hard I needed to test it to make sure I didn't break the horn. I didn't -- and I sort-of inadvertently sent a message of frustration your way. So I have to at least thank you for moving out of my way, then falling in behind me so I could pass you. So not fuck you. Now please don't hunt me down. And please don't get in my way again. Thank you.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
All This For An Optomap?
Haven't had my eyes checked in years. Opportunities have finally given me reason to get them examined. Got them checked New Year's Eve in case insurance wouldn't allow me to get this paid for in 2010.
When I went into LensCrafters I was run through their battery of tests. When I reached the back and the end of my journey, the doctor on call went through my tests. He was young and, more importantly, a very engaged fellow. He wasn't condescending, yet he spoke in complete, thoughtful and informative sentences. The most poised professional I've seen in a long time.
He recommended that I get a full map thingy of the inside of my eye. He said dilation works, but I'd have to undergo what would be a four-hour ordeal and I'd have to driven home. Or, he slyly says, there's this new-fangled machine called an Optomap. A laser spreads across your eyeball and it prints out a colorful map of the inside to see if there are cataracts or anything. In the back of my mind I know it's a waste, and at $35 I really don't think it's necessary. But I have to admit, I was so ... um, charmed by this guy that I decided to reward his courtesy by undergoing this ultimately superfluous upcharge, although at a later date.
Said date was last week. The nurse or helper or whatever took me to the anteroom where I got all the preliminary tests the last time that are so easy that the nurse can do them. I stepped in front of the Optomap machine. And I noticed that it looks like the same thing I did the last time I was here. Hey, does that mean I already have an Optomap?
This hemming and hawing is a way for me to deal with my extreme uncertainty over things I'm not familiar with. Also, this hedging had a lot to do with the fact that I'm spending money, and as y'all know, I still don't have a job. But the questions I verbalized may have been too much for the chick who was taking these tests for me; after indulging me my queries and even answering a couple, she just verbally forced me to stick my eye in front of the black hole so it could "map" my perfect eyeball.
And it was perfect, like I thought -- I should trust my intuition more. The doctor came into the back room that was only partially lit. I told him that the Optomap felt familiar from the last time I was there; he told me that the images weren't good the last time, so that's why I had to do it again. Nice save, Doc; I don't believe it for a second. Instead, I have a feeling the nurse who "helped" me bitched about me and my questions to you, and you made up a lie just so to have an excuse. I mean, why would you just accept bad images the first time I came in?
But whatever -- I accepted any potential risk of being ripped off because you presented yourself well. That and your demeanor. And, well, your easy blue eyes too. I can say that, right? Thanks for letting me know there ain't a damn thing wrong with my eyeballs. I should've trusted my gut, but I'm a hopeless wreck who needs someone in authority to assuage and confirm my hunches. So, thank you. You will get $35 for this computer scan, and in exchange I won't have this done again for, oh, the rest of my life.
I just wanted to reach out, one more time, to the bitch nurse who helped me. I'm sure she found me difficult, but since I have to give her my check I'm also going to give her one last chance to be civil to me. Just after handing my hard-earned money over, I said: "Oh, by the way, I'm sorry about all my questions back there."
And she, without missing a beat nor really looking at me, said, "That's fine." That's fine. The completely vague, utterly nonsensical phrase one spits out when dismissing as irrelevant to your life any concern a person expresses about his own incivility or fussiness. The way this cunt said those two words told me not that she forgave my behavior or even forgot it because it was unimportant -- she didn't give a shit about me or the little time I shared with her at all. Nothing about me was important to her, the bad nor the good. I was just a person checking out.
Well, fuck you. I had a sneaking suspicion that while I was meeting the doctor you were out at reception bitching to your co-worker about me -- "This guy was all, 'Oh, I thought I already took this test,' and I'm all, 'Just shut the fuck up!' Gook ..." Your "friend" was acting the same way to you about another client she was talking to, so don't tell me you keep it professonal. You two fucking work at the mall, for fuck's sake! I know you -- you're the type of girl who only sees her job as a paycheck and wants the day to be over with and doesn't give a fuck about being friendly to customers because they're just another obstacle to overcome to get to the end of your day. You also probably like country music and think the country would be a lot better off if we immigrants weren't around jibber-jabbering in languages besides English. Fuck you in the ass. I'm trying to figure out why I'm letting your bitch ass rip me off for $35, the least you could do as not act like I'm ruining your day, because I'm not. Bitch.
When I went into LensCrafters I was run through their battery of tests. When I reached the back and the end of my journey, the doctor on call went through my tests. He was young and, more importantly, a very engaged fellow. He wasn't condescending, yet he spoke in complete, thoughtful and informative sentences. The most poised professional I've seen in a long time.
He recommended that I get a full map thingy of the inside of my eye. He said dilation works, but I'd have to undergo what would be a four-hour ordeal and I'd have to driven home. Or, he slyly says, there's this new-fangled machine called an Optomap. A laser spreads across your eyeball and it prints out a colorful map of the inside to see if there are cataracts or anything. In the back of my mind I know it's a waste, and at $35 I really don't think it's necessary. But I have to admit, I was so ... um, charmed by this guy that I decided to reward his courtesy by undergoing this ultimately superfluous upcharge, although at a later date.
