The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  They only had one Game this screening Week, but they outlasted Arizona St. in Tempe, 3-2, and they're ranked second in the nation, and in a crowded Week, I think they probably are the only team in the Twin Cities that is playing very, very well right now.  So they're positive for a second Week in a row.

One more with the Sun Devils this/Saturday night, then a two-Game series at Michigan St. starting on Friday.

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5).  I hesitate to say they're rounding into form, but I have to admit they have collected some good results this Week.  They swept Rutgers in Piscataway, like they should have, but these women surprised me by beating #8 Ohio St. at Columbus in four Sets, avenging a humiliating defeat in three at the Pavilion.

Minnesota is ranked ninth in the poll right now.  The regular season finale is this/Saturday night at #5 Nebraska.  Yeah, they're in the tournament, and after a topsy-turvy season, there's a chance they'll snag the #8 seed, which would line them up for a Regional Final appearance, which is something I doubted from time to time this year.

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3).  Well, at least they can kick the shit out of a low-major school like Presbyterian in a bodybag Game, 82-48.  What's coming this weekend, the Cav Classic in Charlottesville, should be a fitter test.  They play host Virginia this/Saturday afternoon, then play Liberty tomorrow/Sunday afternoon.  The squad then plays their part in the B1G/ACC Challenge, hosting Wake Forest Wednesday.  Hmmm, Wake Forest ... maybe I should go to this Game.

#-2: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  It is sad, truly sad, that a once-program like the University of Minnesota has a wrestling squad that was getting their asses kicked, at Halftime, 12-6, by fucking Binghamton.  Binghamton.  Binghamton.  But the Bearcats -- that's what they're called -- had an upset at 184 when #22 Jacob Nolan beat #10 of the Gophers, Isaiah Salazar, and then #7 Lou DePrez of Binghamton pinned #28 of the U. Garret Joles at 197.  They had one hell of a rally they needed to pull off, and somehow they did; the Dual was won only at the last Match, at 157, where #2 Brayton Lee of Minnesota beat the Bearcats' Connor Decker via Major Decision for the 19-15 final.

And Binghamton was unranked!  What awaits the Gopher grapplers when they face South Dakota St., which as a team is ranked 24th, tomorrow/Sunday afternoon -- in Brookings?  Oh, they also host Augustana at Maturi Thursday.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: 0).  They're up here mostly for their lofty record, but this was a pretty strange Week for The Purple.  First, they get laughed off the national stage, at home, to a Dallas Cowboys club that decimated the Vikings Offensive Line for seven Sacks, went through the Defense with their 1-2 punch of Tony Pollard and Ezekiel Elliott, and wiped out any hopes Minnesota had of coming back in that Game on Sunday with big play after big play.  The emasculation was 40-3, the second-worst home defeat in Vikings history.  (The only one worse was delivered on October 6, 1963 by The St. Louis Cardinals, a team that, technically, doesn't exist anymore.)  It was the Cowboys' biggest road Win ever.  And I just saw this stat here, by Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk: The Cowboys are undefeated at U. S. Bank Stadium.  You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

No rest for the wicked as the Vikes hosted their first-ever Thanksgiving Game in history.  Too bad it was up against the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick, a man who probably knows why you wet your bed when you were a kid.  And yet Minnesota won by yet another one-score margin (33-26), but even that was controversial: Can anyone explain how in the hell that catch by Hunter Henry was ruled incomplete?  Another Florio joint on PFT raises (and maybe I'm muddying the waters here, but we kind of left logic once the call of a Touchdown was overturned) a third possibility: Going by the NFL's rules, couldn't Henry be down just short of the Goal Line for a 4th-&-Goal?

Whatever.  Minnesota finally beat New England after losing the last five matchups with them (the last time they won was in 2000).  They're 9-2; second-place Green Bay (!) and Detroit (!!) are 4-7.  It's possible that if the Vikes defeat the Jets, and both the Packers and Lions lose next Week, they win the NFC North.  And yet Vikings fans will remain traumatized over the beatdown by the Cowboys are wonder how good of a team are they.  And they should remain traumatized.

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  A shootout Win followed by a thorough 4-1 pummeling in Wisconsin doesn't portend good things once they enter WCHA play.  But they're out in Las Vegas this weekend -- Henderson, Nev., to be exact -- for the Henderson Collegiate Hockey Showcase and they started that tournament by destroying 12th-ranked Penn St., 5-1, last/Friday evening.  They play #5 Yale (!!) this/Saturday evening in a different arena than they played last/Friday evening, then start a two-Game set against Minnesota State-Mankato beginning Friday.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  Went 3-1 this Week -- just got by an injury-riddled 76ers squad in Philadelphia, survived Miami (a team, by the way, whose number the T-Wolves have had for many, many Years now -- seriously, they've, like, lost twice to them over the past Decade.  They were good against them even in the Wade & James Years), then crushed the Pacers in Indiana.  But then yesterday/Black Friday afternoon, they had an ass Third Quarter (after leading at the Half) where they were outscored by the Hornets by 18 and lost in Charlotte, 110-108.  That ended their winning streak at five.

