Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: -4). OK, very crowded week; totally surprised that there are ten Twin Cities teams I have to list for this week's survey. Therefore I can't be as long-winded as I try to be, just so I make sure I can get this in before the clock turns into Thursday.
Overall it was a pretty good week, with the top four teams going undefeated, which offsets the bottom four going winless. I put the Wild up on top for three reasons. First, they had the most wins out of any team in the WMNSS. Second, they beat The Bastard North Stars, and in Dallas, no less. Third and most importantly, they won those games without Captain and star Zach Parise, who was still recovering from an injury. The first game or two without him showed how indispensable he was. As Brandon Mileski on KFAN's "Common Man Progrum" pointed out one day, the Mild appear to have a lack of talent able and willing to plant themselves in front of the net, withstand all the physical abuse and work to put the puck in the net. Parise may be the only player on the squad who can do it, as evidenced by the 4-3 overtime win over The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers. Nevertheless, they also beat The Team That Was Stolen From Us and Buffalo without him, so maybe this team isn't as bad as that recent losing streak had us believe.
This screening week should be more telling: All three games are on the road, all of them against Eastern Conference opponents: Philadelphia, Tampa Bay, Florida.
#0: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!). After taking last weekend off the lady Gopher icers got back to action with a road sweep of Ohio St. Saturday's 5-3 pounding of the Buckeyes was keyed by the first-ever hat trick as a Gopher by Senior Meghan Lorence, who also notched the game-winning goal in Friday's 4-2 win. For that, she is this week's WCHA Offensive Player Of The Week. However, they are not the #1 team in the land this week; that honors remains with Boston College.
This week the club has a home-and-home with Minnesota State-Mankato (at Mankato Friday, at Ridder Arena Saturday.)
#-1: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!). What? The Gophers' wrestling season has started? Great -- even more time I need to do the survey. However, I did not know that Minnesota is ranked #1 in Intermat's rankings. (Two-time defending champion Penn St., on the other hand, is ranked fifth and seventh. Surprised. ...) At least they defending their top ranking by blitzing Air Force and Wyoming on the road. No surprise; this program is going to beat the ass of pretty much any team not ranked in the top 10. But that means we have to wait until the NCAAs in March to see if they can be #1 when it counts. Till then, we make sure the wheels don't fall off here. This weekend they face a pastry in Grand Canyon (who? You mean the whole natural landmark?) and actually begin Big Ten play with a meet against Michigan St., both at the Sports Pavilion.
#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). The Marlene Stollings Era has begun with two victories against Southeastern Louisiana and Cleveland St., both at Williams Arena. They racked up 109 and 93 points against two tomato cans, but nevertheless I believe that Stollings is intent on installing an up-tempo offensive attack, which is much different than previous Head Coach Pam Borton.
Longtime fans already are liking the coaching change. I like the fact that Senior Rachel Banham (who recently passed the 2,000-point mark) and Sophomore (?) Amanda Zahui B. has been augumented by the best high school basketball player in the state of Minnesota last year, Carlie Wagner. This could be the Big Three of the Big Ten, or that may be wishful thinking. Regardless it's a 2-0 start, and they hope to remain undefeated with their first true test Sunday, a road game against Memphis, followed by a home game vs. Southern Tuesday.
#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3). A 2-1 week which will virtually assure that the absolute worst-case scenario -- no invitation to the NCAA Tournament -- will not occur. Naturally they got dick-smacked by three at Penn St., but sandwiched that with a four-set win over Northwestern at home and, tonight (Wednesday night) a gutty five-set victory in Maryland. They still may be one-and-done, however. This week: Home to Purdue Saturday night, at Ohio St. Wednesday.
#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!). Richard Pitino began the U. penis ballers' season with a 81-68 defeat to his old man, Rick Pitino, and Louisville on an aircraft carrier in Puerto Rico. Splashy start, although it would have been much better if they had won. They finally reached the win column by spanking a not-bad mid-major program, Western Kentucky, 76-54 Tuesday. Have no idea how they are projected to fare, but they probably will go to 4-0 after home games this screening week against a lower-tier school named Franklin Pierce and Maryland-Baltimore County.
