Positive Numbers: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0). Don't know what's gotten into me. I'm working on this at the Caribou I went to Monday -- this one -- to look for my keys, and alas, they weren't there. So maybe I'm pushing up all the teams in this week's survey a couple notches to make myself feel better. GODDAMMIT, WHERE ARE MY FUCKING KEYS?!?!?!
OK, so the volleyballers went to Chapel Hill, N.C. for the Big Ten/ACC Challenge and won both both matches, sweeping Louisville and then beating host and then-#8 North Carolina in four sets. By virtue of those victories, the Gophers have floated up from fifth to third in the AVCA. Gushing over this squad may be premature, but right now, they're 5-1, and four of those wins have come against not only ranked teams, not only teams that are ranked as of this week's poll, but also against teams that are still in the Top 20. That's a hell of a resume.
This week they host their annual Diet Coke Classic. This appears to be a palate cleanser weekend; their opponents are North Dakota, Toledo and Green Bay.
#0: Vikings (Last Week: -3). Sunday was our last day of the roadtrip. Specifically, we were dinkin' around Chinatown in Chicago before headed off for home in the afternoon. My sister and brother-in-law were getting bubble tea and my parents were looking for crispy pork while I booted up my SiriusXM app and listened to the Vikes unable to score while allowing The Bastard Houston Oilers in the first half of their season opener. I will admit that I thought they were done for, the first step in what would be a long season.
But then the Vikings turned it around in the second half. Well, the Vikings defense turned it around in the second half, with Eric Kendricks picking off the Titans' Marcus Mariota for a pick-six and Danielle Hunter's scoop-and-score powering Minnesota to an impressive 25-16 come-from-behind victory.
Nevertheless I think there are major problems with this club. People were praising Shaun Hill for managing the game, but from looking at that first half, there wasn't a whole lot of managing going on. Not turning the ball over is faint praise. The problem with the QB may be exacerbated this week since, even though Head Coach Mike Zimmer isn't talking about who will start, it looks as though the coaching staff believes Sam Bradford has now had enough study and practice to go under center. Sam Bradford? The oft-injured Sam Bradford you guys coughed up a first-round pick for? The one whose production last year was similar to that of Mark Sanchez, who was cut and could have been picked up off the street without needing to trade a first-round pick? And they're going to switch horses midstream, too? Look, Bradford is going to have to invoke the spirit of, oh, prime-era Tommy Kramer for me to think any of this is a good idea.
And we have to once again talk about Blair Walsh, who missed two Field Goals and an Extra Point Sunday. That is seven points, obviously -- the Vikings should have doubled-up The Bastard Oilers (the score should have been 32-16), and if Tennessee capped off their late Touchdown with a Two-Point Conversion, this would have been a one-score game. That margin is too close considering all the free points Walsh gave away.
So Sunday Night is Football Night for the Vikes, who get to show off the brand-new U.S. Bank Stadium in prime time for the first real game in their new house, and as it should be, it's against the Green Bay Packers. Don't know how this game is going to go.
#-1: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1). Well, they got killed at Stanford Friday, 4-1, but the Cardinal is ranked second in poll and first in another. But then the side beat Santa Clara at Santa Clara Sunday, 2-1. That road split keeps the U. in the low double digits. This team is 6-2, but unlike the volleyball team, this team's victories are against non-ranked scrubs. That makes me believe that they have a ceiling and we can see it from here, if you know what I mean. But this weekend they begin conference play at home with a hell of a one-two punch: Penn St. tonight, Ohio St. Sunday. And get this: Even though the Nittany Lions are the established power in the B1G, but it's the Buckeyes that are ranked in the Top 10 of the polls (the Nittany Lions are in the upper teens). Minnesota could show it has more mettle than they've shown up to now if they can come away with positive results.
#-2: Twins (Last Week: -2). There is one week left of home games for the Twinks, and because there are no weekday matinees, I probably will not go to any game at Target Field for this season. And I feel bad, because one of the two reasons I would go to a game late in the year to see a shitty team, seeing a player playing great, is happening right now.
Holy shit, Brian Dozier is having a hell of a second half, isn't he? With his 40 (40+) Home Runs, he joins Ryne Sandberg, Rogers Hornsby and Davey Johnson as the only Second Basement to hit that many Homers in a season. I got that fact from Mike Bates, who writes for SB Nation's MLB Daily Dish, who then opined about whether Dozier should be traded now that he has improved his own trade value.
Bates says that he could see an equitable trade if the organization can get three guys, two starters and a really good prospect, for him. He also says that trading away a prime 2B usually doesn't result in getting more net worth in return. That would be one reason why I say you can't trade Dozier. The bigger reason, in my opinion, is that this franchise has been in the abyss for so long that the dwindling fanbase needs to hang onto someone good, even if trading that asset ignites or accelerates the rebuilding process.
Let's face it: The ballyhoed wave of prospects has been a disaster. Byron Buxton can't hit in the majors if it's slow-pitch softball. Miguel Sano can't seem to stay off the DL. Byung-Ho Park hasn't been able to fully adjust to American ball. Jose Berrios appears, at least for this first year, to be overwhelmed in The Big Show. And any other longshot prospect the Twinks have trotted up to the Twin Cities has done nothing.
The only out-of-nowhere success for this cursed club this season has been Dozier's second half. And with his steady (if not stellar) production over the past few seasons and with Joe Mauer becoming nothing more than the "R" in WAR these days, Dozier's The Face Of This Team. It may not make sabremetric sense, but if you want kids who are still going out to the ballpark for these shit games because they're family got free tickets to actually pay for tickets to future games when they're adults, you need to give them a hero. Brian Dozier's it. Trading him severs any emotional goodwill you have generated with a populace that is trying to latch onto any reason to give a shit about this team. Besides, Terry Ryan locked him into a contract that pays him $15 million this and next year. He is not a millstone, unlike Mauer. Keep him.
Oh, they finished 3-4 this screening week, by the way. I thought this squad was done with interleague play, but out of the blue they're hopping over to Queens to play the Wild Card-contending New York Mets this weekend for a three-game series. They then come home Tuesday to start their final homestand for the 2016 season with a three-game set against Detroit.
#-3: Gopher football (Re-Entry!). They beat Indiana St., blah-blah-blah. They're here because the football team is again in the police blotter, as four suspended Gophs are being investigated for rape. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that this team -- no, really any team -- would have its players investigated for sexual assault.
They have this week off. They host Colorado St. next Saturday.
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