"Help Yourself"

So I've got three stories about free and/or found food at work.

First story

A few weeks ago -- maybe this was my first week working second shift -- there was free found lying around at a table.  I knew it was free because there was a sign saying "Help yourself"; I see that note lying around a lot whenever there is free found lying around a lot.

There were an ever-shortening pile of chocolate-dipped pretzels, which were easy for me to just pop in my mouth.  I ate several over the, uh, two days that plastic container was there.  But there were, when at least I first came upon them, a couple of ... uh, bomb pops?  Long sticks with, at the top, a ball, presumably of chocolate, but it was covered in white frosting.  Looked tasty, and it would be something I would totally take to eat.  However, I was late in getting back to work, plus I had other food to consume.  So I promised myself that if I had time after I ate, I would go check back, and if those bomb pops were still there, I would take an extra five minutes, sit down, and eat them.

So it was late one night and I snuck out of work because I needed to clear my head.  I snuck into the break room to look at the container of free food.  I was following some woman who was at the table where this container was.  She left; I looked in, and those pops were gone.  Looking up from the garbage can, she looked at me and went, "Those pops were delicious!"

"Fuck off!" I said.  No, I didn't say that.  But it felt clear to me that she was rubbing the fact that she got to the pop before I did in my face, even though I have no solid evidence she knew I wanted it and was waiting for the right time to eat it.  Nevertheless, my defense mechanism -- and my bitchiness -- roared up to the surface.  And even though I was trying to calm myself, I think what I said -- "You should not be saying that to me" -- still made my annoyance at her petulant behavior very clear.  Well, that and my raised finger.  Oh, and my frustrated tone, too.

And yet, I don't know if that is the smartest thing to do at work.  I'm sure she went back into the lab and told her co-workers, "Hey, I ate the last bomb pop in front of this guy, and I rubbed it in his face because I'm 12, and he's all, 'Don't say that to me, you bitch!' and I'm all, 'What's his fuckin' problem?'"  And now I'm getting the reputation of being a hothead, even though I was confronted by an adult acting like a child.  Fuck me.

Second story

Maybe that same week I saw, on the exact same table where the bomb pops and pretzels were, a pizza box.  And in it (of course I looked because pizza) there was more than half of the pizza still there.  I don't remember the toppings, but I do know that there were some, which is good because cheese pizza is absolutely useless, and that there was no pineapple, which is also good because mixing pizza and pineapple is an affront to humanity.  What I didn't see was a "help yourself" sign.  But dude, it's pizza -- if it's yours, why in the hell are you leaving it out on a table?  Put in one of the fridges if it's yours.  By that logic, me putting it in the fridge means that it's mine.  And that's exactly what I did.

And then, during one break, I look back inside the refrigerator and see that the whole box of pizza was gone.  So either I took a pizza that was "rightfully" someone else's, even though that person made the stupid decision to just leave it out on the table to make people think anyone could take it, or someone saw the pizza, didn't see a "help yourself" note, and decided to take it.

I really, really wanted to eat that pizza.

Third story

For the past several weeks (and this extends before my bit in second shift), someone has left free food, with "help yourself" note, on the table.  And it's been a lot of stuff ... but nearly all of it generic-looking.  First it was applesauce and these nutrition bars which does have a brand name of something called Zee Zees.  Never heard of them, but their food is good, although I don't know how this Santa Claus has procured so many of their food so often.

There has also been cookies from brand names I've never heard of and personal packets of processed, room temperature cheese, both of which I have taken home to eat.  Yesterday (and these drops usually happen on Mondays) was different: There was bread, a loaf of which had a brand name I was familiar with, and single-serving/hotel breakfast-sized packs of cereal.  I was going to take the Rice Krispies one, until I noticed the name was "Rice Crispies" -- ah, you almost tricked me, you generic motherfucker!  But instead I took the last Honey Nut Cheerios one, and I was sure to read the label, and it didn't say "Honey Nut Cherios" or some bullshit like that.

But seriously, where did all this free food come from?