The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Note: Since this is the last day of the year, we once again will be resetting the day of the week The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey is released.  I have always wanted to do each year's survey on the day of the week ending January 7.  Therefore, for 2015 the WMNSS will be done, hopefully, on Thursdays.

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -1).  I am choosing not to get my hopes up about this program's season, for the first year of Head Coach Marlene Stollings, let alone the year-long loss of Rachel Banham.  But their conference-opening victory over Nebraska stands out, and alone makes this team the one in the top spot for the final WMNSS of 2014.  They were down by as much as 17 points in the second half before going on a 20-4 run to get back into it.  Big Ten Player Of The Week Amanda Zahui B. poured in 20 points and hauled in 15 rebounds (her ninth double-double of the season) to oust the Cornhuskers -- make that either the 12th- or 14th-ranked Cornhuskers -- 72-69 Monday evening at Williams Arena.  I thought they would have a chance to oust Nebraska with Banham, but none without her.  I was wrong, and am gleefully so.  Very impressive, and a sign that this squad will be able to overcome obstacles in a way that their male counterparts simply cannot.

Now they go on the road this week: Purdue New Year's Day, Wisconsin Sunday afternoon.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -6).  Don't call it a turnaround, not when you complete an 0-4 homestand with an overtime loss to The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers.  (Say what you will, but three of those four defeats came in OT, which means the Mild get three points in the NHL, where you're sure you're never out of the playoff race!)  But 48 hours later, north of the border, they were able to stop their losing streak at five with a tight 3-2 regulation win over Winnipeg, a game where the Goaltender (in this case Darcy Kuemper) was actually able to man the fort as the Jets bombarded him with shots.  They remain well out of the playoff picture, but honestly, with the way the other teams in this town are playing, a simple win gets you second place.

As I type this the club is playing at Columbus.  They then come home to meet Toronto, travel down to play The Bastard North Stars, then begin a three-game homestand Tuesday against San Jose.

#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Finished the non-conference portion of their schedule Saturday with a 26-point dismantling of North Carolina-Wilmington, running the table in their cupcake six-game homestand.

They then began B1G play today (Tuesday/New Year's Eve afternoon) at Purdue.  I was able to the first half on satellite radio, where they were up by 11 at the break.  I thought, Well, the Boilermakers are suffering another down year, but I'll take it.  Impressive!  But I got home and saw that they fucking blew that 11-point lead and lost, 72-68.  Oh my God, this team is not making the strides a defending NIT champion is supposed to make.  What the fuck happened?

This week: At Maryland, home to Ohio St.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  Hung tough, I guess, in losses at Denver and Utah; they even had a lead late against the Jazz!  That was sandwiched around a blowout loss at Golden State.  Seriously, in yet another trying winter for Twin Cities sports, it is still the Woofie Dogs that appear to be the most moribund.  And besides Andrew Wiggins, the recent ascendancy of Shabazz Muhammad and the potential of this team to magically become competent once Ricky Rubio returns from injury (which now appears to be the middle of January), there is no reason for hope for this club.  After that roadtrip they begin the New Year with four straight at home, three of them this screening week: Sacramento New Year's Night, the Jazz again Saturday, the Nuggets again Monday.

#-Infinity: Vikings (Last Week: -5).  Like Brandon Mileski said this week while filling for The Common Man, this may be the most enthusiastic Vikes fans have been for a team that finished 7-9.  We are finally able to put Mike Zimmer's rookie season behind us, and the suffering wasn't so bad.  Not after Sunday's 13-9 win over the Chicago Bears, which fired both Head Coach Marc Trestman and General Manager Ray Emery the day after the game.  Sure, the first half may have been slow, but most of them this season have been.

I'm a little more concerned about the lack of offensive output.  But once again, don't blame it on Teddy Bridgewater.  I think he had a very good first year, one in which he wasn't even supposed to play.  His throws seem to flutter, almost levitate off the ground so that a Cornerback could pick it off.  But yet, more often than not, they went to the receiver he meant to throw to.  Nor does he lack confidence in trying to put the football into tight spaces before they close entirely.  He has the vision and the balls, and although he only threw one Touchdown pass all afternoon, he showed he was able to make the most of a one-dimensional running game, a below-average receiving corps, and an offensive line in need of a shake-up, if not an overhaul.  (Oh, and the ability to see that Adam Thielen was wide open on that TD also is a testament to his field sense.)  If the parts surrounding him get an upgrade, Bridgewater could be a very good Quarterback every year.

So now we face the future, one where I doubt could be as bad as this one.  For a team that finished just below .500, getting a draft pick as high as eleventh seems to be a fortuitous anomaly.  Wither Peterson?  I'd say you ask him to sign for much lower than he's getting, and be ready to cut him loose if he says no.  It looks like Chad Greenway, ever the loyal soldier, will be let go.  The secondary has become above average, if not good, and maybe another year may make it gel into something even better.  Find some O-line help (San Francisco free agent Mike Iuapati?) and draft for a receiver or a linebacker, and there's nowhere to go but up.

Yep, 7-9 is No-Man's Land; if you can't make the playoffs, at least be so terrible that you get a top-ten draft pick.  But this isn't bad.  Not at all.

Last Week Of Freedom, And I'm Paralyzed

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Can't get work at the game today out of my mind.  It was hectic as usual.  The bosses doing the production were, to be honest, just as verbally abusive, as usual.  And yet the words, the insults, and the tone he gave still stood out.  None of it was directed at me, but the guy who hired me for today.  And the guy was working hard and just asking questions, but the guy was all, "Why the fuck aren't you listening?  That stuff you're giving me is bullshit!  Don't you know anything?"  That stuff is repeated countless times when I'm working games.  It isn't dissimilar to what I usually hear.  But today, for this guy who's only just doing his job, it really got to me.  I got upset for him.  That asshole really pissed me off.

And after the game, and really all through the night, I'm still pissed off.  I cannot stop thinking about work Sunday.  Why work in sports if this is the bullshit you're going to get?  And how is it always like this?  It's as if the juvenile, petulant pricks who grow up bullying the nerds in high school all figured out that their abuse is not only tolerated but rewarded (and handsomely, if what I hear and research about sports is true) in this industry, the industry it so happens that I love.  The underlings probably feel the same way; they've just decided to put up with this bullshit in order to stay in a job that they otherwise love.

Me, I don't know.  I love sports, and I love production.  I also love positive (well, non-negative) work environments, and actually looking forward to seeing the people you have to work for every day.  In this industry it appears that I can't have all of that.  And instead of just taking it, I am more convinced that walking away is the right thing to do.  Because life is too goddamn short for assholes to get away with yelling at you every fucking minute.

Pop Hoarder

Ever since my parents began their vacation several months ago, I have spent more than my share eating dinner at fast food places.  Normally after I get done eating (and I usually if not always eat in) I fill up my all-you-can-drink cup and leave.  I mean, if refills are free, why not fill up before you go?

In the past I have been able to drink all of it while doing errands after eating.  But a combination of not needing to hide the pop from my parents and, I think, my advancing age preventing me from metabolizing the Coke, and I come home to put the cup of soda in the refrigerator, with the intention of drinking from it from time to time until it's finished.  But then I go out to eat again, fill up the cup with Coke, and bring it home.

So right now I have four cups of pop in the fridge, all waiting to be consumed by me.  I don't think it's a problem.  I hoarded four, maybe even five, of these cups once before, but I was able to catch up and trash the cups before my parents surprised me by coming home.  This is happening again, and assuming they are coming home when they say they're coming home, I'm sure I'm able to clear these cups from the refrigerator before they would see it.

Now, is this a problem?  A cup's average time in there is about a week, and I can't really tell if it's gone flat or bad.  I don't think Coke can spoil.  So it's fine, at least when it comes to my health.  Now, whether this is a sign that I'm a hoarder, or maybe I shouldn't get that refill of soda ... I don't think so.  But I'm sure that this is another one of those things that no one else on planet Earth does.  And I kind of like being unique like that.

I'm Working Fridays Too?!

Didn't ask what days I had/have off these two weeks, the ones that include Christmas and New Year's Day.  Should have, but I assumed that since those days fall on Thursdays, we'd get the rest of the weeks off, so I would get to enjoy back-to-back three-day workweeks.

On Tuesday, I finally e-mailed my boss, just to make sure, if we have those days off.  He responded to me face-to-face when I came over to his work area to help him with something.  The verdict: We work Friday.  In other words, we get the Thursdays off, but have to go back to work each next Friday.

When he told me this, I looked him straight in the eye, and I know I couldn't hide the resentment from his face.  He knew I could tell what I was thinking: "You mean to tell me that I have to go back to work after I have a vacation in the middle of the week??  You've got to be fucking kidding me!!"  But all I said was, "OK," and I went back to work.  I would be so bad at poker.

I don't think this happened last year.  Yes, Christmas and New Year's fell on a Wednesday last year.  But I swear that I had three days off, and if I didn't, that's a goddamn bummer, too.  I mean, who takes only one day in the middle of the week off?

