Positive Numbers: Whitecaps (Re-Entry!). Last/Friday night, the 'Caps began the Isobel Cup Playoffs -- all of which is being played in Tampa -- by upsetting the Metropolitan Riveters, 4-1. Good, thorough domination, and because they beat a team with a better record and the Gopher men's hockey team didn't, I'll put them ahead of them and atop the survey.
They now play tomorrow/Sunday afternoon vs. top-seeded Connecticut. Good luck with that.
Oh, by the way, I have to get this off my chest: The websites for the Wild, Timberwolves, Whitecaps and The Premier Hockey Federation all suck. They are terrible when it comes to the user experience (UX). The Wild's calendar page crashes my browser. The goddamn Timberwolves' schedule is too touchy; I inadvertently caress my hand across a word and it's loading video highlights or something. And it's obvious that the 'Caps and The PHF have no money because there's no one there to give a shit about the website UX or even giving any information. For example, this is the PHF's Isobel Cup Playoff bracket. For fuck's sake, do better!!!
#0: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: 0). It looks like this program has gotten good enough to be relevant in the local market again. But I have some anxieties over these young men. First of all, back on Saturday night, in front of the first packed crowd at Mariucci Arena in possibly a Decade, the home icers repaid that fan love by losing the Big Ten Championship Final to Michigan, 4-3. They still haven't won a B1G tournament, and they were washed back down to a 2-Seed to play in Worcester, Massachusetts and have in a First Round foe local school UMass, the defending champs. Add to that Bob Motzko's reputation of being a regular season hero but a tournament zero, and I predicted that the Goofers would be one-and-done.
And they were just about done, trailing the Minutemen by 2-0 and then by 3-1. But by God, the U. came back to tie it up and then win it in Overtime thanks to Ben Meyers, the Hobey Baker Finalist (and Toronto Maple Leaf draftee) who has become the Most Valuable Player on this team. The Defensive corps was supposed to be the backbone of this group, but it was the Offense that bailed them out last/Friday night.
At least the U. has played to seed in the tourney, so this club deserves to peep its head above negative numbers. Everything after this point will be a nominal upset, but an upset nonetheless. Tomorrow/Sunday they face Western Michigan, my pick to win it all. Beat the Broncos and they'll be back in the Frozen Four for the first time since 2014.
(A correction: Writing about the Gopher men's hockey team reminds me that I need to apologize for my errors in writing about the Gopher women's hockey team here. I got the Years that program last played in the national championship Game and won the national championship Game all wrong. They last played in it in 2019 and last won it in 2016. I regret the errors. I don't regret saying that this program sucks right now.)
#-1: United FC (Last Week: -1). Went the second home Match of the Year and the first one in which I was actually able to stay through the whole thing. Second time I also didn't sit in my actual season-ticket seat; the rest of the row was occupied by a group of people, and the section over -- the whole section -- was empty. So I sat there. And I watched Luis Amarilla deposit a Goal off a lucky deflection as the Loons fended off San Jose, 1-0. I miss "Wonderwall." I miss MNUFC fans.
Off for the International Break. Return to host Seattle April 2.
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -2). I should note here that, unless I memory-holed something, this past Week or so has been the most dynamic Week in the history of Minnesota professional sports when it comes to roster transactions. Not only did the Wild, Vikings and Twins make a flurry of moves, but the notable names all three organizations have acquired practically obliterate the notion that no star player wants to play here. That it happened just about all at once probably is unprecedented about these parts. So what and how I feel about each team's transactions in the context of its current and future success in winning championships will weigh into each of their rankings.
Of the three, I am most heartened by the Wild's moves, even though I'm not completely buying some people's feelings that they're now a Stanley Cup contender. The big move is the one to acquire Marc-Andre Fleury, the future Hall Of Famer who won a couple Cups in Pittsburgh and backstopped Las Vegas to almost skipping the line and unfairly winning a Cup in that franchise's inaugural season. (That they were allowed to load up on such awesome talent right out of the gate is a giant fuck you to the generations-long idea that all other expansions teams need to "pay their dues." Many people thought this squad's goaltending is the main thing holding it back, and trading for a playoff warrior who knows what the postseason grind is like -- and is a well-respected locker room presence, especially according to former teammate and current Wild General Manager Bill Guerin -- is a case study in how you trade to fill a weakness.
