Saturday, March 5, 2022

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: 0).  A 5-1 Win over St. Thomas completed a series sweep, so as expected, they will be a part of the WCHA Final Faceoff.  They host Minnesota-Duluth this/Saturday afternoon; the winner of that Game will play either Ohio St. or Wisconsin in Sunday afternoon's tournament final.  Oh, and I still believe they are tops in the PairWise.  Assuming that's the case, they're tops here, too.

#0: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  After crushing Wisconsin in the regular season finale by a score of 8-0, the Gophers indeed wrapped up the Big Ten regular season title and the bye in the league's tournament.  I think I read somewhere that this is the first time the U. has blanked the Badgers over a two-Game series since the 1930's.

They have been above their female counterparts the past couple screening Weeks, so I'm having them switch places because the Gopher women's hockey team needs some love, too.  But that does not diminish this squad's accomplishment.  They will host a Semifinal next Saturday at Mariucci.

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  Both the Timberwolves and the Wild are lashed to each other as sporting clubs in the Twin Cities over the often-dreary winter.  But they have been ships passing in the night: The Wild have consistently overachieve (well, at least until the playoffs) while the Woofie Dogs continually step on either their own tails or dicks and keep the on-court product a joke.

It's the other way around now.  As the Mild continue to flounder (see below), the Timberwolves are well on their way to making the postseason, and no matter how long the stay will be.  They had a perfect Week, going 3-0 -- namely eking out a Win at Cleveland Monday, outdistancing Golden State at Target Tuesday, then immolating The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics by 37 last/Friday night.

You know what the changing, diametrically opposing states of the T-Wolves and the Wild remind me of?  I took a class on plays, stage plays, at the U. a long time ago.  (Why?  I don't remember.)  I read through a play which I swear is called Mud.  In it, there was one person who is normal, and there is another person who apparently is mentally challenged.  I wouldn't say they were "friends"; the play explores the resentments that live between these two, particularly because one of them is "stupid" and the other thinks less of him because of his disability.  Well, near the end of Mud, we see that the one who was considered "slow" acting normal because he is taking pills for what was ailing him, and the "able" one is now the "slow" one because of an accident.  There are even more resentments because of the current fortunes of these two on top of the lingering slights and insults when the tables were turned.

So it is with the Timberwolves and Wild, and while I knew it could happen, I really had to see it to believe it.  There's a chance, in fact, for the Wolves to extend their winning streak.  They host the Trail Blazers for two Games tonight/Saturday night and Monday, host Bastard Seattle Wednesday, then travel to Orlando Friday.

#-2: United FC (Re-Entry!).  I and other Loons fans keep expecting the other shoe to drop with this organization.  The XI's one-and-done appearance in last Year's playoffs commenced a tailspin that might bottom out this Year, and it might (finally for some) cost Adrian Heath his job.  And yet I see more than a few Major League Soccer writers say that MNUFC is going to still be a good team ... if the Goaltending holds up.  I and my fellow supporters/doomsayers think they need another solid Striker and are scared of the revamped roster, especially at Center Midfield.

We'll see who's right.  In the first Match for Minnesota United (which, actually, was the first Match for MLS for the 2022 campaign), Ol' Reliable Robin Lod put the visitors on top, only for host Philadelphia Union tie it up late in the First Half.  And that 1-all scoreline held up through the Second Half, and so the Loons went home with a Draw and a Point.  I watched the contest at the Black Hart with fellow fans.  It reminded me of the jovial days before we ever heard of COVID-19.  But I think I share with many of them the opinion that since they scored first and not second, this tie fellow more like a Loss than a Win.  But it's officially neither in MLS' eyes, so we're gonna say it's a not-bad thing.

I finally get to be a full-fledged season ticket-holder, and I am pumped (even in the pelting rain) to march to Allianz Field and watch the Loons in the home opener against what could be a twin in Nashville SC.  Both franchises are planted in non-large markets and have to rely on scouting and development to produce success on the pitch.  I will say this: Even though they are a year younger, Nashville SC may be a better organization than MNUFC -- and they may have a better club, too.

#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1).  More disconcerting results for this ballclub.  Finished their time at the Niner Invitational by shutting out Northern Iowa, 3-0, but in turn getting shut out by Wichita St., 4-0.  And Sunday's revenge Game versus the Shockers was rained out and canceled.  They stand now at just 9-6 after splitting four contests in Charlotte.

This will be an extremely busy screening Week for the U.  They are participating in the OSU-Tulsa Invitational by playing DePaul and the host Golden Hurricane today/Saturday in Tulsa, then playing Stanford and host Oklahoma St. in Stillwater, Okla. tomorrow/Sunday.  Those pairs of Games augur a challenge for the program; the Cardinal received votes for the polls and the Cowgirls currently sit at eighth.  The Gophers then play at #1 Oklahoma Monday, then come back to Stillwater for a ... uh ... non-Invitational matchup against Oklahoma St. on Wednesday.  They then go to the Bevo Classic in Austin, Tex., where they play Nicholls St. Friday afternoon and the host (and apparently unraked) Texas Longhorns Friday evening.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -7).  I noticed in this ballclub's shitshow of a season last Year the number of blowouts, absolute routs against teams that weren't really good.  That is a sure sign that your team is an outright disaster.  And I'm afraid I am seeing this again.

