The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Still ignoring the Lynx, who got their brains beat in at Target by Connecticut Sunday night and now sit in eighth place with about a dozen games to go, but they won last year, so we're not gonna talk about them, no sirree. ...

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  This really wasn't a good screening week for any local teams.  I initially had the Loons in first.  But then I had to admit my myself that, at least for this year, neither club was going anywhere, so I went to the records and, yes, the Twinks finished the week 5-2, so they are top this time around.  But frankly, they needed to run the table in this long homestand, and they didn't, going only 9-2.  They almost suffered a third loss yesterday/Sunday against the Bay Rays of Tampa, pissing away a bottom-of-the-Ninth lead by surrendering the tying Run with 2 Out, but Brian Dozier, the first player who probably should be traded by this club, ended the game in the 10th with a Grand Slam.  (That homer capped off a strange game where there were not one but two bench-clearing sort-of brawls.)

So going into the All-Star Break (and congratulations again go out to Pitcher Jose Berrios, although I am kind of shocked no one announced they pulled up lame and thus gave a spot to Eddie Rosario), the Twinks are second in the American League Central Division, 44-50 and 7 1/2 games behind first-place Cleveland.  So they're sellers, right?  Who could or should go?  Dozier's a goner.  Fernando Rodney has been heart attack-inducing, but someone might need a new closer or set-up man.  Hell, the bullpen could be sold off for parts -- Zach Duke, Addison Reed, Trevor Hildenberger.  But how about -- and bear with me now -- Miguel Sano and Byron Buxton?  Sano is still down on the farm in Ft. Myers, while Buxton is still hurt and isn't hitting at the plate when he was OK.  Would it be too far-fetched to pull the plug on these two once-can't-miss prospects and see what you can get from a team that still sees potential in them?  Maybe they can still be good players, but they probably won't be the long-term superstars they were slated to be when the Twins drafted them.  If that's the case, and with this organization suffering a serious set-back this year, why not stock up for the future?  Burn it down, I say, and see if you can build a team around Berrios, Rosario and, uh, Jake Cave.

Any attempt to hunt down Cleveland in the second half of the season begins with the handicap of them on the road for three series.  (It seems as though their season has consisted either of long homestands or long roadtrips.)  First up is the worst of the three: Kansas City.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -2).  Well, now that I have seen it, I am absolutely shocked, shocked I tell you, that Adrian Heath blew a gasket after the Loons survived Real Salt Lake Saturday, 3-2.  They were up 3-0 in that match via Goals from Ibson, Darwin Quintero, Jr. (another beautiful chip -- man, players should chip more often) and the courageous Miguel Ibarra, all in the Second Half.  But the defense, once again, started to take on serious water, giving up a pair of tallies eight minutes apart by RSL sub Joao Plata.

That sent the Head Coach into blowing a gasket.  As we serenaded the side with "Wonderwall," Heath (and I wish I could embed the interview) lashed out at his players during his post-match, on-pitch interview with Jamie Watson, saying how ridiculous it was that they had to hang on for dear life to take away all three points and then, after curtly thanking Watson, walking away.  And he did not let up for his post-game press conference.

I think that him getting pissed off is totally in line, even if his squad won.  After blowing leads vs. Colorado and Kansas City and getting hounded off the pitch by clubs below them in the West like San Jose and Seattle, it's about time Heath did.  And, to highlight one of my issues, that's one problem.  Why didn't he show the fans and supporters how upset he is before?  For example, why didn't he lose his head Wednesday night in that 2-1 loss in that Friendly/Exhibition against Costa Rican club Saprissa?  (They played up here because MNUFC's Francisco Calvo, who is our team's lone All-Star, BTW, played for Saprissa.)  I know that it didn't count.  But in the same way you could say United didn't try, neither did Saprissa, and in a vacuum between similarly unmotivated teams, I expected these guys to win out.  (Oh, and a rule for future WMNSS's: I don't take into account exhibitions if the home team wins, but I do if they lose.  It's a pessimistic way of looking at things, but this is my survey.)  And yet they lost, and once again they lost late in the game on a Goal by Saprissa's Carlos Villegas (a sub) in the 85th.  There have been many games after which Heath should have blown his top; I blew mine after that game.

