I instead went to the Xcel Energy Center to see the United States Prospect game. I brought my umbrella with me; if I was told I could not bring them in and that I could leave them unattended somewhere, I instead would have walked back out and got back on the light rail back to where I parked. I like sports, but I need my umbrella. Anyway, the security guard didn't tell me I couldn't bring it in. She actually escorted me to Guest Services where I could check it in, like a coat check. See, if I could get service like that for a sporting event, I could see myself going to more events, sporting or otherwise, there. I wouldn't go, "Yeah, I want to see Parquet Courts at the X, but it's going to be raining and I don't want to walk in the rain all the way to the light rail." So long as there is a place where I could put my stuff and that place is attended to by someone, I'll go there! So much better than leaving it in the lobby, U.!
But, turns out I missed a whale of a game. That Wednesday night was the showdown with Penn St. And even though the Nittany Lions were ranked fourth (while the Golden Gophers were ranked seventh), the U. spanked them, sweeping them 22-21-19. God, it would have been glorious to be in the room when that happened. But that would have meant leaving my umbrella at the lobby (and, by the way, I don't know whether or not I could have gotten in. The last two seasons I had to buy my ticket to the Penn St. match from a scalper). They also swept Saturday, taking out Maryland (did the Terps women's volleyball team share a flight with the football team? That would make sense) 19-19-18. That is a hell of a way to bounce back from two four-Set losses to two Pac-12 schools two weeks ago. Heck, they might even trade places with Penn St.
This week they have a second consecutive Wednesday home contest vs. a formidable opponent; Wisconsin visits Minneapolis for the second time this year (the first being that Big Ten/ACC Challenge/dress rehearsal for the NCAA Championships). The squad then begins a three-game roadtrip by playing in Bloomington against Indiana Saturday.
#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4). Not bad, not bad. Tied Michigan St. at scoreless Thursday, then April Bockin scored the only Goal of their match vs. Michigan in Double Overtime (105') yesterday/Sunday afternoon. While their NCAA Tournament hopes are still pretty bad, these players still have more of a chance to reach the postseason than the team below them in this survey, and that's why I put the U. soccer side above MNUFC. Just to clear things up.
This weekend they come back to Robbie Stadium to face the East Coast schools (Maryland Thursday, Rutgers Sunday).
#-1: United FC (Last Week: -6). Typical game for the Loons. Typical win, too. Defense was leaky, yet somehow they were able to deposit three Goals in the First Half (mostly thanks to Darwin Quintero -- he hasn't gone after anybody in The Media yet, so let's keep him!) and hold on to beat the Portland Timbers 3-2 Saturday, the XI's first win in eight Games and exactly two months. (Aside: I'm surprised at how soccer teams usually play so much better at home than on the road. I don't think the sport is so challenging that the place of venue influences the outcomes of matches to an extent reflected of MNUFC's recent play during their stint as vagabonds.) This does not change how pissed I am at the stupid and petty trade of Christian Ramirez -- spend money on some fucking defense! -- or how I think Adrian Heath and Manny Lagos should both be fired. But yeah, I responded to the calls of the first name with the last names of Romario Ibarra and Michael Boxall when they scored.
Oh, by the way, Angelo Rodriguez was a Second Half sub. He ostensibly replaces Ramirez. But we didn't need him, did we? Eh, doesn't matter, MNUFC ain't makin' the playoffs, anyway.
This Saturday they host NYCFC. I cannot make it because I have a game-watching party just a half-hour after that match theoretically ends, and I have to make it to the bar way before then.
#-2: Twins (Last Week: -5). A 4-2 screening week, where they followed up a three-game road sweep of Detroitby losing all but the getaway game in Oakland. The main news here is that Miguel Sano did not make it on this roadtrip because of ... some health issue, and it looks like with one week left to go, he'll just be shut down for the rest of the season.
