Positive Numbers: Vikings (Last Week: 0). Well, not only was I working the game last Sunday vs. The Bastard Cleveland Browns, I was on the field all game. And that may have been the most lackadaisical easy win I've seen the Vikings get in my lifetime. The Ravens could not get anything going at all on offense. I heard the Center lose it a couple times about not knowing where the block. In fact, it felt as though that team didn't really want to play the game. That results in a 24-16 victory for the Vikings that was not as close as the score indicates.
The Vikes get the top spot because of how things are going for them. Not only did they win to get to 5-2, the Green Bay Packers lost at home to the New Orleans Saints, 26-17, putting Minnesota in first place. Also, they are one of seven teams with just two losses; only the Philadelphia Eagles have only one loss. And while the Pack and the Detroit Lions have an upgrade in their schedule, the Vikes go to Twickenham and face the Cleveland Browns in the Sunday Morning game. Prospects for them winning the National Football Conference North Division and clinching a playoff spot -- the realistic goal for this organization this year -- look bright.
And yet I am watching the game right now and they're behind. Vikings gonna Vikings. Shit.
#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -6). Well, this side did as well as they could. On Wednesday, B1G Decision Day, they went to Lincoln and defeated the Nebraska Cornhuskers in Double Overtime as Julianna Gernes scored in the 101st Minute. They sealed the third seed for the U. and one final home game for the fans, this (Sunday) afternoon (at 1) against Wisconsin in the Quarterfinals of the Big Ten Tournament. Semifinals and Final will be later this weekend in this suburb I've never heard of called Westfield, Ind.
This XI wasn't as successful as last year's, which won the double (regular season and tournament titles). Ohio St. finished with the best record in the B1G, but it looks as though Minnesota will make the NCAA Tournament. This is a good squad -- I doubt they'll reach the latter stages of the tourney, but these players have as good a chance of making some noise as any other.
But the year-end conference accolades may raise hackles with some. Sydney Squires was named All-B1G First Team, and three of her teammates was named to the Second and Third. In reaction to the announcement made Friday, FiftyFive.One Gopher soccer beat writer Matt Privratsky got pissed. He has a lot of beefs, but the main ones are that April Bockin should at least be on the Second Team and that both Gernes and Emily Heslin should be named to one of the three teams. Privratsky has a point, especially when he raises the very good point that Bockin leads top-flight women's college soccer in Assists. And she's only on the Third Team?
#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -3). I do not pay as much attention as I should to the non-conference men's college hockey season, which we're in the middle of now. There were a lot of matchups between ranked teams, but last weekend's series at Mariucci (excuse me, 3M Arena at Mariucci [jerk-off motion]) was the only two-game series between Top-10 teams. And, fortunately for the Golden Gophers, they swept the Clarkson Golden Knights by scores of 3-1 and 2-1. I was at the first game on Friday, and although they finally got free of Clarkson, they weren't playing all that well. That's been a hallmark of this team, at least according to fans who are tired of Don Lucia running the program. Nevertheless, these two wins will look great come tournament time. This weekend they get back into Big Ten action as they host Michigan St. for a pair.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: Positive Numbers). A rugged five-set win at Maturi over Illinois, then a sweep at Rutgers. That's nine in a row for the volleyball team, which rose up to fifth in the AVCA Top 25. Beating a (lesser-) ranked team at home, then beating an awful team at their place? I think these guys can share by taking fourth this week. They host Maryland Friday and host Ohio St. Saturday.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4). The first three games of a six-game homestand were last week, and the Mild went 2-1. A tight 1-0 loss to Vancouver on Tuesday in a game where both sides kind of lost were followed up by a better effort, a 6-4 win over the New York Islanders Thursday, and then an impressive 2-1 victory over the two-time defending Stanley Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins Saturday. Still believe they are feeling the absences of Zach Parise and Charlie Coyle, but a 2-1 screening week puts these guys in the middle of the survey pack.
They complete their homestand this screening week with games versus Winnipeg, Montreal and Chicago, like last week on a Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday schedule.