This means that I don't have a holiday off.  I really don't.  I have consecutive Thursdays off, but what the hell can you do if you only have one day off before you have to go back to work?  Now, if these fell on Fridays, you have a three-day weekend, and then you can really get rolling on some projects you have to do, or stuff you want to do.  But I can't do that with only one day.

Now, having a random day off is good, but in my circumstances, it's not.  Compounding this surprise is that -- oh, I haven't talked about this yet -- my parents are coming home very soon.  It's just after the New Year, in fact.  So I have all this work, more days working than I thought, and after all the special ... things regarding the New Year is over, my parents come home.  I have to make sure the house is clean and everything is in order during holiday season, and I don't know how in the hell I'm going to do that.

Plus I had plans, lots of plans, foremost of which is getting my car fixed.  The outside of the car, specifically getting the rust removed.  Yeah, I don't think anybody does that, but I do, because I love that car.  I wish I could have had more time to think about it and get it done.  But if my folks are coming back after the New Year, it has to be done before the New Year -- in other words, Monday, when I'm bringing it in.  And it'll take time to remove all the rust and get the paint back on.  And I called; they had Thursday and Friday off last week.  Wednesday (Christmas Eve), too.  If they have the same arrangement this week, and this is, say, a weeklong job, I can't get my car's rust removed.  All because my parents are coming home earlier than I thought.

OK, so maybe that has nothing to do with getting only one day off.  But it still sucks.  I'm working, then I'm working some more, and then my parents come home, and this ... situation that I have is all gone, and I don't think I have the time to prepare.  That's why I could have used a couple days off -- just to breathe.  And I fucking can't.

Am I A Fool?

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Oral

So a while ago I went to a house party at an apartment.  I've been to this place a couple times, but not in a couple years.  Don't know what happened, but later I heard from my ATF, ***e*, that the host, who also "danced," was going through some personal issues.

I got there late because I wanted to watch some TV.  I texted ***e* to tell her I'm "cumming," but I didn't get a reply.  Stripper MO.  Showed up anyway to see her; she's an older blonde, but she's got bangin' tits and she is nice.  Her sister is/was also a stripper, and a feisty one.  I think I talked about her on Wailing And Failing once before, where at another party (that was being hosted by someone else) she looked through my open fly and pulled my pants out to see that I wasn't wearing underwear.  She wasn't there; in fact, through facebook I believe she's retired from "The Life."  Wish I had a go with her once.

When I got there the place was virtually deserted.  I kind of thought that the party was over, because the host, ***a*, already had her clothes on.  I mean, workaday clothes, not the costumes strippers parade around while they're "working."  I was afraid she closed things down, but ***a* allowed me to stay.  Suddenly, that was a good thing.  If the party was over, then I'm the only guy there.

Then, this sweet thing comes through from the back (probably the bathroom), and she's in her costume.  If it's closed down, it just closed down.  Two girls, one guy?  My blood was rushing to my dick like it was getting away from the cops.  I was going to whip it out, but just as I thought the coast was clear in the apartment, I look rightward at the kitchen and see this guy coming out of it.  I hope he thought I was just adjusting my crotch.  Damn, that was close.

Meanwhile, ***e* wasn't there.  Apparently she took off.  Her friend, who used to not be her friend (it's complicated) showed up to the party, and ***a*, the host, didn't like it.  I don't know if she was gone by the time I texted her, but I drove all this way, I'm gonna get a lil' sumpin'-sumpin'.  Besides, I have always thought about expanding my borders.  I want to be faithful to ***e*, but sometimes I want to play the field, you know, sow my wild oats.  This was my opportunity.

But who to take?  I have gotten one dance from ***a*, when she was working at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version), and I have heard from ***e* that she sucks dick.  In the end, I decided to try her out.  But there was one other girl there, and she was hot, and I had enough money to get a dance from her and then really go all-in on ***a*.  I've always felt kind of guilty when I go to parties and not having enough money (and cum) to get dances from all the strippers there, especially when I know all of them.  I can assuage that guilt this one time because there are only two of them.  So, while ***a* was putting on her stripper clothes (which once again raises the question, Why do strippers change clothes once they're working when the thing they do most often at work is take off their clothes?), I went into ***a*'s bedroom to get down with this new young thing, **a.

I didn't really know what to do, besides I didn't want to just tell her to suck my dick.  That's what I wanted ***a* to do.  I just took off my shirt and laid down on the bed, pants on and fly open, as she undressed down to her thong.  She had a good pair of tits, but honestly, her best body part is her bubble ass.  I had to grab it, but I was too scared to smack it like I should have.  **a gave a good grind, but I was really scared to blow my wad because I wouldn't have anything left for ***a*, so I stopped at one dance.

I wasn't exactly sure if she danced dirty like what I think ***a* does.  But when she told me a dance was $40, not $20, I kind of threw discretion out the window.  If that was worth forty bucks, I'm getting a little more for my money.  So as I got off the bed and went to the desk chair to put my shirt back on, I saw that my pee-pee was still very hard and kind of peeking out of my fly.  I don't know if **a saw it, or if it was even out, when she was on top of me, but as I was going back to her and reaching for my wallet, I asked her, "You know, as long as I'm paying $40, do you mind touching my pee-pee?"  And she said, "Hmmm," but then squeezed my cock twice and pulled it twice.  Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  And she didn't bitch about me still giving her just $40.  That justifies the price in my mind.

When we came back out we started to talk.  The guy stuck around; he even gave me a drink.  That guy wasn't a customer, I figured out; he was the bouncer.  And **a?  She is the daughter of that crazy girl who was trying to take my pants off.  Which makes ***a* **a's aunt.  Whoa.  I have images of the two double-teaming me.  Like aunt, like niece?

---

By this time ***a* slipped into some negligee.  I was ready for her, so back into her bedroom we went.

And we started to ... talk.  Just talk.  I wanted to see how she was doing.  We didn't discuss those issues ***e* alluded to, but that made me think I shouldn't force the issue.  I would feel bad if I immediately demanded sexual favors.  I mean, I want to develop a rapport with her, one that can last some time.  And why would I deserve sexual activity from her if I don't have a relationship with her?

But my little brain started to interfere, and I began to steer the conversation toward what she is willing to do in her bedroom.  Then -- and I forget how I prefaced it -- I stood up and took out my penis.  And, thankfully, she said, "Well!" and started yanking on it.  And then we went back to talking.  This was the most unusual "dance" I've ever had.  She's lived an interesting life, and I, while nursing a bulging cock, really started to get to know her.

We were in her bedroom, shooting the shit, for about an hour.  We went to the bathroom, twice.  We went in together; I saw and heard her piss, and she saw me take out my dick to pee, too.  A prelude to what was to come, I assumed.  In the meantime I serviced her by fingering her, a lot.  She wasn't as wet as the times I've fingered other chicks, but she was quite moist, and her vagina was big, so I was able to put in two and maybe three fingers into her.  She was writhing as if she liked it.  Hope she did.

But after we talked some more, and after some sporadic handjobbing, ***a* said that it was getting late and, well, that was it.  That was it?  Uh, I didn't think that was the arrangement.  We kind of talked about prices and tricks when we started, but either we didn't talk about it enough or we got our wires crossed.  From what I could tell from what she said at this point, ***a* was hoping that this would be a breaking-in period.  After she is comfortable with who I am, then she would take me in her mouth.  I thought we had agreed on a price in exchange for services that were about to be rendered.

I told her as such when she was in the middle of jerking me off.  I'm not sure if was being nice or she thought, "Goddamn, now I have to make him happy."  But I said something to the effect of, "I thought you were, you know, gonna suck my dick," she stopped, she looked at me ... and then she immediately chomped down on my cock.

It was ... well, getting your dick sucked is like eat cold pizza.  Even when it's bad, it's good.  I remember noting this fact: It's the first time I got oral in Minnesota.  I've gotten a blowjob by ... five different strippers, I think, but one was in Cleveland and the rest were in East St. Louis.  I worked hard and I made inroads and I finally was able to gain the trust of a beautiful girl here in Minnesota to suck my pee-pee.  But while I've had some experience (I don't think I can say I've had as many BJs as the average guy), this one felt different because I felt a lot of pain.  It felt as if ***a* was clenching her teeth around my member.  She wasn't biting on my cock, but whenever she bobbed her head up and down my fuckstick I could feel her teeth scratching the surface of my sex organ.  I don't know if that's her thing, or that she did it because she thought that would stimulate me, or maybe she was preventing me from ejaculating into her mouth, or maybe she was pissed at me and wanted to hurt me.  Whatever the reason, I didn't say a peep.

I warned ***a* that I was about to cum, but she didn't stop.  To her credit she took my full shaft, in and out, for a good three minutes.  And when I burst she appeared to take in, if not swallow, my first three shoots before coming up for air and aiming the rest of my cumming onto my own stomach.  I don't remember her spitting up or anything.  And then we got dressed and I paid her and that was that.