And this leads to the other issue I have with Heath.  It has been demonstrably proven that after defeats and sort-of tongue-lashings by him, he trots out the same starting lineup that presumably made all those mistakes he criticized them for.  There is no accountability; otherwise, starters would get benched.  Look, Heath can get mad all he wants.  But if he's going to be this upset, there goddamn better be some drastic changes for this week's home matches versus New England (Wednesday) and high-spending expansion club LAFC (Sunday).  If he doesn't, he's all talk and no action.

#-3: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  They are here, and at the bottom, because this week the organization tendered a four-year, $100 million extension to Jimmy Butler, and Butler and his team threw it right back in their faces.  He has one year left on his current contract, and he, like virtually every other player in the National Basketball Association, wants to be clear of a contract after next season in order to cash in on what everybody says will be a massive salary cap rise, leading to a free agency free-for-all, for the 2019 offseason.  How everybody just knows there will be many millions more to spend on the salary cap, I have no clue.

But this brings me to something I don't think I've talked much of: The ongoing, simmering lack of chemistry between Butler and the Two Woofie Pups, Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins.  Simply put, they don't get along.  And whether it's a generational thing or something else, it cropped up during the season and hasn't really gotten better over the summer.  As Towns is in line for a max contract (despite his up-and-down year), there might be enough pie to go around to satisfy the core from this group.  Already Jamal Crawford left and Nemanja Bjelica was let go -- not heart-breaking losses, but they contributed to a group that finally reached the playoffs.

So beyond trying to reconstruct a bench on a meager budget, Tom Thibodeau and the front office braintrust will now try and keep their big stars happy even though there is no sign that they can mesh.  So if that's the case, what should they prioritize -- the two young stars that have yet shown they can take the next step?  Or the bona fide superstar who has had injury troubles and may yet want to move on to a different team and play with Kyrie Irving?

This is not a good problem a squad that is supposed to be headed for bigger and brighter things should have.  The worst-case scenario?  The best players forces a trade and they're left with a lazy stooge with no D and a millennial who doesn't know how to lead.  Good God, this team is cursed.

You Know, I Should Blog About This World Cup Game Before The Final

So I'm this World Cup predictor/March Madness-like game (and by the way, why aren't there more companies that did this?  I only saw two places: The one I'm blogging about, and the official one through FIFA.  Man, those guys maintain a tight grip on something that could be much more popular if they only loosened the reins on their rights.).  And I did pretty good.  So good, in fact, that I won free food for Group Stage and, it looks like, free food for the Knockout/Tournament Stage as well.

I had dreams of winning the grand prize, which is free food for a year and a 50" TV.  I got three wrong in the eighthfinals and I had Brazil beating Belgium, but other than that, up to this point, I've been really good.  And so I tracked myself -- well, up to before the semifinals, because I was afraid of getting my hopes up when I looked at the leaderboard.  Last time I checked there were, like, four dozen people I was behind.

But then both France and Croatia won.  And I swore that I would look, just one time, before the final, which is in ... an hour.  I knew I should't've done this, but I had dreams that I was leading.  I knew that could not have been the case ... and when I scrolled down the leaderboard last night while at Glam Doll, that was true.  I'm only four points behind the leader, and if France wins I'll overtake that person.  But I currently sit in a nine-way tie for tenth.  That means that for me to win, 1) none of the guys in front of me have to also have France winning and 2) if there is anyone with whom I am tied after the title match, I would have to beat them in the tie-breaker, which is predicting the total number of goals in this whole World Cup.

Yeah, not gonna happen.  So it doesn't really matter if France or Croatia win.  Pressure's off.  But hey, at least I'll get free food from this!

