I don't know if I've ever done this before. But because I am so goddamn overwhelmed with cleaning all my shit outta here before my parents come home, plus fearing that I have stuff I need to do that'll prevent me from doing that, along with all of the things I really want to do, and also the Anti-Picks that I don't think I can do until daybreak, I really don't want to take the time to do a long, thorough WMNSS. Sorry, guys and gals, I just don't have the bandwidth. I probably will make a pithy comment for each entry, but mostly it's going to be a name-rank-serial number type of survey.
#0: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). Their birth in the NCAA Tournament was assured even before they beat Penn St. 3-2 on Saturday. But with that Win, they have earned the right to host the Big Ten Hockey Tournament Final tonight/Saturday night versus Michigan. They'll get their first B1G tourney title if they win tonight ... and possibly secure the fourth and last #1 Seed in the Ice Dance.
#-1: United FC (Last Week: -3). We have a Luis Amarilla sighting ... and none too soon, as his header was the only score in a crucial 1-0 win at the New York Red Bulls. Three Matches, five Points, and a road Win? I'll take that. Host San Jose tonight/Saturday night; I fully expect to be there.
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -4). I think Russo said that they've slipped into a Wild Card spot for the first time all season? I don't know; I see them listed in third in the Central (albeit by tiebreaker over Nashville) after getting humiliated at home by Nashville (on Mikko Koivu's retirement ceremony, and it always seems to happen that the home team having a celebration like this will lose that Game) and beating Boston. With the high school tournaments done, they continue their lengthy homestand with tilts against Chicago, Las Vegas, and Vancouver.
#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5). A Win, a Loss, a Tie (with Texas; the official reason being "travel plans"; guess the Gophers had to make their plane) and a cancellation. Wow, a little bit of everything!!! They actually are in the middle of a twelve-Day break (do college softball clubs get breaks that long?) before they begin conference play Friday at Rutgers.
#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6). Lost the middle Game of a three-Game series vs. Air Force Saturday, 15-6, at U. S. Bank Stadium before avoiding the sweep Sunday by defeating the Falcons, 7-6. They began their three-Game set at Creighton last/Friday night with a 5-4 setback. Two more against the Bluejays, then begin a trio back at Das Bank v.2.0 Friday against Western Illinois.
#-5: Whitecaps (Last Week: -7). Split their final two Games of the regular season at the Metropolitan Riveters. Both squads are done with their regular seasons, but it looks as though the other four teams in the Premier Hockey Federation finish up this weekend. No matter; it appears as though the Whitecraps are locked into fifth and will thus have an opening-round playoff series against ... the Rivs.
#-Infinity: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2). All that needs to be said about this bunch of underachievers I basically said here. No, seeing the Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs upset Northeastern to reach Sunday's NCAA title Game against Ohio St. doesn't mitigate the absolute goddamn failure of the Goofers to play like they fucking have played all season and steamroll those hicks from up north. Mark Coyle should pull a Mike Bohn; similar to USC reaching out to Oklahoma to get Lincoln Riley as the Trojans' new football coach, the U. should snag Ohio St. Head Coach (and Gopher alum) Nadine Muzzerall and make her the next HC of Gopher women's hockey.
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