I Shit Green Shit

So for Halloween, after eating at Hooters (where my food was comped because they were so short-staffed and hey, I loved the waitresses dressed up as a midriff-bearing cheerleader and as sexy Austin Powers -- man, any boys getting served by the latter and seeing her heaving cleavage up close turned into men that night), I wanted to just chill and go to a coffeeshop to work on my receipts.  Unfortunately they closed in the evening, so I went next door to Bebe Zito and got myself the Halloween- (and Rolling Stone-) themed Paint It, Black Shake with black whip cream, sour candy crunch and something called "strawrazz sauce."  I liked it, even though I didn't really like the $12 price tag.  But hey, it's Halloween.

So either the wings and shrimp I ate at Hooters or the shake, or both, did a number on me, because as soon as I got home, I had a bowel movement.  But the freakiest damn thing that's happened to me in a while happened.  As soon as I felt I was done pooping, I wiped my ass and -- don't tell me you never look -- I saw that it was green.  Not your usual brown, but green.  The diarrhea continued through Wednesday morning, and I kept shitting green shit.

I would be scared, uh, shitless if I didn't feel good, but I do.  Well, I'm kind of grumpy, but I usually am, but otherwise I feel fine.  I think my discolored crap is further confirmation of my lactose intolerance.  Anything that has lactose doesn't get absorbed into my system, so I just shit it out.  And maybe because I ate/drank a wild, discolored and Halloween-themed dairy product, my stool came out Halloween-themed as well?

Nature hasn't called since Wednesday.  I haven't eaten any shakes or foods with weird colors since Tuesday night.  I hope I've been able to void the green shit out of myself.  But if I haven't ... uh, I don't know what to do then.  And now that I am about to publish this blog post, I feel something in my digestive system.  Let's hope it actually looks like poop!!!