Said date was last week. The nurse or helper or whatever took me to the anteroom where I got all the preliminary tests the last time that are so easy that the nurse can do them. I stepped in front of the Optomap machine. And I noticed that it looks like the same thing I did the last time I was here. Hey, does that mean I already have an Optomap?
This hemming and hawing is a way for me to deal with my extreme uncertainty over things I'm not familiar with. Also, this hedging had a lot to do with the fact that I'm spending money, and as y'all know, I still don't have a job. But the questions I verbalized may have been too much for the chick who was taking these tests for me; after indulging me my queries and even answering a couple, she just verbally forced me to stick my eye in front of the black hole so it could "map" my perfect eyeball.
And it was perfect, like I thought -- I should trust my intuition more. The doctor came into the back room that was only partially lit. I told him that the Optomap felt familiar from the last time I was there; he told me that the images weren't good the last time, so that's why I had to do it again. Nice save, Doc; I don't believe it for a second. Instead, I have a feeling the nurse who "helped" me bitched about me and my questions to you, and you made up a lie just so to have an excuse. I mean, why would you just accept bad images the first time I came in?
But whatever -- I accepted any potential risk of being ripped off because you presented yourself well. That and your demeanor. And, well, your easy blue eyes too. I can say that, right? Thanks for letting me know there ain't a damn thing wrong with my eyeballs. I should've trusted my gut, but I'm a hopeless wreck who needs someone in authority to assuage and confirm my hunches. So, thank you. You will get $35 for this computer scan, and in exchange I won't have this done again for, oh, the rest of my life.
I just wanted to reach out, one more time, to the bitch nurse who helped me. I'm sure she found me difficult, but since I have to give her my check I'm also going to give her one last chance to be civil to me. Just after handing my hard-earned money over, I said: "Oh, by the way, I'm sorry about all my questions back there."
And she, without missing a beat nor really looking at me, said, "That's fine." That's fine. The completely vague, utterly nonsensical phrase one spits out when dismissing as irrelevant to your life any concern a person expresses about his own incivility or fussiness. The way this cunt said those two words told me not that she forgave my behavior or even forgot it because it was unimportant -- she didn't give a shit about me or the little time I shared with her at all. Nothing about me was important to her, the bad nor the good. I was just a person checking out.
Well, fuck you. I had a sneaking suspicion that while I was meeting the doctor you were out at reception bitching to your co-worker about me -- "This guy was all, 'Oh, I thought I already took this test,' and I'm all, 'Just shut the fuck up!' Gook ..." Your "friend" was acting the same way to you about another client she was talking to, so don't tell me you keep it professonal. You two fucking work at the mall, for fuck's sake! I know you -- you're the type of girl who only sees her job as a paycheck and wants the day to be over with and doesn't give a fuck about being friendly to customers because they're just another obstacle to overcome to get to the end of your day. You also probably like country music and think the country would be a lot better off if we immigrants weren't around jibber-jabbering in languages besides English. Fuck you in the ass. I'm trying to figure out why I'm letting your bitch ass rip me off for $35, the least you could do as not act like I'm ruining your day, because I'm not. Bitch.
Monday, February 1, 2010
All Because I Took The Wrong Side Street
First of all, I was asked if I could switch my appointment a full two-hour block later today. I had a chance to move today's "work" to Thursday, but given that my "boss" broached the idea, I didn't want to bat that down. Then I heard yesterday about the snow, but even though it was going to hit squarely at the time I was on the road, they said it'd be only an inch. I'm Minnesotan -- if I can't handle that, why stay in Minnesota?
Since it was late and it was snowing, I decided to just take a side street home. Then I thought, Well, if I do have a little time for coffee, why not go to this place? I wanted to try the Wilde Roast Cafe again. Had been there a couple times before, but the last time I was, I was there for, like, 10 minutes because they closed at 10 p.m. Geez, these guys go to sleep as early as my parents do. But since I had a lot more time, I could enjoy their sweet, easygoing mocha.
That would be the last calming thing I would have the rest of the evening.
This area of town, called Nordeast, is not in a grid pattern. The WRC is just off the road from Central Ave., the side street I wanted to take all the way home. When I started driving home, I thought I needed to get to Central by taking a quick left somehow. But as I moved forward I saw that the alley I thought I was on turn into a street. Hmmm, maybe I'll just take this down and see if I can hang a left at a stoplight or something.
No dice. This street was E. Hennepin, and pretty soon I found myself in the middle of several long lines for evening rush. Instead of taking the side streets all the way up, I was lost, and the only way I could find my way home now was to get onto 35WN, in the teeth of evening rush. Once I found a way to get onto an on-ramp (I turned onto a two-lane, and I chose the wrong lane -- I thought the one I was on was going to get me to 35WN, but it actually was 35WS. Goddamn, I have to get a compass for the car one of these days) I spent my the next goddamn motherfucking 30-5 minutes in 45 m.p.h. traffic.