I really have nothing else to say about these guys except that this is the last week of the regular season. They will be at Target Field, hosting the Tigers for a trio beginning Tuesday and finishing with four games versus the White Sox (including a Doubleheader Friday due to a snow-out way back on April 14 -- wow, a game early in the regular season being made up at the end of the regular season ... how full circle of them!).
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -1). OK, P. J. Fleck is in his second year at the helm at the U. Last year was the mulligan. No more mulligans. And after charging out to a 3-0 record, going on the road to face Maryland, a school that, the day before, released findings that Terrapin officials had the chance to save Jordan McNair in the hour-plus from the time he showed symptoms of heat stroke to the time 911 was finally called, the Gophers shit their pants. The Goofers were outrushed 315-94 on their way to a 42-13 castration early Saturday afternoon. After one conference game, they sure as fuck look like frauds. Oh, well; at least they have a bye before the Homecoming Game vs. Iowa on Oct. 6.
#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -2). I ... I just ... I can't even.
I really don't fucking know where to begin with describing what is The Worst Regular-Season Loss In Franchise History. (Yes, this replaces the 2003 season-ending loss against bottom-feeding Arizona, The "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Game.) You shouldn't describe sporting events in betting terms, but apparently every sports entity now endorses gambling. So I will start with the most-repeated fact from yesterday's horrible, horrific, unspeakable loss to the bad-as-shit (supposedly) Buffalo Bills: The ViQueens are the last team to be favored by at least 16 points to lose outright (Straight-Up in betting parlance) since Dallas lost to Washington in 1995.
But let's look at things a little closer. The Cowboys beat Washington by a score of 24-17, so I wouldn't call it a blowout, like yesterday's 27-6 rout was. (Seriously, I was there. Even though things settled down in the second half, the Bills scored all their points before Halftime.) So from a quick graphic on an ESPN story about this historic defeat, I looked at the 1973 Atlanta Falcons, a team that eventually went 9-5 and didn't make the playoffs. According to ESPN Stats & Information (gambling sites online don't seem to have archival info that long ago), they closed as 17-point favorites against the St. Louis Cardinals, a squad that would finish 4-9-1 that year, in the penultimate game of that year. Despite St. Louis on a four-game losing streak (and where they tied Denver before that losing streak began), they not only beat Atlanta, they destroyed the Falcons, 32-10. Luckily for the Vikes, the Falcons were also destroyed at home, so the analogy still applies. (One difference: While the Bills rolled up their points early in the game and the Vikings only scored their meager points late, the Falcons ended the First Quarter, 10-0; the Cardinals seemed to gain strength and poured it on from the Second Quarter on.) That defeat pretty much knocked the Falcons out of the playoffs. So even though yesterday's emasculation is mind-boggling, it is not unprecedented. You could still make the argument that, given closing lines and margin of defeat, the Vikes' loss is worse, but you could only definitely say that this is The Worst (Weirdest?) Loss Of A Heavily-Favored NFL Team Since 1973.
Nevertheless this is unheard-of, let alone humiliating. I was as sure of this game being a win for the Vikings as I have been for any game that club has played in my lifetime. I had a friend who, during our game-watching event for our alma mater Friday, said that she and her friend planned on swooping in and getting a ticket on the cheap minutes before the game (they live close). I wondered if other people would do the same thing, and if so, how popular (and thus pricey) those tickets would be. I mean, how popular is an execution? And it turns out there was an execution -- for the home team.
Like I said, I don't know where to begin. All I know is that the problems boil down to three things: Offense (the Vikings attempted the fewest rushing attempts in team history since The Merger; oh, and those four goddamn Turnovers really hurt them), Defense (they lost to Josh Allen, a rookie ... A ROOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and Special Teams (just ... ugh). And if you stretch their play back to last season, this is the second real clunker of a game they have played in their last four -- their first being, of course, last year's NFC Championship Game. Advanced metrics said that the ViQueens are not as good as people have hyped them out to be, and because of that, I pegged these guys as 8-8. Well, unfortunately, I bought into the hype and those people broke my heart. I don't hate that team as much as I hate myself for ever allowing myself to believe in them.
