So, what I did instead was eat at fast food for the first time in some time (at Culver's), retrieve my phone because I forgot it, drive down to the Megamall to buy some Godiva, freak out because shopping traffic was not unlike the Saturday afternoon before Christmas, saw that there was a line at Godiva, leave after an hour (I should have left earlier; maybe I'll blog post about this some other time if I remember), and then, finally, park at Lyndale. I was going to eat at two ice cream places, Milkjam and then Bebe Zito while walking up and down the street. This idea was spontaneous, sorta; I went to Revival the day before to eat its very good burger, and seeing Nicollet was a good-looking street, I regretted that I didn't have time to walk it. Also, being indoors at the Megamall with so many people made me want to make up for it by walking outdoors. And I need the exercise, especially after I ate two scoops of ice cream, although I like Milkjam better (I will try Bebe Zito again in the future).
It was on my way back to my car, waiting for the walk light, when I finally stopped looking ahead or down at my feet so I wouldn't trip over the unlevel sidewalk, and I looked up. I spoke about how I have loved the weather we've been having: Overcast, cool but not cold, and no snow on the ground. What I like in a day, and what I have enjoyed many times this late fall/early winter I had right now, and under even more perfect conditions than all those other days. Walks like this should make me ecstatic. But I didn't realize I should have been stopping and smelling the roses until I was within eyeshot of my car, ready to leave.
Now, to be fair, Lyndale ain't a scenic route. Well, it is interesting, but it's not a walk in the park. Even in the afternoon I feel as though I need to keep my wits about myself. If I just take a few steps to look hither and yon at the old homes and the beautiful gray sky, some asshole zipping up or down the street could throw a can of pop at my head. However, when I got my ice cream, both times I found a good spot, stopped, stood, and ate. After Milkjam I didn't do much looking or reflecting; no, I just ... ate. And no one tried to zing a can at my head. After Bebe Zito I kind of remembered why I was doing this, and so I did a little observing and being grateful, but mostly I was concentrating on comparing their ice cream to Milkjam's.
I actually got mad at myself for being more concerned with walking to my destination than enjoying the walking itself -- so much so that I decided I was going to drive to the Sculpture Garden and take a better, more meditative walk there, even though it was getting late in the afternoon. My thinking was that I would feel safer just lollygagging there instead of the sidewalk of a busy street, so I would slow down there. I took up to half an hour at the Garden, slowing down a bit and looking up at the sky and being thankful I could exercise my body in this glorious gray weather at my own pace and in my own time. And yet I caught myself wanting to get to this sculpture or that sculpture, and then being distracted by the thought that I could have contracted the coronavirus at MOA, and then checking my watch to see when it really was time to go.
Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Maybe I did enjoy the walk and I'm being a perfectionist. But maybe I'm too much in my head, thinking about what I should do, or the problems waiting to greet me at home, instead of just ... walking for its own sake, underneath dreary, perfect weather.
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