---

It was probably the best of all possible worlds in which to get oral sex.  With the exception of one other guy who came to get servcied by **a, I was the only one there.  I even thought that I could have stayed over with ***a*, **a and the bouncer (who could have been **a's friend, even boyfriend) to watch a movie, though probably not to sleep over.  When I finally decided to leave, which was when **a took the bouncer/friend/boyfriend to the back room for some fun, I thanked ***a* for sucking my dick, and I told her I hoped that she would do me again.

The next day I thanked her through text.  I've tried to arrange something, but even wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving hasn't yielded a response from her.  Either she's angry with me or she's going through those personal problems again.  I do hope I get to see her, though.  Because I really hope she's OK.  Yeah, I do hope she sucks my dick too, because what ***a* did to me is absolutely mind-blowing.  But I hope she's doing OK also.  Really.  Seriously.

And The Christmas Song For This Christmas Is ...

... by Pearl Jam.  Diehards probably know this by heart; casual fans probably don't know this at all.

I was given a tape in a Christmas gift exchange in my dorm freshman year.  It was the annual Christmas tape by the Kevin and Bean morning show on KROQ, L.A.'s world-famous alternative-rock station called No Toys For OJ.  I'm usually not into these morning zoo compilations, but there's a really hot bit of Cindy Crawford licking a lollipop (audio only; remember, this is back in the mid-90's, plus this was a cassette tape).  Also, since this is alternative rock, there were a lot of good songs I was into, including the first one on Side B, by a band that I had never heard of.  However, once I heard Eddie Vedder's raspy voice after the quiet guitar koan that starts "Let Me Sleep (It's Christmastime)," I figured out it was PJ.

Just looking out my window and I see there's snow falling, doing its best to cover the bare grass and pavement.  Maybe we'll have a White Christmas after all.

Merry Christmas.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6).  In kind of a stultifying week (that, by the way, nonetheless reasserts the college teams at the top and the professional ones at the bottom), I have to give it to the U. vagina ballers.  With star Rachel Banham done for the year, I and I think most others punted on this club's chances of any success for the year.  So we have to give at least some muted appreciation that they won both games of their Subway Classic at the Barn this weekend.  Sure, the teams they beat were Liberty (once a surprise Sweet 16 entrant about a decade ago) and Central Michigan (got nothing for ya), but hey, without Banham I wouldn't put anything past this team.  But they finish 10-1 on the non-con (their only loss to Vanderbilt on neutral Ft. Myers, Fla.) going into the start of conference play, Monday night at home against Nebraska.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1).  You know, the basketball teams beating two tomato cans hardly counts as actual games.  But as I type this I'm feeling wistful.  Everything's closed, including the mall where I went to when My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) inexplicably shut its doors sooner than they said they would.  This is the holiest night of the year, and I think the entire nation -- nay, the world -- has done a good job every year of not doing anything.  That means there are no sports on TV this evening -- this time of year, actually.

So, at least right now, this very moment, let us laud any sports, including games by the U. women and U. men's basketball teams, the latter of which had a 2-0 screening week.  They slaughtered Seattle (is Cameron Dollar still coaching there?) but then had to hang on for dear life to beat back Furman, both victories due in part to Nate Mason, named Big Ten Freshman Of The Week.

So far they're 10-2.  Unfortunately, their two losses were to Louisville and St. John's, and while neither of them are Kentucky good, they are pretty good.  So, moreso with the women's team, I'm not sure how good this squad is.  I'm afraid they aren't that good, even if they did beat Wake Forest on the road.

They finish the final game of their non-conference schedule, and their six-game homestand, Saturday afternoon against North Carolina-Wilmington.

#-3: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  The Gopher grapplers remain undefeated and appear to remain #1 in the polls despite a (from where I'm looking at it, namely the box scores) puzzling 21-19 win at the Sports Pavilion over Northwestern.  I'm not sure how to take this, because the dual meet featured not one, not two, but three forfeits.  Luckily the Gophers won the best two-out-of-three, so that six-point advantage turned out to be the difference.  What I don't get is why they needed every single one of those six points; both teams technically took half of the ten matches, and when the Wildcats' Dominick Moore beat Jordan Kingsley in the sixth match at 133, they were tied at 15.  It's as if neither team really tried.

Oh well, the Gophs still won.  They now go to Honolulu to participate in the Aloha Open.  Since it's not an actual dual, I won't talk about it unless something notable happens.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Last week I previewed what the week to come was going to look like for the Woofie Dogs.  I highlighted LeBron James.  Stupid me.  Of course I should've talked about Kevin Love, the man who passive-aggressively bitched his way out of Minny and into a much better position for his career.  Talk about seeing his old team for the first time kicked up, buoyed in part by Head Coach and General Manager Flip Saunders saying that local fans have turned their backs on K-Love.  Of course we turned on him, the same way the fans of any team would after their favorite player leaves for another team.

Good thing for Love, then, that this first meeting wasn't at Target Center.  The downside there might be some extra juice to our hate after Cleveland roasted the Wolves by 21.  That capped off a week where the Timberwolves also lost to Boston and Indiana, even though they kept it close against the Pacers, so there's that.

OK, the season has basically gone into the shitter.  They've lost six in a row.  The only thing, the only thing, fans can cling to is the fact that Andrew Wiggins continues to show flashes of brilliance, capped by his 27-point performance against the Cavaliers.  This is the cornerstone the franchise has to build around.

They finish 2014 on the road.  This week they are at Denver, Golden State and Utah.

#-5: Vikings (Last Week: -5).  Look, I continue to say that we had to punt this season from the beginning.  But I look at Sunday's loss to Miami, one in where they built a 14-0 lead for the second week in a row and manage to choke it away for the second week in a row, and I wonder how improved this team has really been.  Forget Cullen Loeffler's virtual ground ball to Jeff Locke, allowing the Dolphins player to block the punt out of bounds for the game-winning Safety, although it's hard to resist putting that on the shelf alongside McCown-to-Poole as a stupid way this franchise has lost a game over the years.  Head Coach Mike Zimmer could not contain his incredulity that the defense, his background, took several steps back, at least according to his doily-thin comments in pressers after the game.  They weren't communicating and they weren't doing what they practiced through the week.  So, going into the last game of the year at home in Chicago this Sunday, he's going to be so exhausted from putting both of his feet up the defensive players' asses he'll need to lie down.

But he was careful to heap praise on Teddy Bridgewater.  I took it on faith that he could be the franchise QB the team can build around.  But just now I just clicked onto this piece by Sam Monson on Pro Football Focus, and now I'm convinced that Bridgewater's the man.  I suggest you read it.  This is the best type of persuasive writing.  Monson breaks down complicated concepts into easy-to-understand language, and he does it in a way that makes you come around to his point-of-view.  He doesn't use overly florid or opaque language, yet you can see this is the analysis of a smart man who did his homework.  With the help of Vines and screenshots, he shows how Bridgewater had his best game of the year, depositing pinpoint passes into keyholes, using his pocket sense to avoid sacks yet stay in the pocket to throw downfield, and knowing when to just toss the ball to the checkdown.  With that essay, you wonder why in the hell Bridgewater wasn't the first overall pick in the NFL Draft people said he would be this time last year.  Now, we just need to see him repeat that, hopefully this weekend.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -4).  My God, this team is sinking fast.  I believe this is their first winless screening week of the year -- an over time loss to Boston, an OT loss to Nashville, then a blowout 5-2 defeat to Philadelphia where they allowed three unanswered goals.  The Woofie Dogs and the ViQueens also went undefeated, but I put the Mild at the bottom because 1) they had more upside than any other team playing in the winter and 2) they lost all three of those games at home.  More was expected of them, and they had favorable conditions in which to win at least one game, and they couldn't even fucking do that.

There seems to be a lot of problems to what technically is a four-game losing streak, the most glaring one is now goaltending.  In the last, what, six home games, the Mild's Goalie (is it Darcy Kuemper?  Niklas Backstrom?  Ah, fuck, who cares) has been pulled.  The offense is scoring goals (at least five-on-five) and the defense is, uh, OK.  But apparently the netminders are letting in easy shots.  If that's the case, why didn't they re-sign Ilya Bryzgalov, or try and sign Ryan Miller?

This week this woebegone organization has one more game in this X homestand, the first of a home-and-home with The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers.

Double Fuck-Up

What I thought/hoped would be a a day of quiet progress at work turned into a clusterfuck.  I did not do a good job of preventing it, and I don't think I reacted to it that well.

The first thing was lunch, which was being provided by some co-workers.  I was invited yesterday.  Today, I did my usual thing of going out just a bit before lunch to check the Internet and take a shit.  I thought that, according to the person who invited me, I would be eating earlier than my usual lunch hour (where I don't eat but sleep), so I made sure I got home by around that time.