#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5). This was a weird screening week for the Woofie Dogs. They played four games. The first and last were against The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics (Oklahoma City Sunday, at Target Center Friday). Both were stirring victories, by two and three points, respectively. The Sunday game was a buzzer-beater by Andrew Wiggins, although the National Basketball Association later said that two missed calls on the Wolves should have resulted in Big Wig not draining that game-ender:
Don't kill my vibe. Nevertheless, those two victories bookended bizarre duds of performances, a 23-point loss at home to Indiana Tuesday and a 21-point drubbing in the Detroit Pistons' new arena Wednesday. Now, Jimmy Butler sat out the Pacers loss, but these two defeats to teams that, on paper at least, the T-Wolves should have crushed, alongside thrilling back-to-back wins over a playoff club, makes me afraid that this team still can't put in game-in, game-out effort. Are these guys going to play up and own to the level of their opponent all season?
This week: At Miami Monday, at New Orleans Wednesday, home to Dallas Saturday.
#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -1). Maybe closer than I thought, but the team will not get Floyd of Rosedale this year after going down to Iowa City and losing to the Iowa Hawkeyes, 17-10. At this point, seeing that this is P.J. Fleck's first season, the only goal for this club now is beating Nebraska and Northwestern in order to reach six wins and get to a shit-ass bowl game. But that's not next week. Next week they travel to Michigan to face a reeling yet pissed-off Michigan Wolverines team.
#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2). You know, I realize that I think I should be more worried about this team than I have. They just had one game this screening week, but it was a back-and-forth loss, at Ridder, 3-2 to Wisconsin, one of the more formidable teams in the WCHA. The team now sits at 4-2-1 with Ohio St., not one of the more formidable teams in the WCHA, dinging the Goofers with a loss and that tie (which actually is a loss cause the U. lost in a Shootout).
This is the preeminent conference in top-flight women's college hockey. (There are only, like, 38 teams in Div. I, but still.) There are only eight teams in the NCAA Tournament. And through standings and the PairWise, this program is behind both the Buckeyes and the Badgers. That portends some trouble, I believe. Now, it is early in a long season. But past Gopher squads didn't trip up like this, and that should be noted.
They complete the series vs. the Badgers early this (Sunday) evening, then have a Friday-Saturday series at Minnesota State-Mankato later this week.
#-Infinity: United FC (Last Week: -7). Well, they did it. Or, more like, it happened. The Loons actually stood toe-to-toe with a San Jose Earthquakes squad that was in win-and-get-in position for the playoffs (well, sort of; they made it to the Knockout Round, which is only one game, and if they beat the Vancouver Whitecaps they would have faced the Portland Timbers for the Conference Semifinals, which, like the Conference Finals, are soccer's conventional two-leg, aggregate-goal format. But they got crushed by the 'Caps, 5-0, so, like the Twins this year, they didn't really make it to the playoffs, because they lost one extra game and not, like, two extra games, you know?)
I digress. So Minnesota didn't let themselves get pushed over. But it wasn't as if they were dead set against the record for most Goals allowed in a single Major League Soccer season. For the umpteenth time this year, MNUFC allowed a Goal within the first 15 minutes of the game (exactly in the 15th Minute in this case, courtesy of Danny Hoesen). Jerome Thiesson tied it, in the 36th, however. Chris Wondolowski gave the 'Quakes the lead again in the 55th, but (and this is where the match got interesting) Francisco Calvo, one of the "bedrocks" for this side for the near future, tied it again in the 81st.
At that point, if the match ended, San Jose would have tied, and that would have allowed FC Dallas to sneak past the Earthquakes for the sixth and last spot in the Western Conference. But -- and this is also something the team needs to work on, although not as bad as giving up an early lead -- Marco Urena scored in the 88th. That did three things that completed the picture of the United FC's expansion season: It gave San Jose the win; it showed that Minnesota was not able to play spoiler; and it gave the franchise the record for most goals allowed in league history.
Again, expansion season. And it's not as if they finished with the worst record in the league; DC United, Los Angeles and Colorado had fewer points. But the Goals Allowed record? Yeah, that's bad. Now, those guys must get better.
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