I still debate putting the U. XI on top. I can make a case for the ViQueens and the Twinks to take the top spot, and this squad's loss the previous week to Wisconsin still gives me a bad taste in my mouth. But these players had a good week, humiliating Michigan St. at Robbie Sunday by a 7-1 score, then travelling to Piscataway and walking away with a 2-1 victory vs. 16th-ranked Rutgers. Because of that, Chris Henderson of his personal blog, All White Kit, names Minnesota as The Last Team In an arguably very early bracketology. They have a long way to go, and I don't think they have the firepower or chemistry of last year's breakthrough club. But things are trending up. This week: At Maryland this (Sunday) afternoon, then hosting Indiana Friday in a game I plan on going to.
#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -6). Admittedly after hearing that Sam Bradford was ruled out for last Sunday's game against Tampa Bay (again -- told you his legs were just as bad as Teddy Bridgewater's) I thought the season was in full-on dumpster fire mode. But that's football for you; execute the right plan and you can humble any opponent. I really thought Tampa Bay was going to walk into US Bank and leave victorious, and yet the Vikes, with a second-half scare, finally doubled up the Buccaneers, 34-17. And all the credit goes to Bradford's replacement, journeyman pro Case Keenum. I forget that when he left school, he held the top-flight record in passing. That has never panned out in the NFL, but he looked fantastic against the Bucs, scoring career highs through the air.
And now Keenum & Co. have the Detroit Lions coming to town. If the Vikes can surprise against Tampa Bay, they can do it against Matt Stafford and the Lions too. But will they? This team is so up-and-down that they could very well shit a brick against a division opponent. That's the main reason why I didn't give this team the top spot.
#-3: Twins (Last Week: -4). And why didn't I give the top spot to a team that went from losing 103 games last year to a postseason spot the next, the first team in Major League Baseball history ever to do so? Well, first of all, the Twinks went 3-3 this screening week, and to be frank, they clinched ALWC2 Wednesday, after they lost to Cleveland, when the Chicago White Sox hit a game-ending two-run Home Run (I forget the guy's name) to beat and thus eliminate the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of ..., so they backed into a playoff berth, I don't care what anyone says.
Then, they only are guaranteed the Wild Card Game Tuesday, which should be called the Play-In Game. I understand that MLB is doing its best to regard this as the start of the playoffs, but if you are tied with another team after the regular season is over, you play one game beyond the 162 you're supposed to play to get into the playoffs, and that's considered part of the regular season; how much different can it be if you lose the 163rd game of the season when everybody says it's the playoffs? It's not the playoffs, especially since the rest of the postseason the teams are given more than one loss before they're eliminated. If Minnesota loses Tuesday, they didn't make the playoffs, I don't care what anyone says. And, finally, they will lose, because they have to go to the Bronx, and they have to face the New York Yankees, a team that has a fantastic bullpen and is a club that makes the Twinks piss down their legs.
Again, I don't want to disparage what they've done. But it'll be over not too long after they wind up the year playing Detroit at Target.
#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). OK, the real suckiness in Twin Cities sports begins with the U. volleyballers, who, as The Top-Ranked Team In The Land, not only lost for the first time this season but got swept to a Michigan St. club that was unranked at the time at home. (To be fair, the Spartans also gave Wisconsin its first loss of the year; this week they vaulted from Unranked to 16th in the AVCA Top 25.) I have no goddamn clue how they spit the bit so embarrassingly in front of their home fans, but from what I've seen, this team isn't good enough to scramble for points if they're not in system, and they appeared not to be in-system last Sunday.
And they weren't at all in getting swept at Nebraska Friday. They got curb-stomped, 21-18-13. I figured they would lose this match, but I thought it would be the team's first loss, not their second. Now, they did come back to sweep Iowa in Iowa City Saturday. And I would rather a title team get their losses out of their way early. Still, that loss at Maturi to the Spartans spooks me. This week they finish their four-game road trip at Wisconsin (Wednesday) and Michigan (Saturday).
#-5: United FC (Last Week: -3). They weren't reaching the Major League Soccer playoffs, but even if they weren't eliminated already, they have to be eliminated after last (Saturday) night's 2-1 loss at Houston. The good thing is they didn't give up a Goal in the first 15 minutes of the match. The bad thing is that, despite keeping it close and matching the Dynamo's effort, the Loons gave up the opening tally in the 69th Minute and then a second off a Corner Kick (a bugaboo for this club all fucking year) in the 85th. Substitute Sam Nicholson scored (with an Assist from Francisco Calvo) in Extra Time, but too little, too late. The two-game winning streak they enjoyed before this contest seems so far away now.
Eh, they're an expansion team. They double up this screening week. They travel to expansion wet dream Atlanta Tuesday, then play the final home game of their inaugural year against Kansas City Saturday. Reminds me to unload my season ticket.
#-6: Gopher football (Re-Entry!). Well, I didn't think these guys were going to Row the Boat to an undefeated season. They dug themselves too great a hole against Maryland at TCF Bank and lost on a late Interception, 31-24, to a Terrapins team that is getting markedly better. (I thought about going to this game because my alma mater
#-7: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!). It was a tradition of mine to go to the first regular season game of the U. lady Gophers season the season after winning the NCAA title because they were going to unveil the banner. It felt as if it was an annual thing. But since they lost in the national semifnals last year, I did not go this year. And thank Buddha because ... they lost?!?!?! TO FUCKING MERRIMACK?!?!?! WTF?!?!?!
I don't know what to say. I understand that a lot of the heart of last year's squad graduated, but Minnesota, ranked third to start the year, is the preeminent program in women's hockey (or so they should be). They don't rebuild, they reload. Loser programs lose their home opener to fucking goddamn Merrimack. What the hell is going on here?
They play the Warriors this (Sunday) afternoon, then host Ohio St. Friday and Saturday.
#-8: Lynx (Last Week: -1). It's over. It's fucking over. When they lost Game 1 it was over. When they began the first quarter by getting the shit kicked out of them 28-2 it was over. I don't give a good goddamn they clawed their way back and only a Chelsea Gray jumper was the only thing that allowed the L.A. Sparks to steal Game 1. These motherfuckers played all year to get home-court advantage for the WNBA Finals, and they shit the goddamn bed in the first game.
They're not going to win Game 4 tonight (Sunday night). They're not good enough. And now the slow, sad decline of The Dynasty That Never Was will begin in earnest.
How fucking disappointing.
I can't talk about these guys anymore. I'd shoot myself.
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