Sorry, I've Got Nothing Right Now But This

The weather has been hot and humid -- should blog about this -- but in the time since I lost my job on Tuesday, I have actually been able to nap in my car.  Don't know how or why, but I've been able to find shade, either in a parking ramp or under a tree, tilted my seat back, put on my eye shades, and just drifted away for a while.  I hope for that to continue as I start what should be my two-week furlough.

Three Things To Blog About Real Quick So I Can Say I Blogged Today

1. I would have brushed my teeth if not for needing to drink this sugar tea shit my parents made for me.  Took me hours to drink it all.  Just got done with it, and since it's past 1 and I'm tired as fuck, I won't be brushing my teeth ... even though there is sugar all over it from this tea shit.
2. Got in contact with my temp agency ... the law firm has gone dark on my contact similar to her co-worker saying a lead dried up on her.  Like I said before, I had a sneaking suspicion I should take my stuff with me when I left for the day on Tuesday.  But my supervisor certainly didn't give me any indication that Tuesday would be my last day.  I just wanted to make sure.  It's still weird that we were told, "We'll get back to you," and then be ghosted like this.
3. Yesterday/Friday was National French Fry Day, so I went to the fast food place that had the best fries.  And scouring all the lists that popped up on the first page of Google, I think the consensus was ... Arby's.  And today is National Mac And Cheese Day, so I'm doing the same thing today, except that there are no fast food places that serve man 'n' cheese (well, besides Kentucky Fried Chicken and Panera), so I'll be going to a local restaurant that many people believe has the best in town -- Revival.

Yeah, that's all I got.

So ... Apparently I Lost My Job On Tuesday??

OK, this law firm job is kind of jerking me around.  Similar to what happened last week, because of lack of work and (according to my supervisor) lack of direction from his client as to what we need to do with the raw information we have put into spreadsheets, we were furloughed on Tuesday.  We were told that, like last week, we should wait to hear from the temp agency as to when to report back.

So I took the day off Wednesday and headed to the Nomad for the Croatia-England World Cup semifinal.  Yesterday/Thursday I spent most of my afternoon at the library, seriously starting up the paperwork for my new job.  (Oh, the new job, have I not talked about that yet?  I will because I have to.)  I was expecting an e-mail like I did last Wednesday saying we're coming back for work Friday.  But even as I was checking my laptop during my workout yesterday afternoon, I didn't get anything, so as far as I know, we're not coming in today, and therefore our workweek is done.  And since this new job wants to start Monday, he-he, I'm done there.

I had a feeling that Tuesday was my last day.  My contact at the temp agency believed we were going to be done this week.  Add that to this furlough and accepting this job, and I'm glad I had a second thought about leaving all my stuff at work and instead taking them all home with me.  And I even slipped in a sort-of-but-not-so goodbye to the closest of my three fellow temps before I left on Tuesday: "Hope to see you ... somewhere."  Because assuming my drug test is done and cleared, I ain't coming back.

You know, although I've been treated well at this gig (my supervisor left me alone save for a convivial meeting every afternoon; I was able to go downstairs many times for as long as I want), I don't remember a job where I was told to not come back until told to by my temp agency.  I remember a couple instances at the test scoring places where we were told on a day that that was our last day, and that is worse.  But this is nonetheless a strange situation where I don't know why I need to come back.  And that really affects my bottom line.  I think it's right to assume I will work.  To be cut off from that work, and then to be on hold as to when I will be back to work, to me is too reminiscent of being a temp.  Hopefully as a full-timer now, I won't have to go through this "on-call" ridiculousness where, like someone working retail or at a fast food restaurant, you have to build your day around the potential of being told to come into work and not being paid for that preparation.

In other words, the past couple days is one of the big reasons why I finally got sick of being a temp.  So weird to not return to a job that I didn't know was I was finished with.

Now That I Think About It, I Was Pretty Mean To That Girl

There was a girl who came over to the house a lot when we were young.  Her mom was friends with Grandmother.  It was only upon Grandmother's death where, assuming what my sister said was the truth, I learned the truth: This friend was the gateway through which Grandmother and my parents were able to come to America.  Now, I don't know all the details, and I certainly can't vet them.  Hell, I don't even know 100% if this girl is related to Grandmother's friend because I noticed very early on that she didn't look like the "mom" she always went with.