The damage done to my car is horrific. It absolutely infuriates me when I accelerate just when I see the brake lights of the car in front of me flash on, then I either brake hard immediately or brake slowly and just after my automatic transmission shifts into the nexst gear, and then I come to a complete stop just as the car in front of me starts accelerating. It was like that all the way home, in a snowfall that was a bit harder than I thought it'd be. Plus I had to spend five minutes on the driveway clearing all the dirty snow the tires spun onto the underside of the car; and I had the car washed just three days ago! Finally, since I never did drive more than 45 all the way up, the oil in the engine never burned up the way it should have. So now my car's in the driveway with an overworked transmission, dirty oil in the engine and melting snow about to make a permanent mark alll over my car.
The last time I worked a 9-to-5 job was in early 2003, and tonight I remembered why the commute was one of the things I hated the most. And all of this because I didn't, like, cut through the gas station to get onto Central. No, I indulged my tentative wanderlust and stayed my course, and I ended up damaging my car. Well, I still would've driven slowly, so the oil was still going to be fucked and there'd be snow on my car regardless, but the transmission wouldn't be so shot because there definitely would be a lot less bump-and-go traffic going up Central. Plus, I would've been home in half the time; instead, I damaged my car twice as long as I should have.
No, I can't work this late again. Have to change.
---
Should add this. Father called me to ask when I was coming home. 'Rents were waiting for me for a second day in a row. Not a good feeling. And when I went to the bathroom to wash my hands I smelled a hellacious scent. My Fucking God, Grandmother, what did you shit out?!?!?! Paint was peeling off the walls, for shit's sake!!!
Since it was late and it was snowing, I decided to just take a side street home. Then I thought, Well, if I do have a little time for coffee, why not go to this place? I wanted to try the Wilde Roast Cafe again. Had been there a couple times before, but the last time I was, I was there for, like, 10 minutes because they closed at 10 p.m. Geez, these guys go to sleep as early as my parents do. But since I had a lot more time, I could enjoy their sweet, easygoing mocha.
That would be the last calming thing I would have the rest of the evening.
This area of town, called Nordeast, is not in a grid pattern. The WRC is just off the road from Central Ave., the side street I wanted to take all the way home. When I started driving home, I thought I needed to get to Central by taking a quick left somehow. But as I moved forward I saw that the alley I thought I was on turn into a street. Hmmm, maybe I'll just take this down and see if I can hang a left at a stoplight or something.
No dice. This street was E. Hennepin, and pretty soon I found myself in the middle of several long lines for evening rush. Instead of taking the side streets all the way up, I was lost, and the only way I could find my way home now was to get onto 35WN, in the teeth of evening rush. Once I found a way to get onto an on-ramp (I turned onto a two-lane, and I chose the wrong lane -- I thought the one I was on was going to get me to 35WN, but it actually was 35WS. Goddamn, I have to get a compass for the car one of these days) I spent my the next goddamn motherfucking 30-5 minutes in 45 m.p.h. traffic.
The damage done to my car is horrific. It absolutely infuriates me when I accelerate just when I see the brake lights of the car in front of me flash on, then I either brake hard immediately or brake slowly and just after my automatic transmission shifts into the nexst gear, and then I come to a complete stop just as the car in front of me starts accelerating. It was like that all the way home, in a snowfall that was a bit harder than I thought it'd be. Plus I had to spend five minutes on the driveway clearing all the dirty snow the tires spun onto the underside of the car; and I had the car washed just three days ago! Finally, since I never did drive more than 45 all the way up, the oil in the engine never burned up the way it should have. So now my car's in the driveway with an overworked transmission, dirty oil in the engine and melting snow about to make a permanent mark alll over my car.
The last time I worked a 9-to-5 job was in early 2003, and tonight I remembered why the commute was one of the things I hated the most. And all of this because I didn't, like, cut through the gas station to get onto Central. No, I indulged my tentative wanderlust and stayed my course, and I ended up damaging my car. Well, I still would've driven slowly, so the oil was still going to be fucked and there'd be snow on my car regardless, but the transmission wouldn't be so shot because there definitely would be a lot less bump-and-go traffic going up Central. Plus, I would've been home in half the time; instead, I damaged my car twice as long as I should have.
No, I can't work this late again. Have to change.
---
Should add this. Father called me to ask when I was coming home. 'Rents were waiting for me for a second day in a row. Not a good feeling. And when I went to the bathroom to wash my hands I smelled a hellacious scent. My Fucking God, Grandmother, what did you shit out?!?!?! Paint was peeling off the walls, for shit's sake!!!
I was tired and took a nap tonight during the Grammys. Had the landline in my room. Went off, woke me up. But I did I found it funny that anybody would be calling, so I turned on the phone but didn't say anything. I didn't hear anything on the other end, so, after, like, three seconds I turned it off.
Now that I have time to think about it ... was it one of my parent's restaurants who wanted to phone in an order? Did I just hang up on them? I hope not.
Now that I have time to think about it ... was it one of my parent's restaurants who wanted to phone in an order? Did I just hang up on them? I hope not.
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