#-5: Vikings (Re-Entry!). You know how people say a game isn't as close as the score indicates? This is one of those games. But think about it: If it's a one-score game, as the Vikings' loss to Chicago was, isn't it by definition close?
Regardless, this was a winnable game, even if they proved themselves to be very generous opponents. Coming into the game there was so much drama and disapproval swirling Jay Cutler, so much so that I was convinced to bench him in fantasy league in favor of Colin Kaepernick (something I blogged about ad nauseum last blog post). I totally forgot that the ViQueens will always be the salve that soothes teams' pain and suffering. He was lights-out, Cutler was, throwing two touchdown passes to Brandon Marshall.
Meanwhile, the Vikes remained paralyzed, especially on offense. And this is where I have to pay close, glaring scrutiny at Matt Kalil. It has been alarming how far he has regressed, from Pro Bowler and potential 10-year starter to deserving to get benched. What the fuck happened? He was routinely abused by Jared Allen on Sunday. And what was once seen as a set-it-and-forget-it pick, a fixture playing one of the most important positions on a team, now becomes something Head Coach Mike Zimmer and General Manager Rick Spielman now have to worry about.
Green Bay comes to town this week. If the Packers seemed to pack the Metrodome, just wait till you see how many Vikings fans opted to sell their tickets than go.
#-6: Gopher football (Last Week: 0). Both Twin Cities gridiron teams were close but ultimately failed to rise to the occasion in games they could have won, at least on paper. This Ohio St. QB, J.T. Barrett, has learned to fully step into Braxton Miller's shoes, but they turned the ball over a couple times. And that's what's the most galling about this: The Gophers cannot say they didn't have their chances. They did, but they just couldn't cash in.
One play I want to highlight. Remember the Santoso missed Field Goal? Some people can deduce that if he made that 50-plus-yard FG, Mitch Leidner and company would have been driving to tie, not just to score. But the play before, the third-down play, was a designed keeper by Leidner to center the ball for Santoso. I don't remember the yards to gain, but it wasn't like it was 20. Why not throw the ball, or try a bubble screen? This is a move to set-up a Field Goal attempt at the gun, something deployed when there will be no more plays to play. And it seemed like a waste of a play. And then they didn't score any points from it.
Nonetheless the Goofers still control their own destiny. They need to win two very tough games on the road against the other contenders in the B1G West. Next weekend it's Wisconsin, but this Saturday it's Nebraska.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2). Losses to Houston, New Orleans and Dallas this week showed, surprisingly, that this team is now Ricky Rubio's, and without Rubio this team is totally fucked. As one writer on ESPN.com said, right now there is nothing going for this club except for the offensive efficiency of wing Kevin Martin ... and since he can't play defense, that isn't as great as it could be.
On the upside is that, right now, they are trashing New York at home. (Hopefully I can get this blog post in before that game's over.) The Knicks start a four-game homestand; this screening week the Woofie Dogs welcome San Antonio and Sacramento.
#-8: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1). The U. male icers land here because they were the #1 team in the country and got swept in a home-and-home series against Minnesota-Duluth. Not the worst thing in the world; for casual college hockey fans, the #1 team loses many times. It's the sweep that bugs me. They were thrown all the way down to #4, supplanted at the top spot by, of all teams, Michigan Tech. Michigan Tech?? Yes, Michigan Tech. For longtime WCHA fans, they were the doormats of the league. As badly as your squad could be, you could nonetheless safely assume you could sweep a two-game series from Michigan Tech. But this year they are the lone remaining undefeated program in the country, therefore they leapfrog from #5 to take the top spot for the first time since 1976 -- the year I was born.
And now I hear that Arizona St. will follow Penn St. and field an actual varsity men's hockey program? Damn world's gone mad!
Anyhoo, the team takes a rest and plays an exhibition at Mariucci Arena against the United States Developmental Under-18 hockey team Friday night. Therefore I get to drop this program from next week's WMNSS. Phew! Turns out there's one less team I need to write about!
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