As I waited for someone to come get me, I continued working.  My boss came over in the morning and I promised him I would get to the next phase after I do this thing real quick, but that quick thing had complications (even though it is real simple) and soon I'm thinking that my boss is thinking, "Didn't he say he was going to do something real quick?"  So I was just doing that until it was lunchtime.  But then, while I was talking to someone, someone from the department who was having this lunch said that they're meeting in the break room.  Shit!

There was still food there, thank goodness, and the beans are hot.  They didn't seem upset, so I hurriedly collected food and started to chow down in order to catch up to them.  But then everybody else started to get up.  Oh; they are done.  And I finally got food -- I started my lunch break -- when they finished theirs.  So I took my food back to my desk and, well, came back to where I left off and continued working.

Two things about this.  First, obviously, is why I didn't eat with these guys.  From my actions I was acting as if someone would get me.  But they said that they were looking for me and they didn't see me.  Well, then, I'm thinking, Why didn't you leave a Post-It on my computer saying you guys are in the lunch room?  But then, as usual, I go from pointing the finger to pulling the thumb.  Maybe I could have gotten off the shitter sooner.  Or maybe I could have interpreted "getting the food" as equal to "lunch is at."  Or I could have just swung by the lunch room to check if they were in there.  Dammit, why the hell didn't I just do that?  If they weren't there, that's fine.  It's not as if I would embarrass myself if I checked and no one was in there.  I would've went to their department after that.  Why the fuck didn't I do that?

Well ... I had to work, and I thought that maybe it was too early to eat, and they would come around if it was time to eat, and ... oh, fuck, these excuses are terrible.  I don't know why I was too lazy to at least check.  I get invited to this party, and I was looking forward to it, and I fuck it up and I'm now stealing away food without at least being nice enough to sit down and talk to the others.  God, I feel like such an asshole for doing that.

That leads me to the second thing.  How does this look?  Not well.  They've known me for three years, but I think the least I could do was show up somewhere I'm invited.  I couldn't even do that.  Meanwhile the male of The Two was also invited, and I know he at least showed up on time.  He probably got brownie points for that, moreso because I wasn't there.  Great -- now he's their favorite.

---

Meanwhile, there was this folder that had a question in it.  It was from the male of The Two.  I was supposed to give it someone else, someone who kind of is my boss, but is more my superior on the organizational chart although I'm not connected to her.  It's complicated.  Anyway, I passed off the packet to her because I thought she could answer the question.

Guess here is she was having a bad day.  Because as soon as I gave her that packet and she found out what was missing, she started asking questions and saying, basically, "This can't happen."  She's been under a lot of stress lately.  I've tried to help, and I want to help.  But there are some things that I have to ask for help on, and this apparently is one of those cases where she can't help me.  So I shrugged my shoulders and went back to my tasks at hand.

Later, my boss came over.  And he gave me an edict: Next time I have a problem, go to him.  OooooK.  My boss and her didn't, and/or aren't, seeing eye-to-eye on things, and I guess he got into trouble.  Now he has to fix this, and even he doesn't know how.  Uh, whoops.

Look, I think he could have done a better job in this project.  We all could have.  But I sure don't need him to get into trouble.  I didn't know that these two may be butting heads.  I just didn't want to make waves.  Hell, all I did was ask a question.  It wasn't even my question; it was written on a Post-It note by someone else!

Crap.  First there's this party I missed and now getting my boss into trouble.  It was supposed to be a quiet day and it turned into a bad one.  I think this one's my fault.

Gossip?

OK, so you remember the key I took with me on Friday, the one where I had to immediately go back to work to drop off?  One of the people from the department from which I took the key was there to receive it.  I don't know if she had to stay late because the key was missing.  However, we have bantered back and forth through the fall about putting the key back, usually in jest.

But, while I was walking to a place to do something work-related, I kind of heard her talking with another person at the department.  What I heard as I passed was this other person talking about getting a frantic call Friday while traveling across the border.  Was that frantic call about ... the key?

Then I looked back and the person who I had to eventually give the key to was talking very animatedly.  Couldn't hear her because I was so far away, but if she was reacting to what he was saying, I think -- no, I know -- that she was talking about me, and how I am such an asshole for taking the key.

Wow.  If that is true -- and I'll be honest, I have no damn clue, but I'm paranoid, so I'll say it is unless it isn't -- I'm going to have a bitch of a time the next time I need to get the key from her to open the room to get my work stuff.  I don't think she trusts me with the key anymore.  I made one simple mistake and apparently I am no longer reliable.  I want to move on from this; she seems to not want to let go of it.  Is this going to be a problem?  Oh, fuck, this probably will be a problem.

Why didn't I just fucking shove my hand down my pants to make sure I didn't take the key with me?

An Instance Where Procrastination Was A Good Thing

Some snow fell ... Monday?  It had to be after last weekend, when temperatures reached the low 50s.  But there was snow.  It wasn't enough to plow, but it was enough to shovel.  Except that it wasn't high enough where it would affect getting onto the driveway or walking to get the mail.  Add to that that I was busy doing other things, and I did to the snow what I do to a bunch of things in my house, like my clothes and papers I take home and promise myself to read: I left it there.

My thinking process was that I heard on the weather report (when I had time to hear it) that there was going to be snow early next week.  And why shovel the snow off the driveway when I'm just going to have to do it again a week later?  If it's not bothering me now, don't do it until it does bother me, and if I'm fighting through the snow and saying to myself, "Why in the hell didn't I shovel a part of this sooner?" but in the meantime I'll risk it.

But something I didn't catch in the forecast happened staring Saturday night: Rain.  I had caught that freezing drizzle might be falling around that time, and I was afraid it'd be so bad I would have to scuttle my plans on going to the Megamall and watch the NCAA women's volleyball final at Hooters.  But when I stepped outside all I felt was wetness -- rain but no snow, and certainly not ice.  That changed a tad to sleet this morning, but the air temperature remained a few degrees above freezing, so everything melted on contact with the ground.

And then it got warm enough to turn completely to rain.  And that's manna from heaven, because that washed away most of the snow!  Now, much of the driveway is wet, not white.  There are still some parts that are covered with wet remnants of snow, but it's far from the 2-3 inches of snow that was on my driveway after Monday and/or Tuesday.  And driving away from and back home today, all of my neighbors who had the time to at least some of the driveway has bare concrete now.

So this was a case where procrastination did me right.  Mother Nature saved me from expending unnecessary energy shoveling snow when she removed it herself.  Now, there is snow that is supposed to come Monday night into Wednesday morning.  It'll ensure us a White Christmas, but it certainly won't be enough to plow, and I hear it might not be enough to even shovel.  And, most important of all, there is no snow on the ground to which to add to.  In fact I might not feel the need to do anything after this snowstorm, just like the last.

---

I would rather see snow on the ground for Christmas, just because it seems right.  But after our hellacious winter last year, and maybe because I am getting older, the rain and sleet we had this weekend was more than OK by me.  If it's cloudy and wet and above 32 on the Winter Solstice, aka The Day With The Shortest Daylight ... yeah, I'll take that, gladly!

Going Out Again

I think I did it on a lark, but now it's become a thing.  Some Sunday night some time ago I decided I didn't want to nest and check up on my parents' mail and instead wanted to go out.  I went to Buffalo Wild Wings and Old Chicago to watch the Sunday night football game and, well, eat.  I didn't do it for a couple weeks after I did it the first time, but at some point it's become a weekly ritual.

I did it the first time because I felt lonely, and I was feeling the stress of anticipating the problems I would have to deal with at work.  Now I do it because ... well, there really is no stress, although these days there's a certain ... free-floating uneasiness about what happens next.  That really isn't stressful; the direction of where the project needs to go next is unclear from my vantage point, but have work nonetheless.  (Oh, by the way: Wednesday is not my last day.  I've been extended at least another two weeks.  Don't exactly know what I need to do, but there is work to be done.  That's good.)  So I do it largely because I'm lonely.  It's a capper to a weekend where I ... well, I can't complain about my weekend or my week, so I guess I want to indulge for myself before I take any crap that I may or may not have to deal with at work.

The downside is what I alluded to in the parentheses in the paragraph above: I'm spending money.  I think I'm going to Old Chicago tonight.  Honestly I prefer Buffalo Wild Wings because it's farther away, and that allows me to rev up my car so it'll be at operating temperature long enough to burn off any impurities in the oil when I use it.  Also, I like it there.  But I don't have a discount they give you when you answer their survey.  I used one last week, and I guess they don't give you another one after you use one.  So I'm going to Old Chicago.  Better on the wallet; there are true Happy Hour specials at Old Chicago on Sunday nights, something BWW doesn't have.  (Well, they have it with food, but not drinks.)  But I'm still spending money.

I talked about this with my shrink.  The biggest expense for people usually is going out.  (For me it's strippers and handjobs.  I'm unique that way.)  That is what I've been doing a lot since my parents went on their trip.  I shouldn't.  It's totally damaging my checking account and preventing me from building towards the future.  But I guess my values dictate that I enjoy myself a little bit every day.  And that's what I've been doing: Eating out, every day.  I guess that's what makes me happy, helps make my day worthwhile.