Nevertheless we hung out a lot because her "mom" always brought her over when she visited Grandmother.  And I don't know how we got to be so chummy, but me, her and my brother did.  I remember going to McDonald's a lot.  I remember us three doing a deep dive into pro wrestling, none of us knowing that it's all fake.

And then we drifted apart.  Don't remember when, don't know why.  But I remember her coming back, all these years later, when I was in high school.  (My brother may or may not have been there.)  Her "mom" came over for the first time in a long time, and she came over, so she was probably in junior high or high school or something like that.  And … I freaked out as soon as I realized she was here.  I ran into my room to hide.  I felt really bad at the time.  Was just really quiet as I heard her, after a while, playing with or assisting my sister or some other child who was over at our place.  I don't know how long they were at home, but I'm guessing it felt like an eternity.  Stayed quiet the whole time they were here, only sneaking out of my room as soon as I knew they were gone.

I'm certain she knew that I was in my room.  I have no idea how she felt/feels about me holing up in there and refusing to come out.  I, like a coward, can only think about how I felt and feel.  I think this meeting was a surprise.  Not only had I not seen her in years, I didn't they she and her "mom" would come over.  I was blindsided, and I hate that, so to fight back, so to speak, I hid.  I hid until they relented and left.  I win, I guess, but I still kind of think how much of a dick I was.  And I still feel like that to this day.

I wonder where she is.  I wonder if she hates me.

Oh, People Are Pissing Me Off So Much These Days

Fuck!  OK, I need to say that.

Two people, both women.  Don't want to be misogynistic, I truly think both of them are … uh, I can't say "bitches" anymore, can I?  Horrible people.  Hate them.

OK, first one gave me horrible service when I brought my car in.  Curt, didn't make eye contact, and (yes, I am one of those fucking people) didn't say thank you when we were done.  I should have known this bitch (sorry, I can't help it) didn't want to be there when I gave her this coupon for a gift card I was eligible for (because I just shelled out $400 for services) and she grabbed it and threw it away.  What really pissed me off, though (and I'll throw this out there because I will allow for the possibility that I, uh, overreacted, although I don't think I did) is that when she handed me over the receipt to sign, instead of having a pen right in front of her to hand to me, she says, and I quote, "The pens are over there."  And I have to reach over to this pot of pens to grab one.  Jesus fuck, you don't have a goddamn pen right in front of you to hand over to customers?  And you put all the pens in a canister that you keep out of arm's reach of your customers?  Seriously, I … this is fucking unbelievable.  (And yes, I reiterate that I am one of these customer service pricks.  This shit is on her.)

People like her twist me into such a knot that I act strange.  It's their fault!  She treated me awful, so I throw the receipt back at her.  I leave because I need to get away from her, but then she shouts back at me … because she hasn't given me my gift card.  Dammit!  I need to work on my passive-aggressive game some more.  After she does, I ask, "Is there anything else?"  Silence.  Fuck off.

The dealership sent me an invite for a survey.  I think it's right for me to lay the fuck into her.  Who the hell does she think she is?

---

And then there was this crazy bitch on the highway yesterday while driving home.  There was a massive back-up on the off-ramp I needed, so I … again, I allow that maybe I shouldn't have done this, but, nah … decided to cut in front of this red, uh, Cadillac I think.  Short black woman was behind the wheel, and driving really slowly; that's why I made the calculated risk of merging onto the huge space she put in front of herself.  After getting through the on-ramp, I see this bitch right behind me and quickly zip to the lane to my left.  How the hell did she get there?

I saw how after I went around her and got to my off-ramp several cars ahead of her, he-he.  That goddamn woman was going down the same fucking road I had to go down, but very slowly.  In fact, other drivers, like me, went around her.

