Holy shit, the ax fell quick! Not on me, others. But my time's now coming.
It was at the end of the shift today, and my boss, who's on vacation, calls me to see how much work is left. I had noticed that the envelopes have slowed to just a trickle, to the point that I suddenly had to worry that we would be running out of work. (I'm not out of work, by the way -- for yet another day I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off.) So I told him. "OK," he said, "Who should I keep? I have to start cutting people."
Goddamn you, what a blindside. What could I say? Over these weeks I made small assessments about who was good and who wasn't, and from there I quickly answered his questions. He then said he will make the call to the temp agency. From there, the agency will tell those guys that they will no longer be needed.
Despite the workload, I am shocked, completely shocked, that he has decided to let people go now. On the first meeting, he said it would be until mid-November, if not later, before the project ends. I guess we've been too good, or there've been too many people working for the workload to stretch past the first week of the month. I just didn't think when I woke up this morning that I would be making the calls to fire people.
And oh yeah, that is what I'm doing, making the calls. Despite what my boss has said, and he may be willing to take the heat, he is basing his decisions on input from me. He had to. He wasn't around these guys, I was. So the guys whom I said to let go know that I had a part in this decision, a big one -- maybe the only one. So I'm scared -- fuck it, I know -- that one or more of those people are going to take a swing at me Monday.
I don't appreciate, then, that he's out of town. It's a hell of a lot easier to take the heat when you're not in the building. Who is? Me. And I don't like being put in this position, especially when I didn't get a head's-up about it. He may think that he's saving money by making this decision now. After all, we're all temps. But I just find it kind of funny that bad news comes when he's away, but I'm around. That really is a dick move.
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I immediately regret my decision on who to cut and who to keep. I should have totally based it on tenure, but I didn't. In particular I decided to keep one guy over people who had been there weeks before. That will be a very difficult decision to defend. Fuck it, I can't defend it, even though he does good work.
Why did I have to make a mental pecking order, and why did I blurt that out to my boss? Now all the temps (those who stay as well as those who go) are going to wonder, "Why is s/he leaving but s/he is staying?" And if they start to ask questions, what the fuck am I going to say to them? They're not going to accept that it was my boss' decision, because they know that he based that on what I fucking told him! That's why I should have just kept those that have been there the longest. Everybody would understand that. But I decided to put my own flavor on the firings instead, and if there's any blowback (or physical blows) I've got no one who's got my back.
Nice move, boss!
Honestly, if I had my way I would've taken out The Two (who, I must say, have been friendlier to me as of late, but too much has come between us to put them ahead of most of the others). But it's not my call, it's his. I just get to reap the consequences.
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I may have tipped my hand during my conversation with him. Once he told me he was going to make the call to the temp agency, I kind of hemmed and hawed. I didn't say, "No, don't fire these people!" but I think it was too late. He heard the weakness in my voice. And I don't think he liked that.
And that means only one thing: I'm getting fired next. I know he doesn't like what I told him, and he thinks of me as a weak link. He also sees me as his former employer's guy. So why not cut me? He's got two people -- The Two -- either of whom can replace me. And he has shaped them to his specifications, while I'm a defective relic from a previous year. Plus, they're cheaper.
I am so fucked. And you know what? It's probably deserved, too. I have assumed most of the responsibilities of my former boss. My current boss did to him what he potentially could do to me. So if I came back to take my former boss' duties, what right do I have to complain about another temp taking mine? I don't. If I wanted to take the high road, I wouldn't have come back. But I did, and therefore I put myself in the crosshairs of any whim my current boss has percolating in his brain.
Hell, I deserve all the bad fucking karma I get. I'm the one firing these people. I'm a temp, and I don't like it when I get fired, and I feel like punching people when I do. So I totally understand if someone wants to punch me in the face. We're talking about employment here -- money, the ability to get by, dignity. I took that away from them. So despite my fear of getting assaulted (the possibility of which increases the more I think about it), I really believe that I deserve everything that's coming to me, whether it's questions, anger, or violence.
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I didn't plan on spending any money today. I have to pick up my car from the shop, and then I was going to go out and have coffee, but I was going to use my credit card. But now that all this shit has been thrown onto my lap, I decided I deserved a trip to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division). As I type this I'm scarfing down potato chips with dip. God I'm going to be so goddamn fat from all the stress eating.
Meanwhile I now feel as if I have to conserve money. All this news about firing people has me thinking about the time I lose this job (which, by the way, really could come any day now, regardless of whether the project ends quickly or if he thinks I'm too weak to keep around). Now the bank account doesn't seem so huge, and the lifestyle I enjoyed now feels a little too extravagant. I have spent a lot of money on my car, a lot on eating, and a lot on strippers. There was always going to be a time when the paychecks stop coming, but now I am frightened that it's coming a lot sooner. Then what?
I don't know. Never have.
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I noted that I was at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) when the temp agency probably called them. It's also a dick move, letting a third party tell them you're losing your job after the workday's over, but that's how it's done with the corporation I work for. I got fired from Xcel Energy a few hours after I wished everyone a Happy New Year, and that firing came through a call from the agency.
I wonder what those guys felt when they heard the news. So informal, so heartless, so ... cold. Did they get angry and throw things? Did they cry? Did they go into panic mode and start searching the want ads? Worst of all, they're not done yet. They actually slouch back to work for several more days. Now that I think about it, it's probably better if today were their last day. No chance to retaliate against me.
Nevertheless I still feel for them. And now I have to face them come Monday. I was hoping this weekend would be a respite from all the bullshit at work. But, yet again, I have to worry for the next two days about going back to work. Not gonna be pleasant. And all because my boss decided to drop a bomb on me while he's on vacation so I have to clean up his mess.
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