Damn Key

So I wanted to leave early Friday because I was going to see a screening and have dinner with friends.  I wanted to go home, take a nap, then take a shower before getting there.

Something came up at work, and it was resolved a little past the time I wanted to leave.  I was actually afraid I would have to stay later, but the problem turned out to be not so bad, so I was relieved.  Still, time was a-wastin', so I packed everything up, shut everything down, and went home.

There is a key to a room where I'm supposed to put all my stuff at the end of the day.  It is kept in another department, and I have been told, in no uncertain terms, to always put it back where I found it, even though I have never done anything to it.  Well, I have kept it at my desk because I needed to open the door in a bit, and they kind of freaked out when they looked at where it's usually kept and didn't see the key.  And there was this one time where another person apparently took it home for the night, so they had to find another person with a key into that room.

As I was driving home, specifically about 20 minutes after I escaped work, I thought about the key, and opening the door and putting my stuff in the room.  And then I thought about all those times I was lectured about not putting the key back.  Well, certainly I put it back, right? I though to myself.  And, just to make absolutely sure, I stuck my hand down my pants pocket.  And I'll be goddamned, there's the key.  Fuck.

I was about to make a U-turn and immediately put the key back, but I was much closer to home than to work.  But I had to go home to change anyway, and turning back would mean I would essentially drive home twice, and I wasn't going to do that.  So, no nap and no shower.  I quickly changed, got the mail, then drove the half-hour back to work.  Someone left me a voicemail asking if I took the key.  She was there -- I don't know if she was waiting for me or not -- when I gave back the key.  She said I rocked.  I don't because I shouldn't have taken the fucking key in the first goddamn place.

But there was a silver lining in all this.  From work I just went to the theater where the screening was taking place.  For the longest time I've been able to avoid the worst of the Twin Cities' afternoon rush hour traffic.  But I had to get through one of the worst bottlenecks in the area in order to reach the theater.  And it took a good 35 minutes before I could park.  If I went home and took my time sleeping and getting freshened up, there was a very good chance I would've gotten to the theater late.  And the tickets were at will call under my name, so the friend with whom I got the tickets for would have been quite upset, and justly so.

So maybe it was a good thing I accidentally took the key with me.  Or, maybe not.

$100??

Saw something at work that disturbed me.  Saw that I was told to send a bill for not giving enough shots.  See, the nurses have to have their time spent somewhere be worth it.  Also, there is an expectation that the nurse takes a number of vaccinations with her, and if they weren't used, well, that's a waste and the non-profit needs to be compensated somehow.  That is what I saw Friday.  Twice, actually.

But the thing is, these bills were to be sent to ... let's just say to places that don't have a whole lot of money.  Don't want to get into specifics, but I was trained that there are differences in the places nurses are sent to.  We charge these minimum fees if we don't reach a certain number of shots if it's being held at a company.  But as a non-profit we also go to senior care centers and churches -- you know, places that help those in need.  I was always told to never send these types of bills to those places.  Don't have specifics, but I swear I was told never to do that.  But on Friday I had these instructions to send them to these types of places.

I did not protest.  The person I suspect made the call was not there.  I don't know if she knows that I have never been told to send an invoice to places such as that.  I have not raised a peep through now because, if it was determined that I should have sent it, even in seasons past, well, I would have hell to pay.  Rather not chance it.  On the other hand, if she were the one to make a mistake (which is possible; she, like me, has been given added responsibilities this year) and no one else is there to correct her (I am banking on someone saying, "Wait, you're not supposed to send $100 invoices out to these places"), then she screwed up ... but then I would be blamed for doing this for three years and not telling her that she screwed up.

Bottom line is I looked at these instructions and thought, "Wait, this isn't right!  I haven't been doing this for three years!  And all of a sudden we're doing this now?"  I'm afraid there's going to be a "discussion" about this.  And I want to avoid that at all costs.

God, I hope this doesn't blow up in my face.

Snot

All my life I have had a runny nose.  Whether it's allergies in the summer or cold in the winter, I've always had to use a tissue at some point during the day to blow my nose.  It's been a pain-in-the-ass all my life.  I've been even bullied about it junior high.  Not good times.

Ever since the start of this week, however, I've become a snot machine.  You know those travel packs of Kleenex?  I think I'm on my third one in as many days.  Good thing I bought those in bulk recently.

I do something many of you would find nasty and, just maybe, is very unsanitary.  I reuse my tissues.  Have no problem with blowing my nose into a tissue a second time.  There's so much available space in there.  If I don't, and just toss every tissue once I use it only one time, there won't be any Kleenex left.  That's the God's-honest truth.  I was told by a teacher once that inhaling snot from a used tissue only reintroduces the virus/bacteria into my nose.  That may be true.  Still don't care enough to change.

It gets to the point where I have a pile of used tissues on the nightstand next to me.  So I will either use every available square inch of Kleenex before I have to throw it away, or I do something I started several years ago: I stagger two tissues so that the bottom of one overlaps the top of another, I put a third tissues behind those two, and I blow into the top two tissues.  I believe I eject my snot into the open faces of the two top tissues, which I then throw away.  I reuse the third, bottom tissue; that's there to backstop any snot that my blow through the overlap of the top two issues.  Can you project the image in your mind?  I think it works.

I have had colds/sinus attacks before.  I probably get them each winter.  But there's something about this one that stands out from the ones before.  Maybe it's recency bias; that because it's happening to me now, I feel this is by far the worst cold I've ever had.  It's just that this snot-making has come on so suddenly that makes me think that I've got something, and it's not just the cold and dry air that makes me so miserable.

Nevertheless I am miserable.  Oftentimes I just want to stay in bed and wish this cold away.  Hope this doesn't affect me tonight, when I have a screening and dinner with friends, and, hopefully, some sexytime at a party in St. Paul.

---

Woke up about a couple hours ago and felt this huge ... mass, I guess, in my nose, specifically up my left nostril.  That affirms something that was pointed out to me by a dentist some time ago.

In getting x-rays for the back of my teeth, the dentist noticed this, uh, thing up my nose.  And he noticed that it is only one the left side of it, not my right.  It appeared to be some inflamed sinus, something that could be removed.  I have the x-ray still, somewhere, but I have had only fleeting thoughts of having surgery on it.

But that diagnosis made me realize something: The snot that comes out of my nose mostly comes out of the left nostril.  That makes me think that my nose isn't truly symmetrical.  In fact, I might have a deviated septum.  This pounding hulk of snot just waiting to be unleashed as soon as I woke up and stood up confirms just as much.

This week I've thought about getting a check-up.  I should do that, and I should talk to a doctor about this.

Oh, Wait -- I'm Losing My Job Next Week

Going through my work -- steady as it still is, even though the stress level is as low as it's ever been -- I forgot that I have not been extended past Christmas Eve.  And even though I think there is a lot of work left to be done, and I could be used for some time after next week, my boss has been fairly vigilant in telling my temp agency if he needs me around more.  It's possible that he has simply forgot; he is still busy and could have put any possible extension into the back of my mind.  But maybe not.

I realized this last night and today: Frankly, a part of me just expects to be around for a little while longer.  I have to disabuse myself of that notion, because all I really know is that I still go to work through Wednesday.  After that, and someone will have to let me know.  I think that next week's going to come around, I hear nothing different, and then suddenly ... oh, I'm done here.  Well, OK, bye.  And the end of work (and the beginning of unemployment) will hit me like a ton of bricks.  I'll have to go through a lot of therapy in that case.

I have to be more realistic about this.  I should be looking for work.  I should be saving money.  I'm doing neither, because frankly, I think I'm just expecting to be at work for a while.  Boy am I going to get a bitch of a wake-up call.

---

There's one other temp there.  The other of The Two.  I don't know about him.  He would seem to be a guy I would like in an environment other than this.  If we were, say, neighbors, I could see us chatting it up from time to time passing each other at the grocery store or a bar.  But at work, he's kind of an uptight pissant.  Today he told me that he to give me something because "he doesn't do it."  He doesn't?  Oh, like that ain't your thing, man??  I think I know what he meant; he wasn't trained in it, and I'm the only other person around, so I have to do it once he's done doing what he has to do with it.  Still, that choice of words rubs me the wrong way.  Maybe he thinks that saying he "doesn't" do it is better than saying he "can't" do it.  You know, some people don't like hearing that they don't know how to do something, and that maybe personal taste is something more palatable to tell someone.  Not to me, but I think I talked myself into giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Nah, I still can take him or leave him.  You see, I think that technically his extension is also through the 24th only.  So, as far as I know, we're both done at the same time.  It's not the worst thing, I guess, but honestly, I thought that with my position and tenure, I would be the Last Temp Standing, and it looks like I won't be.

This temp, he's been working right next to my boss.  I don't think he likes him being able to literally look over his shoulder to see what he's doing.  That's a break to my benefit, and possibly a perk for being at this project for so long.  But it also gives him the opportunity to show my boss close-up what he's willing and capable of doing.  And I'm not sure about this, but this temp's gruff attitude might be something he actually likes.  He might see him shuffling around, muttering to himself, being curt with the other employees, and go, "Yeah, that's the kind of go-get-'em attitude I want to see!"

