Thursday, November 20, 2014

Accepting Myself As An Early Bird

Still can't sleep until the alarm clock goes off.  Still wake up 90 minutes to two hours before I have to.  (Although I was close just now; woke up at 4:30 and felt the tug of unconsciousness just before the alarm on my iPhone went off.)  I am still perplexed at how my body is doing this to me, although the main culprit is work.  However, the stress I feel about work is coming down.  Mostly that's because most of the temps are gone (we lost half a week ago, we lost a few more Wednesday).  That means there are less people I have to worry over, even though I think there's enough work for them, at least a few more days.  Anyway, what I am saying is that the days of me fretting about what they are going to do and the questions they are going to ask are gone, even though what needs to be done and the questions that are now going to be directed at me are going to continue.

So if I am still going to be bothered, why do I not feel so bad right now?  My psychologist hopes it's because I'm meditating these hours I'm up way too early, but I'm not sure that's correlative or causal.  I just ... feel less stressed at work, even though logically I have no justification to feel that way.  Maybe I have accepted that, at least as long as I have this temporary assignment, my body won't allow me to rest for eight hours and I am going to be waking up way before dawn.  So, if I'm giving myself lemons, I might as well make lemonade.  I can now fit in one session of Transcendental Meditation like my shrink asked me to do, which is something.  Also, I am writing my daily blog post before I go to work.  That's productive.

Yeah, some BS is going to do down at work and it's going to make me mad today, I know it.

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