And now they have to visit Los Angeles to play, on a short wee, the high-flying Rams, who are 3-0 and actually living up to the hype. There is a possibility that this season, one where they seemingly were all-in, and this roster, seen by many rubes as one of the best outfits this organization has ever assembled, goes south on them extremely quickly.
#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). And yet ... and yet ... even though a loss to a up-till-then winless team whose Cornerback quit in the middle of last week's game should automatically give that team a #-Infinity, that is nothing compared to that goddamn shitshow that is currently going on at Mayo Clinic Square. My goodness, I swear, if the NBA just swooped in and gave this team to Las Vegas, I would not be upset in the slightest.
So I had bad feelings about this meeting Jimmy Butler wanted to have Monday at Timberwolves Headquarters with Tom Thibodeau. Well, that meeting actually took place Tuesday and was held in L.A. Anyway, I don't know what was said or if anything was decided then, but Butler gave Thibodeau a warning that he would not re-sign with the Woofie Dogs after his contract is up at the end of the upcoming year and that he wanted a trade to either New York, Brooklyn or the Clippers. And the construction Thibs had for this club, one that finally reached the postseason for the first time since 2004, came crashing down in an instant.
Or did it? We're never going to know who has leaked what to the media, let alone the agendas of those leakers. But despite Butler's announcement that he is walking away from this squad, Thibs still wants him to play for him in Minnesota. This is what I finally see after thinking he was The Shit when he was hired last year: He is almost psychopathically loyal to people if he thinks they give him the best chance to win. Thibodeau really thinks that what's best for the team is for a disgruntled, yearning Butler, a man who belittled and otherwise clashed with Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins, to play alongside Towns and Wiggins for one more year, one where the Golden State Warriors will probably win the NBA title again and where teams such as Houston and Utah could easily dispatch any overachieving chemistry mess like the Woofie Dogs in the First Round. Seriously, Thibs, what the fuck?
Advanced metrics (or maybe common sense) dictates that if a player wants out, he should be traded ASAP. The Woofs are never going to get fair value for Butler, but it makes sense to get the best trade possible instead of letting him walk away at the end of the NBA season for nothing. That's why Owner Glen Taylor has personally did a cannonball into this dumpster fire. When it appeared that Thibs and General Manager Scott Layden were not shopping Butler around, Taylor said during the NBA Board Of Governors Meeting over the weekend that if Thibodeau and Layden would not be open to Butler trade talks, front officials with interested teams can talk to him personally. I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to see an owner get involved in roster transactions like Glen Taylor is doing right now. Sure, Jerry Jones is a hands-on
Which brings up this question: Why hasn't Taylor fired Thibodeau yet?
And then this bombshell dropped Saturday night: KAT received what is known as a super-max deal, a contract which will pay out $190 million over five years. We can talk about whether or not this contract makes sense another time: Towns is the best player this organization has had since Kevin Love and maybe Kevin Garnett, and he was All-NBA Third Team last season, but his defense is still butt. (Defense was one thing Thibs hoped Butler would rub off on KAT, but since Butler once called Towns a "fucking pussy," here's guessing it didn't take.) This is a move sensible franchises make, signing up franchise guys for the long- (or at least intermediate-) term. I just wonder who actually negotiated this deal for the team. Was it Thibs? Was it Taylor? Did they somehow do this as a collabo? And if this was a tandem effort, were they able to put their differences over Butler aside in order to do this, or was there bitchy sniping back and forth over Butler (who now cannot stay at all because they have given so much cap space to Towns with this new deal) while they were doing what both of them knew they had to do?
I just can't even with these guys, either. What seemed like a great situation -- new Coach/GM, two rising superstars, a blockbuster trade to get a third superstar in here -- has wheezed into incredible dysfunction -- bullying, overuse, injury, lack of development, nominal improvement and a very quick exit from the playoffs. These guys broke a 13-year playoff drought and it looks as though they are going back into the lottery immediately. I think I have to laugh in order to stop from being disgusted.
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