I was hoping she wasn't going to my same neighborhood, but I was wary enough that, even though she was hundreds of yards behind me in the other lane, blocking traffic, I kept her in my sideview mirror.  Just as I had to turn off, she stepped on the gas, got up past the car ahead of me, turned on her turn signal and cut in front of that car, which, coincidentally goddammit, switched over to the other lane, thereby letting this bitch get in front of me.  So I was behind her, and I had to turn to the street she was turning to.  I wanted to honk my horn.  I wanted to follow her all the way home.  But I had to control myself at the last minute, and I turned into another street.

I swear she did that just to piss me off.  The only thing that makes me think she isn't is that she was driving so fucking slow that she was pissing off other people, which makes me think she doesn't give a shit about anybody.  She's just a fucking horrible driver.

I'd rat on her, but she doesn't have a license plate on the back of her car.  That's illegal in Minnesota, isn't it?

---

Oh my fucking God, I hate people right now.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: June

Hmmm ... better selection for this month.  And I'm noticing that the girls are showing just a little more ass in these pictures: Headliner Amanda Olson from Riverside; Marissa from Countryside, Ill.; Laura out of Corpus Christi, Texas; and Alli out of Atlantic City.

Bianca of Orlando has a blue top that is cut in the middle, so she's showing massive sideboob.  But she's not smiling.  Actually, she has a face that's either cooing or saying she's afraid of me.  Meanwhile, Holly from Rohnert Park, Calif., is flexing her wide stomach, enhanced by the low bikini bottom she's wearing.  But it's the one next to her, the one who's also showing stomach (not abs, but stomach, but who cares that she's not toned?) that I'm going to choose as best.  Like Holly, Sarah of the Tucson Hooters is smiling and has a bikini bottom which, if this were the '80s, would be showing the top tuft of her pubes.  But the way she's lit, light is bouncing off of her stomach.  What little abs she has is glistening.  Somehow I ... like that.  So in a strong field, I'm going with Sarah from Tucson!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  Another week where both teams playing this time of year were mediocre during the screening weeks and thus indistinguishable from one another.

I put the Twinks first for two reasons.  One, I just felt like flipping the two teams from last week's WMNSS.  Two, I'm going on last tastes in my mouth, and unlike the Goons below, and despite the Twinks getting swept by a suddenly frisky Bastard Seattle Pilots ballclub in Milwaukee in three games mid-week, they came home and came back (so to speak) to sweep a four-game series from the not-frisky-at-all Bastard St. Louis Browns ballclub.

Let's not get your hopes up; this team is still under .500, this team still probably can't catch Cleveland or any of the four good teams in the American League in this season of extremes (there might be five clubs in MLB that reach 100 wins and 15 that reach 90 losses), and this team still has many, many problems.  With the Trading Deadline at the end of the month I think the organization can see the writing on the wall, this weekend notwithstanding.  That's why you'll probably see Brian Dozier moved, even if he is having a pedestrian season.

That's also why you're seeing prospects with even a shot of contributing on the major-league level being called up.  Which brings me to the story of Jake Cave, one of those guys who always make the most of their chance in The Big Show and, through hustle and luck (but also good play) goes from an absolute nobody to someone who steals the hearts of baseball fans in the community.  With Byron Buxton still hurt and lost at the plate and busted down to the minors, Cave, who was called back up has been installed in the outfield since June 26 (and in Center Field since June 27), has responded by batting .364 and slashing .391/.636/1.028 for the month of July.  And he's made a couple of nifty catches patrolling CF, too.  (He replaced Buxton replacement Ryan LaMarre.  Gleeman and the Geek says that time has run out on LaMarre and the franchise was right to quickly pass him over for Cave to figure out what they've got in him in this lost season.  I thought LaMarre is a prospect, and then I discover that he's 29 years old.  Sorry, Ryan.)

Meanwhile, congratulations to Jose Berrios on being named as the Twins rep to this year's All-Star Game.  Eddie Rosario was named one of the five players for the American League "Last Vote" competition, but a Yankee (Giancarlo Stanton) is also a finalist, so he's going to lose that one.  Well, I'm sure there will be a slew of ASG'ers who can't play because they're "hurt," and so Rosario will be named an injury replacement.  That's the nature of MLB ASGs; there will be, like, 70 players who either will play in the game or be called All-Stars because they were selected.  I won't be surprised if Rosario makes it, and I won't care if he doesn't make it.