Despite their recent run of good form, the fanbase is growing more disgruntled that the team hasn't gelled yet.  They were booed off at Halftime of the Game against Miami because they were down, 60-47.  In a diametric opposite of what they did at Charlotte, they boatraced the Heat 37-19 in the Third Quarter to lead by five after three.  But after the Game, new acquisition Rudy Gobert complained that the Target Center crowd wasn't more supportive.  Hey, Patient Zero, these people paid good money.  Unless what they do is illegal, they can do whatever the hell they want.  And they responded like they usually do, and should, whenever their team is playing like shit.  You were playing like shit.  And by the way, after you got booed off the court, you started playing better.  Real better.  And you won.  And I think you didn't get booed off the court after the Game.  See how it works?

The Timberwolves remain in tenth place out of what people are calling an anemic-looking Western Conference.  (The team in first, Phoenix, have won two-thirds of their tilts, so I don't know if that's a sign of conference weakness.)  They are only a half-Game behind The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers for eighth, however.  This Week: Home to Golden State, at Washington, home to Memphis.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -7).  Not a bad screening Week: They beat a real good team in The Bastard Hartford Whalers, 2-1, then blasted The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers, 6-1.  Unfortunately, they lost Black Friday to Toronto, 4-3, where, according to The Athletic's Michael Russo, the Jordan Greenway-Johnny Gaudreau-Matt Boldy Line sucked and the Alex Goligoski-Matt Dumba was on the ice for all four Maple Leaf Goals.  They sit on 20 Points along with three other teams, and they all are tied for eighth place.  Still, with a similar record to the Timberwolves, I decided to throw them under the Wolves for this Week's survey because they played and won one fewer Game.

They continue their seven-contest, 16-Day homestand this Week against The Bastard Winnipeg Jets and Edmonton.  Hmmm, a light Week after playing four the previous one, including that Black Friday afternoon Loss.

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4).  I am getting impatient with this team.  They were in San Juan Capistrano this Week for the SoCal Challenge.  They played California Baptist.  I caught the radio call of the Game (late) on the Fan.  Mike Grimm either was with the football team or begged out of this tournament, so the studio host/back-up was the announcer, and despite not having a color analyst, I like the guy.

But I didn't like the Game.  They raced out to a 15-0 lead, but somehow the Lancers were able to get back into the Game and eventually, Cal Baptist managed to tie this Game in regulation at 53 even though they were up at Halftime by eight.  The Lancers led for the first time that evening in Overtime, and even led by three with 85 Seconds left.  But Minnesota closed it out with a Dunk by Pharrel Payne and, with five Seconds left in OT, a Dawson Garcia basket in the paint, to win, 62-61.  Still, this is a very demoralizing way for a BcS school to play against a college that probably graduated to top-flight this decade.  And, as logic would dictate based on previous results, in the Championship Game of the SoCal Challenge they were no match for the winners, UNLV.  The final score was 71-62, but the deficit was in double digits most of the Second Half.

They have one Game this screening Week before B1G play starts in earnest: Their participation in the ACC/Big Ten Challenge, where they travel to Blacksburg and face Virginia Tech on Monday.

#-8: Gopher football (Last Week: -1).  This season, one in which the Big Ten West became up-for-grabs in the middle of the season, has become a stinging disappointment.  Iowa dirties up any Game they play, but the Gophers remained in it, keeping it deadlocked at 10 ... until Mo Ibrahim fumbled at the Iowa 9-Yard-line with about five Minutes remaining in the tilt and, worse than that, after getting the ball back on a Three-And-Out (where Iowa didn't gain a Yard, something that that ballclub has done all season and yet still has a chance to win the Division), Athan Kaliakmanis got picked off at the Hawkeye 33 with about two Minutes remaining in the tilt.  Iowa did gain Yards on this Possession; in fact, they drove it all the way down to the Gopher 3 before hitting the Game-winning Field Goal with 1:38 left.  Minnesota turned the ball over on downs in the next series, and Iowa gets Floyd of Rosedale for an eighth Year in a row.

Now all this squad has left to fight for are pride and, well, The Axe.  This afternoon they play Wisconsin in Madison, and while not too long ago I would have thought the Gophs would be able to retain Paul Bunyan's tool for a second Year, well, now, after they changed Head Coaches mid-season to Jim Leonhard, I don't know for sure.  It feels like there's a good chance Minnesota finishes below .500 in-conference this Year.  And like I said, that is very, very disappointing.

#-9: Whitecaps (Last Week: -6).  Coverage of the Premier Hockey Federation remains a black hole, but what I do know is technically, they remain winless four Games into the season.  They took Boston to Overtime but lost 58 Seconds in when the Pride's Sammy Davis five-holed Whitecaps Goaltender Amanda Leveille.  You get loser Points in the PHF and, well, that's what the Whitecraps currently are, I'm afraid.  Off through next Week.