But will he? The guy, nicknamed "Flower," won the Vezina Trophy last Year. But his numbers have plummeted this season ... and yet the fluidity of hockey gives a ready-made excuse that those numbers suck because the team he was traded from, The Chicago Blackhawks, have a shitty Defense in front of him. Not too long ago, he got pulled from between the pipes after getting shelled from ... Minnesota. On the other hand, he's also old. You can go back and forth. Suffice it to say, this ain't the slam-dunk Wild bobos make it out to be. Jury's also out on the other three players brought in: Nicolas Deslauriers is a Left Wing and an obvious rental; Tyson Jost is yet another worn Center the Mild hope plays above the mean in the postseason; and Jacob Middleton was brought in to shore up a Defensive corps that has shown to be depthless and leaky.
And remember the cap hell this organization is in now and about to go under. The ghosts of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter will bite the next two seasons when the bulk of the dead money from the buyouts of the remaining portion of their contracts come due as part of the squad's salary cap. Like I said before, they basically have this Year to make a run at a cup because for at least two and possibly the next three Years, the franchise will be selling pieces left and right to get under that cap.
The news from on the ice is unequivocally good. They had a just-about-perfect screening Week, defeating Chicago, blanking Las Vegas, and outlasting Vancouver in Overtime to stretch their winning streak to four and get back into second place in the Central. Their long homestand ends this Week with tilts versus Columbus, The Bastard Quebec Nordiques, Philadelphia and Pittsburgh.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: Positive Numbers). Last Week and this Week the opponents are tougher, and it was reflected in the team's 2-2 Week.
They started off beating the Antetokounmpo-less Bucks at home by 19; I believe their first road Game was a victory over Milwaukee, so that gives the T-Wolves the sweep! However, they were clipped at the end at Dallas and then fell apart in the Fourth Quarter and blew a lead at Target Center against Phoenix. They finished off the screening Week by blitzing the Mavericks at home by 21. Unfortunately, this choppy Week has pushed Minnesota back into seventh in the West, trailing Denver by a half-Game for the chance to rise out of the Play-In mire.
This Week will be a relative breather, although neither contest will be easy: Tomorrow/Sunday at red-hot Boston, who are blowing teams out like Minnesota but they're winning more often, and then Wednesday in Toronto, who mirror the Wolves as they are seventh in the East.
#-4: Vikings (Re-Entry!). Most of the guys the Vikes have signed are people I have never heard of. But their last signing I have heard of: It's Za'Darius Smith, the Linebacker who once terrorized opponents as a member of the Green Bay Packers. Apparently Smith was injured for much of last Year so the Pack let him go. Well, shit, I'd take him; I don't think this is like The Twins Way, where that franchise does nothing but pick up broke-down turds for cheap and praying that they'll turn back into the gems they were too cheap to acquire then. I think football players can bounce back from a season lost to injury. It's a surprise, then, to see the Packers let Smith go so easily. It truly is the dawning of The Age Of Za'Darius.
But should they be really making a run at the Super Bowl this Year? I'm all for rebuilding, and when you bring in a new Head Coach and General Manager, why the hell not blow it all up? Instead, this organization, new guys included, seems confident they can run it back with an overpaid Quarterback, an Offensive Line that still needs constant tending to, and a Defense that has been overwhelmed the past two seasons. Now, to counteract that, they have massaged contracts, most notably extending Kirk Cousins (at least on paper) to free up my salary money this upcoming Year. But agreeing to pay Danielle Hunter $18.5 million instead of trading or cutting him seems, to me, to be a mistake. I just said that players like Za'Darius Smith can bounce back from a season lost to injury. But Hunter has basically lost two. That's not a bug, that's a feature, and I think the prudent thing to do is to cut him loose and find at least two other cheaper and healthier alternatives on the D for the money he'll make this upcoming season. Instead, the Vikes treated Hunter like the Twins treated Byron Buxton. And like with the Twinks, I fear that the ViQueens are headed to the morass of mediocrity again.