In fact, I still wouldn't be surprised if I get cut before him.  It's possible my boss likes him more than he likes me.  Plus there's the added advantage that he works for less than I do.  While there is much still left to be done, he would largely let me/us go because it would save the company money.  And the company would still save money if he stays and I go.  That would be a raw deal, but that's life, too.

---

Man, I don't like waking up in the mornings during the winter, but if next week is indeed it, the abrupt change is going to suck.  And to lose my job just before Christmas?!  What fucked-up timing!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3).  In a week that was both slow (both U. hockey teams are done for the year; Minnesota wrestling had the week off) and lackluster, we give the top spot to the Gopher men's basketball team, which destroyed Southern 85-57 at Williams Arena last Wednesday.  They were led by Senior Center Maurice Walker, who was named the B1G Player Of The Week for his work against Southern (as well as the previous victory over North Dakota).  Did not know that his teammate, Andre Hollins, received the honor the week before; sorry.

Nothing else to say; so long as they continue to past cupcakes during this homestand, all is as good as it can be.  Play Seattle and Furman this screening week.

#-2: Twins (Re-Entry!).  Torii Hunter coming back to the organization that drafted him in the first place wasn't enough to warrant the reappearance of the Twinks.  But this week's signing of Ervin Santana gives me an excuse to talk about Hunter and to lump his addition to that of Santana.

What to make of it, I don't know.  Santana instantly provides an upgrade to what was the worst starting rotation in Major League Baseball in terms of Earned Run Average.  Yet he ain't no spring chicken; he's 30.  This is another case of the Twins doing it the Twins Way: Find someone coming off a down year due to injury or just lack of production, sign him up for cheap, and hope that the return on investment outstrips the money they sunk into him.  I think that has not worked way more often than it has worked.  More importantly, the fan base is tired of this squad trying to find diamonds in the rough, especially after taxpayers built the Pohlads a new stadium they promised would give them the money to be competitive.

If Santana is old, Hunter, Buddha bless him, is ancient.  It's always nice to see players you grew up watching wearing your favorite team's uniform, but this obviously amounts to a bell lap for Hunter.  I don't know where or even if he's going to fit into the everyday lineup (although God knows the major club could use him).  That leads to speculation that if the Twinks are again out of the playoff chase, Hunter will be flipped to a contender that could use a utility outfielder.  Bottom line: These innocuous moves give the Twinks the runner-up spot in this week's survey.

In the meantime, it looks as if Hunter's second stint with the club is going to go as well as Randy Moss's second stint with the Vikings, at least from a media point-of-view.  Some person from the St. Paul Pioneer Press asked him about his anti-gay marriage stance and Hunter calls him a prick.  Homophobic and a bully -- way to tarnish your image, Torii.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8).  I still don't really know where to place the Woofie Dogs.  On the one hand, I really want to dock these guys for hosting The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers on the night Kobe Bryant passed Michael Jordan for third in most points in a career in National Basketball Association history.  It seems as if big individual milestones happen a lot in the Twin Cities against the local team.  I'm thinking of Cal Ripken hitting his 3,000th hit against the Twins, and Brett Favre breaking the record for most passing touchdowns in a career against the Vikings.  It certainly isn't the Wolves' fault; after all, if Bryant scored eight more points in his previous game, the record wouldn't have been set at Target Center.  But it was, and I feel the need to punish the Wolves, especially because they lost to the Lakers as well.

But of the four games they played, they did win one, and that was at home against the Portland Trail Blazers.  That is significant because not only did it break a six-game losing streak, it is their first win against a team with a record above .500.  That's a milestone in and of itself, even if it pales in comparison to what Bryant has done.  Nevertheless it's enough to put this club ahead of the Wild in this WMNSS (I'm being charitable).  And with the veterans still out and the rookies still needing to play, expect these beatings and hard lessons to continue.  This week: At Boston, home to Indiana, then back out on the road to face LeBron James and Cleveland.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -7).  Well, first of all, they were one of the teams devastated by this mumps outbreak that has wreaked havoc on seemingly the entire National Hockey League.  (Did you see Sidney Crosby's face?  It looks like something Picasso would paint.)  It took out Ryan Suter and ... well, doesn't matter who else, it's Ryan Suter, the man who sucks up more minutes than all but a handful of players, and of course the Mild suffered as a result.  They sandwich a win at the Arizona (formerly Phoenix) Coyotes with losses at San Jose and Chicago, and that win came via shootout, so it doesn't count as a "real" win.  Try as they might, they remain orbiting the outer reaches of the Western Conference playoffs like the Kuiper Belt.

The Mild have a four-game homestand starting tonight (Wednesday night), where, as we speak, they are trailing the Boston Bruins.  They also host Nashville and Philadelphia this week.

#-5: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  Well, at least they had a lead.  They actually looked really good in opening up 14-0 at Detroit.  Teddy Bridgewater had a solid start that led to a pretty good game.  I think this is the first time he's thrown for more than 300 yards.  But you have to remember that this is a young and not really good team playing on the road.

Also, I am now a believer that the Lions are a good team.  They didn't pass it down the field at will (testament to a vast improvement for the Vikings defense from bad to, um, adequate), but they penetrated enough for Kicker Matt Prater to kick three Field Goals and give Detroit the eventual 16-14 victory.  They have a hellacious defense, too, and it did its part to stifle Bridgewater and the offense so the Lions could spark their comeback.  The Vikes had their chances, but Detroit was relentless coming back from that deficit, and in the end Minnesota's heart just gave out.

By the way, Blair Walsh is now the second young player with a promising start to his career to fall into some serious doubt.  He missed, I think, three FGs in the loss Sunday after missing two the week before against the New York Jets.  Some of them weren't his fault.  But some of them were, and now he follows Matt Kalil as people the squad thought they could count on for some team, and now can't.

There's not a whole lot to say besides that.  Team's just playing out the string.  At least they will be in sunny and warm Miami Sunday afternoon, though.

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5).  In their only game of the screening week, the club won at North Dakota, 68-55 last Wednesday.  But the win came at an enormous cost: Rachel Banham tore her Anterior Cruciate Ligament and is gone for the year.  She'll probably apply for the injury waiver to come back next year, and I think her chances of being granted one are ever in her favor.  But this wipes out any chance for new Head Coach Marlene Stollings to hit the ground running in her first year.  Not saying that this team was a national title contender.  In fact, come to think of it, Amanda Zahui B. and Carlie Wagner are going to be around next year, so the U. women's b-ball team will have a Big Three, just a year delayed.

Nevertheless the intrigue for this season is all wiped out.  We'll see how good (or bad) this team is without one of the best Point Guards in the women's college game this weekend when the Gophs host the Subway Classic.  They play Liberty Saturday afternoon and Central Michigan Sunday afternoon.

Missing: Remote Control

I will give my parents one thing: I have been forgetful when it comes to locating the remote control for the living room.

Before they ambushed me by coming back without telling me, I had misplaced the remote.  Usually it was on the coffee table inbetween that and the sofa.  But one night I guess I was walking around with it and I ... put it somewhere, and I don't know where it is now.  Honestly I didn't think of it; lately I have just been walking up to the TV and turning it on from the side buttons.  But My Fucking Father asked me where the remote was a day or two before my parents went back to Las Vegas.

Good question; I have no damn clue where it is.  First place to look is in close proximity, aka the TV and the coffee table and the living room.  Frankly, I haven't looked there because My Fucking Father cleaned up the whole place and if he couldn't find it, well, why should I bother?  But the problem is if I had been walking around with it, I could have put it down anywhere.  That would mean I need to search everywhere for it, and frankly, I don't want to.  I will as soon as I sit down in front of that TV, want to change the channel and get pissed off that I have to get up in order to do so, like I did when I was kid watching the huge TV we had.

---

What gives me hope is that an hour ago, I just found my sunglasses in my sunglasses case.  I too was missing that, but unlike the remote control, I knew where it was (on the stairs) and I knew how it went missing (My Fucking Father in one of his fucking cleaning jags).  I didn't really care about the sunglasses because there absolutely has been no sun in the sky for the past nine days, so I didn't need them.  But it appears that the sun will finally break through the clouds some time this (Tuesday) afternoon, so I felt a sense of urgency to find it tonight.

Using the theory that it would have to be close, I figured that My Fucking Father threw my sunglasses into one of the bags I left around the stairs close to the front door.  There was a lot of stuff I left around there, I'll admit, including my alma mater swag box.  But there were also the bags from the stuff I bought from K-Mart and the places I went to on Black Friday.

My Fucking Father put those bags in my bedroom.  Tonight, while making a cursory search around my room for my sunglasses, I remembered that those bags were next to the front door.  And, sure enough, I found the case in the Old Navy plastic bag.  He did throw them in there before taking that and the other bags I left down there up to my bedroom.  So my sunglasses have been found.

