I was going to blog post this in February, before/around the release of this year's Swimsuit Issue. But back then, I learned that Sports Illustrated is, from now on, publishing in May. (Don't remember why.) So that gave me a few more months to spit this out ... although I have procrastinated to the point where this year's edition has been out a while now.
The verdict? Well, after giving it one more once-over just now, I am ... maybe giving 2018 short shrift, but it continues the slide the Swimsuit Issue has become. At a time where free porn is basically a staple of life, maybe the images of babes in swimsuits has gotten passe to me. Moreover, the magazine's reaction to this -- essentially leaning into female empowering in a year where #MeToo blossomed -- is, to be frank, something that does not arouse me.
Let us start with the cover girl. Danielle Harrington, in my estimation, is a completely out-of-left-field choice whose pictures in the past (if she has posed in previous years -- that is how little of an impression I have of her) by no means earn her a cover. She's nice and all, and it's great to see her cover photo showing off her ass. (Maybe I've said this already, but it seems a given now that all two-piece swimsuits are thongs.) But her being thrust into the limelight feels, frankly, unearned.
Moreover, Sports Illustrated is getting to overtly inclusive. I am being a total pig about this, but of the dozen (!!!) rookies last year, there are two who are, well, fat. And I don't get turned on by them. The overrated Ashley Graham is back, too. So is Kate Upton, and she is totally fine, because she isn't as big as those three are, and her big tits emphasize her buxom beauty. (She shows off her ass, too.)
The inclusive angle will continue. Once again (might as well regard this as a regular feature), one of the six spreads in this issue is the Model Search for next (read: this) year's Swimsuit Edition. One of them is big-boned, although the other five are pretty good, too. What also stands out from the 2018 iteration is another of the spreads. This one, I think, is a take-off from the mag's annual bodypaint issue. Instead of body paint, they have the models write words on themselves as they pose totally naked and in black-and-white. This is a total lean-in, if not a crass sell-out, of the #MeToo movement. And while it's great to see Paulina Porizkova model in SI again (and showing off her bare ass!!!), trying to titillate readers while also claiming that the women in here are reclaiming their bodies is a contradiction that cannot be squared. And doesn't work as a usual SISI either. Unfortunately, I assume something like this is in this year's issue, and will be in issues beyond.
Meanwhile, they had the athletes issue, and while I find it uncomfortable to see the ass of someone so seemingly young like Sloane Stephens as well as that of Aly Raisman now that she has become an activist for women combating sexual harassment, it's about time that I saw the butts of tennis player Eugenie Bouchard and decent golfer/Instagram star Paige Spiranac, the latter of whom in no way would have been even on the radar of Sports Illustrated if 1) she hadn't showed off her hot body on social media and 2) the magazine was starved for readership and buzz that would debase its standards for finding models and just reached out for a popular young woman who is also a washed-up golfer. Snowboarding Paralympian Brenna Huckaby can get it, though.
The other pictorials are there, and they are as fine as they have been in recent years, which is to say, adequate but not eye-popping. The gigantic influx of rooks makes me think there's going to be a huge push-off of the vets in this year's edition. Worse off, so few vets make an impression. Kate Bock, Hailey Clauson, Lais Ribeiro, and Barbara Palvin make appearances here, but none of them make an impression. Vita Sidorkina comes back, too, but other than showing off her hard ass on Page 160, she sort of disappears as well. Have to admit, though that that shot starts a nice 1-2-3 combo, as the next two pages have Samantha Hoopes in a see-through one-piece (I have thought about what her tits look like, actually!) and rookie (and last year's Model Search "winner") Anne de Paula looking back at the camera, throwing her hands above her head, and showing off her nice ass.
It is the rookies, in fact, that mark indelible images for me for 2018. Sailor Brinkley Cook is good-looking, but there's no way she'd be modeling for SI if her mother wasn't legend Christine Brinkley. (Yet another manifestation that the Swimsuit Issue is lowering its standards as it casts about for relevance.) Like the sandy ass shot on 103, however. Olivia Culpo is another pageant winner who has turned into a model. She is Miss Universe 2012! And she's dating Patriots Wide Receive Danny Amendola! Whatever; her "rookie introduction" picture is just her in a studio, sitting on her legs, totally naked. Her arms cover her nipples, and yet the angle of her body makes me think I'm looking at her pussy. That's straight fire, right there! And yet the picture is very conspicuous. All the photo shoots in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue have been on location, somewhere around the world. And yet Culpo's shot could have been shot at your local Sears. Very weird, and that weirdness is compounded by the fact that her only other shot is in the "In Her Own Words" self-writing spread.
My Rookie Of The Year, however, is Alexis Ren. Yes, she's Instagram famous, and yes, I think I'm taking a shine to her because I saw her on Dancing With The Stars. But she's hot as fuck, as encapsulated by her shot on Pages 106 and 107. Her back is to the cam, she's looking back at the cam, and she's wearing a pink one-piece (with exposed ass, of course). But she's pulled off the top of the swimsuit and has pulled it down and to her sides. You know, as if she's stripping herself naked! I'm a sucker for shots like that. And that is why I say that is The Shot Of The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
And now I will masturbate to that photo. Thank you.