#-5: Twins (Re-Entry!). I will say I like that the Twins have made moves and thus belying their reputation of doing nothing but sign players who have been injured the past couple Years and trying to lowball the ones they drafted. But I think I can note that I like the unfamiliarity of these franchise wheeling and dealing while not quite understanding what in the hell they're wheeling and dealing for.
First, a couple Months ago, the Twinks acquired Infielder Isiah Kiner-Falefa and a reliever from The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 in exchange for Catcher Mitch Garver, aka "Garvsauce." Derek Falvey and Thad Levine praised Kiner-Falefa up and down, saying he would be the club's Second Baseman of the future. The next Day, the next goddamn Day, they flipped IKF to The Bastard Baltimore Orioles for Infielder Gio Urshela and Catcher Gary Sanchez. Now why the fuck would the Twinks do that? Because, apparently, the Yanks agreed to take Josh Donaldson and, more importantly to Minnesota, Josh Donaldson's contract. (Catcher Ben Rortvedt was also traded to The Bronx.) Now I liked Donaldson, but if he was too often injured in the, what, two seasons he played up here, I apologize and will lump him in with Danielle Hunter and Byron Buxton. Still, unloading what was up till now The Biggest Free-Agent Contract In Squad History would seem to be something the skinflint Pohlads would want to do. Whatever total contract Donaldson signed with the Twins, The Athletic's Aaron Gleeman estimates that the team only paid out a total of about $30 million.
So don't be fooled by the organization signing Carlos Correa Tuesday to the new Biggest Free-Agent Contract In Squad History. Sure, it's a big splash. Sure, I like the out-of-nowhere aspect to this bit. And he fills Shortstop, a huge need for this ballclub. But he doesn't sign here if the team wasn't able to offload Donaldson. Moreover, there are opt-out clauses after this and next season. And I can totally see him being offloaded himself before the Trade Deadline this season. Sonny Gray is good, but he had his peak several Years ago, and now he'll be the ace Pitcher in our rotation. There is no guarantee that this team is going to be any good. So I can envision a scenario where the Twinks are bobbing around .500 but are, like, five Games behind the White Sox, and Falvey & Co. are told to see Correa to one of the big boy clubs in Major League Baseball, and they'll say, "Hey! We've got to build for the future!" I can totally see that. So any thoughts that the Minnesota Twinks have become big spenders are only harbored by people who'll secretly known they've been suckered when the Trade Deadline comes, whenever the hell it is.
Oh yeah, one other aspect to the Correa signing no one mentions: Is anyone bothered by the fact that this team signed one of the main figures in the sign-stealing scandal when he was with Houston? He apologized, but that doesn't take back that he cheated. So are we going to just open up our arms to a former member of the Asterisks/Trashstros whose World Series victory was aided by him listening to trash can bangs? Apparently so. Apparently I'm the only one with morals and a memory around here.
#-6: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4). Oof. Losses Saturday and Sunday meant the Goofers got swept at Creighton. At least there's the Summit League, and last/Friday night, the U. crushed the Leathernecks, 11-4. They finish up the last non-conference series of the Year this weekend at U. S. Bank Stadium, then begin conference play Friday for a three-Game series at Rutgers.
#-7: Gopher softball (Last Week: -3). After a twelve-Day break, the softballers resumed play at Rutgers yesterday/Friday afternoon ... and lost, 9-2. To Rutgers? Wow, this team just doesn't have it this Year, do they? Finish up in Piscataway, then open up Cowles Stadium for a three-Game set against Illinois beginning April Fools' Day.
#-Infinity: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). Lost Sunday to South Dakota St. in the Second Round of The Women's Not Invited Tournament. I am putting this club back on the WMNSS because I had no idea they were good enough to even be invited to The Women's Not Invited Tournament. But they were. And they beat their First Round opponent, Green Bay, in Green Bay Thursday, by eight. But they have been eliminated. And that is that.
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