Now about that remote. ...

This Is Not December Weather, Thank Buddha

Want to note that for the past couple days, and if you want to stretch it the past week (maybe since about last Sunday or Monday), it has been unseasonably warm here in Minnesota.  In fact, we have been in the 40s the past two or three days, and I think we even punched up past 50 today (Sunday).

That has, of course, meant that the snow cover we had beginning with that big snowstorm in early November is just about gone.  Add to it the dreary, cloudy weather that has produced a steady drizzle the past 24 hours-plus, and I was shocked to come out of the house this morning to see most of the grass in my front and back yards.  (I don't see the pellets of fertilizer I laid down just before that big snowstorm.  The ground's probably warm enough that the pellets' nutrients soaked in under the snow cover followed by the warm temperatures this week.  Good.)  In fact there are just a few patches of now icy snow dotted our property.  We may be in big danger of not having a White Christmas.

After the hellacious winter we had last year, where we alternated snowfall with soul-sucking cold temperatures, above-freezing days, after what appeared to be an early, snowy and cold start to winter a month ago, is more than welcome.  In fact, I have been loving this weather, which reminds me of the fall, or of Seattle, or London.

One caveat: The overcast sky with threatening clouds settled in to begin the weekend, which coincided with me feeling like I'm having trouble breathing.  Maybe it was the exertion I had trying to get to the women's college volleyball regional at the U. on time on Friday, or maybe it was because I hadn't had anything substantial to eat that day.  But I still felt something, albeit less so, on my way to the Sports Pavilion Saturday.  Didn't feel it today, but I wonder if it was or is weather-related.

Regardless of possible health issues, I'm going to be sad to see this above-average, rainy weather disappear.  It should be gone as soon as Tuesday, if not today (Monday).  Some wintry precipitation is supposed to come in, and then, as usual during wintertime, that'll be followed by the cold.  Then we will have winter when it's actually supposed to be winter, unfortunately.  So I hope my walk through the neighborhood underneath the dark sky this (Sunday) afternoon was a proper way to show how I'm grateful for this unusual weather.

Expenses Without Receipts

This is a long time coming, fuck.

Starting from Saturday, December 13:

• Pretty good volleyball match; although it only reached four sets, Texas was stretched to the limit before taking it and the match over North Carolina, 31-29.  The U. was smart this day; they opened up one of the two side concession stands.  Was able to get a hot dog and souvenir-sized Coke.  Prices have gone up, BTW: $10.25.
• I then decided to light rail it to St. Paul and try Heartland in Lowertown St. Paul.  Pretty good cassoulet, and the apple cake was really nice.  Can't believe I spent $x for it, but at least I have a full-time job -- for now.  And I was able to use one pass for my Saturday night journey on public, taxpayer-funded transportation: $1.75.
• I then went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Guess I felt really good about attending the volleyball match and using the light rail all the way to St. Paul by myself like a big boy, but I spontaneously asked this chick named Tori for a dance.  Hot!  Decided to check out before Carmen got on-stage, and I feel kind of bad because that then meant I tipped only three of the four girls working that shift, and it's not common to have all four them of accept only two bucks.  But Carmen seemed to be talking to one of her regulars, so I think she doesn't mind.  No coffee; stripper-turned-waitress was too busy: $26.
• Friday the 12th -- I forgot to pack my car screen/sun cover.  I hate when I do that.  I blame my parents.  I've been able to remember to take it from one car at the end of the day and bring it with me into the other the next morning.  But with my parents ambushing me, I had to use my own car for a whole week.  So, I remembered to take out of my parents' minivan Thursday after I ran in to catch as much of The Taste as I could, but forgot to put it into my car when I used it Friday (yesterday).  (Granted, it did not help that I went back outside through the back, so I dumped my screen/cover near the back door and forgot to throw it alongside the front door so I would remember to pick it up in the morning.  I'll blame my folks for that as well.)  Because of that, people walking by me would see me sleeping in my car over the lunch break, and I don't want to be caught like that, so I decided to try the closest coffeeshop to us so I could stay awake through the afternoon.  Not bad: Muffin and coffee and tip comes out to: $7.
• I tried to leave early from work, this one time, so I could make it to the beginning of the first regional semifinal match of the NCAA volleyball tournament being held at the Sports Pavilion at the University of Minnesota.  Did it get out earlier than I usually do, but it appears as if I missed the very first point of that match.  (If that is correct, the match started at 4:05 when I was afraid it would start exactly at the top of the hour.)  Wanted to get my usual hot dog and Coke, but the side concession stands were closed.  That meant that if you wanted food, you would have to go to either one of the two at the front of the Pavilion.  And even though attendance isn't what it would have been if the Golden Gophers actually had a decent volleyball season, there were enough people that the line for hot food (only served at one of the concession stands, by the way) was too long for me to wait before the second match was to begin.  I think that was a big mistake, and one I think decided upon after the university learned its team wasn't going to the tourney for the first time in 16 goddamn years.  The ice cream line was shorter; I had a cookies and cream bowl.  And I bought a program, too.  Total: $12.50.
• Stopped by My Burger at Dinkytown; not bad, wished the burger was better.  Wound up my evening at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  There I have seen a stripper there that I think I've seen the past three times I went in -- very unusual.  She has been cool, but these past few times she's been standoffish and distant, not her usual conversant self.  She's been more interested in drinking with her friends than entertaining anyone giving her money.  This was the first time I decided to bug out without giving her any money.  In fact, two of the other four are five-dollar chicks, so I only tipped one girl, had coffee and split: $5.
• This stripper, ********a, now seems to be hosting house parties on Thursdays.  Why, I don't know.  But this is the second time she's done this, and because of that I also decided to switch up my routine on that Thursday, December 11: I am now bringing my porno pants in my car, going to a shopping mall bathroom after work, switching bottoms, then going to the party (sans underwear) before going home.  It's much more economical doing it this way, but I also wanted to see if early evenings before the workday's over is more private.  And I can confirm after this second visit that it indeed is.  In four of my five dances we had the place all to ourselves.  That meant privacy for me to open up my fly!  And ... well, the results were mixed.  One girl didn't comment on my dick being hard and out; I think she was trying to ignore it.  But ********a saw my open fly and even opened it up a little more to peer at the goodies inside before buttoning me up for good.  Eh, for a party where she isn't supposed to happen (and it still hasn't -- at least not yet!!), I'll take it.  Two dances plus cover: $50.
• I believe everything I bought during the workweek I charged (I hope), so I go back to Sunday, December 7, where I stopped by My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) to relax and see some titties.  *****y bugged me the last time I went in, so I finally got a dance from to shut her up.  That plus coffee and tips equal: $29.
• Afterwards I went to K-Mart to see if I could see and/or go inside one final time since it was its last day.  It was already closed by the time I got there.  This is where I tried to purchase one last thing from there and a quarter got stuck in its Pepsi vending machine: 25 cents.
• Saturday the 6th ... got up in the morning and took the initiative to work out, although having my parents at home was a hell of a lot of intiative.  Admission: $3.
• ETA at 10:33 on December 17 that I ate a hot dog and drank a Coke at the concession stand at the rink right next to the gym.  Wasn't hungry; just wanted to get food at that place.  Second time I've done that.  Left a donation to the local hockey club.  Total: $5.
• In the evening I went out to the North Star RollerGirls bout.  The commentary was a lot better.  Also appreciate the halftime show: An exhibition game of Quidditch.  Cannot believe that a made-up game from the Harry Potter series has become a full-fledged sport.  First time I've ever seen it live.  Got a pizza, even though I ate pho before I left.  With beer and tip: $13.50.
• Then I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) for coffee and tips: $11.
• Oh, and I think I found a penny and a dime at the community center where I worked out.  An Infusion of: 11 cents.
• Friday the 5th ... wanted to avoid coming home too soon, so after work I worked out at the gym: $3.
• After My Fucking Father went crazy on me, I had to escape to Caffetto for a large coffee and time to think.  With tip: $3.
• On Thursday, December 4 I wanted to stall coming home, still shellshocked that my folks blindsided me, and went to Northgate Brewing.  I wanted to go there to pick up a ticket to Saturday's NSRG bout, but it was a good time to go to my first-ever craft brewery.  Nice, cozy place in an industrial part of town.  Tried its beer flight, four sample-size beers, which actually is a perfect amount.  They also had a truck called Butcher Salt stationed outside for food.  Tried their hash browns, which was also pretty good.  Tips all around: $26.50.
• Technically, on Wednesday the 3rd I stored new coins because I was afraid My Fucking Father was going to throw them away: 83 cents
• I'm not exactly sure if this is correct, but my next previous EWR is on Sunday, November 30, where, after working the Vikings game, I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) for tips and coffee: $9.
• As I often have done with my parents gone, on Sunday nights I stave off the upcoming work week by going out for dinner.  I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch some sporting events.  I think I paid cash for my sampler plate and beer, which, with tip, I think comes out to: $15.50.
• Saturday the 29th: The disaster with the game downtown.  Oh well.  I tried healing myself by finally stopping by this men's store called Shinola, which has another store contained within it called Filson, and recently it opened up a Dogwood Coffee shop.  Is this a Russian nesting doll of a store?  No; I guess Filson and Shinola are side-by-side, and Dogwood is a shop between the two, even though it technically is on the Shinola side ... OK, I don't really know, all I know is that there are a lot of clothing items and stationery that I can't really afford.  I could barely afford the slow-drip coffee.  With tip: $3.75.
• I had the time to go to Shinola/Filson/Dogwood before going to the U. and checking out the Gopher wrestling team defeat Oklahoma St. in their duel that evening.  Program, hot dog, Coke: $9.
• After that I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  An intriguing chick there, a stripper who's a friend of ***e*, now works there, and we talked about how she's doing.  I told this girl that I haven't tried calling her because I was afraid I would get her boyfriend.  She bet me $20 that she will call her up and get ***e* because she told her boyfriend that that is her number and only she will use it.  And she was right.  Tried to roll that into a dance with her; no dice.  Stayed around to tip the other chicks, but not long enough to drink coffee: $28.
• I finally wound up my Thanksgiving Saturday by going to My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place.  With tip: $9.50.
• November 28, aka Black Friday, where I went against my financial self-interest and bought shit.  I've talked about it in this blog post, but here I detail what I bought starting in the early morning, where I took advantage of this breakfast bagel sandwich, orange juice and tip: $8.
• After walking I finally went to the Hard Rock Cafe.  Bought a Mall of America HRC t-shirt, plus I had breakfast, which I paid cash for (ETA that I should clarify.  I bought a t-shirt and had breakfast at the Hard Rock Cafe.  But I was given a receipt for the t-shirt, so I'm not included that in the total at the end of this bullet point.  For some reason I was not given one for breakfast, and that is the amount I list here.)  With tip: $22.
• I took the bus rapid transit to an outlet mall to get a couple boxers, then I came back to the Megamall and, even though I wasn't hungry, I exerted enough energy to sit down at Buffalo Wild Wings and watch some college football.  With tip: $14.50.
• A Mocha Me Crazy at Caribou Coffee, an item I saw advertised throughout MOA.  It's just a mocha with a hell of a lot of chocolate.  Tasty!  Also, expensive!  With tip: $5.25.
• Picked up a nickel from the floor at Caribou.  An Infusion of: 5 cents.
• Before I went home I went to Cupcake to pick up a cupcake.  Frankly I'm worried about this place, so I gave it some small business.  With tip: $3.75.
• Oh yeah, I gave at the Salvation Army red kettles stationed throughout the doors.  Since I was going in-and-out all day I gave a quarter twice: 50 cents
• Made a night out of it Black Friday, too.  The first of three strip club stops was at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Just wasn't feeling it that night; this was the first time this chick that was once nice to me wasn't.  Left after I gave her a stage tip: $2.
• I then went to this place called the Executive Lounge.  For a cup of coffee it was called the 10th Inning.  But before that it was the venerable 418 Club.  Damn, I had so many handjobs there.  Zoe, I miss you. ...  The place now is a black club, and even though the four girls were nice to me, and I'm glad Celeste didn't rat me out for my pee-pee peeking out, I'm glad I used the free admission coupon from City Pages to check out what exactly is going on in there.  Glad I didn't spend too much money, either: $50.
• I then hit ... uh, I won't name the place.  Otherwise this place will shut down, and then I might not be able to get a nightshift handie.  Cover, stage tips and an HJ from The Most Beautiful Girl In The World: $150.
• ETA: How did I forget that I spent money on that bus rapid transit?  Checked my transactions on my credit card online and it doesn't seem like I charged it, so I guess I used cash: $1.75.
• On Thanksgiving morning I went to work out before gorging on turkey: $3.
• My after-shrink dinner on Wednesday, November 26 was Granite City.  Pizza was alright, if a bit, uh, thin, which I guess is the point because it's a flatbread.  Unfortunately I wasn't given the receipt and I didn't write nor remember the amount I paid.  The good news is that Granite City has Happy Hour menus, and they put them online.  Also, I think, through receipts I've collected from local restaurants I've eaten at after I've visited my psychologist that I think tax is 7.1%.  So, even though I am not absolutely sure, I think I am able to take the subtotal of the Happy Hour pizza and beer (both of which I do remember, no uncertainty there), reasonably apply what should be the tax, figure out the total with 15% and 20% tip, and see that the closest round number between that range is probably the amount I paid out of my wallet, which is (ETA ... already in my day planner.  I actually did have the foresight to write down the amount.  What I did not, however, is remember that I did write it down, so I could have saved myself the rigmarole of finding the prices and calculating the tax and tip): $14.
• Monday, November 24 ... Found a nickel on the ground at work.  An Infusion of: 5 cents.
• Sunday the 23rd was the first of three consecutive Vikings games I worked.  So after that was the first of three Sundays I popped into My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), where I just had coffee and tips: $13.
• Thursday the 20th was the first of ********a's parties on a school night.  Cover and dances from the host and two other girls, one of whom I hadn't seen in years.  She simulated role-reversal sex with me.  Maybe she knows who I am and what I like: $70.
• Tuesday, November 18 ... used a coupon to go to Popeye's: $5.33
• After that I decided I needed to exercise again.  Admission: $3.
• To Saturday the 15th, and the Minnesota RollerGirls bout.  Ticket, beer, tip: $21.
• Then went to My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place for a spaghetti special.  With Coke and tip: $13.25.
• Friday, November 14 ... Haven't talked about the party ***e* invited me to.  She left before I was able to get there.  Nevertheless I got a quick handjob from one girl -- and a blowjob from another.  Will talk about it later: $160.
• I am very disorganized, so I don't know if there are any EWRs between the 14th and Saturday the 8th.  This was the day of the first NSRG bout, which has been relocated to the State Fairgrounds.  This was the first time I have ever been on the State Fairgrounds at a time other than the State Fair.  And not only is it eerie and quiet -- oh, look, there's the All-You-Can-Drink Milk Building ... hey, where is everybody?? -- it's just plain weird, like I'm not supposed to be there.  Charged the hot dog and beer I ate and drank, so this is only for the season-long program I bought: $5.
• Followed that up by a visit to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Tips only: $6.
• And then I went to My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place.  Indulged on a chicken alfredo pizza.  With tip: $16.50.