Someone help me if Indiana St. is a good team this Year.  But the Sycamores went to Fort Myers, Fla., and swept the shit out of the Goofers over the weekend by scores of, ugh-ick, 16-3 and 14-8.  Is John Anderson allowed to bring in players through the transfer portal this Year?

They bounced back in their first of many Games at U. S. Bank Stadium, blanking St. Thomas, 12-0, Tuesday.  But the next evening they lost to South Dakota St., and last/Friday night in the beginning of the Cambria College Classic, the host U. got pipped by West Virginia, 5-4.  The Gophs had leads of 2-0 and 4-2, but Will Semb allowed the winning Run in the top of the Ninth Inning.  This could be the start of yet another long season for this squad.

They play Kansas tonight/Saturday night, then ranked Notre Dame on Sunday.  I plan on going to all three Games on Sunday; Michigan St.-West Virginia begins at 10, followed by Kansas-Illinois before the Gophers-Fighting Irish nightcap.  So long as I have the time and Minnesota hosts such a tournament at Ooosss-bahnk Stadium, I will spend an entire day watching three Games such as these.  There are worse ways to spend a waking Day than at a ballpark, even if it is indoors, even if it really isn't a ballpark.  They tuck in a tilt vs. North Dakota St. on Tuesday before beginning a three-Game series against Air Force Friday.

Why did I place the Gopher Nine above the Wild even though both of them won only one Game this past Week?  Well, even if it looks unlikely, the U. has their whole season ahead of them, so they still have time to turn it around.  Not quite the same outlook with the ...

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -3).  ... and egad, these motherfuckers are in freefall.  Got embarrassed in a home-and-home sweep by The Bastard Atlanta Flames, and then last/Friday night they blow a Third Period lead and allow three Goals to go down in flames in Buffalo.  Buffalo!  When the horn sounded, the club tried to take out its frustrations by picking fights with the Sabers while the coaching staff just headed to the locker room.

Only a remarkable comeback on the Philadelphia Flyers (as bad as the Buffalo Sabers, by the way) Thursday night, when they fought back from not one, not two, not three but four one-Goal deficits to win 5-4, prevented a winless screening Week, something that appeared unlikely to happen even two Months ago.  Injuries have played a role, and Goaltending remains the weakest of the three units.  But really nothing is going well right now, and the longer the losing continues, the longer people have to believe that the early hot start was nothing more than an illusion, and this is the Mild team they have truly been all along.

By the way, they are only three Points ahead of the eighth-placed team in the Western Conference.

Host The Team That Was Stolen From Us tomorrow/Sunday afternoon, then host the Rangers (featuring red-hot Goalie Igor Shesterkin; I just saw him make back-to-back reflex Saves on a breakaway on Twitter) in a contest I am actually going to on Tuesday.  They then play at Detroit and Columbus on consecutive nights.  This upcoming Week could be as shitty for the Mild, if not worse.

#-6: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5).  Lost at home to Indiana by five, which appears to be a moral victory to some fans.  Then they lost at Maryland, extended their losing streak to three Games.  As close as the Losses have been, I'm still bemusedly bowled over by how many fans on Twitter fawn over how this team is playing this Year despite being 13-15 overall and 4-15 in the Big Ten.  Can you guys just admit they blow because this is the first season under a new Head Coach?  You're straining so hard to look on the bright side you blew out your hip.

All the pain will be over soon.  Regular season finale at Northwestern Sunday night, then the B1G Tournament beings midweek, and the U. will probably be as one-and-done as the Gopher women b-ballers (see below).

#-Infinity: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6).  Finished off the regular season beating the Nittany Lions at Penn St. Sunday, but were one-and-done in the B1G Tournament, quickly ushering themselves out of Indianapolis Thursday evening to Northwestern, 65-60.

If you go to the team's Twitter timeline, you'll see their pinned tweet, the first thing you see on that timeline, is it touting its incoming recruiting class -- its highest in program history!!! they crow.  Anything to distract from another listless, pointless season in women's college hoops purgatory, right?  Well, the future is going to be the present a Year from now, and for Lindsay Whalen, it may or may not be what she bargained for.  Because I'm getting the feeling that even for Lindsay The Legend, her seat is getting warm, if not hot.  These four youngbloods had better produce and lead this program to ... something better than what has come the previous several season because -- and I think I was wrong about her status as pretty much the permanent Head Coach for this club -- people really are getting antsy about how mediocre this team has become.  So Whalen gets to memory-hole this season ... and it looks like it'll be the last reprieve she'll get.

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