Oh, in the meantime the squad will ride out the first half of the season at Target Field.  I didn't notice this: The three teams they will host for this long homestand all suck.  It was Baltimore over the weekend; they will now oppose Kansas City for three games and then Tampa for four.  Again, it's too late for the postseason.  But can they run the table and go 11-0 on this homestand?

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -1).  OK, first off, I thought there would be more of an atmosphere when I decided to take in a watch party at Brit's.  But I guess it was a party only if I decided to stay outside and sit on the lawn to watch the match there.  I couldn't eat food on there and I didn't want to take up a table, and besides, it was busy, so I went to sit in the bar, where they had the match on but did not turn up the sound.  On top of all that, even though the MNUFC Twitter handle said that there was a party at Brit's, in an article on their website they said that there was a party at the Dubliner.  So Jesus, what gives?  Are there two?  Is there a right one and wrong one?  Are there really none?

I will talk about another website: FiftyFive.One, in particular Alex Schieferdecker's excellent and doleful look into the near future of this doomed, rudderless side in the wake of their non-competitive 3-0 loss at Houston Saturday night.  I've been giving this entire operation the benefit of the doubt despite embarrassing losses to doormats such as San Jose and Colorado.  But Schieferdecker ain't taking any shit after that loss to the Dynamo.  He's wondering why in the hell Wyatt Omsberg didn't start, especially when Francisco Calvo had to sit out the match because of too many Yellow Cards.  He also wonders why the Midfield is so old.  In fact, the entire team is old, which is not something you want to see out of a team in its second year in Major League Soccer.  So Schieferdecker calls out Adrian Heath for his refusal to change or to hold players accountable, and after reading this article, I'm beginning to lose my benefit of the doubt for him.  He also calls out Bill McGuire for being so cheap, and even though I will defer to him for deferring major upgrades to personnel until Allianz Field comes online next year, you know, he's got a point with him, too.  (It's essays like these that make me glad I'm a Patreon of FiftyFive.One.  You should be, too.)

So fans are all depressed and pissed, and this despite the Loons snapping a three-game losing streak Independence Night by beating Toronto FC.  I haven't even gotten to Darwin Quintero registering the team's first top-flight Hat Trick in its history -- that's how all-encompassing Saturday's loss was, even though they showed there are still major deficiencies in their defense by the 4-3 scoreline.  And hell, I haven't even gotten to the fact that Calvo has been named MNUFC's first-ever Major League Soccer All-Star a week and a half ago.  See, that's because I can't help but think how terrible they played Saturday.  Well, I forgot the news when it came out; I should have talked about this in last week's survey.  Anyway, congratulations to him.  It's weird that a guy fans have been having a love-hate relationship with has now been named an All-Star.  And with the way the Backline spit the bit vs. the Dynamo, maybe he deserves the accolade.

They host Calvo's old Costa Rican team, Saprissa, Wednesday in a friendly.  They then host Real Salt Lake Saturday.  God, I hope they play decent in this game.  Money doesn't grow on tress, boys.

Just In Case I Die

I was putting bug spray all over me on my way to see my friend in the cemetery.  I know you're not supposed to do this, but I directly sprayed it on my face because I was pressed for time.  And then, because the spray concentrated on a corner of my mouth I, uh, subconsciously (is that the right term?) licked it with my tongue.  This despite bug spray being harmful.

Oh, shit.

I didn't have water to swallow, which is what the spray recommends one do when you swallow bug spray.  This despite having water in a bottle that I brought with me because I was going to use it in the urn for the flowers I bought for my dead friend; I got there, poured the water in, then realized I wanted a swig just before I poured all the water into the dirty urn.  Anyway, I did have Coke and I sure as hell swallowed all that.  But the tip of my tongue has felt numb ever since I licked the bug spray and I've felt kind of oogy all afternoon.  So if I die, this is why.