Think I am through to Saturday, December 13.

I Don't Think She Likes Me

I have blogged about this really hot stripper, ****a, who does handjobs disguised as massages.  No one has been able to touch me the way she does.  I love it whenever a girl touches me, don't get me wrong.  But ... oh, I don't know, she can do me ... differently.

Lately, however, I have not been able to hook up with her.  I should have noticed this about last year, when I invited her to a Timberwolves game (got free tickets) and, after a few calls around the time we were supposed to meet up, she finally replied and said she couldn't make it.

I tried to arrange a "massage" a few months ago.  Even drove up to her parlor.  Tried to call her all day to make sure we're good, but I didn't get an answer.  I finally realized (don't remember how) that I was a digit off on her number.  When I finally got her, she was clear on the other side of town and didn't think it would be worth waiting.  OK, that was on me; if I had called the right number, I thought I would have been able to remind her in time.

But then I had free passes at a theater for the pilot of The Affair, and I invited her and she accepted.  So I went all the way to the movie theater in Uptown ... and I waited.  I texted her for the hour before it started (and I made sure I had the right number, too).  But all I got was "Coming."  Finally, she called me and said, get this, she got a flat tire and she's so sorry and can you wait.

Well, that's when I finally realized that she had no interest in hanging out with me.  I don't think I got the wrong idea; after all, she accepted my invitation to the game and the TV screening.  She's not only a hot chick; she was cool, too -- great to talk to, candid, I even know her real name.  Well, I thought she was cool, because I don't get why she bailed on me not once, not twice, but three times.

It gets even weirder.  I have seen her at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) three times in the past, oh, week or so.  We haven't talked.  She has usually either come into the bar with people (usually men, probably her "dates") or has met with people at the bar or just chatted up friends she ran into.  The first time I have seen her since she stood me up we locked eyes across the bar ... and that was it.  We have not made eye contact since.  Again, don't know if she's busy talking to her friends or is actively ignoring me.  I'm just saying it's kind of weird she hasn't walked over to me, just for a minute, to say hi, or, even better, apologize.

Now, I did try to set up a time through Facebook, and she did reply.  Unfortunately, she says that she might be at her family's Christmas party.  I said I was flexible; she hasn't replied back.

****a's going to do this to me again, isn't she?  And I don't get it.  Look, I'm not going to invite her to non-massage dates again.  I get it; our "relationship" is me giving her money and she pulling my cock until I cum.  But that's what I'm trying to do, and she's still not jumping on the chance to make money.  And now she doesn't even acknowledge me when we're at the same strip club?  WTF?