The verdict? Well, after giving it one more once-over just now, I am ... maybe giving 2018 short shrift, but it continues the slide the Swimsuit Issue has become. At a time where free porn is basically a staple of life, maybe the images of babes in swimsuits has gotten passe to me. Moreover, the magazine's reaction to this -- essentially leaning into female empowering in a year where #MeToo blossomed -- is, to be frank, something that does not arouse me.
Let us start with the cover girl. Danielle Harrington, in my estimation, is a completely out-of-left-field choice whose pictures in the past (if she has posed in previous years -- that is how little of an impression I have of her) by no means earn her a cover. She's nice and all, and it's great to see her cover photo showing off her ass. (Maybe I've said this already, but it seems a given now that all two-piece swimsuits are thongs.) But her being thrust into the limelight feels, frankly, unearned.
Moreover, Sports Illustrated is getting to overtly inclusive. I am being a total pig about this, but of the dozen (!!!) rookies last year, there are two who are, well, fat. And I don't get turned on by them. The overrated Ashley Graham is back, too. So is Kate Upton, and she is totally fine, because she isn't as big as those three are, and her big tits emphasize her buxom beauty. (She shows off her ass, too.)
The inclusive angle will continue. Once again (might as well regard this as a regular feature), one of the six spreads in this issue is the Model Search for next (read: this) year's Swimsuit Edition. One of them is big-boned, although the other five are pretty good, too. What also stands out from the 2018 iteration is another of the spreads. This one, I think, is a take-off from the mag's annual bodypaint issue. Instead of body paint, they have the models write words on themselves as they pose totally naked and in black-and-white. This is a total lean-in, if not a crass sell-out, of the #MeToo movement. And while it's great to see Paulina Porizkova model in SI again (and showing off her bare ass!!!), trying to titillate readers while also claiming that the women in here are reclaiming their bodies is a contradiction that cannot be squared. And doesn't work as a usual SISI either. Unfortunately, I assume something like this is in this year's issue, and will be in issues beyond.
Meanwhile, they had the athletes issue, and while I find it uncomfortable to see the ass of someone so seemingly young like Sloane Stephens as well as that of Aly Raisman now that she has become an activist for women combating sexual harassment, it's about time that I saw the butts of tennis player Eugenie Bouchard and decent golfer/Instagram star Paige Spiranac, the latter of whom in no way would have been even on the radar of Sports Illustrated if 1) she hadn't showed off her hot body on social media and 2) the magazine was starved for readership and buzz that would debase its standards for finding models and just reached out for a popular young woman who is also a washed-up golfer. Snowboarding Paralympian Brenna Huckaby can get it, though.
The other pictorials are there, and they are as fine as they have been in recent years, which is to say, adequate but not eye-popping. The gigantic influx of rooks makes me think there's going to be a huge push-off of the vets in this year's edition. Worse off, so few vets make an impression. Kate Bock, Hailey Clauson, Lais Ribeiro, and Barbara Palvin make appearances here, but none of them make an impression. Vita Sidorkina comes back, too, but other than showing off her hard ass on Page 160, she sort of disappears as well. Have to admit, though that that shot starts a nice 1-2-3 combo, as the next two pages have Samantha Hoopes in a see-through one-piece (I have thought about what her tits look like, actually!) and rookie (and last year's Model Search "winner") Anne de Paula looking back at the camera, throwing her hands above her head, and showing off her nice ass.
It is the rookies, in fact, that mark indelible images for me for 2018. Sailor Brinkley Cook is good-looking, but there's no way she'd be modeling for SI if her mother wasn't legend Christine Brinkley. (Yet another manifestation that the Swimsuit Issue is lowering its standards as it casts about for relevance.) Like the sandy ass shot on 103, however. Olivia Culpo is another pageant winner who has turned into a model. She is Miss Universe 2012! And she's dating Patriots Wide Receive Danny Amendola! Whatever; her "rookie introduction" picture is just her in a studio, sitting on her legs, totally naked. Her arms cover her nipples, and yet the angle of her body makes me think I'm looking at her pussy. That's straight fire, right there! And yet the picture is very conspicuous. All the photo shoots in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue have been on location, somewhere around the world. And yet Culpo's shot could have been shot at your local Sears. Very weird, and that weirdness is compounded by the fact that her only other shot is in the "In Her Own Words" self-writing spread.
My Rookie Of The Year, however, is Alexis Ren. Yes, she's Instagram famous, and yes, I think I'm taking a shine to her because I saw her on Dancing With The Stars. But she's hot as fuck, as encapsulated by her shot on Pages 106 and 107. Her back is to the cam, she's looking back at the cam, and she's wearing a pink one-piece (with exposed ass, of course). But she's pulled off the top of the swimsuit and has pulled it down and to her sides. You know, as if she's stripping herself naked! I'm a sucker for shots like that. And that is why I say that is The Shot Of The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.
And now I will masturbate to that photo. Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment